Life on the Farm
by NettieC
Summary: The next instalment of 36 Hours and Change. Harm, Mac and family are finally living on the farm and awaiting the newest addition. What sort of life will they have?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Oh, if only they were mine.  
AN: So, here we are again...this is the third instalment with 36 Hours and Change as the first two parts. You don't need to have read them but it would help.

This one will be broken into more manageable instalments but all under Life on the Farm. (The title is thanks to Gypsyrose).  
Thanks to all for your encouragement.

January

Mac sat cross legged on her bed in the middle of the afternoon with a note pad and pen trying earnestly to sketch a workable design for the sleeping spaces for her four children. What she was supposed to be doing was sleeping, but she had surmised that so long as she remained on the bed, it was equivalent to being in bed.  
"Why aren't you asleep?" Harm asked, poking his head around the door.  
"I took a nap," Mac replied, looking up at him.  
"Must have been a short nap, you've only be up here twenty minutes," he said, sitting down in front of her.  
"Actually," she said, leaning forward and kissing him, "I've been here 47 minutes. I slept for 23 and now I'm trying to figure out the best way to cater for four children in one room."  
"You were trying to do that at three this morning," he said, taking away the pen and paper. "That's why you are taking a nap now," he added, getting up and pulling the covers down for her.  
"I'm not tired," she protested, making no move to get back into bed.  
"What if I get in with you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Since they had officially moved in on December 22nd, Harm had slept soundly each and every night, except when Mac was restless or awake. When the holiday season ended and Lily started at her new school, they set about establishing a new routine and Harm and Mac had come to an agreement that if she hadn't slept through the night, she would nap when the twins did. Three days into the new routine and she was already over it.  
"Would we have to sleep?" she countered, climbing in and waiting for him.  
"We could talk," Harm said, discarding his shoes and slipping in beside her.  
"Talk? Is that all?" she asked pouting.  
"Well, I could hold you," he offered and Mac instantly slipped into his arms.  
"And?" she prompted.

While it was true that they had enjoyed a more frequent love life during their few weeks on the farm, Mac was at a point in the pregnancy where it still wasn't enough.  
"Now? During the day?" he questioned, knowing his grandmother and Mattie were both downstairs.  
"Yes, now, during the day," she echoed, tugging on his shirt.  
"But Grams and Mattie..." he began to protest.  
"Grams and Mattie are in the house when we make love at night. What's the difference?" she questioned, pressing against him.  
"They're asleep then," he whispered, full sure they'd hear him.  
"Well, what if I promise to be really quiet," she said, doing her best to undress him without his cooperation.  
"What if we wait until tonight?" he countered.  
"Fine!" Mac said with an overly dramatic sigh. "Guess I'll get up then." She threw the covers back but Harm's arm wrapped around her expanded belly and stopped her movements.  
"Don't get up," he said quietly, gently pulling her back towards him. "Stay here for just a little bit."

Mac lay down once more with her back to him and closed her teary eyes. While she loved being pregnant, she could really do without the surges of emotions which went with it. Right now, everything was heightened and she was fighting to keep from crying.  
"Hey," he whispered, recognising her body language. "Gorgeous..." He kissed the back of her head but Mac refused to respond. "Come on," he said, tugging her around.

In the end, Mac went willingly and buried her head in the crook of his neck. "Hey, shh," he whispered when he felt her tears trickling along his skin. "Mac?" He pulled back but Mac burrowed in and would not let him see her face. In the end, Harm just held her as tightly as he could and repeatedly told her how much he loved her.

Harm's ministrations were enough to lull Mac to sleep once more and, although he was happy to stay with her all afternoon, Rose's chatter from across the hall alerted him to the fact naptime was over.

Sliding out of bed as slowly as possible, Harm grabbed his shoes and headed across to his twins. Realising Harry was awake too, Harm pulled on his shoes before scooping them both up and heading downstairs for afternoon tea.  
"Hey, guys," Mattie said, holding out her arms for Harry. "Did you sleep well?"  
Harry yawned in response and Rose copied.  
"I'll take that as a yes," she said, kissing his head.  
"Oh, just in time for my honey oat cookies," Grams said, coming from the kitchen. "They'll be ready in five minutes."  
"Just enough time for them to wake up properly," Harm said, kissing Rose's head.

The rev of a motorbike outside was enough to wake both twins up fully. Three days in and they knew what it meant – Lily! The school bus left Lily at the end of the long driveway and in finer weather there would be no problem in waking down to collect the child, however in the depths of winter, it wasn't feasible. When Colin had offered to pick Lily up on his motorbike from the bus when she had been reluctant to go to school on her first day, she'd jumped at the offer, now it seemed to be a deal the pair had.

Before long the back door burst open and Lily appeared with the helmet still on her head. Grams moved to help her. Pulling it off, Lily's broad grin and messed hair was revealed.  
"Guess what?" she asked no one in particular.  
"What?" Harm asked, moving over to her.  
"I got an A on the English test we did yesterday and an A+ on the maths one," she said proudly.  
"Congratulations, baby," Harm said, leaning down to hug and kiss her. "That's a great effort."  
"I know," she said. "I thought I'd have lots of trouble but Mr Fischer says I'm doing well and probably won't need any catch up work that you and mom talked to him about."  
"That's great," he said, "I'm very proud of you."  
"I'm proud of me too," she said, grinning. "And guess what else?" she added, barely taking a breath.  
"What?" he asked, placing Rose in her chair.  
"Sandra Jenkins ... you know Mrs Anderson's niece? Well, she is my friend now and she said she'd ask her mom if she could stay next door one weekend and then we can play lots and lots and she also told Tommy Baker that I was her best friend and not Anna-Rose."  
"It sounds like you've had a very good and busy day, Lily," Mattie said, putting Harry in his chair and giving Lily a hug. "How about some milk and cookies to celebrate?"  
"Oh yeah!" Lily enthused. "Choc chip?"  
"Honey oat," Grams said, carrying out the pitcher of milk.  
"Oh, I love them too," she said, hugging her great -grandmother.

It then dawned on her that her mom wasn't around to hear the news. "Where's mom?"  
"She's having a nap," Harm said, filling the twins' cups with milk.  
"Isn't she well?" Lily asked, her whole demeanour changing.  
"She's fine, pumpkin," Harm said, scooping her up and kissing her cheek. "Mommy just went to nap when the twins did but it took her longer to fall asleep."  
"But she really is okay?" Lily pressed, looping her arms around her father's neck.  
"She really is, Lily. I promise," he said, kissing her cheek once more.

When Mac hadn't appeared an hour later, Harm went back upstairs to investigate and found her still asleep and resistant to being woken. When she hadn't appeared by the time he and Grams had prepared dinner, he went back upstairs and sat facing her. Gently he stroked her face and while he hated doing it, he knew if he didn't wake her now, she'd find it hard to fall asleep that night.  
"Gorgeous," he cooed softly. "Mac...time to wake up, honey." Mac didn't flinch, so he tried a bit louder and despite some mutterings, she still failed to wake.

Concerned that things were not as they should be, Harm turned his hand over and placed it on her forehead.  
"Not sick," she grumbled pushing his hand away.  
"I'm glad to hear it," he replied, leaning down and kissing her head.  
"Don't wanna get up," she said, trying to pull his pillow across to cover her face.  
"You don't have to," he said, standing up and adjusting the covers for her. "I just wanted to see if you wanted to eat dinner with us."  
"Yeah," she yawned. "Call me when it's ready."  
"It's ready now, Mac," he said, standing back and watching her.  
"Now?" she asked, looking to the clock. "You mean it's already six?" The only time Mac's accurate time telling faltered was during pregnancy.  
"Yep," he said, nodding. "Lily's been home for two hours and has so much she wants to tell you, but we can keep your dinner warm and you can have it when you want."  
"Why didn't you wake me earlier?" she asked as she tried to climb out of bed. Quickly, she became flustered when the sheet tangled around her feet and Harm moved forward to assist her.  
"You wouldn't wake up for me earlier," he said as he untangled the problematic linen.  
"Yeah...but still...how am I going to sleep tonight now?" she asked as he took her arm and helped her up.  
"Well, if you're up for it," he said, raking his fingers through her messy tresses, "When we go to bed later, I can exhaust you if you want."  
"Yeah, that will probably have to do," she said unenthusiastically as she headed down the stairs, leaving Harm unsure as to whether he should laugh or be insulted.

"Mom! Mom!" Lily called racing to the bottom of the stairs when she saw her mother descending.  
"Hello, Lily," Mac replied with a broad smile, opening her arms to embrace her daughter. "Daddy says you have news for me."  
"Oh yeah," she said hugging her mother before tugging her to her chair. Once Mac was settled she climbed up as best she could, given the bump, and proceeded to tell her mother the news of the day.

As she did, Harm and Grams went about serving up dinner while Mattie called for Colin to come in before taking the twins to wash up for dinner.  
"Sounds like things are going well for you, pumpkin," Mac said, kissing her head and holding her close.  
"They are, mom," she said nodding. "I still miss Nikki and Michael and Amy but the school stuff has been better than I thought."  
"Glad to hear it," she said, kissing her head once more. "Do you have homework tonight?"  
"I already did it when you were asleep and Mattie checked it over for me," Lily said before yawning. Going back to school, especially a new school, was quite tiring. "And Mattie even made me redo some of it, she said it should have been neater...she's tougher than you."  
Mac laughed, grateful Mattie had the same keen interest in Lily's academic progress as she did.

Settling into the routine of life on the farm wasn't all smooth sailing, Visiting and helping around the place was one thing but cohabiting and sharing responsibility was another. Colin and Harm had participated in a rather robust discussion about rearranging the work space in the barn.

Colin had moved a few things around in his time on the farm and wanted to give the whole thing a major overhaul. Harm, on the other hand, wasn't too keen about it at all. Almost nothing had changed in his lifetime and he didn't see the point in doing so now. It gave him a sense of comfort to know his father and grandfather had stood in the same places as he did, using the same tools. While he acknowledged that Colin's farm know-how couldn't be faltered he was acting on emotions rather than practicalities – something quite unlike him.

In the end, Mattie had spoken to each man separately, openly advocating for the other while listening with empathy. She told Colin of Harm seeing it as a link to his father and grandfather and she told Harm it was Colin's way of feeling at home, feeling like he belonged rather than was just working there. After Mattie's intervention, the men found some common ground. Given that Harm's focus would be on the airstrip, the farm would primarily be Colin's domain and he was free to do as he saw fit for the barn. However, he wasn't to throw anything out. Anything he no longer wanted in his workspace would be set aside for Harm who would then decide if he wanted it for the workshop in his not-yet-built hangar or whether it was indeed trash.

Meanwhile, Mac was experiencing a few settling in issues herself. Not used to a house full of adults for more than a few days and definitely not used to a mother figure fussing over her and cooking for her. Mac spent the first weeks feeling as if she was a visitor. Determined for mom and baby to be well and rested, Grams had insisted in keeping her role as head chef and housekeeper.

When it was pointed out to Grams that she was 89 and had recently had a stroke, she laughed it off, explaining she'd been through worse and that little hiccup wasn't going to stop her. Mac was further annoyed that when Grams needed assistance it was Mattie or Harm she turned to.

Grumbling aloud to herself in her bedroom one morning when Grams had insisted on doing the children's ironing, Harm had come in unbeknownst to her and stood smiling at her ranting.  
"What?" she snarled when she heard him chuckle.  
"Nothing," he said, pushing himself off the door jamb and padding over to her. "What's up?"

"Nothing," she mimicked sarcastically, pulling back from his touch.  
"Hey, Mac," he said seriously, reaching out for her once more. "What's wrong?"

One look into her husband's eyes and Mac caved, falling readily into his arms and accepting all the comfort he could give her."Hey, hey," he whispered when he realised she was trembling. "Tell me."  
"Can't do anything around here...Grams won't let me, Mattie won't let me, you won't let me...it doesn't feel like home at all," she said, her forehead pressed against his chest.  
"We're trying to look after you and bubs," he said, pressing a kiss to her head.  
"We don't need to be looked after," she said defiantly, raising her head. "We're quite capable of doing any damn thing we want."  
"I'm sure you are," he conceded quickly, not wanting his wife to get too distressed.  
"Damn right we are!" Mac muttered.  
"So, what is it that you want to do but you're not allowed?" he asked, pulling her gently back to his body.  
"I was all set to do some of the kids' ironing and Grams insisted she do it. Like I can't stand there for half an hour and run an iron over some damn cloth," she said, her frustration causing tears to build.  
"You hate ironing," he said quietly and she gave him a death glare. "I know that's not the point," he quickly amended. "But perhaps Grams thought she was doing you a favour..."

And then the tears came, hard and fast, completely surprising Harm.

When she was finally composed, Harm sat with Mac on the side of the bed and held her close.  
"Last week," Mac said sadly. "When I had a basket of clothes...I told Grams I hated ironing more than anything and I'd rather go naked than have to iron...except it was too cold to be naked in the middle of winter. And Grams had laughed and laughed...Guess she was doing it because I hate it..."  
"Guess she was," Harm said and kissed her head.  
"And I've just made a huge fool out of myself for nothing," Mac said tearfully.  
"No one's ever going to know," Harm whispered, rubbing her arm.  
"You know..." she said looking up at him sheepishly.  
"All I know is my very beautiful and pregnant wife is having a few challenges with her emotions right now," he said, placing a kiss on her nose.  
"Challenges? Is that what you call them?" she asked, resting her head on his shoulder.  
"Yes, I do," he replied.

He never called what she was experiencing 'mood swings', not since he had dared to utter those two words during Mac's pregnancy with Lily and was on the receiving end of a withering glare and a whole frozen chicken Mac had launched at him...and which hit him soundly on the head.

"Can't believe I'm crying over ironing," she mumbled wearily, not having had nearly enough sleep during the night with the baby resting on her bladder.  
"Is there anything I can do to make things better for you?" he asked, holding her tight.  
"You're doing it," she whispered, falling completely into him and sighing deeply.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Oh, if only they were mine.

Late January saw Mac and Harm's first appointment based trip back to DC. With a Friday morning appointment and the kids to consider, they tried to figure out whether they should take all the kids with them or just the twins and leave Lily in school or leave Lily in school, take one twin and leave the other on the farm to give them some one on one time.

When it was discussed at dinner on the Tuesday night, Lily was desperate to go with them back to DC and Mac knew if they took Lily then they'd have to take both twins, she would never leave one child behind just because it was more convenient... and there's no way she'd leave the twins on the farm and have Mattie and Grams chasing around after them. So, going to bed that night, the decision was to take all three.

On Wednesday, the arrangements changed when Lily came home from school with news that it was her friend, Sandra's, birthday and that she was going to have a party Friday after school and then a sleepover and best of all it was going to be next door as Sandra's own house was being renovated. So, going to bed that night, the decision was to take the twins and leave Lily behind.

However, as they pulled out of the driveway early Thursday afternoon so they could make it to the Roberts' for dinner by seven, there was only the pair of them. Mattie had convinced Mac that she was more than capable of taking care of the twins and, with the trip she, Colin and Grams were taking to Charlesville the following day, they would be no trouble. In the end Mac had conceded; she hadn't really thought it was that fair to have a toddler in the car for two three-hour trips and then another few hours in the hospital. Besides, this way, she'd have her husband to herself for a few hours and, after their appointment, they would be able to call into headquarters and start the ball rolling with the formal plans for their retirements without having to watch out for a tearaway two year old and still be home by the time the others got back from their trip.

The door to the Roberts house was flung open long before Harm had even turned off the ignition. Michael and Nikki ran to the car and were disappointed only their godparents were there.

"I told you Lily wasn't coming," Harriet called from the porch.

"Yeah, but..." Nikki's voice trailed. While she had been told it would only be Harm and Mac, she couldn't help but hope Lily would be there too.

"Sorry, Nikki," Harm said, climbing out of the car. "It's just us."

"Hi, Uncle Harm," she said giving him a brief and unenthusiastic hug.

"Don't think we're all that popular," Harm added turning to Mac as Nikki made her way back up the steps.

"Don't mind her," Michael said as he opened Mac's door. "She's been a pain all day."

"Thank you, Michael," Mac said climbing from the car before giving him a proper greeting and hug. "I think you've grown three inches since Christmas!"

"Not three, Aunty Mac, but I have grown," he said proudly.

"And so polite and mature too," she added and Michael grinned. Now, if he could get Mac to repeat that to his parents, it would stand him in good stead for the new bike he was planning on asking for soon.

Nikki's disappointment was overshadowed by Harriet's bubbly enthusiasm as she greeted them on the doorstep before ushering them inside and taking their jackets.

"You haven't!" Mac exclaimed, inhaling deeply.

"She has," AJ answered coming from the kitchen. "Roast lamb with mint and rosemary seasoning, doubled baked potatoes, winter vegies and lemon cheesecake."

"Ooohhh," she moaned. "All my favourites!"

"I know," Harriet said with a broad smile. "I was so excited when you agreed to come for dinner I just had to make everything you love." She gave Mac another big hug.

"And what about me?" Harm said with a pout.

"I didn't forget about you, Harm," she said hugging him. "Baked salmon with dill sauce."

"Ooohhh," he said mimicking his wife which earned him an elbow in the ribs from her. "No, seriously, Harriet, thanks," he said quickly.

Arriving home just as dinner was being served, Bud greeted his friends warmly and apologised for his tardiness.

"It's been quite chaotic this week," he said as he kissed his wife hello.

"What's been happening?" Harm asked, taking his seat beside Mac.

'Oh, the usual, a corporal on a DUI, two petty officers brawling, a lieutenant with some forged documents...and that's just at headquarters, never mind the rest of the military," he said with a sigh.

"Wow!" was all Mac could offer.

"I know," Bud said with a nod. "The General was ropable. All I can say is thank goodness tomorrow is Friday."

Dinner lasted just on four hours with so much to catch up with in the month they'd been apart. All too soon Harm called it a night as he watched Mac yawn for the third time in as many minutes and fight to stay awake. Before they left, plans were made for a Roberts visit to the farm late February and the left over cheesecake had been wrapped and given to Mac.

"2:00 AM craving," Harriet said knowingly and Mac thanked her profusely.

Not five minutes had elapsed between the time Mac's head hit her pillow and when she fell asleep and Harm had to smile at the sight she made as he returned from the bathroom. There was his tough, brave marine wearing a pink baby-on-board tee that Mattie had given her when she was pregnant with Lily, her hair was spread out over her pillow and she was clutching the photo of the three kids taken at the twins' second birthday party.

Gently, Harm eased the frame from her hand and placed it on the bedside table once more before pulling the covers around her properly and kissing her head. Walking around to his side, Harm slid in and adjusted the covers before reaching across and pushing the hair from Mac's face.

"Mmhamana," Mac muttered as his fingertips brushed her face.

"I love you too," he replied with a smile before kissing her forehead.

An hour before she had planned to be up, Mac awoke feeling snug and warm in Harm's firm and comforting embrace. For a while, she lay there feeling his breath dance across her forehead and the steady beat of his heart beneath her ear. Figuring that they really shouldn't waste the opportunity of being alone in the house, Mac decided to wake Harm by snaking one hand around his neck and the other down the front of his boxers – he woke quickly.

Before he could question her actions, her lips were on his and her tongue in his mouth, stroking his. Not bothering to rid Harm of his boxers, Mac simply lowered the waistband and freed his hardening length from its confines. Pleased she'd gone to bed commando, Mac pushed herself up and rapidly straddled her husband, realising she should have gone somewhat slower when she thought she'd come just from him entering her.

"I'm not going anywhere," Harm whispered hoarsely as his hands rested on her hips keeping her in place. "So you can take a breath."

Nodding, Mac did just that and allowed herself to relax despite the circumstances. When feeling composed enough, Mac leant down and kissed Harm thoroughly before resuming the activities she was desperate for.

Twice satisfied before showering and dressing; Mac and Harm headed to the local cafe for breakfast before arriving at Bethesda for their 1000 appointment. The appointment went like a dream – they were called in early, seen, scanned and everything was positive. Dr Mollison was very impressed by the good report and had to agree that the move had done Mac the world of good.

Leaving the hospital, extremely pleased with how things had gone, Harm called home and related the news while Mac called General Cresswell to check his availability. Alas, that was the first bit of negative news; Cresswell wasn't available as he had been summoned by the SecNav meaning the discussions as to their formal retirements would have to be rescheduled.

Not wanting to waste the day and knowing there was no real hurry to get back to the farm given the plans of the others, Mac insisted they stop at the grocery store to buy provisions for lunch before heading back to the house.

"We could have gone out for lunch," Harm said as he placed the last of the items into the fridge.

"I'm not hungry right now," Mac said as she placed the reusable bag into the holder.

"Well, we could have done something before lunch," he suggested, knowing the opportunities to do anything with just the two of them were few and far between.

"That's exactly my plan," she said, taking him by the hand and leading him back to the bedroom. "Can you think of something we might do in here to work up an appetite?" she asked as she unbuttoned his shirt.

"Oh, I'm sure I can come up with something," he replied as his shirt hit the floor.

"Oh, I'm sure you can too," she sassed, leaning into him to see if he'd come 'up' with anything yet. She grinned to herself; things were definitely on the rise.

Sated and sleepy, Harm and Mac both drifted off after their hour of exertion and continued to sleep in the peacefulness of an otherwise empty house. By the time Mac forced her eyes open to find her way to the bathroom, it was nearly three.

Groaning at the idea they had to hurry and shower, dress and eat before they hit the road, Mac shoved Harm and he stared in disbelief at the time.

"We should have been on the road by now," he said, scrubbing his hand across his face.

"Yeah, I know," Mac agreed. "But it was the most enjoyable way to spend the day."

"Oh, most enjoyable indeed," agreed Harm rubbing Mac's leg.

While Mac went to the bathroom, Harm decided it was time for some fatherly duties and phoned Mattie. Their news wasn't as good – Colin's car had suffered two punctured tyres, thanks to a spill of nails in the main street, and was currently in the garage in Charlestown. The mechanic was able to fix one tyre tube but not the other and he didn't have a suitable spare. His mate was bringing one over from the next town and was due anytime, but it would mean they would be late returning to the farm and would probably have dinner before leaving so the twins would be fed and then be able to be put straight to bed.

Bed...

Straight to bed...

With those arrangements and with Lily at her sleep over there probably wasn't a real need to be home for the night. With some quick thinking, Harm checked with Mattie whether she thought it was alright with her for them to be home by mid-morning the following day, citing an imaginary birthday dinner invitation for Varese from Sturgis.

Mattie said it was fine, that everything was under control and, by the time Mac had returned from the bathroom, Harm was under the sheets once more.

"You staying in bed is not going to get us home anytime soon," Mac commented as she pulled on her nightie.

"I spoke to Mattie, all is well and we are not expected home til mid-morning tomorrow," he said, pulling back the covers on her side.

"Really? Why?" Mac asked, climbing in and awaiting an answer.

While Harm explained the situation, Mac snuggled in next to him a bit disappointed she wouldn't see her beloved children that night but more than happy for an extra night alone with her amazing husband. And he was amazing one more time before he climbed out of bed and prepared her a very late lunch, or early dinner, and served it to her in bed wearing nothing but his best smile and a tea towel over his arm.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Oh, if only they were mine.

February

Life on the farm was getting to feel familiar. Mac was thinking of it more as home than ever before and while she had moments wondering what was happening at JAG, she had no regrets. Harm had been putting many hours into the plans for the airstrip with Mattie, they had gotten some quotes, lodged the necessary papers and arranged for the usual inspections.

The twins took to their rural life with gusto, enjoying the freedom, and the dirt, like never before. It registered how much they loved it when Mac realised it had been three days since either of them had wanted the television or a DVD, instead preferring the activity of the farm. Between her school work, her new friends, chatting online with her old ones and being Grams' shadow in the kitchen, Lily was in her element. She had both her parents around all the time and was no longer worried that one of them would be called away for duty and that she's never see them again.

So, with everyone full of life during the day, it was no surprised that they were all exhausted at night and that bedtimes were earlier than they had been in DC and everyone slept through the night, in their own bed.

That was until mid February when Lily appeared at her father's side of the bed in the early hours and tugged on his arm.

"What's wrong, Lil?" Harm asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Have a bad feeling," she said with her voice trembling.

Instantly, Harm lifted up the covers and allowed his daughter to cuddle in close to him.

"What sort of bad feeling?" he asked and Lily just shrugged. She couldn't really explain it, just that she had woken up feeling a different kind of scared.

"Do you feel sick?" he asked, kissing her forehead to assess her temperature. Lily shook her head.

"I don't feel bad, just have this bad feeling," she clarified for him.

"Did you have a bad dream?" he probed but she shrugged again. "Okay," he conceded. "You just cuddle up to daddy and go to sleep, baby. I'll make everything okay."

Despite the discussions between child and parents during the days, Lily continued to reappear at Harm's side in the hours before dawn complaining of a bad feeling for the next three nights. On the fifth night, she appeared at Mac's side for the first time.

"My bad feeling's back, mom," she whispered as Mac lifted the covers.

"Tell me about it," Mac said, cuddling her daughter to her. She wasn't that much older than Lily when she had her first unusual experience with feelings and visions and, given the repetitive nature of Lily's 'feelings', she was prepared to consider this was more than just bad dreams.

"It's hard to explain, mommy," she said, tucking in tighter. "My head just keeps telling me that something bad is going to happen."

"And is it the same feeling every night?" Mac asked, stroking the child's head.

"Yeah, usually," she said. "And I get this feeling that I just have to go and talk to daddy."

"But this time you came to me. What was different?" she asked, drawing back to look at Lily.

"I don't know...just felt I needed to tell you and had to get you to check on daddy...it's really strange I know...I just...I don't know..." Lily's voice trailed as confusion overtook her ability to explain herself.

Mac nodded; she knew about all those confused feelings and having the inability to explain just what you were thinking and feeling. And she also knew that if her daughter was the same as she was then there was something wrong, or about to be wrong, with her husband.

"Sweetie, why don't you go back to bed and I'll look after daddy, I promise," she said, kissing Lily's head.

"Are you sure?" she asked hesitantly.

"Positive, pumpkin."

As soon as the door was closed behind her daughter, Mac rolled over and sat up beside her husband. Reaching out she caressed his face finding him hotter than he should be.

"Harm, honey, Harm...wake up for me," she said gently, as she rocked him. There was no response.

Usually, Mac's movement was enough to wake him during a pregnancy and Mac's concern was escalating.

"Come on, Harm, wake up for me please. I need you," she said firmly, shaking his harder than before.

Mumbled incoherent groans were the only response she got - but it was a response nonetheless.

Climbing out of bed, Mac turned on the light and quickly came back to Harm. The light had helped to wake him up and Mac could see how pale he looked.

"Talk to me," she said, patting his face.

"Feel like crap," he mumbled before grabbing his side and grimacing.

"Where does it hurt?" she asked, rubbing his arm and fighting the tears filling her eyes.

"Here," he said, placing his hand on the painful area between his bellybutton and lower right abdomen.

Mac shook her head. She'd noticed Harm had appeared off for the last 24 hours. He hadn't been eating much and had seemed quite uncomfortable moving around. When she had pressed him on it, he said he thought he had pulled a muscle moving some crates the day before. While she hadn't really believed him she had let it go at that because she knew he wouldn't want her to be distressed...alas, it was more distressing to find out this way that it was more than a pulled muscle.

"Harm, sweetheart." She patted his face in an attempt to get him to focus on her. "I think you have appendicitis and I'm going to take you to the hospital."

"Not that bad," he managed, but when Mac pressed down on his right side just slightly, he nearly passed out from the pain.

If they were still in DC, Mac would have called an ambulance, called Harriet to come over, gone with her husband and been at Bethesda within twenty minutes. Being on the farm meant a total rethink, and a lot more organisation.

Quickly, she pulled on her sweats before racing down the stairs to Mattie and Colin's room. Rapping loudly, she went in and explained the situation to them. As Colin got dressed, Mattie called the hospital and Mac went to wake Grams – not because there was much she could do but because she knew the old lady would be distressed that all this was happening and no one told her.

In the end, it took nearly twenty minutes for them to get Harm from his bed to the back seat of the car without causing him any further pain or distress. Mac slipped in beside him and he slumped over and rested his head on the pillow she'd brought for him.

Climbing into the driver's seat, Colin adjusted everything before turning on the headlights and heading as fast as he safely could to the hospital. By the time the children were up, Harm was in surgery and Mac was pacing the waiting room feeling very nervous and sick about what her husband was going through.

Just before nine, Mac slumped into an armchair and Colin was instantly on his feet and beside her.

"Mac, please let me get you something to eat and drink," he pleaded, very unhappy with her pallor.

Taking a deep breath, Mac nodded. She knew her blood sugar was low and she was hungry and she also knew that Harm would not be impressed if he knew she was not taking care of herself and the baby first.

It took Colin fifteen minutes to find enough change to put into the vending machines and making two calls before heading back to Mac with a bottle of water and can of coke in one hand and a Mars Bar, bag of chips and a honey and oat cookie in the other. Placing them all on the chair next to her, Colin waved his hand over the offering.

"What did you want?" she asked him but he shook his head.

"These are all for you. I figure you're going to be here a while and this way you won't let your sugar drop too much," he explained, pulling out another bottle of water from his jacket pocket, along with a Snickers. "These are mine."

"It's taking forever," Mac said with a heavy sigh. "They said only an hour but it's already been 107 minutes..."

"They'll let us know as soon as possible, Mac," he said gently. "Now, eat and drink."

Three mouthfuls of water and two bites of the cookie later, a young man clad in surgical scrubs appeared before them and the pair were instantly on their feet.

"Mrs Rabb?" he questioned and Mac nodded. "My name's Peter Judd, I was the surgeon operating on your husband. Sorry, we didn't meet beforehand."

"How is he? Is he okay? Can I see him?" Mac bombarded the man with the questions leaving no chance for him to answer.

"Let's take a seat," he said, taking Mac's arm and leading her back to the chair she had sprung from. Mac's anxiety level skyrocketed. Colin sat beside her and took her hand in his; he didn't like the feeling growing inside him either.

"Is he alright?" Mac asked in nothing more than a squeak.

"Mrs Rabb, your husband is just being settled into recovery at the moment and I thought I'd take this opportunity to come and explain things," he said, with a small smile, trying to alleviate the panic he saw in her eyes. "When you spoke to the doctor before the surgery, he explained it would be a keyhole procedure..." Mac nodded. "Unfortunately, just as we commenced, your husband's appendix burst and we had to make an incision." Mac nodded, trying to fight her emotions and the desire to bring up what little was in her stomach. "Now, peritonitis is quite a serious condition, however, we were able to clean up most of the leakage and we've given him a substantial dose of antibiotics as well as further antibiotics through his IV."

"Can I see him?" Mac asked not caring about the what and wherefore, only about seeing him for herself.

"I can take you to him in recovery but you'll only be able to see him for a minute. You can stay with him once he gets settled on the ward though," he said, patting her arm.

"Thank you," she mouthed.

"Will there be any complications?" Colin asked, realising Mac wasn't thinking about anything other than seeing Harm.

"It's too early to say but Harmon is a fit and healthy man so after we are sure there is no infection, and after he recovers from the surgery, I can see no reason for complications," Dr Judd stated. "Now, if you'd like to..."

Mac was on her feet and heading towards the door before he could finish his sentence.

Standing at the foot of the bed, Mac held onto the rail as her emotions swirled and her light-headedness got the better of her.

"Are you okay, Mrs Rabb?" Dr Judd asked, taking her arm.

"Yes, thank you," she replied, her eyes never leaving Harm's face.

Once the nurse moved out of the way, Mac moved around and caressed Harm's face tenderly before leaning down and kissing his forehead.

"You're doing okay, honey," she whispered before kissing him again. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

"Mac," he groaned and the doctor looked at Mac concerned. It wasn't the first time a patient had called for someone who wasn't his wife.

"It's okay," Mac replied, squeezing his hand.

"Love ...Mac..." he mumbled.

"Ah, ma'am..." the doctor said as Mac's tears spilt over. "Patients aren't often aware of what they're saying in these circumstances."

Turning to look at the young man, Mac had to smile – this wasn't the first time her somewhat masculine nickname had confused someone.

"It's okay, doctor," she said, patting his arm. "I'm Mac."

"Oh," he said with a relieved smile.

"I love you very much, Harm," she whispered before kissing his head and being escorted out by the doctor.

Feeling much better for having seen Harm for herself, Mac took the opportunity of already being on her feet to go to the bathroom before making her way back to the waiting room and to Colin.

"He's awake," she said with a weary and tearful smile as Colin helped her into the chair once more.

"That's good," Colin replied, stifling a yawn. "He'll be as good as new in no time."

"He looked so pale though," Mac said, picking up her water and taking a small sip.

"He's just been through surgery, Mac, it's to be expected," he said quietly.

"Yeah, I know," Mac replied with a sigh – she knew the reality of it but in the end he was her beautiful, gorgeous husband and the love of her life and reality didn't count for much at the moment.

In the near silence of the waiting room, Mac ate the rest of the cookie and finished her water before starting on the chocolate. A few bites in, fatigue got the better of Mac and put the bar down before closing her eyes and slumping in her chair.

When she opened her eyes once more she was alarmed to find thirty minutes had elapsed.

"Harm's fine, he's settled in his room and sleeping," Colin reassured her as she became more alert.

"I have to..." she began, trying to scramble to her feet.

"What you need to do is take a breath and try to relax," came a very familiar voice from the doorway.

"Harriet!" Mac exclaimed, standing with Colin's help. "How on earth..."

"Colin called me a couple of hours ago and I dropped everything and now I'm here and I'm staying as long as necessary," she said, embracing Mac.

"I...It's...I don't know what to say..." she stammered. One part of her wanted to say Harriet needn't have come, that it was just appendicitis and she was sure her own family needed her. The other part was more than relieved she was there to help her with the children while she focused on her husband's recovery. While Mattie and Colin were wonderful with the trio in question, it wasn't quite the same and besides, Colin still had the farm to run and Mattie would now have an extra workload as far as the flying school went with Harm out of action.

Harm was sleeping as Mac headed into his room and kissed his headed. He muttered something in response to her words and caresses but it was incoherent.

"He'll probably sleep for the next four to six hours, ma'am," said a nurse coming in with his chart.

"Okay," Mac replied, with a nod. "Is he doing alright?" she added hesitantly.

"Well, his vitals are steady and he is responding, even if he isn't fully awake, so they're both good things," she answered. "Maybe it's time you went home and got some sleep. You've been here five hours, without much sleep last night either."

"I'm fine," Mac replied with a weary smile.

"Ma'am, there's really not a lot you can do for your husband at the moment and you do need to consider what's best for you and the baby," she said, patting Mac's arm.

"That's a very good idea," Harriet said coming into the room. "Why don't you let Colin take you home and ..."

"I'm not leaving him by himself. What if he wakes up and needs something..." she protested.

"I'll stay with him and ..." Harriet began.

"But what if he needs me?" Mac interjected.

"He won't need anything for about six hours. Plenty of time for you to go home, get some sleep and come back. I promise if he wakes earlier I'll call." Harriet was nothing if not persistent.

Mac had learnt a long time ago that when Harriet set her mind to something there was no way she wasn't going to achieve it. So it was that twenty minutes later Mac was in the car being driven back to the farm by Colin. It was also no surprise to Mac that she fell asleep only eight minutes into the journey and had to be woken by Colin as they pulled up at the house.

Before she could open the car door, Mattie had appeared and was doing it for her.

"How is he?" she asked before Mac was on her feet.

"He's okay," she said slowly, trying to stretch and work out a kink in her neck.

"Just okay?" Mattie pressed, wrapping an arm around Mac's waist and shutting her door.

"Well, he has just come out of surgery, Mat," Mac said with a yawn. "His appendix burst just as they operated so there was a mess to clean up and he's on some heavy duty antibiotics so now we just have to see how he goes."

As soon as Mac set foot in the house, Grams started asking questions about her grandson. "Is he okay? What did they do? Is he awake? When can I see him? Have you left him alone?"

Mac answered everything, fully and frankly, doing her best to reassure the old woman. It was only after the barrage of questions stopped, Mac realised there was an absence of toddlers swarming around her.

"Where are the twins?" she asked as Mattie placed cups of tea in front of her and Colin.

"Rosie's watching the Wiggles DVD and Harry is next door with Mrs Anderson. She came over this morning and Harry was desperate to go and see Storm, he'll be back by noon," Mattie explained.

Mac smiled wearily, since the Anderson's had gotten their black and grey kitten at Christmas, Harry had been love struck. Every possible chance, he tried to get next door to play with the three month old kitten and each time he did, he pleaded with his parents to have one of his own.

Looking up at the clock, Mac was surprised it was not yet noon. She was sure she'd been up forever...and when she thought about it, she probably had.

"What about I cook you both some bacon, eggs and mushrooms with toast?" Grams said, getting to her feet.

"Sounds great, Grams," Colin said, his stomach rumbling at the thought of his favourite breakfast food.

"Sarah?" Grams checked and Mac nodded before forcing herself from the table. "Where are you going?"

"To see my baby girl," she replied heading towards the living room.

Rose was happy to see her mom and cuddled in close for all of two minutes before 'Big Red Car' came on the screen and she abandoned her mother so she could sing and dance along.

"Dance, mommy," she said as her little butt moved from side to side. "Chugalugga big red car."

"Mommy's very tired, baby," she said tousling Rose's chestnut locks.

"Pwease, mommy, dance big red car..." she pleaded, grabbing Mac's hand.

"Okay, just for the Big Red Car," Mac conceded and sang and danced for the last verse and chorus.

"Very good, mommy," Rose said, wrapping her chubby arms around Mac's neck.

"Love you, baby," Mac said, kissing her nose. "And daddy loves you too."

"Daddy home?" she asked looking around.

"No, Rosie, daddy is in hospital. He has a boo-boo on his tummy," Mac said as tears pricked her eyes.

"Me see daddy?" Rose asked pulling Mac's hand towards the door.

"No, baby, kids can't go to the hospital," she said, in a half truth. The fact was children over seven were allowed to visit but Mac didn't think it was fair to take Lily and not the twins. She also didn't want to expose Harm to the germs which children naturally amassed.

Before Rose could protest further, Mattie appeared at the door.

"Lunch is ready," she announced, moving over to Rose and scooping her up. "How about we go and wash up, missy," she added.

"Me want daddy," Rose said with a pout.

"I want daddy too," Mattie said, matching Rose's pout.

"Mommy sayed no kids," she said, pointing a finger at her mother.

"Well, mommy's right," she replied, heading to the bathroom. "Daddy needs lots of rest."

Before Rose could continue complaining, Mattie changed the topic of conversation.

"Let's wash our hands and then we can have lunch. Grams is making scrambled eggs and bacon."

"Bacon!" Rose's eyes lit up. Bacon was her favourite thing and her daddy was instantly forgotten.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Oh, if only they were mine.

Stirring from her sleep, Mac was confronted with a teary eight year old standing by her bed. Lily hadn't spoken, she hadn't moved, she'd simply raced up the stairs from school and stood watching her mother.

"Lily?" Mac croaked, trying to shake her sleepiness. "What's wrong?" She reached out and took the child's hand.

"Did I do it?" she asked as more tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Do what?" Mac countered, wrapping her arm around her daughter and drawing her closer.

"Did I do it..." she repeated swiping at her face. "To daddy?" she added in a whisper.

"Did you to what to daddy?" Mac asked, completely confused and distressed at her daughter's distress,

"Did I make him sick?" she whispered, scared to say the words aloud.

"No, no, no, baby," Mac replied, pulling her into the bed with her and smothering her with kisses. "Daddy being sick has nothing to do with you."

"But I thought it," she said. "All those nights I kept feeling bad and it was always about daddy. Did I make him have to go to the hospital and have an operation?"

"No, Lily, it wasn't you. Daddy's appendix was sick and he had to have it taken out. You didn't do that?" Mac reassured her daughter while trying to hide her own tears.

"But what about all those feelings?" Lily asked as she cuddled in close to her mother.

Pressing a kiss on the child's head, Mac used the time to consider her response. Remembering how scared she was the first time she'd had a strange foreboding only to find out the next day her Uncle James had died, Mac thought about what she would have liked someone to tell her.

"Lil, do you know how you and me are alike?" she started, rubbing the girl's back.

"Two pods in a pea, daddy says," she replied, rubbing her eyes.

"Two peas in a pod, that's right," she corrected gently. "Do you know what that means?"

"Daddy says it means we like all the same stuff like bacon and chocolate and we do stuff the same like put our right sock on first but left shoe," she said, blinking away more tears.

"That's right," Mac said, kissing her forehead. "But I think these feelings mean you and I have something more in common and it's called intuition."

"Intu-what?" Lily asked, pulling back and looking up.

"Intuition," Mac repeated. "It means we get feelings about something that is going to happen or maybe something that has happened." She figured she'd leave the whole visions and premonition discussion until the child was much older.

"You get those feelings too?" Lily asked, hoping she understood properly.

"Yes, sometimes I do," Mac said, caressing the child's face. "And it can feel quite scary and ..."

"And you don't know what's happening?" Lily added, holding her mom tighter.

"That's right," she confirmed, smiling.

"Who have you had the into-thingy about?" Lily asked, sitting up beside Mac.

"A few people," Mac began. "But I can tell you the time it was about daddy," she said, hoping it would help her daughter to realise it wasn't her fault.

Lily nodded eagerly.

"Well, a long time ago, daddy went out to a carrier to do his flying quals," Mac began, eliminating all the additional information, particularly anything which related to her about to marry someone who wasn't Lily's daddy. "As he was flying home there was a really bad storm and daddy had to eject over the ocean. Do you know what that means?"

Lily nodded. "Uncle AJ says it's when you push a button and you get shot out of the top of the plane and a parachute opens up and you float down."

"That's right," Mac confirmed.

"And Uncle AJ said it happened to him when he went flying with dad except the parachute didn't open but he was okay," Lily continued.

"Yes, that's right," she agreed. "Anyway, daddy ejected and landed in the middle of the ocean and it was very dark and very stormy..."

"And did daddy make it?" she asked, eyes full of concern.

"Of course, baby, that's why he's my husband and your daddy," Mac said, kissing her head. "When he was lost at sea it was a very scary time but I had this very strong feeling that I knew where he was."

"He was in the ocean," Lily replied matter of factly.

"That's right," Mac said with a smile. "But through my feelings I was able to give them the exact coordinates to find him."

"And they found him?" she asked, still not convinced the story had a happy ending.

"Yes, they did, right where I told them to look," Mac said proudly.

"So, you found him in the middle of the big, big ocean from a feeling?" Lily checked, remembering the point of the story.

"I did," she said. "And that's intuition, having a feeling about something that you can't control."

"So, my intuition was to know daddy's appendix was sick...but I didn't make him sick...just like you didn't make him lost, you just knew how to find him?" she asked and Mac nodded. "Can I see daddy?"

"Not at the moment, Lil," Mac said, brushing her hair from her face. "Kids aren't allowed to visit but I'm sure he'd love to have a card or a picture from you."

"But I want to see him," she protested, her bottom lip dropping.

"I'll tell you what, in a couple of days when daddy's feeling a bit better, I'll ask the doctor if you can have a special visit, okay?" she suggested and Lily nodded.

A little after four, Mac was back on the road heading towards the hospital with a small pile of pictures and cards Lily and the twins had done as Mac showered and changed. With her mind a million miles away, she failed to hear Mattie talking to her.

"Do you think Grams was really okay about not visiting tonight?" she repeated and Mac shrugged. Colin had said he was fine with the three children on his own and Mrs Anderson had offered to come over and help him so Grams could join Mattie and Mac on their trip to the hospital. However, Grams had declined, saying she was still getting over her cold and didn't think she should expose Harm to it. While Mac had reassured her that Harm would be fine, Grams didn't relent and soon the ladies departed without her.

"I think she was," Mac said slowly; Grams decision had definitely surprised. "She's just concerned about making things worse for Harm."

"Yeah, but given the way she still fusses over him, I'm surprised she didn't and try to walk there on her own earlier," Mattie said as she slowed the car and took the next corner.

The women were just a few minutes from the hospital when Mac's cell rang. It was Harriet.

"Just thought I'd let you know that your husband is waking up and calling your name. How long more will you be?" she asked, as she held the phone with one hand and Harm's hand in the other.

"We'll be there inside five minutes," Mac replied. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, the doctor came in about an hour ago, said all was looking good," Harriet reported. "And he's slept the whole time, so he's fairly comfortable."

"That's so good to hear," Mac said, allowing herself to take a deep breath for the first time all day. "Tell him I love him and I'll be there very, very soon."

It was only Mattie's hand on her arm which stopped Mac running through the hospital to see Harm after they'd arrived. She didn't say anything, just held firmly and tried to settle her before they reached Harm's room. Once inside, Mattie let go and Mac almost flew across the room to his bedside. Quickly, she took his hand and kissed it several times, each time declaring her love, before kissing his forehead and repeating herself again and again.

Slowly, Harm's eyes fluttered open and took a few moments to fully focus on his wife's beautiful face.

"Love you...gorgeous," he croaked, squeezing her hand.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, cupping his cheek in her hand.

"A little sore...a little groggy...but okay," he said, offering her a weak smile. "Sorry," he added after taking a deeper breath.

"What for?" she asked, leaning in closer and holding his hand tighter.

"This is the last thing you need with only eight and a bit weeks to go..." he whispered, reaching out to touch her belly.

"Don't worry about me, honey," she said, kissing his nose. "Baby and I are just fine."

"You look tired," he said, caressing her face.

"Well, it's been a long day but I did go home and have a nap and hug and kiss the kids and they said to make sure I told you they loved you and gave you a kiss from each of them," she said quickly, trying to reduce her building emotions. "So, here's a kiss from Rosie...and one from Harry... and a big one from Lily."

As she pulled back she saw the tears on his cheeks and it was enough to cause hers to fall.

"Damn hormones," she muttered as she leant down and rested her head against his.

"Can I blame hormones too?" he whispered before kissing her head.

"Aha," she muttered, not quite ready to face him yet.

It took a few moments before Mac stood up and sighed deeply. Harm was right; this was the last thing they needed, especially when there was so much they had planned to do before the baby arrived. Things like redecorating the children's bedroom, getting new beds for the twins so the baby could have the crib, organising the wardrobes, going to DC the following week for Mac's appointment...and the 101 things that happen during the nesting period.

However, looking into the guilty blue orbs of her husband, Mac knew that while it wasn't convenient, it wasn't his fault.

"We'll be okay," she reassured him.

"Yeah, but..." he began but she shook her head.

"There is nothing that can't be done after the baby arrives, if that's the way it happens," she said, squeezing his hand. "You just concentrate on making a full recovery."

"And will you take it easy?" he questioned and Mac nodded. After all the trials of a high risk pregnancy she wasn't going to jeopardise things in the concluding weeks.

Not long after, Harriet departed for the farm, Mattie headed to the nearby shops and Harm edged over in the bed and helped Mac climb in, knowing they both needed a nap.

"Are you sure this is okay?" Mac whispered as she snuggled into him as best she could, mindful of his wound and her bump.

"I'm positive," he replied, kissing her head. "Besides, having you next to me, more than compensates for any discomfort.

It didn't take long for Mac to fall asleep, snug in her husband's arms. As Harm was drifting off, a nurse came in and he forced his eyes opened.

"This really isn't appropriate," said the nurse, with a brisk shake of her head.

"I think it's very appropriate," Harm replied, holding his wife tighter.

"Perhaps you should wake your wife and have her sleep in the armchair if need be. Hospital beds are for patients only," she stated, pointing at the armchair in question.

"My wife is fine exactly where she is," Harm said pointedly. "And she won't be woken."

"Mr Rabb..." the nurse began but Harm shook his head.

"My wife will not be woken, understood? She has eight weeks to go in a very high risk pregnancy and if sleeping alongside me in this bed is going to make things better for her and our baby, that's exactly what she's going to do," he growled lowly, not wanting to disturb the woman in question. "And if that's still a problem, then get the doctor and I'll discharge myself now."

"No, no, Mr Rabb, that won't be necessary," the nurse quickly replied. "I was just saying..."

"And so was I."

With that, he closed his eyes, kissed Mac's head and was soon asleep too.

The following day saw Mac and Harriet head to the hospital early, while the others stayed at home. After sharing lunch together, Harriet left for the farm whilst Mac crawled into Harm's bed once more.

Content with her husband's proximity and warmth, Mac was still dozing when Grams, Mattie and Colin appeared at the door nearly three hours later.

"Hey," Mattie whispered as she saw Harm smiling at her. "How are you doing?" she asked, stopping to kiss him.

"Doing okay," he whispered in reply.

"Good to see you looking better," Colin said, patting Harm's arm.

"Thanks, Col...and thanks for yesterday morning, too," he replied, taking hold of the younger man's hand. "I appreciate it."

"Anytime," Colin said with an embarrassed smile.

As Colin moved aside, Harm looked to his grandmother who was still standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Grams," he said, holding out his hand to her. "Do I get a kiss?"

Slowly, she made her way across the room and to her grandson's side.

"Hello, Harmon," she said quietly, tears building behind her cloudy blue eyes.

"Hi, Grams," he answered in the same tone, lifting her hand to kiss it. "I'm okay, really..." he added to try and reassure her.

"I'm sure you are," she replied, taking a shaky breath.

Colin lifted a chair and placed it next to the bed. "Why don't you have a seat, Grams?" he said, helping her reposition the chair so she was facing her grandson.

For a few moments nothing was said, but Grams never once let go her grip of her darling's hand.

"Why do you look so worried?" Harm finally asked, Grams just shook her head.

"I'm not," she replied, but all who were present, and awake, knew it was a lie.

The truth was she hadn't wanted to come and see Harm at all, which is why she'd used the cold excuse the day before. She didn't want to see him pale and vulnerable, like he was now. There was something deep inside her that didn't want to acknowledge that Harm wasn't as invincible as he thought he was. She had endured the loss of two Rabb men from her life, each one taking a catastrophic toll on her body, mind and soul. In her twilight years, she knew she couldn't withstand the loss of a third.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Oh, if only they were mine.

While Harm was recovering well from the actual surgery, he was still fighting the infection and with his blood tests not pleasing the doctor, discharge was not yet on the agenda. A week of hospitalisation was doing nothing for his demeanour and nothing to help his concern about his wife. After telling her, on more than once occasion, that she wasn't to come in every day, Mac had appeared at his door before lunch on each and every day. After they had shared lunch, Mac would climb into his bed and sleep for most of the afternoon.

Today, Harm was feeling anxious and wanted to see Mac. He couldn't explain exactly what he was anxious about, only that he had an uneasy feeling and he needed to see her. When lunch had been served and cleared, uneaten, Harm's concern grew. Trying her cell, the call went through to voicemail. He was tempted to call the house but then decided against it – if she was finally taking his advice and staying home for a day, then phoning her would make her think he wanted her to come in – which he did, but he would never ask.

As the afternoon wore on, Harm became more concerned that no one was coming and that no one was phoning; it was so unlike them. Trying to figure out what it all meant, Harm was surprised by a cold, wet hand on his arm. Opening his eyes he was stunned to find Lily standing there absolutely drenched and shivering.

"Lily! Baby!" he exclaimed trying to get out of his bed without tangling the IV. "What happened? How did you get here?"

"Mom-mm-mmy saaaid n-n-no kids...haddd to s-e-e-e you," she stammered through chattering teeth.

Grabbing the blanket from his bed, Harm wrapped it around his daughter and held her tightly, running his hands around her. Kissing her head repeatedly, Harm told her how much he loved her.

"How did you get here?" he asked, pulling back just marginally.

"Walked f-f-f-from s-s-school," she said. "Mr F-fischer said I-I-I could go to the bathroom this ...this morning and I j-j-just left."

"Lily, that wasn't the right thing to do," he chastised gently. "Everyone must be frantic." Then it struck him, this is why no one had spoken to him all day, they were trying to find his daughter. He couldn't even contemplate the state his wife would be in.

Grabbing the bedside phone, Harm phoned the house but no one answered. He phoned the school and told a very relieved secretary that his daughter was safe and sound, if somewhat soggy, and with him. Within five minutes, Mac was on the phone to him wanting to hear from him herself that their daughter was okay.

It took nearly ten minutes of convincing and then, in the end, Harm put Lily on and it was hearing her child's voice that finally swayed Mac's opinion.

By the time, Mac, Grams, Mattie and Colin arrived at the hospital Lily had been showered and given dry nightwear to put on. A doctor had come into assess her and was very concerned about her left foot which was extremely cold and grazed after her shoe had broken a few miles into her trek and she'd continued to walk in the wintry weather.

With the heat recirculating through her body, Lily began to feel the pain caused by her nearly five hour walk to see her daddy. Her fingers stung and her chest felt tight, her knee hurt from where she'd fallen and she was very hungry. Fed, warm and medicated, Lily was asleep in her father's arms, in his hospital bed when Mac appeared at the door.

"She's okay, gorgeous, she's just asleep," Harm said as Mac stayed in the doorway. He held out his hand to her and she made her way to him. With her face blotchy from crying and her eyes watery, she was a picture of pure distress and relief rolled into one.

Without the capacity to produce words at this time, Mac kissed her daughter's head and pulled her close.

"She feels so hot," Mac observed, not letting go of her.

"The doctor says she'll probably spike a temperature but they're monitoring her," he said, taking his wife's hand and kissing it.

"Is she really alright?" Mac checked, her eyes never once leaving her daughter's face.

"There are a few little things," Harm said, wanting to tell her an acceptable version of the truth. "But she'll make a full recovery."

"What's wrong with her?" Grams asked, coming over and wrapping an arm around Mac's waist.

"Um...well, she got saturated..." Harm began.

"It's been pouring all day," Mac interjected.

"I figured," Harm said with a small smile. "She's got some cuts on her foot and a sore knee from a fall and a definite case of exposure."

"Frostbite?" Grams asked, pulling back the covers and exposing Lily's foot.

"No, but it was very cold and numb when she got here," he explained, squeezing Mac's hand.

"Anything else?" Mattie asked, leaning on the wall.

"Tired, hungry, a little dazed and totally exhausted," he replied, his eyes welling as he thought about what his little girl would have endured just to see him.

"I was so scared," Mac said in a such a small voice, Harm had to look at her to determine if she'd actually spoken.

"I'm sure you were," he said, kissing her hand once more.

"She's just so little and it's such a long way...I just can't believe she did it," Mac said as her tears began to fall once more.

"She said she had to see me but you said no kids," he explained, hoping it wouldn't make her feel bad.

"I did," she replied, nodding.

"It's only for children under 7, Mac," he said as Mac kissed her daughter's head once more.

"I know," she replied, tearfully. "But Lily has been so busy blaming herself for you being sick I didn't want her to see you still looking so pale and with the IV still in. I told her I'd bring her in Sunday – guess she couldn't wait."

"Oh, my poor baby," Harm whispered, fighting his tears. No wonder she'd been desperate to see him...she needed to see for herself that he was really okay, and no doubt hear it from him that he didn't blame her.

Although awake for short periods of time, Lily slept most of the evening, only waking fully once to use the bathroom, the rest of the time she only stirred marginally. When visiting hours ended, Mac knew she had to go, especially as Harriet had been with the twins all day. However, she was very reluctant to leave her husband and daughter in hospital.

Harm had promised he'd look after Lily who had been set up in a bed in the same room and was sound asleep once more. But then Mac had asked who'd be looking after him. He was still fighting his infection and Mac really didn't think it was a great idea for him to be exposed to any cold or chest infection Lily may come down with, thanks to her adventures of the day. When Harm had pointed out that this meant Lily would be put in the children's ward on her own, Mac nodded and said that would be okay because she could stay the night – to which Harm said no. And he said it in such a manner Mac knew there would be no negotiating.

So it was that she tearfully kissed two of her most loved ones and walked out into the rainy night.

When they arrived home, Mac was still very tearful. Her emotions were all over the place, she was absolutely exhausted and somewhat hungry. She was utterly relieved it had all ended so well yet still caught up with the 'what ifs'.

Seeing the headlights of the car coming up the driveway, Harriet opened the door and went out to greet them, wrapping Mac in her arms the moment she stepped out of the car. When Lily was missing, Harriet couldn't help but think of the time AJ was about five and went missing from a trip out with Mikey, she'd never been as terrified in her life as she was that day, not even when she'd gotten word of Bud's injury. There was something intrinsically worse about a missing child.

While Lily had been missing she had revisited all those swirling emotions and had spent a good hour crying. When she'd pulled herself together she'd called AJ, just needing to hear his voice. Twelve years on and it was something she had yet to get over.

"Come in, come in," Harriet said, when she realised they were taking way too long to get out of the cold night. "I've got a pot of chicken and vegetable soup and some freshly baked bread ready for you all."

As Grams made her way through the house, she couldn't help but notice just how clean the place was. Very houseproud herself, Grams was amazed that in the one day Harriet could make the place sparkle.

"You've been busy, Harriet," Grams said as Colin pulled the chair out for her. "The house looks amazing, thank you."

"Oh, I was hoping you didn't mind," Harriet said almost apologetically as she brought over the large pot. "The twins went out like lights just before 6:30, and I was still so wound up about Lily I needed something to do."

"6:30!" questioned Mattie. "How on earth did you manage that?"

"I hadn't realised the time during the day as I was trying hard to keep occupied and not think about poor Lily. When I looked at the clock it was 4:30 and we hadn't had lunch...Sorry, Mac," she said, dropping her head.

"The twins had a big breakfast, and believe me, if they were hungry you'd have known about it," Mac said, taking a slice of bread and dipping it into her steaming soup.

"Well, I cooked up some chicken and vegies for them and they ate about five, then by half past they were in the bath. Changed them into their pjs and we came back down. They were on the sofa for about five minutes before Rosie fell asleep and by the ten minute mark, Harry was gone too. So I put them to bed," she reported. "But don't worry; I'm already in there so if they wake early I'll see to them."

Easing herself from her chair, Mac moved to Harriet and hugged her tightly.

"Thank you so much," she said. "Not only for today but for everything you've done this week. I don't know how we'd have managed without you."

"You're welcome, but there's no need to thank me," Harriet replied warmly. "After all, family does for family."

The following morning, Mac awoke to the smell of breakfast cooking. Glancing at the clock, she realised it was already nine which meant she had slept uninterrupted for eleven hours...and it also meant that she was in desperate need for the bathroom. Fully awake and relieved, Mac made her way downstairs and was greeted by her excited twins.

"Mommy, mommy," called Rose from her chair. "Aunty Harriet make bacon"

"Bacon...bacon," chanted Harry, emphasising his sister's point.

"Aunty Harriet spoils us," Mac said as she kissed both of her children, before spying Harriet's bags pack and near the back door.

"You're leaving us?" Mac asked as Harriet came in from the kitchen with the twins' juice.

"I am, sorry," Harriet said, placing the cups on the table. "Bud is going away on assignment today and AJ has plans for tomorrow and Sunday, so I do need to go home for the kids. But if you need me next week, I can come back Monday."

"I'm sure we'll be right by then," Mac said with a sigh. "At least I hope so..." she added, sitting beside Rose. She needed Harm and Lily home with her, safe and sound, she wanted to be able to tuck them into bed and kiss them goodnight and have them sleep under the same roof.

Later that morning, Harriet packed her bags into the car and said goodbye to all except Mac, whom she was going to drive to the hospital and then continue on her way home. Once they arrived at the hospital, Harriet said a quick hello and goodbye to the Rabb patients and headed home with the grateful thanks of them all.

Mac spent the first twenty five minutes sitting in Lily's bed with her as she went over the details of the day before and apologised to her mother over and over again.

Finally, she looked up at her mother.

"I'm in big trouble, aren't I?" she asked tearfully.

"Aha," Mac said kissing her daughter's head. Lily Patricia MacKenzie Rabb was definitely in big trouble and the punishment would commence as soon as Mac had smothered her in a million kisses and told her just how much she loved her over and over again.

With the beginning of a chest infection, the doctor wanted Lily kept one more night and after a long corridor discussion with Mac agreed that if Lily was able to go home the following day that he would also discharge Harm – so long as Mac could ensure that she and both patients would take it easy. Mac readily agreed.

And so it was on Saturday morning, just before noon, that Colin pulled up in the driveway and out climbed Mac, Harm and Lily. Watching father and daughter walk into the house, Mac smiled for the first time in over a week. As she followed them in, she stopped suddenly and rubbed her aching back. It had been bothering her on and off since ran into the school building on Thursday after the call came that Lily was missing.

"Are you alright, Mac?" asked Colin quietly as he wrapped a supportive arm around her.

'Yeah," she replied, "Just baby sitting in the wrong place."

"Are you sure?" he probed. "You haven't been comfortable for two days now."

Mac looked at him – no one else had mentioned it, so how did he know?

"You can't fool me, Mac," he answered her unasked question. "I grew up on a farm with lots of pregnant females around – from my mother, to aunts to neighbours to mares and cows..."

"You're equating me to a cow? Gee, thanks!" she said, trying to divert the conversation.

"No, I'm not," he replied, his tone not changing at all. "I'm just pointing out that I've seen enough to know something's not right.'

"I have seven weeks to go, Colin, I can't be in labour...it's too early," she whispered. "I saw the OBGYN yesterday while Harm and Lily were napping and he thinks it's just Braxton Hicks, so please don't say anything."

"You say something if things change, alright?" he pressed, as Mattie appeared in the doorway to see what was taking them so long. Mac nodded.

"If what things change?" Mattie asked, looking between the two.

The pleading in Mac's eyes changed Colin's first response.

"Mac says she doesn't need Harriet to come back next week but I think with neither her nor Harm really able to lift the twins and you and I planning on taking Grams to see her cousin overnight, that perhaps it would be good to have Harriet back," he said before kissing Mattie hello.

"Well, that won't be necessary," Mattie said, as she ushered the pair inside. "Grams phoned Mary today and explained everything and rescheduled the visit."

"She needn't have done that," Mac said with a sigh. "She's been looking forward to it for nearly a year now."

"I did tell her that," Mattie said quietly, "But I think she'd prefer to be here with everyone happy and healthy for a bit.

Mac nodded, that's just what she wanted...for everyone to be happy, healthy and home for the next couple of months ... actually, she wanted it for the rest of her life.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Oh, if only they were mine.

Recovery for the Rabb patients was rather slow as Harm was pretty much put on bed rest by his grandmother the minute he returned home. He tried to protest on the first day but the feisty old lady wasn't having a bar of it and promptly told him that being so fatigued and weak at the moment he was really of no help and that with his pregnant wife and a sick little girl for herself, Mattie and Colin to take care of, not to mention the twins, that he needed to go to bed and stay out of the way.

Not wanting to argue, and not being well enough to really care at that point, Harm went to bed upon his arrival home. Grams allowed him to be up for meals and some quiet time with the children but he was to have morning and afternoon naps and go to bed early each night. Although he did try to push the issue, the fact was that sometimes just walking up or down the stairs was enough to exhaust him.

Lily was also facing her own battle as she had developed a rather severe chest infection and also spent most of the time in a bed...sometimes hers, sometimes anyone else's. During the day she seemed to be doing better, there were fewer coughing fits and her breathing wasn't as raspy. By night, with the cold air infiltrating the house despite the heating, Lily was back to coughing and gasping to catch her breath.

Some nights, Mac would sit up with her in the living room with the fire ablaze. Other nights, Mattie would do it and insist Mac actually get some sleep during the night hours. Grams would visit whichever pair was in the living room around three each morning and provide them with a hot drink and cookie. After the first week, Lily was doing better and spent her days doing the school work sent home for her. At night time, however, she still needed to sit up to prevent a night full of coughing fits.

The appointment for Bethesda which was initially scheduled that first week was pushed back a week by Mac as she knew Harm wasn't up for driving that far and neither was she. She figured she had been doing much better and so there wasn't the same urgency as there was when she was having the pains two weeks ago while Harm was in hospital. Not wanting to do the wrong thing, she had called Dr Mollison and given a version of the truth and the good doctor had given Mac a time for the following Wednesday but that was as far as she was prepared to push the appointment back.

March

By the time the Wednesday rolled around Mac was feeling a little anxious. She'd been feeling a little off for the past twenty four hours and really wanted to get to DC to have things checked out. With a late afternoon appointment and Lily remaining on the farm so she could go back to school, now she was feeling better, Mac buckled Harry into the car as Harm did the same to Rose after an early lunch.

By three thirty, they pulled up into the Roberts driveway as Harriet had offered to mind the twins while they were at the hospital. With traffic causing a delay to their arrival, there was no time for Harm and Mac to go into the house; it was a simple drop off before making their way to Bethesda.

As Harm sat in the waiting room, Mac walked around unable to settle. A couple of times Harm reached out for her hand but Mac just smiled and kept pacing. By the time Dr Mollison called their names, Mac was feeling all sorts of things, most she couldn't name. Even sitting in the usually comfortable chair was problematic and eventually Mac resorted to standing up.

"What's happening, Sarah?" Dr Mollison asked, coming out from behind her desk.

"I don't know," she replied tearfully. "It's just ...I don't know."

"Okay, how about we do a scan and see just what's happening in there?" she suggested, taking Mac's arm and leading her to the table. "Are you going to be able to lie down?"

Mac nodded and worried her bottom lip, she wasn't at all sure she would be able to.

A few swipes, pings and prodding and Dr Mollison spoke once more.

"Just how long have you been having these unexplainable feelings, Sarah?" she asked as she studied the monitor.

"Just in the last couple of hours this time," she said, willing herself not to let her emotions overwhelm her.

"This time?" Harm and the doctor said in unison.

"When else have you felt this way?" Dr Mollison asked as she rescanned an area.

"Um...when Harm was in hospital and..." she began.

"What?" he interjected, this was definitely news to him.

"The day Lily went missing. I ran into the school and felt some twinges," she said, squeezing his hand tightly.

"Lily went missing and you were in hospital?" the doctor questioned looking from Mac to Harm. Both events were enough to stress the mother-to-be out.

"Yes," Harm said, glancing at the doctor. "Appendicitis, then peritonitis for me...then Lily decided she had to see me and left school and walked to the hospital by herself in a storm."

"Oh my goodness," she said, squeezing Mac's arm. "I hope she wasn't missing for too long?"

"Five hours," Mac said as a tear escaped down her cheek. "It took her five hours to get to the hospital and for Harm to let us know she was there."

"And is she okay? Last I saw her she was just getting the plaster off her broken ankles," she said, the scan momentarily forgotten.

'She was hospitalised overnight and then was home sick for a week. She's only just gone back to school," Harm explained as Mac seemed to be struggling with the whole thing.

"And so this pain started when? Two weeks ago?" Dr Mollison frowned and shook her head.

"No, no," Mac said quickly. "The Thursday it happened and the following day was very uncomfortable but I saw the OBGYN at the hospital and he said Braxton Hicks, it all seemed to stop by the Sunday."

"Is there something wrong?" Harm asked as the doctor recommenced the scan.

"Well, I'm seeing things I shouldn't be seeing, but I don't know what they mean at this stage," she remarked as she captured the screen image.

Turning the monitor to face Mac, she tapped at a dark mass above the baby's head.

"This here looks like the uterine lining but it's not," she said, looking at Mac.

"What is it?" asked Mac, her eyes wandering to the image of her baby below the mass.

"Best guess is a pocket of fluid," she said "But it shouldn't be there."

"Would it be enough to cause Mac's discomfort?" Harm asked, his eyes on his baby's face.

The doctor let out a deep breath. "I wouldn't have thought so, but stranger things have happened."

"So, what now?" Mac asked, not liking the uncertainty of this conversation.

"Well, let's get you cleaned up and off the table and do the rest of the tests before we make any decisions," she said, wiping Mac's abdomen.

Vital observations done and recorded and bloods drawn, Mac and Harm sat in the cafeteria downstairs on Dr Mollison's instructions to have a drink and something to eat. She would call Mac's cell the moment the results were in.

"What are you thinking, gorgeous?" Harm finally asked after seven minutes of silence.

"That we're so close to the end and I don't want to lose him now," she said, rubbing her belly.

"Him?" Harm questioned, Mac had thought it was a boy all along but Harm had never let himself get carried away with the idea of another child, let alone another son. "You sure?" he questioned, surely only a girl could be causing this much trouble.

"It's a him, I've known all along," Mac said, slowly looking up at Harm. "But I must admit I peeked at the scan we just had to confirm it."

"And it's definitely a boy?" he asked, reaching across to take her hand.

"Definitely," she said with a small smile which quickly disappeared. "And I can't lose him now."

Harm shifted his chair next to hers immediately and wrapped his arms around her.

"We are not going to lose him, okay?" he whispered fiercely. Mac just looked at him. "Okay?" he pushed.

"But what if..." she began but couldn't complete her thought.

"If we go back upstairs and Dr Mollison says the baby has to be born now then that's what will happen. But you need to remember that you only have seven weeks to go and you've done an amazing job to just carry this baby. There's no reason to think that even born early this little man won't survive," he said, resting his hand on top of hers on her belly. "Our son is a fighter. We already know that, don't we?" he said, resting his forehead on Mac's.

"We know that," she repeated, they'd had this conversation numerous times, starting when they heard of his conception.

"Okay," he whispered, kissing her forehead, at least they were on the same page.

"Guess we need a name..." Mac said tearfully. "In case he comes now...he needs a name."

Harm smiled and pulled her close. A name was a good thing to focus on.

"Do you have any ideas?" he asked, entwining his fingers with hers.

"Well, all the kids have names of people we love and respect," she said slowly.

"Yes, they do," he concurred.

"And matching names of sort – well, the girls have flowers and then Rose and Harry match for Bud and Harriet and then Lily and Harry end in 'y' and though it's Rose, we most often call her Rosie, so it's the 'y' sound again," Mac rambled. "So maybe like Harry being Harrison, maybe we should give him a longer name that can be shortened to the 'y' sound."

"And be named after someone we love and respect," Harm added.

"Aha," she said, looking up at Harm before the inspiration struck her.

"You've figured it out, haven't you?" he asked smiling at the way her face lit up.

"Only if you agree," she said, pulling him closer. "Franklin Georg. Frankie for short...named after Frank and your grandfather...I'm sure Grams would love that."

Harm nodded slowly, he liked it, he definitely did. Only one thing though, while he wasn't a fan of him own name, there was the issue of it being his father's as well.

"Would you object to Franklin Georg Harmon MacKenzie Rabb?" he asked, knowing it was a very long moniker to label a child with but also knowing this was most certainly their last baby.

"You want your name?" she asked in surprise.

"Mine...and dad's," he said quietly. "Just thinking...well, dad was a fighter too, you know?"

"He most definitely was," Mac said, kissing him gently on the lips.

With the name picked and the godparents a given, Harm swallowed down the rest of his coffee as Mac started to squirm in her seat once more.

"Need to keep moving?" he asked as he helped her stand.

"Yeah, sorry," she said, grabbing her purse.

They had just stepped out of the elevator when Mac's phone rang, it was Dr Mollison and she had the results. Only a minute later they knocked at her door.

"That was fast," she said, smiling at them.

"Well, we didn't want to be late," he said with a smile taking a seat then immediately standing when he realised Mac wasn't going to sit.

"Go ahead, sit," she said, realising what had happened. "I'm okay."

Reluctantly Harm sat down once more as Mac came to stand alongside him.

"I am okay, aren't I?" she asked the doctor.

"You're okay," Dr Mollison said slowly. "And I'm going to keep you in overnight just to make sure you stay that way."

"What?" said Harm. "Why?" said Mac, both at the same time.

"Your blood pressure is low..." she began.

"Low?" Mac interjected, "Isn't it only a problem when it's high?"

"Usually in pregnancy we only deal with complications from high blood pressure, yours being low is a little different from the norm," Dr Mollison explained. Harm managed half a smile; they were always a little different from the norm.

"And is that it?" Mac asked, "Low blood pressure?"

"Your pain is a concern," the doctor continued. "And I don't think it's related to the baby per se."

"What do you think it is?" Harm asked as Mac gripped his shoulder.

"I think it's the endometriosis. That sac of fluid is actually a cyst which goes through the lining and is attached to the wall of the uterus," she said, tapping the ultrasound on the table.

"Is that dangerous?" asked Harm, taking Mac's hand before her nails drew blood.

"Not unless it ruptures," Dr Mollison said, rounding her desk.

"And will it?" he asked, Mac too quiet for his liking.

"There's no way to know that at this stage," she replied, looking at Mac. "What I do know is that I would feel more comfortable with you here for the night and we can monitor you a little more closely; see if there's anything else happening."

"Anything else?" Mac finally asked.

"Just because we've found the cyst this time doesn't mean it's the problem," the doctor explained. "I want to put a monitor on you and junior and keep an eye on that blood pressure."

"Is it just for overnight?" Harm asked, more than happy for his wife to stay in for as long as she needed to but needing to make arrangements for his children.

"It's overnight to start with. We'll monitor for 24 hours and then re-evaluate," she said, grabbing the forms from her tray.

"What are the chances I'll have to stay longer?" Mac asked tearfully.

"Let's just get through the next 24 hours first," she said, patting Mac's arm. "This may all be nothing, but we want to err on the side of caution, don't we?"

"Yeah, we do."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Oh, if only they were mine.

Pulling up in the Roberts' driveway, Harm took a few deep breaths. He had left his wife not twenty minutes earlier after she insisted he go and see the twins, eat and rest while she got hooked up and settled in her room. Despite her words, Harm knew she was just trying to be brave and had argued that he wanted to stay with her. Shaking her head, Mac had become more insistent and in the end Harm conceded that perhaps his wife just needed some time to herself to come to terms with the events of the day.

"I'll be back after dinner," he told her as he kissed her head.

"You'd better," she had replied hugging him tightly before pushing him towards the door and bursting into tears the moment the door closed behind him.

"You planning on getting out, Uncle Harm?" AJ asked as he opened the driver's door. "Are you okay?" he quickly asked when he saw the tears in his godfather's eyes.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks," he said, undoing his seatbelt and taking the keys from the ignition.

"Where's Aunty Mac? Is she okay?" AJ asked, closing the door once Harm was out.

"She has to stay in hospital overnight," Harm said, wrapping his arm around the young man's shoulders.

"Is everything alright with the baby?" AJ asked as they climbed the stairs.

"God, I hope so," Harm said before taking a deep breath and following AJ into the house.

Squeals of delight greeted Harm as his twins ran straight to him and vied to be the first one greeted. Dropping to his knees, Harm embraced and kissed them both repeatedly, telling them how much he loved them as AJ disappeared into the kitchen.

It was clearly obvious AJ had told him mom of Mac's whereabouts by the look on her face as she entered the living room.

"Jimmy, Michael, how about you take Harry and Rosie upstairs to wash up for dinner and get your sister while you're up there?" she said, standing in the middle of the room.

Michael was about to protest but AJ shook his head so he quickly put down his game controller and grabbed Harry as Jimmy took Rose's hand.

"Sure, mom," he said as he ushered his older brother upstairs.

When the kids had reached the landing, Harriet padded over to Harm who was slowly getting to his feet.

"What's wrong?" she asked, coming to stand right in front of him, her hand resting on his arm.

"Dr Mollison wants to monitor Mac overnight," he said quietly. "Her blood pressures low and..."

"Low?" she echoed.

"Yeah, surprised us too," he said, as Harriet lead him to the kitchen and made him sit.

"And what else?" she asked, placing a glass of water in front of him.

"She wants to find the cause of Mac's pain, she found a cyst and is not sure if that's causing the problems," he said before taking a sip.

"How's Mac with all of this?" she asked, waving her hand.

"Concerned, trying to be brave..." he whispered as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"And you?" Harriet asked.

"Concerned, trying to be brave," he repeated, glancing to the doorway. "She sent me here for a bit but I want to go back in after dinner. Is it alright if..."

"Definitely, the twins can stay here for as long as necessary," Harriet whispered as the two in question came into view.

"Hopefully, it's just for tonight," he said, not knowing what they'd do if Mac was hospitalised for the remainder of her pregnancy and not wanting to think about it just yet.

It was just after seven that Harm appeared in Mac's room. Standing by the door for a few moments he watched Mac sleep before his gaze moved to the monitors surrounding her. Leaning on the door jamb he drew in some deep breaths and tried to figure out what this would all mean for them. While he had tried to convince Mac in the cafeteria earlier that day that all would be well, he couldn't convince himself.

Yes, there were only seven weeks to go.

Yes, the baby could survive being born now.

Yes, both mom and baby had the best medical care available.

But he was beginning to become overwhelmed with all the sickening aspects which had disturbed him so much at the start of the pregnancy. The main one was the guilt. While he would love and cherish the baby, none of this would be happening had he been a man and ensured Mac hadn't become pregnant in the first place.

"You're over thinking it," Mac said, breaking the silence.

"No, I'm not," he replied quickly. "Over thinking what?" he then asked.

"This," she said, gesturing to the monitors. "We're both doing okay." She placed one hand on her abdomen and reached out to her husband with the other. "All the obs so far have been good and the pain has settled."

"That's good," Harm said, taking her hand and moving in to kiss her.

"Yeah," she said, smiling tiredly.

"And how are you feeling about being in here?" he asked, pulling a chair up beside the bed.

"Ehhh," she said, moving her head from side to side. "Can't say it's my favourite thing but..."

"But you'll do it because it's what's best?" Harm finished for her and she nodded.

"Are the twins behaving themselves?" she asked to change the topic lest Harm see she wasn't at all happy about being admitted.

"Yes, they are," he said kissing her hand, "I think being spoilt rotten is the main reason for that."

"Harriet does spoil them, doesn't she?" Mac said with a smile,

"That she does," he said with a nod. "So do the other kids."

"Did you call home?" she asked, not sure what response she wanted.

"I called," he said before he paused.

"And?" she prompted when he didn't continue.

"Lily answered and I told her all was well and that you were napping but sent your love," he said, rubbing his wife's thigh.

"Did she believe you?" Mac asked tearing up.

"Yeah, she said to tell you she loved you and she hoped you got lots of rest," he said, squeezing her hand.

"Did she..." Mac faltered. "Did she have a good day at school?"

"I didn't ask, sorry," Harm apologised.

"Was she still feeling alright?" she probed. While Mac and Harm had packed her off to school the day before, the first time since she'd run away to the hospital, Lily wasn't completely 100%. However, neither parent wanted her to miss more school than necessary nor come to DC with them as staying with Harriet wasn't a reward they wanted to give her in the circumstances.

"I spoke to Mattie afterwards and she said except for Lil being a little more tired than usual when she came in from school, that she was fine and that we weren't to worry," Harm said as he tried to stifle a yawn.

"Did you tell Mattie?" Mac asked and Harm nodded.

"Yeah," he said with a sigh. "Figured she should know...just in case we don't make it home tomorrow."

"What are we going to do about that?" Mac asked, tugging Harm closer to the bed. "What are we going to do if I have to spend the next seven weeks here?"

"What do you think we should do?" Harm countered, wanting to give his wife a sense of being in charge of a situation which he knew could spin completely out of their control.

For several minutes Mac was silent.

"Mac?" Harm finally asked.

"I really don't know," she said as she sighed deeply. "I mean there's no easy answer, is there?"

Harm shook his head.

"I don't want to pull Lily out of school and move her back to DC for what could be just a matter of weeks," she began. "But I don't want her nearly three hours away from me either and not be able to see her for a week at a time."

Harm nodded; he'd been thinking the same thing.

"And I think the twins would be better being with Harriet rather than on the farm because Mattie and Colin have their own things to be doing and Grams doesn't need them underfoot but then if they are down here that might make matters worse for Lily. She might think we love them more than her," she continued.

Harm nodded once more.

"And it would be really easy for me to tell you to take the twins and go back to the farm and look after the kids – just like you'd do if we were still living in DC – and that I'd be okay here by myself and that Harriet would keep me company...but...but..." Her voice faltered and Harm moved to sit on the side of the bed.

"But what, gorgeous?" he questioned as he caressed her face.

"But..." She steeled herself with a deep breath and fought the tears stinging her eyes. "But I can't tell you that either. I know it'll sound selfish but I need you here with me and I know the kids need you too but I can't let them have you...not this time...not with so much at stake and I know that probably makes me a bad mother..."

"It doesn't make you a bad mother, it makes you a great one," Harm interjected, rubbing her belly. "And besides, there's no way I'd ever leave you here by yourself, so don't even try to send me away. I'll drive to the farm and back daily if that's what it takes but there is no way I am going to let you go through this by yourself. I love you too damn much for that!"

"Oh, Harm," she whimpered as her tears fell.

Instantly, Mac was wrapped in his warm and comforting embrace. She didn't need to see his face to know there were tears on his cheek too.

It was Dr Mollison who sent Harm home just before ten as she was doing a final check on Mac before heading off herself for the night after being caught with a last minute surgery.

Lying in his own bed all alone, in a silent house, Harm couldn't settle. While often he was desperate for even a few minutes of peace and quiet it was killing him that there wasn't another heartbeat around the house. Climbing out of bed, he padded through the house checking the kids' bedrooms just as he would have if they were there. In Lily's room he picked up one of her dolls she had left behind and carried it with him as he walked around the rest of the house.

In the living room he flicked on the television, found the sports channel and sunk into the armchair. Feeling a little cold, Harm pulled the throw rug from the sofa and spread it over himself before tucking Carly, the doll, in beside him. Just as his heavy eyelids closed his cell rang and suddenly he was wide awake once more.

"Rabb," he stated, scrambling to his feet in case it was Mac and he was needed back at Bethesda.

"Hello, Harm," came his mother's voice, and he slumped back into the chair.

"Hi, mom," he said wearily.

"What's going on with Mac?" she asked, getting straight to the point.

"How...?" he began to ask but his mother cut him off.

"I called the farm and Mattie told me she was hospitalised but then Lily came in and she couldn't talk," Trish explained. "So, what's happening?"

Over the next few minutes Harm explained the facts as he knew them and told her that he'd call her the following day as soon as he knew anything else. He also promised his mother he would try and sleep, not that either of them expected he would be successful.

With the phone call over, Harm decided on a hot shower hoping it would relax him enough to enable him to sleep. Climbing back into bed, he propped Carly on Mac's pillow feeling stupid he was taking a doll to bed but feeling better there was someone alongside him.

Sleep came eventually and was surprisingly peaceful.

The news from Dr Mollison the following afternoon was pretty simple, Mac needed bed rest. While she conceded that she didn't need to remain in hospital for this to happen, she did say that Mac needed to remain in DC and gave the usual spiel about no lifting, no strenuous activity, including sex, and pretty much none of anything except lying down or sitting up.

While it was the news Mac was half expecting she didn't like it. She wanted to be with her three babies while waiting for the fourth. She wanted to hug and hold and kiss whomever she wanted whenever she wanted. She wanted to be home...on the farm...with the baby and for all of this uncertainty to be over.

By the time Mac was discharged from the hospital it was already near dinner time and she and Harm headed to the Roberts house. When Harry and Rose came running towards her with their arms outstretched and calling her name, she dropped to her knees and hugged them both, smiling widely. It was her first genuine smile in days.

Peppering them both with kisses and declaring her love and how much she had missed them, Mac kept them both tight in her embrace.

"They're excited to see you," Harm said, squatting down by her and it was then the twins realised their daddy was there as well and quickly moved to him,

Scooping them both up as he stood, Harm settled a child on each hip. With Harry's arms around his neck, Harm was able to extend his hand and help Mac stand. Mac came to them and rubbed the backs of her toddlers, more than content to be here with her family...well, part of her family anyway.

When Harriet came from the kitchen and announced dinner was ready the twins both squealed; having mommy and daddy there was great but spaghetti for dinner with Aunty Harriet's meatballs was something special indeed – especially when you'd helped make them.

After dinner, while Harriet and Mac sat in the kitchen drinking tea, and the twins were being entertained by the older children. Harm slipped into the study and called the farm. It was Colin who picked up and Harm explained the news and that neither he nor Mac knew what the best arrangements would be. When Colin explained that Mattie and Lily were next door at the Anderson's Harm cringed. He knew the news about not coming home should come from him but it would have to come from Colin instead.

At the end of the call, Harm asked Colin if he or Mattie could see their way clear to driving Lily back to DC the following evening, after school, so she could see Mac and they could explain whatever they had decided then. Colin readily agreed.

With nothing in the way of food in their house and with the twins seemingly settled with Harriet, Mac took her up on the offer of allowing them to stay a second night just while she and Harm figured out what they were going to do and prepare the house a bit more. And while she had been fine about leaving them and had tucked them in and kissed them goodnight without tears before they left, Mac succumbed in the car and tears ran unchecked down her cheeks.

It didn't take long for Harm to realise his wife was in distress and he pulled the car over before reaching out, picking up her hand and kissing it.

"We can go back and get them?" Harm said quietly as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head.

"No," Mac said with a sniff. "They're settled for the night. It's okay."

"If it's okay, then why the tears?" he asked, using his finger to raise her face to his.

"Because..." was all she managed before she started to cry once more.

Knowing there was no real solution to Mac's tears; Harm pulled the car back onto the road and drove home with her hand still in his. When they arrived home, Harm drew a warm bath for her and watched as she got in. Repositioning a rolled towel for her neck, Harm made sure she was comfortable before he kissed her forehead and left her alone.

"Harm," Mac whispered as he reached the door. He turned around slowly. "I love you very much."

"I love you too, gorgeous," he replied with a weary smile.

With the house too quiet for his liking, Harm found the small stack of least favourite CDs they had left behind and picked a summer mix one from three years previous. Grabbing Lily's Barbie CD player from her room, he placed it on the TV and plugged it in.

With the disc in place, he pressed play and adjusted the volume so it wasn't too loud but so Mac could enjoy it too. Then he picked up his cell and called the farm once more. This time it was Mattie.

"How's Mac?" she asked without greeting.

"Taking a bath," he replied, suppressing a yawn.

"Yeah, but how is she?" Mattie repeated.

"Physically, she's doing okay. Emotionally, well, that's another story," he answered honestly.

"And how are you doing, Harm?" she asked as she leant back on Colin.

"Much the same as Mac I guess," he replied. He was too fatigued to worry about playing positive for the sake of it.

"I know Mac has to take it easy but so do you, Harm," she said sternly. "After all, you are not long out of hospital and the doctor said..."

"I know, I know," he said quietly, fighting back his tears.

Realising he was close to breaking, Mattie changed tack. "Colin will pick Lily up from school and take her there tomorrow. They should be there for dinner. He'll come back first thing Saturday as he promised the Anderson's he'd help them out. Grams and I will come down to see you both Saturday afternoon. What do you need us to bring?"

It was late and he was tired and emotional and couldn't really think clearly enough to put together a list of items right now.

"Mac and I will put a list together and email it to you tomorrow," he said finally.

"Okay," Mattie said with a nod. "Give Mac our love and tell her we'll see her soon."

"I will, Mats," he said yawning.

"We love you too, Harm. Now go and get some sleep," she said sternly.

"Yes, ma'am."

After disconnecting Mattie's call, Harm made a second one. One he was trying to put off but figured he should get over and done with.

"Hey, mom..."

Over the next fifteen minutes Harm explained everything as he knew it about his own recovery, about the baby and especially about Mac. He answered every one of his mother's questions truthfully and the only thing he tried to hide was the fact he was scared to death as to how the following two months would unfold.

When his mom asked 'the' question, Harm's tears fell.

"Mom, we really don't know what we're going to do," he said quietly, lest Mac hear him. "It'll kill Mac not to have Lily here but she's got school and we don't want to have to pull her out for two months...and putting her back in her old school isn't fair on her either...I mean, it was so hard for her to leave in December, I couldn't put her through that again. And while I could do a round trip between here and her school in just under two hours each way, I don't want her to have to travel that far everyday...and back...and I can't be away from Mac for that long...and then there's the twins..."

"We'll be there in the morning," Trish interrupted.

"Mom, you don't have to..." he began but stopped. "That'll be really good. Thank you."

When the call was concluded, Trish hung up and turned to Frank who already had the cases by the door and the online ticket printouts in his hand. They had made the flight arrangements after Trish's phonecall the night before.

"He didn't fight you on it?" he asked surprised. The boy always argued such things.

"He started to but then stopped and said, 'That'll be really good. Thank you.'" she said.

"Doesn't sound like him at all," Frank observed, as his wife went through her handbag.

"No, it doesn't," she said, grabbing a Kleenex.

"I'm sure it will be alright." Frank reassured her with a quick kiss to her cheek.

"Yes, it will!" she said adamantly. "And we're going to make sure of it."


	8. Chapter 8

It was one of Harm's worst night's sleep in a long time. Painfully tired, he was disturbed by any chance of sleep by Mac. Uncomfortable and discontent with the whole situation, she spent her time trying to talk to him and figure out what they were going to do for the next two months, crying, trying to sleep and repositioning herself in their bed. Harm spent his time listening, reassuring her, holding her, kissing her, rubbing her back and trying to sleep.

Sometime around four, Harm got up for a trip to the bathroom and a glass of water. He didn't really need either, what he did need was five minutes away from his wife in the hope that she'd settle down and fall asleep. It worked and when he climbed back in she had drifted off. Sighing deeply, he settled back into his space and closed his eyes before feeling the bed move and Mac slip into his arms.

Thinking it was only minutes later, Harm muttered a string of obscenities when he heard the doorbell buzzing repeatedly. Sliding out of bed, careful not to wake Mac, he opened his bedroom door and was assaulted by the daylight filling the rest of the house. Glancing at the living room clock, Harm was surprised to find it had already gone nine.

Opening the door before the bell was pressed again, Harm was greeted by his parents bearing breakfast provisions for them all.

"Did we wake you, darling?" Trish asked after greetings and hugs had been exchanged and Harm nodded.

"Mac's still asleep though," he said as he inhaled the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee in Frank's hands.

"Feel free to go back to bed, son," the older man said. "You do look exhausted."

"It's been a long night," Harm admitted. "But I think I'd rather get this day underway and get a few things sorted...so, if one of those coffees is for me, I'd really appreciate it."

While Trish sat with her son in the kitchen and watched him as he ate and drank, Frank grabbed their cases and bags from the hire car and stashed them in the study before joining them.

"Have you come up with any plans for Lily and the twins while you are back in DC?" Frank asked quietly as he sat next to his wife.

"No," Harm said, shaking his head. "Have about a hundred scenarios racing through my head and none are great."

"Well, we've been giving it some thought," Frank said, "And I've come up with one scenario I think might work," he added tentatively.

"And what's that?" Harm asked looking between his parents.

"Well, on Sunday, we'll take the twins and Lily back to the farm and stay there," he began. Harm went to interject but decided to hear the man out. "Wednesday, we'll bring them back for the night. Thursday morning, I'll take Lily back to school and leave your mom and the twins here and come back here. Colin or Mattie can bring Lily back on Friday afternoon and then we go on from there. That way, you don't have to leave Mac alone and Lily can stay in school. It will also mean you'll have nearly three quiet days without the kids and both get your rest."

Harm sat in silence for a few minutes and contemplated what had been offered. While he knew Mac would hate any scenario which didn't see all three children with her every day, he had to concede that this one was better than anything he had come up with.

"Don't feel you have to agree," Frank said when Harm hadn't spoken. "It was just..."

"I think it's the way to go," Harm said slowly. "It's certainly better than anything I'd thought of. But...ah... it's a lot to ask of the two of you. I mean this isn't just for a week...we're talking about months..."

"And so are we," Trish said taking his hand. "You know Frank and I usually go away for our major holiday at this time of year. We've just changed cruising the Caribbean to splitting our time between the farm and DC."

"Think I'd rather the Caribbean," Harm said with a chuckle.

"There's always next year for that. This year, this is where we want to be," Frank said, reaching across the table and patting his arm. "Besides it will hardly be relaxing to go and spend the time stressing over what's happening here."

"Well, it's got my vote," Harm said with a yawn. "Just have to see what Mac says."

Ten minutes later, Trish had sent Harm back to bed to get some more sleep and sent her husband out to pick up groceries and run a few other errands. Once the men had departed, she went on a cleaning spree with a duster and cloth making sure the place was as dust free as possible. A rather onerous task given it hadn't been cleaned since the move to the farm.

When Mac finally forced her eyes open it was 1043 and she couldn't believe they were both still asleep especially when there were things to do. Looking up into her husband's face, Mac noticed just how tired he looked and decided to slip out of bed and let him sleep as long as he could.

It was hard to figure out who gave who the bigger fright when she and Trish literally ran into each other, one going into the kitchen, one coming out. After the initial gasps had quietened and heartbeats had returned to normal, Trish made Mac sit at the table and set out the breakfast pastries for her before making her a cup of tea and sitting with her.

As Mac ate, Trish told her of Frank's suggestion and of Harm's thinking about it and about the Caribbean and of their preference and Mac simply nodded.

"So, that's alright with you?" Trish finally asked, surprised Mac was so readily accepting of it.

"Well, it's better than anything I could come up with," she said as she wiped the crumbs from her mouth. "I mean, I'd love to see the kids every day, but I know it's not possible. This way it's only Monday and Tuesday I don't see them."

"That's right, and that will mean two days of complete rest for you," Trish said, patting her hand.

There was a long silence before Mac slowly looked up at Trish, tears filling her eyes.

"What is it, sweetheart?" Trish asked, taking Mac's hand in hers.

"It's going to turn out alright, isn't it?" she asked in a tiny voice. Her head knew Trish couldn't make promises and guarantees but her heart was desperate for a mother's reassurance.

"Oh, of course it is, Sarah," she said pulling her chair closer to Mac's and embracing her. "It will all work out just fine. You just wait and see, honey." She stroked Mac's head and when she realised she was crying, held her closer. "It's going to be alright, Sarah," she reassured her, kissing her head. "In two months you'll be nursing your baby and wondering what all the fuss was about."

Mac pulled back and Trish took a napkin and wiped away her daughter-in-law's tears.

"It's a boy, you know," Mac whispered, her eyes holding Trish's. "We weren't going to tell anyone...but it's a boy."

"Oh, how wonderful," Trish exclaimed, kissing Mac's cheek. "Another grandson. We're well and truly blessed." Mac nodded.

"And he's going to be healthy and perfect and just amazing," Mac said, her voice shaky.

"Yes, he is," Trish agreed rubbing Mac's back. "And so are you, honey, so are you."

It was enough to cause Mac's tears to cascade once more and Trish held her tightly. When the tears had subsided, Trish stood up and helped Mac up before smoothing Mac's hair down.

"You, my darling, are exhausted and I'm sending you back to bed," Trish said, wrapping an arm around her waist and leading her out of the kitchen. "You need to rest and there's nothing that needs to be done that I can't do."

Mac nodded and smiled tearfully. This is what she had always wanted - a mom.

Someone who understood.

Someone she could confide in.

Someone who loved her unconditionally.

Harm was absolutely wonderful and the love of her life and she wouldn't change that for the world but, at this time, she needed a mom.

Just as they reached the bedroom door, Trish let go.

"Sleep well, Sarah," she said, squeezing her arm.

"Ah...um..." she began but nothing followed.

"What is it?" Trish asked, turning Mac around to face her.

"Ah, um...I just wanted to say thank you...for everything," she said as she embraced her mother-in-law.

"You are more than welcome, honey, but you don't have to thank me," she said, rubbing Mac's back. "I do it because I love you, Sarah."

"I love you too, mom," she said as her tears fell once more. Slowly, she looked up at Trish to find tears on her face as well. "You don't mind me calling you that...do you? If you don't..."

"I love you calling me that, Sarah," Trish said, hugging her once more. "I am very proud to have you call me mom."

"Thank you, mom," Mac whispered.

It had been nearly forty years since she had said 'I love you, mom' and despite feeling exhausted and terribly emotional, her heart was much lighter and she smiled as she drifted off to sleep once more.

When Mac next awoke she felt calm and content. Looking up, she smiled at her husband who was looking down at her. Dragging her right arm out of the confines between them, she wrapped it around him and snuggled in closer.

"Hey, gorgeous," he croaked as he kissed her head.

"Hey, yourself," she replied, pressing a kiss to his neck. "How are you feeling?"

"Aren't I supposed to be asking you that?" he said with a smile and Mac laughed.

"I'm feeling a lot better now that I've had some more sleep and that mom's here," she said almost shyly.

"You spoke to them?" Harm said, yawning.

"Only mom," she said again, hoping he'd pick up on the absence of 'your' this time. He didn't.

"Did she tell you of their suggestion?" he asked, running his hand around her back.

"Yeah, she did," Mac said with a nod. "I think it's the best way. Anyway, we can try it and if it doesn't work we'll just have to come up with something else."

"Oh, that reminds me," he said, scrubbing a hand over his face. "I told Mattie I'd email her a list of things to bring down with her tomorrow...so we'll have to do that soon. It'll give her a chance to organise it."

"We'll do it after lunch," she said with a yawn before stretching and sitting up.

'Okay," Harm agreed copying her actions.

While her husband went to shower, Mac pulled on some sweats knowing she was going to spend the day in and out of bed. Padding into the bathroom, she ran the brush through her hair, watching her husband shower in the mirror. Grinning to herself, Mac thought all sorts of naughty things about the naked man behind her, and then chastised herself for getting herself worked up when there would be no horizontal action for probably three months. That thought along was enough to make her groan.

"You okay?" Harm asked as he stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel waiting for him.

"Aha," she replied, not daring to look at his wet, hard body.

"You sure?" he checked. "You look a little flushed." He stepped closer and rubbed his thumb over the swell of her cheek, concern on his face.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said closing her eyes and breathing deeply.

"Mac..." he drawled, completely unsure of what was going on.

"Really, I'm fine," she said opening her eyes. "Was just getting a little hot and bothered," she admitted biting down on her bottom lip.

"Oh," he said knowingly. "That won't help matters, will it?"

"Not at all," she replied.

"Well, I might just take my incredibly sexy body out into the bedroom, I don't want to tempt you any further," he chuckled, wiggling his bare six as he went and left Mac laughing.

Hair and teeth done and fully dressed, Mac walked into the bedroom and headed for the door.

"Hang on a minute," Harm said, grabbing her hand as she moved by him.

"What's up?" she asked as he drew her closer so she stood between his legs as he sat on the end of the bed.

"You called my mom, mom, not your mom," he said quietly. "Or did I mishear."

"Ah, no...we talked before...about things and ah...she said she loved me and I...um...I um said 'I love you too, mom'," Mac started hesitantly. "And then I checked with her and she said it was okay to call her mom but I guess I should have checked with you first and made sure..."

"It's definitely okay with me," he said as his arms wrapped around her waist.

"Are you sure?" she checked and he nodded. "Good...because...well, it just felt..."

"What did it feel like?" he asked when words seemed to fail her.

"Just felt right..." Mac said with a contented sigh. "You know...like all the pieces falling into place."

"I know," he said, standing and kissing her nose. He'd felt that way with Frank...Frank... "So, will you be calling Frank dad too?"

"Yeah, I will, if it's alright with him," she amended quickly.

"Oh, I'm sure it will be," Harm said, as they walked towards the bedroom door. "Especially when you tell him he's going to have a grandson named after him."

"I told your mom we're having a boy..." Mac admitted. "That okay?"

"Sure is," Harm said kissing her briefly and looking into her soft and contented eyes. He nodded; right now, anything she wanted to do, however she wanted to do, was alright by him.

Making their way from the bedroom, they met Trish coming from Lily's bedroom.

"Well, you two look a little more refreshed," she said, one hand on her hip. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thanks, mom," Mac said as she let go of her husband and kissed Trish's cheek.

"Yeah, me too," Harm said as he did the same, before wrapping an arm around his mother and walking to the living room where they exchanged similar greetings with Frank.

Sitting on the sofa, Mac settled into Harm and propped her feet up on the coffee table.

"So, Trish tells me we're having another grandson," Frank said as he handed Mac a cup of tea and sat in the armchair.

"Yeah," Mac said with a smiled, rubbing the bump with her free hand.

"Well, I think that's the best news we've had in a long time," he said as Trish entered with Harm's coffee and a plate of sandwiches for the pair to share for lunch.

"So do we," Harm said, dropping a kiss on Mac's head. "We've thought it all along...actually, Mac thought it from day one, but it was confirmed on the last scan."

"You've done well, son, two of each. A double pigeon pair," Frank said, "We're very proud of the both of you."

"Well, given the odds, I'm very proud of us too," Mac said as she gave Harm her tea to put on the side table.

As she handed over the cup she locked eyes with her husband and nodded slightly towards Frank...now was a good as time as any to share the other news and Mac wanted Harm to do it.

"Ah...um...there's something else we'll be proud of," Harm started slowly, looking at his wife for final confirmation. Mac picked up his hand and kissed it.

"What's that, honey?" Trish asked, putting down her cup.

"Mac and I discussed names and we have chosen our son's names," he said, gently placing a hand over the unborn boy in question. "We wanted to give him names which reflected the traits and people we love and admire..."

"Great idea," Frank said. "What did you come up with?"

"Well, if it's alright with you, we want to name our son Franklin Georg Harmon MacKenzie Rabb," he said in a barely audible voice.

"Franklin Georg Harmon MacKenzie Rabb," Frank muttered stunned.

"We'd call him Frankie for short. I know it's a mouthful of a name but this one is most definitely our last and we wanted the names to be perfect," Mac said as she squeezed her husband's hand. "That, of course, is if it's alright with you...dad."

Frank didn't know what to say. He'd been called dad by his daughter-in-law and been given the honour of having a grandson named after him. He wasn't sure which was better, all he did know was his heart felt about ten times bigger and there was a lump constricting his throat.

A million years ago he had held his baby girl, Beth, and imagined the day she'd call him daddy, a day which had tragically never eventuated. Now, in his seventies, he'd finally heard that precious word directed at him. And then there was the matter of baby Frankie – that thought was completely overwhelming and he quickly got to his feet and went out the back before anyone could see the tears streaming down his face.

Trish stood to follow but Harm shook his head. "No, I'll do it, mom," he said, untangling himself from Mac.

"No, actually, I'll go," Mac said, leaning on Harm to stand up. "I'll be fine," she said, answering the question in his eyes.

It didn't take long for Mac to find Frank sitting out on the back porch and she padded over to him.

"May I sit?" she asked, pointing to the top step beside him and Frank nodded, taking her hand helping her sit down next to him.

For a few moments there was silence as Mac slipped her hand into Frank's and sat looking at the yard which was looking a little overgrown.

"If you don't..." she started but Frank shook his head.

"I am very, very honoured about the baby," he started in a very shaky voice. "And about you calling me dad..."

"If you..." Mac began again.

"May I tell you a story, Sarah?" he asked, squeezing her hand and Mac nodded. "I'm not sure if you know that I was married before Trish." Mac nodded. "Did you also know that my wife and I had a baby girl?" Mac shook her head.

"Harm never told me he had a step sister," Mac said incredulously, turning to face Frank.

"Well, that's because he doesn't... Beth, my daughter, died when she was three months old in the same accident which claimed her mother," he said, coughing to clear his throat.

"Oh, I'm so sorry...F... dad," she said, rubbing his arm.

"And so am I, Sarah," he said with a nod. "In those precious months I had with her I imagined what it would be like when she reached those milestones – you know, first called me daddy, first walked...even what it would be like on her wedding day...and the grandchildren she'd give me...a lifetime of hopes and dreams in just three short months and then bang! They were gone."

Mac wiped her hand across her cheeks in an effort to stop the tears, it didn't work.

"And, I've been blessed since...I got Trish... and Harm... and you," he said, tearfully. "I have considered you my daughter since the day I met you and knew you'd end up with that stubborn son of mine...and I got to see you get married, and I got the grandchildren I had dreamed of... and today...today... I...ah...today I got called dad by my daughter."

Having no words to express herself, Mac just cried and Frank wrapped an arm around her and drew her close. She couldn't believe how much that one word had meant to him.

When she was suitably composed, Mac held Frank's hand in hers and rested her head against his shoulder.

"Can I tell you a story?" she said, looking up briefly to see Frank nod. "I have had a lifetime of dealing with memories of parents who were abusive and who abandoned me. Growing up was very traumatic and it has left scars I still deal with on a daily basis. It's what drives me to be the best mother I can for my children and, although I know I'll make mistakes, I love them unconditionally and that is something I can say my parents didn't ... they didn't love me unconditionally. And I was alright with it...or I thought I was. But having Lily...and then the twins...and now this one, I realised just how much I missed having a mom and dad who loved me and could support me...and Harm's been wonderful, he's just amazing and I know he loves me but parental love is a different thing and this morning when I was talking to Trish she said she loved me and I told her I loved her too...and called her mom...And I realised I have that parental love. You and Trish have always been there for me...just like you are now and I finally feel that it's all going to be alright because I have my mom and dad with me."

"And you'll always have us, Sarah, and we'll always love you," he said as he kissed her head. "Unconditionally."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: still not mine

For a while Mac and Frank sat in contented silence, enjoying the new closeness of this relationship.

"I think we were both very blessed to find them," Mac said, nodding towards the house where Harm and Trish still were.  
"So do I," Frank agreed. "But you know what? I also think they were lucky to find us too, we're quite a catch." Mac chuckled.

The door behind them creaked open and Harm appeared. Taking in the situation, he jumped from the porch and stood in front of his still tearful wife.  
"Everything okay?" he asked looking between the pair.  
"Aha," Mac replied, taking Harm's hand and kissing it. "Everything's just perfect."  
"I'm glad to hear," he replied, resting his hand on her knee. "When you're ready, there are two little people in the living room desperate to see their mommy and grandpa."  
Frank got to his feet and kissed Mac's head. "I might just go and say hello first," he said. "Give you a minute..."  
"Thanks, dad," she said, squeezing his hand. "I appreciate it."  
"Oh, it's purely selfish," he said with a laugh. "Once they see you they won't care about anyone else."

Once Frank had gone, Mac reached out and linked her arms around her husband's neck before resting her head on his shoulder and sighing deeply.  
"Tell me the truth," he whispered. "Are you really okay? That all seemed very emotional."  
"Yes, it was extremely emotional, but I am really okay," she said, placing a kiss on his neck. "Actually, I feel ... at ease..."  
"At ease," he echoed, not too sure what that meant.  
"Yeah, at ease," she repeated. "It feels like everything is right with the world."  
"I'm very glad to hear that," he whispered, kissing her head.

Deciding against asking her what she and Frank had spoken about, Harm settled for kissing her and expressing his love and care in a more physical manner.  
"Guess I should go see the twins," she said dreamily when she eventually pulled back from his kiss; her eyes glazed and lips swollen.  
"Guess you should," he agreed, kissing her nose before helping her up and guiding her back into the house.

Making their way inside, Mac greeted Harriet who was in the kitchen stacking the freezer with meals and goodies she had prepared. Mac couldn't have been more thankful, she loved Harriet's cooking and knew that Harm would insist on preparing every meal from here on in and there was only so much of his cooking she could tolerate – Harriet's on the other hand...that's something she could live on for the rest of her life.

Entering the living room alone as Harm stayed with Harriet, Mac was the immediate centre of attention as Rose came hurtling at her and grabbed onto her mommy's leg.  
"Whoa, honey!" she said, dropping down to her level. "You'll knock mommy over."  
"Mommy, mommy, mommy," she chanted as she threw her arms around Mac's neck and squeezed tightly.  
"Rosie, Rosie, Rosie," Mac imitated, kissing the child's head. "Are you happy to be home?"  
"Love mommy," Rose said, squeezing her again.  
"Mommy loves Rosie too," she replied dropping a kiss on the child's nose.

Using the back of the sofa for leverage, Mac stood and took Rose's hand ready to lead her around to the chair for a proper cuddle when Harry emerged from his bedroom with Frank.  
"Mommy!" he squealed before sprinting towards her. In his haste, his little legs couldn't go as fast as he anticipated and he went head first striking his head off the side table.

Holding his breath in shock, he stared up at her with eyes wide open and his lip trembling.  
"Harry, baby, oh no," Mac said falling to the floor beside him and scooping him into her lap the best she could. "It's okay, baby, it's okay." Catching his breath, Harry let his anguish be known and his distressed screams echoed through the house.  
"Ssh, ssh," Mac soothed, hugging him and kissing him as Harm ran from the kitchen to see had happened. He dropped to his knees in front of the pair as Frank filled him in on the incident.  
"You're okay, honey," Harm soothed as he tried to inspect his son's face. He grimaced when he spied a darkening bruise on his forehead complete with a small cut and trickle of blood. "You're okay, sweetie," he repeated, grabbing a tissue and dabbing the spot gently.

Harry became more distressed as his father tended to the wound and clung desperately to his mother. The distress of her twin was enough to reduce Rose to a teary mess and she pushed at Harm to get him to stop hurting her brother. "Stop!" she ordered as Harry cried louder.  
"Daddy's just fixing Harry's boo-boo," Harriet said, scooping up the child so Harm could continue his work.  
"Harry sad," she said tearfully to Harriet as she pointed to her sibling.  
"Yes, he is," Harriet agreed, holding the child close to her. "But I think a Popsicle might make him feel better. Let's go get him one."

The pair disappeared into the kitchen as Harm scooped up Harry and Frank helped Mac to her feet. It was clear to everyone that Harry was not going to settle until he was in his mother's arms once more, so Mac eased herself onto the sofa before Harm positioned Harry with her the best he could and Trish appeared with a wet face washer to soothe him.

Harm sat by his wife's legs and rubbed his son's back with one hand while covering his wife's hand with the other. When the cries had subsided to a few muffled sobs, Harm stood and kissed both their heads.  
"Back in a minute," he whispered before kissing Mac's forehead again and disappearing down the hall.

Mac wondered about him for a moment before Rose came back into the room and thrust a lemonade Popsicle at her twin.  
"Popsi dil," she said proudly as she offered her brother the ice treat. Harry just slunk further into his mother so Mac took the treat for him.  
"Thank you very much, Rose," Mac said. "I'm sure Harry will love it."  
"Harry still sad," Rose said with a pout as she looked at him.  
"Yes," Mac agreed. "He has a big boo-boo on his forehead."  
"Poor Harry," Rose said, pressing up on tiptoes to kiss her brother.

Harry lay very quietly under the watchful eye of his mother and sister, not quite ready for his Popsicle. Harriet was still in the kitchen while Trish and Frank sat in the opposite armchairs and watched the little family interaction. A couple of times Mac looked towards the hallway Harm had disappeared down hoping to see him re-emerge, but he didn't.

When Frank caught the concerned look on Mac's face as she peered down the empty hallway once more, he stood.  
"I'll just go check," he announced and Mac smiled thankfully.

Harm was easy enough to find, he was sitting on the end of their bed, Mac's sweater balled in his hands. Without speaking, Frank entered, closed the door and took a seat beside him. When Harm said nothing, Frank decided he would.  
"That would have given you a hell of a fright, son," he said, looking at the sweater as Harm played with it.  
"Yeah, it did," he said, with a nod.  
"Kids at his age are always bumping into things and falling over, you know that," Frank said, resting his hand on Harm's forearm.  
"Yeah, I do," he replied quietly. "And Harry's pretty resilient, by the time Lily gets here he'll be running around like a lunatic."  
"Yes, he will," Frank agreed. Silence fell once more. "So, tell me, why are you hiding out in here?"

Slowly, Harm turned his head and looked at his father. "Think it was just the last straw..." his voice trailed.  
"What do you mean?" he questioned, locking his gaze on his son.  
"It's just been one thing after another...this past year...Mac, Lily, Mac, the rock fall, the pregnancy, my operation, Lily running away and being sick, us needing to stay in DC now...not to mention the retirement and move..." he rambled, trying to get to the point.

When Harm stopped talking Frank didn't speak, waiting instead for the younger man to actually voice the problem.

It took a few minutes.

"I know Harry will be fine..." he said as a precursor to what was on his mind. "I just wonder how many things can get thrown at us before things don't turn out fine."

Frank still didn't speak.

"I want to think positive about it all...some days it's just not all that easy," he said, his voice trailing.

"It's been a hell of a year," Frank said, as he wrapped his arm around Harm's shoulders.  
"Aha," he said, his head dropping.  
"But the thing you've got to remember, son, is everyone is still here. Granted with a few more bumps and bruises like young Harry out there but still here, still strong," he said, pulling Harm closer to him.  
"And what about the baby?" Harm said solemnly. "He's not here yet..."  
"Give him time," Frank said. "He's not due for another seven weeks; he isn't done cooking, as an aunt of mine would say. In a couple of months you'll all be back on the farm. Baby Frankie will be waking the house with his crying at night, you'll be grumbling about lack of sleep when you go to get him for his 2:00AM feed and all will be right with the world."  
"You really think so?" Harm asked, doubt evident in his voice.  
"With all my heart, son, with all my heart."

Meanwhile, in the living room, Harry had finally settled and was sitting with his mother eating his Popsicle. Harriet had brought in the small first aid kit and he now had a Wiggles bandaid across the cut and the general trauma of the incident had subsided. Hearing a noise Mac looked up to see Frank making his way towards them.  
"How's our boy?" he asked, sitting alongside Mac.  
"He's doing okay. Just needed a whole lot of mommy's TLC," Mac said, looking down at Harry. "How's our other boy?" she asked, looking to the bedroom.  
"Well, he's doing okay too," Frank said, not taking his eyes off Harry. "But if this young man will sit with someone else, I think he..." Frank nodded towards the bedroom "...could do with some of your TLC too."

Mac nodded and gently encouraged Harry to sit with his grandpa, which he did willingly. After pushing herself up off the sofa, she pressed a kiss onto Harry's head.  
"Anything specific I should know?" she asked Frank very quietly.  
"No," he said with a shake of his head. "Just everything catching up with him."

Opening the bedroom door, Mac found Harm exactly where Frank had. Closing the door behind her, she padded over and stood between his legs before wrapping him in a big hug and holding him as close as she could. Resting his head on her breast, Harm wrapped his arms around her waist before sighing deeply. Nothing was said.

It was several long minutes later that Harm finally spoke.  
"Sorry, Mac," he said, looking up at her, guilt in his eyes.  
"What for?" she asked, rubbing his back.  
"This," he simply said.  
"This what?" she probed. As far as she was concerned the man had nothing to apologise for.  
"I'm supposed to be taking care of you," he said, dropping his hands and taking a deep breath.  
"No, we are supposed to be taking care of each other," she gently corrected.

He nodded and Mac pulled him closer to her again.  
"It all gets a bit much at times, doesn't it?" she said for him. "Especially when you're not feeling 100%, right?" He nodded but didn't speak.  
"But what we have to remember is that things have always turned out for us...granted it's taken its own sweet time, but it has worked out in the end and there's nothing to suggest this won't work out too," she said, unwrapping one hand from him to caress her belly.  
"I love you, Sarah MacKenzie Rabb," Harm said, looking up at her with watery eyes.  
"And I love you too, Harmon MacKenzie Rabb," she echoed reaching down and kissing his nose. While it wasn't the norm, Harm had taken her name when they got married, just as she had taken his. "And right now, I think we are going to climb into bed and just chill for a bit."  
"What about everyone out there?" he asked, looking towards the door.  
"They won't mind," she said, peeling away from him and rounding the bed to her side. "And they know where to find us if they need us."

Seeing his wife in bed was the only encouragement that Harm needed to toe off his shoes and climb on his own side. Normally, Mac would settle with her head on his chest and he would hold her tightly but this time she encouraged him to settle lower in the bed, his head pressed against her chest, her arms surrounding him. In the quietness of the room, he had to admit, if only to himself, that this was the most comfortable he had been in a long time.

Inhaling deeply, Harm took in the scent of his wife and exhaled slowly. Wrapping one arm around Mac, he sighed contentedly as her fingers ran through his hair and lightly grazed his scalp. If Mac could be this relaxed so could he, he told himself. With her constant ministrations and the sound of her steady heartbeat beneath his ear, Harm drifted off once more.

For the next forty five minutes, Mac held and caressed him, resisting sleep to ensure her husband stayed asleep and comforted. When the bedroom door squeaked open, she looked up to find Trish poking her head through the gap.  
"Hey," Mac whispered, as her hand continued its travel around his back.  
"Hi, sweetheart," Trish whispered in reply. "How are things?"  
"Good," she replied. "At least I think it's good."  
"I came to tell you that there's good news and bad news. Colin called, there's a pile up on the interstate and they'll be delayed about an hour..." Trish started.  
"That's the bad news, right?" Mac checked, these days she couldn't be too sure.  
"Right!" Trish concurred quickly. "The good news is Lily wanted Romano's for dinner..."

Mac grimaced; she loved Romano's but she couldn't go out and they didn't deliver.  
"So, Frank called them and explained the situation and all, and Bruno said he'd do all your favourites as a treat. They'll be ready at six and Frank will pick them up," she explained in hush tones.  
"Ohhh, mmmm, yummmm," Mac moaned, she could already taste the crispy garlic bread and the fettuccini marinara.  
"Mmmmm," groaned Harm and Mac looked down at him. "Yummm," he muttered as he repositioned himself.  
"Sounds like they're Harm's favourite too," Trish said with a giggle.

Harm's groaning had nothing to do with food everything to do with his wife's moan. Well skilled, and practiced, at physically responding to her even when not fully awake, Harm slipped his hand down Mac's back and under the band of her sweatpants and underwear. Once his hand was firmly cupping her butt he murmured contentedly. Settled for a few minutes, Harm's hand then began to move around inside her underwear. Pressing her arm down on top of the covers over his, Mac tried to still his actions without alerting Trish to the antics of her son. It seemed to work and Harm retracted his hand.

However, when that same hand slipped under her top and caressed her breast, Mac couldn't help the gasp that escaped. Trish giggled and went to back out of the bedroom.

As she did, Harm's actions became more amorous and Mac's actions became more obvious in trying to stop him.  
"Now you know where Harry gets it from," Trish said with a chuckle, referencing Harry's long term affection for his mother's breasts. "It went as far as his food, you know. Every other child would go for a drumstick whenever there was chicken on offer – Harm always went for the breast...things haven't changed."

Mac blushed; more for the embarrassment she knew her husband would experience when told of this experience. When Harm manoeuvred himself to be further up her body, he started placing languid kisses on her skin.  
"I'll call you when Lily gets here," she said, walking out laughing.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: still not mine

Sighing deeply, Mac rolled over keeping her back to him. She wasn't going to wake him and she wasn't going to stop him but felt she shouldn't really be an active participant and get herself all worked up knowing there would be no resolution. So Mac simply lay there and gave herself over to her husband's 'waking from slumber' ministrations and enjoyed every moment of it.

It wasn't long before Harm's interest was piqued and it caused him to wake fully and press himself into the back of his wife. Mac took hold of the hand around her waist and kissed it.

"Sorry, we won't get to use it," Mac said quietly, pushing back slightly and causing Harm to groan.

"Me too," he mumbled, kissing the back of her head. "I didn't get too carried away, did I?"

"No, not really, she said, kissing his hand once more. "I was enjoying myself."

Harm grinned and snuggled into her before the term 'not really' struck him.

"What do you mean 'not really'?" he asked, tugging her around to face him.

"Well, I don't think you got carried away," she said with a giggle. "But I think your mom might have."

"My mom?" he questioned, drawing her face up. "What do you mean? Why would you think that?"

"She was standing by the door talking to me when you decided to feel me up," she reported a smile dancing across her face.

"Oh, god!" he groaned burying his face in the pillow. Mac laughed and stroked his head. Sheepishly, Harm looked up at her. "She didn't really see anything, did she?"

"Well, she saw enough to tell me that you've always been a breast man...and that's where Harry gets it from," she said with a laugh.

"No," he groaned again, closing his eyes.

"She said that even as a child when everyone else wanted the chicken drumstick, you wanted the breast," she said, her voice full of light and laughter.

Letting out a deep breath, Harm looked up at his wife and smiled. His own mortification was worth it to see his wife in such a good mood. Well, it was worth it right at this moment, he wasn't too sure about how he'd feel when he came face to face with his mother.

After explaining the delay in Colin and Lily arriving and in the arrangements for dinner, Mac repositioned herself so she was in her husband's arms. Gently she stroked his arm before picking up his hand, entwining their fingers and resting it on his chest.

"You know," she began softly, "That today is the first day I really feel that everything's going to work out for us...with this pregnancy, with Frankie."

"What's brought about this new confidence?" he asked, squeezing her hand.

"I'm not totally sure," she replied honestly. "A lot to do with 'mom and dad' being here and knowing we don't have to do it all on our own..."

"They were always around to help...just like Bud and Harriet..." Harm offered.

"I know, but it's not just about them being here physically," she said, looking up at him. "They're here..." she said, tapping her chest above her heart. "I mean I've always loved them but they were your parents...the in-laws...I guess the realisation that they love me and are there for me as me...not just as your wife...has eased a lot of the parental issues for me."

"I'm very glad to hear that," he whispered, kissing her head.

"Aside from mum and dad, anything else?" he probed, wishing he could say he was sharing her confidence in a happily ever after.

"Um, as much as I don't really like having to stay away from the farm, I think maybe knowing I'm staying in DC and therefore close to Bethesda, or any medical help for that matter, has relieved some anxiety. That night you had appendicitis it struck me just how far away from medical help we were. It hadn't been a conscious thought up until now but now we're here, I know, medically, any eventuality can be handled."

"I'm happy you can see it as a positive," he said, holding her a little closer.

"How are you feeling about all this at the moment?" she asked as she looked up at him and caressed his face.

"Well, I guess my little 'scene' earlier shows that I'm still a little on the stressed side," he admitted honestly.

"Yes, it does," Mac said, her thumb swiping over the swell of his cheek.

"I think I've felt everything was beyond my control from day one and I thought I was doing well with not being able to control things...at least I knew I could be on hand to help if need be," he said, deciding this was a time for absolute honesty. "And then I got sick and I felt incredibly bad that I couldn't be there for you..."

"But Harm..." Mac went to interject, but Harm pressed his finger to her lips- he needed to get all this out.

"And even now, I know I'm supposed to be resting and taking things easy, and taking the antibiotics, and I know the doctor said it would take time to get back to full physical fitness, but it's killing me that I am not the one who can take care of you...that I can't fix everything and make it alright for us," he said tearfully.

Fiercely independent from such a young age, he had never before so openly and willingly allowed others to help him and while it was hurting his pride to let others in, he was doing so because he knew it was what was best for Mac and the kids – which was killing him on another level, that he wasn't the one best able to care for his family. Hell, he wasn't even able to come up with a workable plan for Lily while Mac had to stay in DC - that was Frank.

"Contrary to popular opinion," Mac said, kissing his lips briefly. "You are not Superman, okay? " Harm nodded. "You are, however, my Superman and I love that you are the one person I can rely on, lean on, and trust implicitly. You are, by far, the very best thing that has ever happened to me. We both were so very independent and insular and it took time for us to realise we are so much better together than apart, didn't it?" Harm nodded. "We soon figured that life was better when we let the other in and opened up our hearts and our lives, right?"

"Right," he said, wondering where she was going with this.

"And now, while it's taken us a long time to realise it, life is easier when we open up our hearts and our lives to others," she whispered softly. "Just think about how much more content and happier we are sharing our life on the farm with Grams and Mattie and Colin. Years ago I wouldn't have even contemplated it and now I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Me neither," Harm whispered.

"And just think about all those times, before we were even together, that you'd cringe when your mom left you a message about not calling her, not visiting her and you'd be reluctant to contact her and now, now, you call her frequently, we see her more than ever and she and Frank have become an integral part of our lives too," she said, rubbing his arm.

"They have," he agreed. "More than I ever expected."

"This is why I think I'm at ease," she said, her eyes locked on his. "I've finally realised that I am not in this world alone – you taught me that...you've given me that. I spent so many years on my own thinking that no one would know or care if I lived or died and now I have a huge, loving family who would do anything for me...And even if things don't go right," she whispered, not wanting Frankie to hear any doubt, "I know I will get through because we, not just I but we, are surrounded by absolute love."

"We are, aren't we?" he checked.

"We certainly are," Mac replied, kissing him briefly. "And you know something else?"

"What?" Harm asked, wondering what else there could be.

"Right now, I'm not sick, I'm not weak, I feel fine – no pains, no twinges, nothing untoward," she said, cupping his face. "But you really haven't been well...and I know, from personal experience, that being unwell colours your opinion of things. If possible, I would like you to do something for me..."

"Anything, Mac, anything you want," he interjected quickly.

"Firstly, I want you to take a couple of deep breaths and let go of all the negative thoughts that you can," she whispered gently. Harm did so. "Secondly, I want you to give yourself permission to feel unwell and work towards getting better. Right now is the perfect opportunity for you to think about you. When Frankie comes there'll be sleepless nights and everything else and we both need to be fit and healthy."

"I guess I can do that," he said quietly.

"Thirdly, I want you to let me help you," she said, caressing his face. "I know you think your job here is to take care of me but we should be taking care of each other. I'm not unwell, I'm not an invalid...I just need rest. You, on the other hand need some extra TLC and I want to be the one to do that for you, okay?"

"Okay," he said with a nod.

"Fourthly," she began before a grin broke out across Harm's face.

"What?" Mac asked smiling in response.

"You said 'do something for me' a phrase which usually indicates one thing and already we're up to the fourth," he explained smiling.

"Well, I could stop but I really think you'll like number four," she said tilting her head.

"Go ahead, what's number four?" he asked pulling her closer.

"Fourthly," Mac started again, smirking at him. "Now that you're fully awake, I wouldn't mind you kissing me and feeling me up again."

Which is exactly what Harm did.

All too soon, there was a rap against the bedroom door.

"Everybody decent?" Trish called with a chuckle.

"Come in, mom," Harm said pulling back and adjusting the covers once more. The door opened and Trish stuck her head around.

"Thought I'd let you know that Colin's about 10 minutes away and Frank's about 15. Figured you may want to have the chance to ...ah...freshen up a bit," she said with a laugh as she backed out of the room.

"Guess we should get up," Mac said dreamily, "And wash up for dinner."

"Yeah, guess we should," he agreed as he leant down and kissed her once more.

It was only when they heard the insistent buzzing of the doorbell, which they presumed to be Lily eagerness to get in, did Harm pull back.

"That's one way to kill 10 minutes," he said with a grin.

"It's the best way," Mac replied, sitting up in bed and drawing her knees up.

"Aren't you getting up?" he questioned as he stood beside the bed.

"Well, I figure Lily is going to race in here any second now and this might be the best place for me," she said, before looking to the door as it was flung opened.

"Mommy!" Lily squealed, running and jumping on the bed before scrambling up and hugging Mac tightly. "I've missed you sooooo much, mom!"

"I've missed you too, Lily," Mac replied, kissing her head repeatedly.

"Have you missed me?" Harm asked and Lily turned around surprised he was in the room.

"Of course, dad!" she said, knee walking across the bed to hug him. "I've missed you both!"

"Well we've missed you," he replied, kissing her head. "We love you very much."

"I love you both too," she said, squeezing him tightly. "Are you feeling better?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow and looking every bit like her mother.

"I am getting better," he said, deciding to speak the truth. "Just need a lot more rest."

"Just like mom," Lily said, turning back to her mother.

"You're right, we both need lots of rest," Mac said, hoping it would make the news about them staying on in DC easier for all.

"You can get lots of rest on the farm," Lily said, snuggling into her mother's arms. "It's all quiet there and there's no traffic."

"I know," Mac said, "It's a wonderful place..." She looked at Harm and wondered if now was the right time to tell their daughter of what lay ahead. Harm nodded. "But, you know how I came down to see Dr Mollison on Wednesday?" Lily nodded. "Well, she's told me I have to stay in bed until the baby comes and that I have to stay here."

They both waited for a response from Lily but it wasn't coming.

"And daddy will have to stay here with me," Mac continued.

Lily nodded, seemingly understanding what her mother was saying. "So, when do we move back?" she finally asked and Mac bit down on her lip, this wasn't going to be easy.

"Well," Harm began and Lily turned to face him. Daddy starting with 'well' was a sign he was nervous and she didn't like the feeling churning in her tummy. "It's only going to be mommy and me staying in DC..."

"What? No!" Lily said, jumping away from her mother.

Harm wrapped an arm around her shoulders and sat by her on the bed. "You still have school, Lil," he said gently, "So, you'll have to stay on the farm."

Lily looked between her parents; this could not be as it sounded. Surely her parents would leave her there – alone.

"This is how it's going to go..." Mac started as she rubbed Lily's leg, before explaining Frank's plan.

"So, really, it's only Monday and Tuesday you won't see us," Harm said gently, kissing her head.

"Aha," she said with a sniffle before nodding.

"And you'll get to be here on the weekends and catch up with Amy and Nikki and Michael," Mac said, trying to get their sad little girl to see some positives.

"Aha,' Lily repeated.

"Are you okay, baby?" Mac asked, caressing her daughter's face.

"Sure," she said with a shrug even though she wasn't and even though she couldn't understand why they didn't want her to be with them.

As Harm went to speak, Trish appeared at the door and announced dinner was ready. Lily was off the bed and out the door before anyone could speak.

"Is she alright?" Trish asked, her eyes trailing Lily down the hallway.

"I don't think we'll be winning any parents of the year awards," Harm said sadly as he helped Mac out of bed.

"But it's the right thing to do," Mac reassured him.

Dinner was a rather quiet affair considering there were eight people scattered around the living room eating a range of pizza and pasta. With the kitchen table too small for them all and the highchairs still on the farm, Trish had covered an area with towels and set the children out picnic style.

Mac was enjoying the food but she could see Lily, who had requested the meal, wasn't really eating.

"Are you not hungry, baby?" she asked as Lily played with her pasta. Lily shook her head. "Well, that's okay, Lil, you don't have to eat it. Maybe you'll feel like it later on."

Lily shrugged and Mac sighed. She didn't like it when one of her children was hurting, especially when she caused it –albeit inadvertently.

The evening continued to be quiet and as they sat around chatting, Harry climbed up with his mother and snuggled in close.

"How's your head, Harry?" she asked, pressing a gentle kiss on top of the Wiggles bandaid.

"Boo-boo," he replied with a pout.

"Yeah, but all better now," Mac said with an encouraging smile, before kissing his cheek and nose.

"All better," he echoed and rested his head on her breast.

After the child had yawned repeatedly, Mac declared it bedtime and Harm stood and picked up Harry, while Frank picked up Rose.

"Do I have to go to bed too?" Lily asked, looking up at her mom.

"No, honey, you can stay up as late as you like," Mac replied, knowing that Lily thinking she was being sent to bed would only make her feel worse.

With the twins settled in their old cots, Harm stood by the door and held Mac close to him.

"She's going to be alright," Harm whispered, knowing exactly where his wife's thoughts were.

"I know," Mac agreed.

"Just hurts to see her sad, hey?" he said, kissing her head.

"Yeah, it does," she agreed before signing deeply and pressing against him.

Mac's evening lasted another thirty six minutes before she kissed everyone good night and headed to bed.

"Isn't it early for mom to go to bed?" Lily asked, looking towards the master bedroom.

"No," Harm said, sitting down next to his daughter, "Dr Mollison has said that mommy needs to spend most of the day and night in bed. She's allowed out for a bit to eat but has to sit down and can't go outside."

"She must be bored," Lily said, knowing how much her mother liked getting out and doing things.

"She's not happy about it but the doctor has said it's what is best for the baby," Harm said.

"And is that why us kids have to stay on the farm?" she asked. "So she can get rest."

"Yes, it is," Harm said with a nod.

Lily thought about things for a minute. "Can I sleep in your bed when I'm down here?" she asked. "I promise I won't move around or kick her."

"Sure, you can," he agreed, knowing his wife gained great comfort from having Lily with her.

Lily smiled broadly. "In that case, can I go to bed now?"

Harm laughed and kissed her goodnight.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: still not mine

Mac was still awake when Lily padded into the bedroom, dragging her pink floral case behind her.  
"Daddy says I can sleep in here," she announced as she put the case by the wall.  
"I think that's a good idea," Mac said with a smile. "And that way Colin can have your room."  
"Yeah," Lily said with a nod. "Good thing it's not my princess bed," she said with a laugh.  
"It is a good thing," Mac agreed, smiling at the thought of Colin folding himself into the pretty pink bed.

Changed for bed and teeth brushed, Lily climbed in from Harm's side of the bed and rested her head on her dad's pillow. Gently, Mac pushed Lily's hair back from her face and pressed a kiss on her forehead.  
"I get why I can't stay," Lily said, looking up at her mom. "I don't like it but I get it."  
"I don't like it either," Mac said, caressing her face. "But I'm glad you understand."  
"How long before the baby comes?" Lily asked, rubbing Mac's tummy.  
"About seven weeks," she answered, smiling at Lily's expression when the baby kicked her hand,  
"It kicked me!" she said surprised. While she had felt him move before she hadn't actually been kicked.  
"He kicked you," Mac repeated, emphasising the 'he'.  
"It's a boy?" Lily questioned, pulling the covers back to look at Mac's belly as if that would confirm the gender.  
"Yes, this is your baby brother," Mac said, covering Lily's hand with her own as it rested on her abdomen.  
"That's cool," she said. "Makes us even."  
"What do you mean?" Mac asked, although she knew she'd have two of each, she also knew that Lily considered Mattie to be a sibling, thus the count would be 3-2.  
"Well, me, Rosie and Mattie are all girls and the baby, Harry and Colin are all boys. It's even," she announced.

Mac nodded; of course Colin, he had definitely become a part of the family.  
"Daddy and I picked a name for this little one," she said quietly, looking at her daughter. "Would you like to know it?" Lily nodded. "It's Franklin Georg Harmon MacKenzie Rabb."  
"Long name," Lily said, patting the bump.  
"It is, but they're all good names," Mac agreed. "Franklin is after grandpa and Georg is after great grandpa, Grams' husband, and ..."  
"Harmon is after daddy," she said and Mac nodded. "Can we call him Frankie for short?"  
"We certainly can," Mac said and although that had already been the plan she saw no harm in letting Lily think it was her idea.  
"Hello, Frankie," Lily said, kissing Mac's stomach. "Can't wait to see you."  
"I'm sure he's eager to see you too," Mac said, raking her fingers through Lily's hair.  
"Is he making your uterus sick?" she asked, moving around and settling herself back beside her mother. "Is that why you need lots of rest?"  
"My uterus was already sick," Mac said wrapping her arms around Lily and holding her close. "And Frankie was very brave to try and make a home in there. Now, to give him the best chance to get here on time and healthy, I have to rest."  
"Is that why you gave him daddy's name? Daddy's very brave too," she announced, closing her eyes and inhaling her father's scent.  
"Daddy is very brave and so is Frankie," Mac said, closing her eyes too.  
"And so am I," she said, before drifting off. Mac grinned, her little girl was right, she was a very brave child and her adventures had already proven that. She could only hope that Frankie didn't display his braveness in manners which would add more grey hairs to her head.

For the next few hours Mac drifted between sleep and wakefulness, snug and warm in her bed with Lily wrapped in her arms. Sometime near eleven, she felt Harm press a kiss to her forehead as he adjusted the covers for them.  
"Mmm," Mac murmured, reaching out and taking his arm. "You coming to bed?"  
"Yeah," he whispered, kissing her again. "Mom and dad are set in the study and Colin is in Lil's room."  
"Good," she replied, rubbing Harm's arm.  
"Do you need anything?" he asked, knowing she'd gone to bed without her hot chocolate or dessert.  
"Um, yeah," she said, easing herself up in the bed. "I think I need a drink..."  
"How about you give me ten to sort it out and come join me on the sofa?" he said, caressing her face.  
"Sounds good to me," she replied and although she wanted to snuggle down again she didn't want to run the risk of falling asleep. Aside from the drink, she was in need of some quiet time in her husband's arms and given the busy household at the moment, she'd take that time anytime she could get it – even at 2300 hours.

Before long, Mac appeared in the living room as Harm placed two steaming mugs of hot chocolate next to a plate of muffins and cookies provided by Harriet.  
"Yum," Mac said as she padded across.  
"Me or the cookies?" Harm asked with a grin.  
"The cookies of course," she sassed as she wrapped her arms around him.  
"I should have known," he replied with a chuckle.  
"Have I told you how much I love you lately?" she questioned, looking deep into his eyes.  
"Nope," he replied, caressing her cheek.  
"Well, I do," she said, pushing up on tiptoes to kiss him. "I love you so very much, Harmon."  
"I love you too, Sarah," he whispered before returning her kiss.

Sighing dreamily, Mac let herself be led to the sofa and when she was settled, Harm handed her a mug and offered her a treat from the plate. She readily accepted both. For a while there was contented silence until Mac had finished her cookie and placed her half full cup back on the coffee table.  
"You okay?" Harm asked as she rubbed her side.  
"Yeah, Frankie is just sitting in an awkward spot," she replied, shifting around in an attempt to move her son.  
"Anything I can do?" Harm asked, setting his mug down.  
"No," she said with a sigh. "Just be ready to be my pillow when he's moved."

Five minutes later, Frankie had complied with his mother's wishes and had settled in a place which allowed her to be marginally more comfortable. With bubs in a better place, Mac got Harm to lie down on the sofa and wedged herself between him and the back of the sofa, her head on his shoulder and her legs entwined with his.  
"This is nice," she said as her finger trailed up and down his chest.  
"Yes, it is," he replied, kissing her head.

Little was said between the pair and Mac found herself drifting off once more.  
"I can take you back to bed," Harm offered as he watched her eyes flutter closed once more.  
"I'm more than comfortable right here," Mac whispered, not wanting to move from the exact position she was in, ever.

Before Harm could respond, Lily appeared rubbing her eyes and yawning.  
"Is it morning?" she asked, before another yawn overtook her.  
"No, Lily, it's midnight," Harm said as Lily walked towards them.  
"Then why are we up?" she asked and Harm laughed.  
"We're up because mommy needed a drink," he said. "Why are you up?"  
"Because I was hungry and when I woke up and was alone I thought maybe it was breakfast," she said, edging her way to be sitting on the sofa with them.  
"You're hungry because you didn't eat at dinner time," Mac said, reaching out to take her hand.  
"Can I eat now?" she asked, squeezing her mother's hand.  
"Maybe not Romano's," said Harm, "But what about some of Aunty Harriet's treats and a mug of hot chocolate, just like mommy and I had?"  
"Ohh, yes please," Lily said quickly as she leant forward and grabbed a muffin.  
"Can you do something to help me?" Harm asked Lily and she nodded eagerly. "While I get up to get your hot chocolate, can you lay here and be mommy's pillow?"  
"Sure," she said with a grin, jumping up from the sofa to allow her daddy to get up.

When he was sure his girls were settled and comfortable, Harm took his empty mug to the kitchen to prepare Lily's drink, as he did, he couldn't help but smile, perhaps Mac's positive energy about this whole thing was starting to wear off on him.

Meanwhile on the sofa, Lily held her muffin with one hand while her other played through Mac's hair.  
"This is nice," she said, taking another bite.  
"Yes, it is," Mac said, ignoring the crumbs falling into her hair. It was a small price to pay for these precious moments with her eldest daughter.

The following morning, Harm stirred to the feeling he was being watched, and he was.  
"Morning, Lil," he said as his daughter watched him.  
"Good morning, daddy," she said as he kissed her forehead.  
"Did you sleep well, baby?" he asked, caressing her face.  
"Yes, I did. Did you?" she asked, noting that her father still didn't quite look like his old self.  
"Yes, I did too," he replied.

Noise from elsewhere in the house told them they weren't the only ones up and before long the smell of breakfast cooking wafted through the open bedroom door.  
"Do you think that's grandma and grandpa?" Harm asked as he yawned.  
"Yep," Lily replied with a grin. "And I think they're making bacon."

That thought alone was enough to get Lily to climb out of bed over her father and head towards the wonderful aroma. Realising Lily's exit hadn't affected Mac, Harm slipped out of bed and followed Lily's path. Arriving in the kitchen, he was surprised to find it was Colin preparing breakfast with Harry on his hip. As he entered the room, he heard Colin explaining that he'd been to the grocery store that morning to buy the eggs and bacon as he knew Mac and Lily loved them.  
"That was a very thoughtful thing to do," Harm said, making himself known.  
"Well, I was up early and I felt like bacon myself, so it wasn't all that altruistic," he admitted, turning down the heat.  
"And how long has this one been up?" Harm asked, taking his son from his future son-in-law.  
"About half an hour," Colin replied. "He was crying when I got back so I went in and got him."  
"Aww, Harry, what's up, little man?" he asked as he took in Harry's sleepy yet still tearful appearance.  
"I think he must have rolled and bumped his bump," Colin said, "He was holding his head when I went in and there was fresh blood on the bandaid."  
"Oh, you are in a state, aren't you, sweetheart?" he said, caressing his son's face. "Your boo-boo is still sore."  
"Colin make better," Harry said, pointing to the new dinosaur bandaid on his forehead.  
"Colin is a good man," Harm said, giving Colin a quick pat on the shoulder. "Did you want some breakfast, Harry?"  
Harry shook his head.  
"No?" Harm asked surprised, bacon was usually a sure thing. "What do you want?"  
"Mommy," he replied and Harm smiled. Of course that's what the boy wanted – he was after all his father's son.

Knowing that his wife wouldn't mind the interruption, given that it meant time with her son, Harm carried Harry to their bedroom and slowly eased into his side of the bed before letting go of the boy and allowing him to move towards his mother. It didn't take long for Mac to stir and instinctively wrap an arm around her son.  
"Hello, baby," she murmured, smiling when his chubby arm wrapped around her neck.  
"Mommy," he said snuggling in closer and resting his head on her breast.  
Mac's eyes opened slowly and she smiled again when she spied her husband watching them.  
"Hey," she whispered, gazing at him.  
"Hey, yourself," he replied. "Sorry about waking you but Harry needed a cuddle."  
"That's okay," she replied, holding her boy closer. "Is he alright?"  
"Right now he doesn't have a care in the world," Harm said with a smile.  
"What about earlier?" she asked, knowing Harm wouldn't wake her for nothing.  
"Colin said he was crying and he thinks he bumped his head again as there was fresh blood on the bandaid," Harm explained quietly.  
"Aww, poor baby," Mac said, pressing a gentle kiss on his head. "I guess making him wear a helmet is a little over the top but I hate seeing him like this."  
"I know," Harm agreed. "But it looks worse than it is, so that's something."  
"Yeah," Mac said with a sigh before her thoughts went elsewhere. "Is that breakfast I smell?"  
"Yes, Colin went out especially for bacon and eggs this morning," Harm explained. "Thought you and Lily might enjoy it."  
"He's such a good boy," Mac said, loving Colin more and more.  
"He is," Harm replied. "Now, your breakfast isn't cooking yet but you let me know when you're ready to get up and I'll make sure it's ready and waiting for you." He leant over and kissed her head.  
"Well, I think about twenty minutes should do us, but you might want to come and check on us just in case we've fallen asleep," she said, looking down at her child.  
"Twenty minutes it is," Harm replied, heading to the door.

Once he had departed, Mac readjusted both herself and Harry and spent the next few minutes just gazing at him, wondering if his brother would look just like him, and by virtue, like his daddy. Harry smiled widely when he realised he had his mother's undivided attention and blew her kisses.  
"Mommy loves you very much, Harry," she said, dropping a kiss on his nose.  
"Love mommy," Harry replied as he snuggled in closer, happy and content to be nestled in his mother's arms.

Little else was said as Mac spent her time gazing at him and raking her fingers through his hair, gaining immeasurable pleasure at the satisfied coos from her boy.

When Harm reappeared twenty three minutes later, Harry was in a much better humour and more than ready to have his breakfast so Harm scooped him up before helping Mac from the bed and guiding them to the kitchen.  
"All my favourites," she said, scanning the kitchen and finding her husband and kids scattered about. "And the food's great too," she added.

Soon after, Colin left and Mac sat in an armchair with Rose on her knee. Rose was animatedly telling her about something Lily had done that morning and not for love or money could she work out what it was. So, she simply smiled and nodded at frequent intervals and when Rose had finished she had kissed her and hugged her tightly and that seemed to be enough for the child.  
"Mommy," Lily said, coming in from the kitchen with the cordless phone in her hand. "Aunty Harriet's on the phone and wants to know if I can come over for lunch."  
"And do you want to go for lunch?" Mac asked, covering the mouthpiece so Harriet wouldn't hear.  
"Well, yes and no," she replied honestly. "Yes, I want to go and see Nikki and Michael and Aunty Harriet said she's making sausage rolls this morning and they're my favourites."  
"Yes, they are," she said. "Why the no?"  
"I don't want to be away from you," she admitted quietly.  
"Well, I'm about to have a big nap so I'm not going to be good company until later this afternoon," Mac said. "So, maybe you could go there for a couple of hours and then come back when I'm awake."  
"That sounds okay," Lily said. After a short pause she continued. "Do you want me to see if Aunty Harriet will let me bring home some sausage rolls for you too? They're much better than dad's."  
Mac laughed.

It was Lily and the twins who disappeared to the Roberts' for lunch; Frank and Trish dropping them off before visiting an old friend of Frank's for lunch themselves, leaving Mac and Harm home alone.  
"I have a greater appreciation for bed rest," Mac said climbing back into bed feeling exhausted but having done nothing but get up, eat and sit in the living room.  
"Are you feeling alright?" Harm asked as he pulled the covers up around his wife.  
"Yeah, just tired," she replied with a yawn.  
"Want some company?" Harm asked as he closed the blinds.  
"Thought you'd never ask," she replied with a grin.

Snuggled deep in Harm's arms, Mac sighed contentedly as her ran his fingers through her hair. There was little talk and as Mac lay there she began to think there was something she was forgetting. She ran through a list of things in her head and discounted every one of them. It wasn't until she had almost dropped off, it struck her.  
"Shit!" she exclaimed, bolting upright before clutching her stomach as Frankie violently objected to being upended so suddenly.  
"Mac? What is it? Are you alright?" Harm asked, already out of bed and turning on the light.  
"I'm fine, I'm fine," she said, dropping back in bed.  
"Are you in pain? Is it the baby?" he asked as he took her hand and caressed her face.  
"No, no, nothing like that," she said, caressing his face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."  
"What is it then?" he asked, his heart still racing.  
"I just realised it's the twins' birthday next Friday, they'll be three and I forgot," she said, tears welling in her deep brown eyes. "How could I forget?"  
"We've had a lot on our minds," Harm said gently. "And it's not as if we forgot completely. We still have a week."  
"Yeah, but we haven't arranged anything. We haven't bought them presents and I can't even go shopping for them. I'm such a bad mother," she said as a tear ran unchecked down her cheek.  
"No, no," Harm reassured her. "It's all okay. We can organise a small party for them on Friday and there's always shopping online. If we need anything, there's mom and dad or Harriet or I could go and someone could stay with you. See, it's alright."  
"So, it's all alright?" Mac checked, starting to feel that things were back in control.  
"It's all alright," Harm reassured her. "And you remember to take things easy otherwise Frankie will be having his birthday first."

Mac nodded and settled down once more; one drama easily resolved and now was time for sleep.

The weekend was a blur of visits with Mattie and Grams, cuddles with the kids and making necessary arrangements for their own care and that of the children in between lots of sleep and many more hours in bed.

After lunch on Sunday, when everything was sorted, it was time for everyone but Mac and Harm to depart and, to Harm's surprise, Mac was very good about it. Although her eyes were glassy, no tears fell; there were no long emotional goodbyes and no regrets. He only wished he was as strong as she was as he furtively wiped away a tear as his family disappeared down the road.

Without saying anything, Mac slipped her hand into Harm's and led him back into the house before sitting him on the sofa. Appearing a few minutes later with a coffee for him and tea for her, Mac sat down with him and rested her head on his shoulder.  
"This is for the best," she whispered, not wanting to disturb the quietness of the house.  
"Yeah, I know," he replied, trying to sound unaffected by the emotion swirling within him.  
Mac pushed up and kissed his cheek. "I know you know."


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: still not mine

Sleep, rest, good food, better company and a doctor's visit on Wednesday morning was how Harm and Mac filled in the first few days without the children. Dr Mollison's feedback was positive. Mac was doing well, Frankie was doing well and she saw nothing to indicate things changing any time soon, however, they needed to remain in DC. As they went to depart, the doctor took Mac's arm as Harm made his way to reception to confirm the appointment for the following week.

"Sarah, how's Harm doing? He's still not looking 100%," she said quietly, watching the man in question.

"He says he's doing okay, just tired," Mac reported, smiling at her husband when he looked over to see what was keeping her.

"Has he been to see a doctor recently," she asked, not liking the fact that the man was still quiet pale.

"No, not since we got here. Do you think something's wrong?" Mac asked, turning around to face her.

"No, no," she reassured her. "With all the bed rest you both have been on, maybe what he needs is a good dose of Vitamin D."

"Maybe," Mac replied. "I'll get him to pick some up at the drug store."

"You could do, but I was thinking maybe some time outside might do the trick," she said. "Have a picnic in your yard or just sit out for a little bit. Might make a world of difference...to both of you."

"Sure," Mac replied. "That's easy done."

Once home, Harm went into the kitchen to prepare them lunch while Mac went around the house and collected the necessary pillows and blanket for a comfortable picnic in the yard.

"What are you doing?" Harm asked, putting down the knife and grabbing all she was holding.

"We're having a picnic in the backyard," she announced, unlocking the backdoor.

"No, we're sitting in here," Harm corrected, gesturing to the table he'd just set out.

"Dr Mollison said some time in the sun would do me the world of good," she said, knowing Harm would do anything for her but not for himself.

"In that case, let me," he said, walking out the back door with her and awaiting her instruction.

Setting the blanket down, Harm scattered the pillows around before Mac shook her head and stacked a few up so she would be comfortable.

"Need any help?" Harm asked as Mac eased herself onto the blanket.

"Nope, I've got it," she replied with a smile, settling herself amongst the pillows.

As Mac sat reclining in a sea of pillows, Harm brought out their drinks, napkins and cutlery followed by their lunch.

"What are we having?" she asked as he approached.

"Leftovers from yesterday," he replied, handing her a plate of assorted goodies.

"Yum," she said, taking her plate and grabbing a cherry tomato.

Once they had finished eating, Mac took both their plates, stacked them together and placed them off to the side.

"Lie here," she instructed Harm and pointed to the pillow she had just put on her lap.

Harm lay down and Mac stroked his head. "Close your eyes," Mac whispered and he did.

It was a warm day with a light breeze, just perfect for getting a little sun without the risk of burning. Mac continued to rake her fingers through his hair as Harm murmured contently.

"Shouldn't we be the other way around?" he asked, opening one eye.

"Nope," she replied.

"You sure?" he checked. "You're the one on bed rest."

"And you're the one needing a little TLC and colour," she said, caressing his cheek before kissing his forehead. "So, just relax."

Very comfortable, it wasn't long before Harm drifted off and Mac smiled. This was a perfect way to spend each and every day.

By the time Harm awoke, Mac had manoeuvred herself from underneath him and was lying in his arms, their heads sharing the same pillow, her arm holding his captive across her stomach. Realising they'd been outside for at least two hours, Harm contemplated waking Mac and putting her to bed inside for some proper rest before the family arrived. Any thought of doing so was quelled by Harriet appearing on the back porch.

"Hey," she said quietly, walking across to them.

"Hi Harriet," he replied softly.

"I rang the door bell but there was no answer, so I let myself in," she said, gesturing towards the house. "I hope that's alright. I just had some of that fudge I promised Lily I would make for her to take back to the farm tomorrow."

"You spoil her," Harm said, pointing to a nearby chair. "You spoil us all."

"No, it's not spoiling," she said with an embarrassed grin. "It's caring."

"Well, you care for us a lot and we're very grateful, thank you," he said sincerely as Harriet sat down.

"You're more than welcome," she replied before looking at Mac. "How did the appointment go?"

"Really well," Harm reported. "No problems, everything is looking good."

"Good," Harriet echoed. "It's about time things started going your way."

"My thoughts exactly, Harriet," he said, looking down at his wife.

There had been twenty minutes of small talk before Mac stirred and was surprised to find they had company. When Mac had fully woken, Harm helped her to sit up as he went to get drinks for them all.

"An afternoon in the yard is a great idea," Harriet noted, as she watched Harm disappear into the house. "You look much more refreshed."

"Thanks," Mac replied, raking her fingers through her hair. "It was more for Harm actually." In the stillness of the afternoon, Mac caught Harriet up on Harm and Dr Mollison's advice.

"Is there anything we can do?" Harriet asked, looking back towards the house. "For either of you?"

"No, thanks, Harriet. I think you've done more than enough," she said. "I think we just need time."

"Well, any time you change your mind..." she started and left the offer trail.

"Well," Mac said, realising she probably did need more help from the woman in front of her. "There is something, only if it's not too much trouble..."

"Sure Mac, what is it?" Harriet said, leaning forward.

"You know how we're having the birthday party for the twins on Saturday..." she began.

"Saturday?" Harriet questioned. "Wasn't it Friday?"

"It was, but we thought we'd just have a cake with dinner as Lily and the others won't be able to get here until seven," Mac explained. "So, we thought a Saturday lunch might be better."

"And what would you like me to do?" she asked, all business when it came to the matter of children's birthdays.

"I'd like you and Bud and the kids to come," she said with a smile.

"Definitely," Harriet said, smiling. When Mac said nothing further, Harriet grabbed a pen and paper from her purse. "Now, let's see what else needs to be done...food, streamers, balloons, cake...Would you like me to make the cake? There was a cute Wiggles one in the magazine last week. I could put their names on the side and a set of three candles each. What do you think?"

"You're amazing, do you know that?" Mac said with a laugh as Harm appeared with a tray with three iced teas.

"I know I am," Harm sassed before he realised she was talking to Harriet, "Oh, you are too, Harriet," he added quickly.

Mac couldn't believe the level of excitement she felt knowing her children would soon be home. They were expected at six and Mac had been checking out the window since five, just in case they came earlier.

"A watched pot never boils," Harm said, taking her hand and leading her back to the sofa before she wore a track in the carpet.

"I know," she said, "I just can't believe how much I want to see them."

"It has only been two days," Harm chided, giving her a slight nudge.

"It will have been 75 hours," she replied. "75 hours."

"Not that you've been counting," he chuckled and Mac just glared at him; though she did think he was awfully cute and in much better humour tonight than he had been in a long time.

Caught up in their own banter, neither of them heard the car pull up but they did hear the relentless pressing of the buzzer to announce their arrival.

"Yay!" Mac said, jumping up and heading for the door. It was usually at this time Harm would tell her to slow down but he knew it wouldn't make a difference, so he just followed her across the room instead.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Lily said, throwing her arms up and not caring who she was hugging. "I missed you!"

"We missed you too," said Harm, allowing Mac to hug her before scooping the child up and kissing her. "Have you been good for grandma and grandpa?"

"Yeah, and for grams and Mattie and Colin," she reeled off. "And the twins have been good too."

"I'm glad to hear it," said Mac kissing her cheek.

"Yeah, me too," Lily said with a dramatic sigh. "It's so good they're nearly out of the terrible twos. At least with Frankie, there'll only be one of him."

Mac and Harm laughed heartily at their girl who sounded much older than her years. They had to wonder who she had overheard making such an observation.

The welcomes were just as enthusiastic for the nearly three year old twins and Mac was pleased to see the bruise from Harry's forehead had almost faded. Sitting on the sofa, Mac was inundated by little people wanting to settle on her lap. With their father's help, the twins sat on one leg each while Lily knelt on the floor in front of them.

All of them trying to tell their mother the news of the last few days and none of them caring there was no possible way she could understand any of it.

"Feeling left out?" Frank asked Harm, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"No, not at all," said Harm as he sat on the arm of the armchair. "I love nothing more than coming home to Mac and having some one on one attention, so, I can understand their enthusiasm. Besides, I'm sure I'll get my fair share of cuddles before bedtime."

Harm was right. Once the initial energy had abated, Harry climbed down and padded over to his father.

"Daddy, up!" he said, holding up his arms and waiting to be picked up.

Harm scooped him up and cuddled him tightly before kissing his head. "Daddy's turn?" Harm asked, but Harry just snuggled in closer for a few minutes.

"Harry was talking about you on the way home, daddy," Lily announced, turning from her mother.

"And what was he saying?" Harm asked, looking down at his son.

"Said you'd play planes with him," she said, pointing to the toy plane on the coffee table.

"I could do that," Harm said with a grin. Many fathers and sons played with cars or train sets, Harm and his son played with planes – wind up ones, remote control ones, paper ones. The girls were always welcome to join in but it seemed Harry was the only one really interested in things that flew.

"Now, daddy," Harry said, jumping from his father's lap and picking up the plane. "Brmm, brmmm," he said, holding it in his hand and pretending it was flying.

"Brm, brm, is more of a car sound, buddy," Harm said, smiling at his son's antics.

"What sound does a plane make, dad?" Lily asked and Harm had to think about it. There really wasn't one particular sound he could make to represent the toy tomcat in his Harry's hand.

"Maybe we'll just go with brm, brm," he conceded.

While the family got reacquainted, Trish and Frank disappeared into the kitchen to prepare the evening meal. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, Harm knew he should offer to help them but he also knew they would say no, so he saved himself the effort and stayed in the living room with his wife and children.

After dinner, Harm bathed the twins while Mac helped Lily with some homework she had brought down with her. Knowing Frank and Lily would have to be on road by 0630 the following morning, Mac knew they should have an early night, but Lily seemed desperate to finish her work so Mac let her go.

Finally, it was Harm who decided enough was enough and insisted on tucking them in just before nine.

"But dad..." Lily protested as he turned on the bedside lamp. "I only have five questions to go."

"Lily, it's already an hour past your bedtime and you have to get up nearly two hours earlier than normal tomorrow," Harm explained, as he waited for Mac to climb into bed.

"But it's due tomorrow," she said, sitting back up again.

"Why did you leave it all until tonight then?" he asked, sitting down facing her. Lily was usually very good at doing her homework as soon as she got it and not waiting until the last minute.

"Because..." she said before her brown eyes filled with tears.

"Because what?" Harm asked, taking his daughter's hand in his.

"Because I didn't understand it," she admitted quietly, her bottom lip trembling.

"Why didn't you ask Mattie or Grandpa or someone else? They would have helped you, baby," Harm said, wiping away her tears.

"I didn't want them to think I was dumb and besides they all seemed to be busy and you and mom said you'd help me with stuff I didn't know at school and I wanted to wait," she said, playing with the hem of the quilt.

"First of all, Miss Lily, you are not dumb," Harm said firmly, using his finger to draw up her face. "You're not, okay?" Lily nodded. "And secondly, I'll wake you up twenty minutes early and help you finish it and then tomorrow I'll phone Mr Fischer and see if he will let you do your homework over the weekend when you're here with us. How does that sound?"

"That sounds good, daddy," she replied tearfully, kneeling and up wrapping her arms around Harm's neck.

"Okay, baby, okay," he said rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry, daddy," she whispered, clinging onto him.

"What are you sorry for, Lil?" he asked, trying to pull back but she wouldn't let him.

"For not being able to do it on my own and for crying about it," she said, nestling her head into the crook of Harm's neck. "Marines don't cry."

"I'll let you in on a secret, sweetheart," Harm said, pulling back. "Marines do cry sometimes...after all, they are human," he said with a smile. "Just don't tell your mom I said that."

Lily nodded and held tight to him. "I won't."

For the next few minutes, Harm held and rocked his daughter and it was of no surprise to him that by the time Mac had returned from the bathroom, that Lily was asleep in his arms.

"Is she alright?" Mac asked, standing by Harm's legs and brushing away Lily's tears.

"Yeah," Harm said, leaning down and kissing the child's head.

"Then why do you both look sad?" she questioned, cupping his face and drawing his face up to her. "What?"

"Lily was just stressing about her homework," he reported.

"That's not enough to get her teary though," Mac observed.

"She's very tired and I think she's feeling a little out of sorts about it," he commented as Mac caressed his head.

"And what was it that got you all teary about it?" she questioned, brown eyes gazing into blue.

"I don't like seeing my little girl upset," he said, moving to lay Lily in the bed.

"You're such a softie," Mac said with a chuckle. Who'd have thought a tough fighter pilot lawyer would get teary over a little girl's maths.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: still not mine

Saturday dawned a bright and beautiful day, just perfect for a third birthday party for the twins. They had had a quiet family dinner the night before and all three children were more than excited about the birthday party this coming lunch time. The decorations had been hung and pink and blue streamers and balloons adorned the place. There were presents piled on the coffee table as well as the cards from the day before.

Amy had come over, so with her, the three Rabb children and three of the Roberts children running around the back yard and squealing, the place seemed quiet chaotic. Harm was out on the back porch with Frank and Bud about to start the barbeque and Mac sat in the kitchen putting the final touches to various dishes.

With a porch full of people, Harriet carefully negotiated the crowd to place the huge Wiggles birthday cake onto the centre of the table on the porch and smiled at Trish and Mattie's enthusiastic responses to her efforts.

"Where do you want them?" Colin asked Mac coming into the kitchen carrying two bags of ice while AJ trailed behind him with another bag.

"Harm has a tub out the back, so you take them outside," she said gesturing to the door.

As they exited the kitchen, Mattie came in, stealing a kiss from her fiancé as she passed by.

"What else needs to be done, Mac?" she asked, sitting down beside her and stealing a carrot stick.

"Nothing," she replied with a shake of her head. "I think we're just about ready to eat." As she went to get up she grabbed a hold of the table, muttering under her breath.

"What is it, Mac?" Mattie asked, instantly on her feet.

"Nothing, nothing," Mac whispered not wanting anyone else to hear.

"It doesn't look like nothing, Sarah," Grams said as Mac winced in pain.

"Just Frankie sitting in the wrong place," she lied. "He's being a little uncooperative today," she added, not happy with the antics of her boy this morning.

"Are you sure?" Grams asked, moving across and rubbing Mac's back for her.

"Yeah," she replied with a sigh and an attempted smile. "He has the same stubborn streak as his daddy."

The truth of the matter was that Mac had had a back ache since which had woken her several times during the night.  
At first she thought it was Lily's movement which was disturbing her but some sharp pains soon revealed the truth. She'd tried all the things she knew to alleviate her problems but nothing had seemed to work and then by breakfast, things seemed to have gone back to normal.  
If it had been any other day, she would have told Harm the truth, called Dr Mollison and figured out what was happening.

As it was, she didn't want to be the centre of attention in a house full of people so she was prepared to let things go – as long as they didn't escalate.

Mattie eased Mac back into the chair while Grams got her some water and both watched her intently.  
"I'm fine," she said, "Really."

"Do you want me to get, Harm?" Mattie asked, heading towards the door but Mac grabbed her arm.

"No, please don't," she said quietly. "It's nothing and I really don't want to distress him if I don't have to."

"You tell us if things change," Grams instructed firmly and Mac nodded.

Lunch was a great success with lots of chatter and lots of eating. So excited by their cake, the twins insisted on blowing out their birthday candles four times before anyone was allowed to eat it. Frank and AJ brought the twins' presents out to the yard and they ripped through the parcels, happy with the toys they had acquired but happier with the boxes, paper and ribbons they now had to play with.

As Harriet, Trish and Mattie cleaned up, Jimmy and Colin sat at the end of the porch having an in depth conversation about farming which resulted in Jimmy scoring a weeklong visit invitation for his midterm break – something he jumped at.

There was little for Mac to do and even if there was, Mattie and Grams was making sure she did nothing except eat, drink and take herself to the bathroom. Bud wasn't letting Harm do any of the cleaning of the barbeque either, insisting he and AJ do it.

Deciding against arguing the point, Harm sat beside Mac and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.  
"Hello, stranger," he whispered, kissing her head. "I haven't seen anything of you today."

"I know," she replied, kissing his cheek. "It's been a little hectic...but well worth it."

"Yeah," he said, kissing her head. "It's been a great day."  
For a while they sat there in silence watching the antics of the children around the yard and gaining immense pleasure in their happy shrieks and squeals of delight.

This was what they had been working all these years towards – a happy, together family.

Soon Mac's eyes had closed and Harm adjusted her so she was more comfortable. It wasn't long before soft snores were emanating from her. Harm just smiled.  
"Would she be more comfortable in bed, son?" Frank asked, noting the situation.

"No," Harm replied with a shake of his head. "She'd prefer to be a part of this."

"Even if she's asleep?" AJ asked.

"Yep, even if she's asleep," he confirmed, knowing there was no way his wife wanted to be away from the festivities a minute longer than necessary.

Mac slept and stirred and slept and stirred for the good part of forty minutes before waking fully and apologising for being a bad hostess. Her apologies were dismissed by all present, so she stood and made her way inside to the bathroom. When she reappeared in the kitchen, Mattie was waiting for her.

"How are you feeling, Mac?" Mattie asked quietly.

"Okay, thanks, Mats," she replied, rubbing her belly.

"Are you sure? You were grimacing in your sleep," she whispered, her eyes darting towards the door when she heard movement.

"No, I wasn't," she replied defensively; surely Harm would have said something it she had.

"You were," she insisted. "But I don't think Harm could see from the angle you were on."

"Oh," she said with a nod.

"So, the truth," Mattie said, folding her arms across her chest.

"I'm still uncomfortable," Mac finally admitted. "Although I'm sure it's nothing."

"Why aren't you telling Harm?" she questioned.

"Because he'll stress and there's no need for that," Mac replied sharply. "Look, Mattie, I appreciate your concern but I'm fine, really."

Mattie shook her head, clearly not happy with the response but she didn't want to push matters and spoil what had been a great day.

"Okay," she decided to negotiate. "I'll let it drop on one condition."

"And what would that be," Mac said, becoming annoyed that Mattie just wouldn't let this go.

"You go and phone Dr Mollison and tell her the truth," she said.

Mac thought about it for a few moments before nodding. She had been thinking about doing it anyway.

Disappearing into the bedroom with her cell, Mac called Dr Mollison's cell and apologised for disturbing her Saturday afternoon. After filling the doctor in on what had been happening, she was told to make her way to Bethesda but that was something Mac didn't want to do – not with a house full of people. Hearing her desperation, Dr Mollison decided to compromise.

"I have to go into Bethesda about 1800 to check on a patient, I will see you at 1830, okay?" she said and reluctantly Mac agreed. Before she disconnected the call, Mac had also agreed to go to the hospital immediately if circumstances changed.

"Well?" Mattie asked as soon as Mac exited her bedroom. Mac explained the call and made Mattie promise not to tell anyone, especially Harm. Mattie agreed.

After the party had wound down and the Roberts family and Amy had left, Mac realised she only had half an hour before she had to be at Bethesda; which meant she only had a few minutes to inform Harm they needed to take a trip. Knowing the twins would be heading to bed very early given their exhausting day, Mac asked Mattie if she could bathe them and put them to bed, Mattie readily agreed.

Cornering Harm in their bedroom after he'd been to the bathroom, Mac took a deep breath and held his hand.  
"Please don't be angry at me," were her opening words and instantly Harm was on alert.

"What?" he asked, ignoring all superfluous words.

"We need to take a trip to Bethesda, now," she said quietly and calmly.

"What? Why? What's wrong?" he asked quickly, leading her to the edge of the bed.

"I've been uncomfortable all day and ..." she began.

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" he spat, very, very annoyed but trying hard not to show it.

"Because I don't think it's anything," she said, fighting her tears as she looked at the concern on his face.

"So if it's nothing why do we have to go to Bethesda?" he countered.

"Because I phoned Dr Mollison just to be sure and she said to come in and see her at 1830," Mac said, her hand squeezing his.

"Are you in labour?" Harm finally thought to ask.

"No, I don't think so," she said. "Just uncomfortable."

"Okay," he said, standing up and helping her up too. "Let's get going."

As Mac went to the bathroom and grabbed her purse, Harm went and truthfully informed the adults in the house of the change of plans for the evening. Dealing with the children was another matter. Mattie took the twins to the bathroom and thus avoided the need for any explanation. Lily, on the other hand, was another matter.  
"Where are you going?" she asked, as Harm picked up his keys.

"Just to run an errand," he said, looking towards the hallway for his wife.

"Can I come?" she asked hopefully.

"Not this time, Lily, it's just me and mommy," he said, pocketing his cell.

"Mommy? But she's not allowed out, you said so," she said, looking at her mother as she appeared from the bedroom.

"She is allowed this time," Harm said, "We need to go and see Dr Mollison," he added, knowing there was no point in hiding the truth.

Lily's eyes opened wide. She as only eight but even she knew that you didn't have doctor's appointment of a Saturday night.

"What's wrong?" she asked Mac as she tugged on her arm.

"Nothing is wrong," Mac said quietly. "Frankie is just sitting in an awkward place and it's causing mommy some pain."

"Tell him to move," Lily said simply and Mac smiled, if only it was that easy.

Out of the house with a minimum of fuss, Harm and Mac drove in silence towards Bethesda and Mac knew her husband wasn't all that happy with her at the moment. Contemplating the ways to make it better, Mac could come up with nothing, so she remained quiet.

"Are you okay?" Harm asked, as they pulled up at some lights. "You're awfully quiet."

"Just not sure what to say," she admitted quietly, chancing a glance at her husband.

"Why?" he asked surprised. She'd never been shy about talking to him before.

"I know I should have told you earlier today," she said, "But I didn't want to spoil the day and I really wasn't all that concerned...at the beginning."

"But now?" he asked, reaching across and taking her hand.

"Now...I'm worried," she said before biting down on her bottom lip. "I just get the feeling I'm not going to like what Dr Mollison has to say."

"Well, let's not worry about anything until it happens, okay?" he said, not wanting Mac to get too distressed without good cause.

Ten minutes later, they were seated in the waiting room on the maternity floor, waiting for Dr Mollison to finish with her patient. Seeing the babies in the nursery was all it took to reduce Mac to tears as she wondered if she'd get to see her little boy as healthy and alert as those through the window.  
"Hey, hey," Harm said, pulling her close when he realised there were tears still running down her face. "It's going to be alright."

"Aha," she said with a sniffle as he stroked her head.

"Where's all the positive energy and confidence you've had this week?" he questioned, pulling back and caressing her face.

"I think I left it at the house," she replied, swiping at her tears. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise, gorgeous," he whispered, kissing her forehead. "You're allowed to be anxious."

"And going through a challenge, right?" she questioned with half a smile, knowing her husband wouldn't call it hormones or emotions.

"Right," he concurred before kissing her again.

It was past seven when Dr Mollison found them after a gruelling consultation with a first time mother who was going home without a baby or a uterus, thanks to severe complications and a very early delivery. She could only hope and pray it wasn't going to be the same for the couple in front of her.

"Rough night, Doc?" Harm asked, standing to greet her.

"Yeah, but all part of the job," she said, trying to brush away the pain of the previous patient. "Now, how are things here?"

"Much the same," Mac said, rubbing her side. "Not pain as much as intense discomfort."

"Intense?" Harm questioned. Mac nodded.

"Okay, come on down to the consultation room and we'll see what's happening," Dr Mollison said leading the way.

The small consultation room was vastly different from the much bigger office Dr Mollison had upstairs. It was also devoid of the doctor's personal touch and of any colour and had a cold, clinical feel which Mac didn't like at all.

After helping Mac onto the examination table, the doctor went into an adjoining room and collected the portable ultrasound.

Taking a few minutes to plug it in and set it up to her liking, Dr Mollison asked questions about the other children and more about the party when they told her what they'd been up to earlier that day – anything to distract her patient, and perhaps herself, from what was going to happen next.

After spending far more time than usual with the ultrasound, capturing images and making notes scan, Dr Mollison grabbed the paper towel and wiped Mac's belly.  
"So, what's the verdict?" Mac asked, a clear nervous edge to her voice as she looked from her husband to her doctor; she really didn't like the feeling building within her.

"Why don't you come on down and we'll discuss it," she replied and Harm could feel his stomach drop to the floor.

Helping his wife off the table and into the chair, Harm took a seat beside her and took both of her hands in his while the doctor sat behind the table and clasped her hands on the torn vinyl cover.

"It's not good, is it?" Mac asked, as she squeezed her husband's hands tightly.

The doctor paused before replying and suddenly Harm had to remind himself to breathe such was the panic coursing through him. 


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: still not mine

~~~~~~~~~~  
Dr Mollison smiled at them both before shaking her head slightly and taking in the panicked expression of both people in front of her.

"It's a bit of both," she said slowly, as she pointed to the monitor. "Firstly, let me say, Frankie is doing just fine. He's in a reasonably good position and his heartbeat's strong and regular."

The relief from the parents-to-be was audible.

"Secondly," Dr Mollison continued. "I think the pain you are having is with the endometriosis and not the baby."

"Just like last time?" Mac checked, her heart currently racing faster than it should be.

"Just like last time," she concurred, before pausing once more.

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" Harm asked, looking between the two. To him it sounded like nothing had really changed, so, if that was the case he had to wonder why this consultation had such a negative energy around it.

"Yes," Dr Mollison said, but her tone was not all that convincing.

"So, what's the bad news," Mac asked bravely, when she realised Harm's focus was on their joined hands.

"Well, the endometriosis is also the bad news," she said, rounding the desk and propping herself in front of Harm.

"Why?" Mac asked almost voiceless before coughing and asking repeating herself.

"I am not comfortable with the double pressure on your uterus. Between the baby and the endometriosis I think it's probably at breaking point, literally," she said, patting Mac's arm.

"So, uh, what does that...um...mean?" Harm asked when Mac failed to speak.

"It means that I think we should bring Frankie's arrival forward a bit, just to ensure both you and he stay in good health and have as little trauma as possible," Dr Mollison said, trying not to let her previous patient's outcome colour her treatment of this one.

Over the next ten minutes Dr Mollison explained the reasons why his birth needed to be brought forward, of the complications going full term would most likely cause, of the problems a spontaneous rupture of the uterus could cause for mother and child.

"Um, how far forward do you think, Dr Mollison?" Harm asked as Mac kept a death grip on his hand. There was only six weeks to go so he knew if Mac could hold on for even another two or three weeks, it would give Frankie a better chance of being completely healthy. And, in the scheme of things three or four weeks early was much better than six.

But then Dr Mollison spoke and made all that thinking totally irrelevant.

"What are your plans for tonight?"

As a nervous Mac was being settled into her room and having all the pre-op requirements completed, Harm was relegated to the waiting room and took the opportunity to call home. As he dialled his home number he wasn't sure who he wanted to talk to but decided Frank or Colin would be best as it would be factual and devoid of 101 questions. Alas, he got his mother.

"Hey, mom," he said. "Are you ready to be a grandma again?" he asked, trying to hide his concern.

Relating the events of the night, Harm tried to remain upbeat and positive about the abrupt arrival of his son.

"Sarah will be fine and so will the baby," Trish said, knowing her son was trying to be brave but needed reassurance just the same. "The children are all asleep, so Frank and I will come straight in. What do you need me to bring?" she asked, all business.

"Nothing really," he said, before reconsidering. "Maybe Mac's toiletries bag and a couple of fresh nightgowns and such," he said, knowing she'd appreciate wearing her own clothes when all this was done. "Oh, and in the nursery is a box of things for Frankie, maybe you can check through that first and bring in the things you think he'll need. There's an overnight bag in the twins' wardrobe you could use. We never got to sort out his bag, still thought we had some time, you know?" Harm was rambling and he knew it but he was desperately trying to pull his thoughts together. "Is that alright?" he finally asked, wondering if his mother had actually understood his convoluted request.

"Of course it's alright," replied Trish, quickly. "Do you want me to call Harriet and Bud for you?" she offered, already heading to the nursery with the cordless phone in her hand.

"Yeah, that would be good," he said nodding. "They should know...and Mattie and Colin and Grams...but of course they're there so you'd tell them anyway..." he rambled, his ability to think through what he wanted to say and deliver it in a precise order having deserted him. "Just don't tell the kids...you know, in case...well, let's just wait and see how things go first."

After his phone call, Harm was given a clipboard with an array of forms to complete and sat in a hard plastic chair scratching out his wife's details and wondering how things had spun so completely out of control in a matter of sixty minutes.

He tried to keep his mind on the positive aspect of the night – that being that very shortly he would be meeting his infant son for the first time. However, the negative aspect, that being the health of his wife, kept invading his thoughts.

"You're right to go back in, sir," a young nurse said and Harm jumped up and headed straight in to room 422, offering a host of prayers as he jogged the thirty two steps to her room.

"How are you doing, gorgeous?" he asked, for what felt like the umpteenth time that night, as he entered the room.

"Oh, I don't know," she replied honestly, taking his hand. "Somewhere between okay and scared to death."

"Oh," he replied, kissing her head. "That's where I am." He figured that if she could be honest, so could he.

"You know they're going to take my uterus out after they do the c-section, don't you?" she questioned, her eyes dark brown watery pools.

"I know," he said softly. "And we're alright with that, aren't we?" he asked, knowing that this had been the plan from the start and that they had had time to come to terms with it.

"Yeah, we are," she said slowly as the tears started to roll. "Are you ready for me to go through menopause?"

Harm wiped the tears away from her face before kissing her briefly.

"I'm ready for anything," he said cupping her face. "I know things seem scary right now, but we're ready for all this," he reassured her. "The only thing that matters right now is making sure you stay alright and getting Frankie here safely, okay?"

"Aha," Mac said, clutching onto his shirt. "Glad you got your confidence back," she whispered. "I seem to have lost mine."

Wrapping her in his strong arms, Harm kissed her head and held her tightly. Truth was he was scared too but there was no way he was letting her see that. For her, he could push it aside, bury it deep and maintain his focus solely on his amazing wife and what she needed to get through, what was undoubtedly one of the most life changing moments of her forty five years.

Mac wanted to be awake for the birth of her son, but wasn't too sure if she'd prefer to be asleep for the surgery she knew would follow. In the end, she argued staying awake and being aware of her baby boy was what she wanted and, once assured that he had arrived safe and sound, they could do what they like to her.

Just after Harm was taken away to scrub up for surgery, Frank, Trish and Grams appeared in Mac's room and hugged and kissed her and told her how much they loved her and how they would look after everything and everyone, including Harm, while she was in surgery and as she recovered. It was their reassurance that settled most of her last minute nerves and she smiled more confidently than she expected as she was wheeled into the OR to meet up with her husband.

The c-section itself was text book, though Harm was oblivious to most of it as he kept his eyes locked with his wife's and whispered his love to her over and over again.  
In next to no time Franklin Georg Harmon MacKenzie Rabb entered the world with a mop of black hair and a fine set of lungs, announcing to all and sundry he had well and truly arrived.

Both parents' eyes followed his path from the delivery table to the nearby counter for his APGAR test to be completed and for him to be bundled up.

"He's just perfect, Mac," Harm said tearfully as the nurse placed the baby on his wife's chest "Just perfect. He has your brown eyes and your nose." He leant down and pressed a kiss on his wife's forehead before kissing his son. "Just perfect. You did good, Mac," he cooed, "Thank you for another son. I love you so very much."

"I love you too and thank you for our beautiful boy," she whispered in reply, tears running down her face as she took in her boy. "Is he really okay, doctor?" she asked, as Dr Mollison moved around the table to take a quick peek at the infant.

"He looks good," Dr Mollison said. "I'd say about 5lbs 6oz and his lungs definitely work," she added with a smile. "Now, usually we'd clean him and assess him in here but given we're about to do the hysterectomy, we'll do it in the next room."

An OR technician snapped a few photos of the little family and then as quickly as Frankie was placed on her chest he was removed by the same nurse to be cleaned up and properly assessed.

"Go with him," Mac insisted, not wanting her boy to be on his own.

"Are you sure?" Harm asked, torn between his wife and son.

"Go, Harm," Dr Mollison said, "You can't be here for this part anyway, sorry."

Leaning down, Harm kissed Mac's forehead several times.  
"I love you very much, Sarah MacKenzie Rabb," he whispered as tears formed in his eyes. "Thank you so much for our beautiful baby boy," he said again. "He's just as amazing as you."

"Love you too," she choked out as the anaesthetist approached with the mask. "Tell Frankie I love him too."

"I will, gorgeous, I will," he promised as the mask was placed over his wife's face and her world went black.

Guided into the next room by a nurse, Harm swiped at his tears and tried to focus on his boy who was naked and lying under the heat lamp as the midwife cleaned him up. Reaching out to him, Harm began to cry harder when the newborn took his finger and held on as his brown eyes opened wide and locked onto his daddy's.

"You're definitely a fighter, aren't you, son?" Harm whispered, using his index finger on his other hand to caress his face.

"He is," said the midwife as she recorded the child's vital measurements and second set of APGAR results. "5lbs 7oz is a good weight."

"Dr Mollison was only 2oz off," he said, his eyes never leaving his son.

"She's had a bit of practice," the midwife said. "Now, I'm going to do the Vitamin K shot and the heel prick test. Are you okay with that or do you need to wait outside?" she asked as she quickly dressed the child before placing a hat on his head to help with heat retention.

"No, I'm good," Harm said, knowing if previous form was anything to go by his eyes would be shut tightly during the actual procedures and his heart would be beating so loudly it would block out some of his son's cries.

"Okay," the midwife said. "But perhaps it might be wise for you to just take a seat for a minute. You do look a little pale."

"I haven't been well," he said, pulling up the chair as he continued to let his son hold his finger. "Peritonitis," he added when she looked at him concerned. He wanted to reassure her there was nothing contagious – nothing he would pass onto his son.

"Okay, well, you just stay seated, I don't want to have to pick you up from the floor," she said with a smile. "You're a fair bit bigger than a newborn."

Injection given, test done, eye drops put in and medical bracelets attached to his arm and leg, Frankie was ready to greet the world.

"So, how is he doing?" Harm asked once he was placed in a small crib, still under the lamp.

"Well, his APGAR score was four at one minute and it's now five so we will place him in the special care nursery for a bit, especially as mom needs a little extra care herself at the moment," she said, scanning his chart. "But considering this young man's six weeks early, I'd say he's doing just fine."

"When can I hold him?" Harm asked, his finger running up and down the boy's cheek. He knew it wouldn't feel real until his baby was cradled in his arms.

Before the midwife could answer an assortment of bells and buzzers went off in the adjoining room and Harm instinctively knew his wife's life was in danger. Jumping to his feet, he ran back into Mac's operating room but he was restrained from getting a foot past the door by a nurse and technician.

"Sir, you can't be in here," the technician said, pushing him back towards the door.

"I've got to..." he began before catching a glimpse of the team frantically working on his wife.

"She's bleeding out," called one voice on the other side of the table.

"Resps down, pulse down," came another voice.

"Get the crash..." was the last thing he heard before the doors were shut and he was once again beside his son.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: still not mine

~~~~~~~~~  
The cries of his son alerted Harm to the fact he wasn't the only one in the room and he reluctantly pulled his attention from the double doors of his wife's operating room to his son in the small crib beside him. Before he could speak, an older man came in and informed him and the midwife that they needed the room for the next patient.

"That's okay," the midwife said, "We were just heading to the special care nursery."

Harm shook his head. He didn't want to leave, not with his wife fighting for her life in the adjoining room. In the end, he was left with no choice as he was given the task of pushing the crib towards the nursery.

As they left the sterile area of the OR, the midwife pushed the swinging doors open and before Harm knew it he was surrounded by his parents, grandmother, Bud and Harriet.

"He's gorgeous," Harriet gushed as the midwife kept the group moving down the corridor.

"Just beautiful, son," Frank said patting him on the back.

"Is he okay?" asked Bud, thinking the infant looked smaller than any of his kids had.

"He's doing well," the midwife answered when she realised the father was overwhelmed by the whole thing.

"Oh, that's good news," said Grams as she held onto Harriet's arm.

Trish smiled at her newest grandson before taking in her son's expression and instantly she knew this was not an entirely happy occasion.

"You have a lovely baby boy," she said, linking her arm through her son's. "How's his mother?"

"Ah," Harm started before coughing and starting once more. "Ah, she's not doing well," he said, his voice shaky. "They are working on her now...she was crashing...but they wouldn't let me stay...needed the room for someone else... she said I needed to stay with Frankie..."

It was whirlwind of emotion Harm was going through as he left his family in the corridor so he could be with Frankie as his was settled into the special care nursery. Once reassured that the infant was fine and in good hands, Harm returned to the corridor and into the open arms of his mother.

As she held him tightly and whispered to him, Frank rubbed his back and Grams took hold of his hand. All trying to pour in their love to the man they loved so dearly. When they started to let go, Frank led him down the hallway to Mac's room, thinking that he would feel better being near her things and near their son at the same time.

While there were lots of bits of conversation, nothing that substantial was said as the group tried to come to terms with the events of the day in their own heads. Harm moved from the chair Frank had sat him in to the window, with Mac's jacket clasped in his hands. He wanted to go back to the OR but didn't want to be too far from his son. Grams seemed to understand his plight.

"Why don't you go back to the OR waiting room, darling," she said gently as she wrapped an arm around his waist. "I'll go in and sit with Frankie. I'm not too sure my nerves can take being out here with you all anyway."

Harm turned around and looked at his grandmother. "I think that's a great idea. I'll take you in and make sure it's okay."

Ten minutes later, Grams was seated beside her newest great grandson, her eyes fixed on his. The little boy reached out for the old woman and she gladly took his hand in hers. Though his eyes were his mother's they were also the same colour as her dearly departed husband's and it sparked long forgotten memories that she was more than happy to spend the night recalling.

Once Harm returned, the group headed back to the plastic chairs in the waiting room where they had first started their vigil. Harm couldn't settle and was up and down in the chairs every time the doors opened. Each person tried to talk to him, to distract him, but nothing worked. In the end, Harriet simply sat by him and slipped her hand into his and refused to let go.

"It's taking too long..." he said, going to stand up but being pulled back by Harriet.

"The longer the better," Trish said and Harm turned to her.

"What do you mean?" he questioned. How could his wife still being in surgery a good thing?

"It means she's still with us," Trish said, caressing his face. "She's still fighting."

Harm nodded; perhaps it was for the best she was still in surgery.

It was nearly forty minutes later, Dr Mollison appeared at the door and Harm was instantly on his feet.

"Well? Is she okay? Can I see her? Is she alright?" he said quickly, not allowing the doctor to respond.

"She's still in surgery, Harm, I've just come out to talk to you," she said, leading him to a chair and sitting next to him.

"You've left her alone?" he asked surprised she'd walk out in the middle of the surgery.

"No, no, Dr Carl Perkins is in there, he's one of the best, he's just finishing up," she replied. "Now, we've done a complete hysterectomy and are cleaning up the endometriosis..."

"She was crashing when I left," he said quietly, "Is she okay?"

"Sarah has had a significant blood loss and we are transfusing her," Dr Mollison reported. "She has a blood clot in the lung, which we are treating and ..."

"Shit!" Harm muttered as Harriet squeezed his hand.

"Now, the damage caused by the endometriosis is quite severe..." she began again.

"We knew that," he interrupted. "That's why we were doing the hysterectomy."

"That's right," she agreed. "But it's more severe than what we thought and both her bowel and bladder is affected."

"What does all this mean?" Trish asked, wanting something concrete to go on.

"It means that, right now, Sarah is in a critical condition," she said gently, "When Dr Perkins is finished, she will be moved from the OR into ICU..."

"When can I see her?" he asked, tears in his eyes making the doctor blurry.

"In about 20 minutes you'll be able to see her for a couple of minutes," she said, patting his arm.

"Doctor," said Frank, "You mentioned the blood clot, her bowel and bladder. What's her prognosis?"

"Sarah is fit and healthy, the endometriosis aside," Dr Mollison replied. "She will need a lot of care and support to recover from the affects of the birth, the surgery and the associated side effects. Our first aim is to get her conscious, after that we'll take things one step at a time."

An eternity later, Harm stood by his wife's bedside in ICU and caressed her face tenderly.

"Mac," he whispered. "I love you so much and so does Frankie. He's just gorgeous, Mac. Grams is sitting with him so you don't have to worry about him being alone. They're in the special care nursery at the moment...the midwife said it's just a precaution as he was six weeks early and you're in here, but she says he's fine. When you're out of ICU, Dr Mollison said I can bring him in...I bet you can't wait to see him again." He was rambling and he knew it but he knew their time during this visit would be short and he wanted to fit as much in as he could.

It wasn't long before he was asked to leave and he did so after kissing her forehead once more.

Outside the ICU, Harm informed his family of the precious minutes with his wife and then looked at all the worried and exhausted faces around him.

"Maybe you should all head home," he said as he slunk into a nearby chair.

The response was an immediate and firm no. Harm nodded, accepting their decision, then his thoughts turned to his other children and he wondered if anyone had called Mattie.

"I did, son," Frank said, handing Harm a cup of hospital quality coffee. "She sends her love and asked that you call her when you can."

"Thanks," Harm said, patting Frank's hand as it rested on his shoulder. "I might do that now," he said getting to his feet. He needed to feel like he was doing something, anything.

Slowly, Harm walked down the corridor towards the public phone, each step using an extraordinary amount of his energy and concentration. Pushing in the numbers, he ignored the fact it was now after midnight, knowing Mattie would still be awake and waiting anxiously.

"Hey, Mats," he said when she picked up.

"How's Mac?" she said quickly and quietly.

"In ICU at the moment," he replied. "I saw her for a couple of minutes."

"And what's the doctor saying?" she asked, squeezing Colin's hand, needing to draw strength from him.

Harm related the news the best he could before yawning. Now the adrenalin was waning he was beyond exhausted.

"Are you going to try and get some sleep?" Mattie asked and Harm just shrugged before he realised Mattie couldn't see him.

"I don't know, Mattie," he said honestly. He knew if he sat anywhere comfortable he'd probably be out like a light but he wanted to remain alert should his wife or baby need him, so therefore settling anywhere was out of the question.

"Lily's been up a couple of times tonight," Mattie reported. "Just says she's having bad dreams."

"She's just stressed about Mac, they're so in tune with each other it's scary," he said before another yawn overtook him.

"I did tell her that you guys were staying at the hospital and that everybody else was in bed," she said, "but I don't know if she believed me."

"If she gets up again, tell her the truth...well, tell her Frankie's here, leave the fact Mac's so ill for me..." he said, knowing it would be easier on him to have Mattie tell Lily that her mom wasn't doing so well but also knowing he was the one who needed to do it.

Within the next hour, Harm was allowed to see Mac on two more occasions, the first one for three minutes, the second visit he stretched out to five. In essence, he told her exactly what he had said in the initial visit, just needing to talk to her and hope that, on some level, she was able to hear and understand him. Between visits to his wife, Harm made his way to the nursery and sat with his son.

During the pregnancy he often thought he may feel resentment towards the infant if this scenario happened, but as Frankie opened his eyes and looked at him, he felt nothing but pure love.

This little guy was the epitome of his parents; brave, resilient, tenacious and obviously with a never say die attitude. He had created a home in what Mac had once referred to as inhospitable land and, although early, had arrived fit and healthy. Harm had to smile at the thought this boy was early – so very much like his mother. If the child took after him, Mac would be ten months pregnant and desperate for him to be out.

"If you're going to sit here for a bit," Grams said, shaking him from his wanderings. "I may just stretch my legs and use the bathroom. Is that alright?"

"Sure, Grams," Harm said, reaching out to take her hand. "Thank you for being here."

"There's nowhere in the world I'd rather be, sweetheart," she said, kissing his head as she passed by him.

A nurse came in and smiled at Harm before taking the usual observations of the infant.  
"Hey, dad, if you are up for it, I'm sure this little man would love a cuddle with his daddy," she said, as she took in Harm's weary appearance. She knew the circumstances following Frankie's delivery and the condition of his mother.

"That would be great," he replied in a sigh. He needed this desperately.

In no time, Frankie was settled against his broad chest and Harm held him closely. Studying him carefully, Harm was overcome with the emotions which had been threatening all evening and began sobbing in the quietness of the nursery. The nurse said nothing but placed a box of tissues by his side and patted his shoulder, just letting him know she was there for him.

For long minutes he sat and cried over his beautiful boy and prayed that Mac would be able to hold and kiss him for herself. Hearing voices outside the door, he looked up to find the nurse talking to people he couldn't see and when Frankie whimpered he turned his attention back to the child.

It wasn't long before his own mother entered the nursery and was instantly in tears at the distress her boy was experiencing. She padded over and wrapped her arm around his head and drew him to her before kissing his head.

"How are you doing?" she finally asked, pulling a Kleenex from the box and drying his face.

"Oh, I've had better days," he said, his voice thick with emotions.

"I'm sure you have, darling," she replied, kissing him once more. "How's my beautiful grandson doing?" she asked, trying to distract Harm.

"Remarkably well," he replied proudly.

"Well, he has MacKenzie Rabb genes, so I'm not surprised," she said, rubbing his back.

Harm smiled; he wasn't surprised himself – not really.

The night proceeded to drag. There were brief moments of relief when he was allowed in with Mac but, aside from that, there was a gnawing emptiness inside him despite the fact he was surrounded by such love and support.

"Harmon, you're exhausted, honey," Trish said, leading him to an old sofa in the waiting room. "Come and sit with me a bit."

Despite Harm's reluctance, Trish drew him towards her and he rested his head on the bag she had in her lap. He told himself he wouldn't sleep, and if he did it would only be for a few minutes to stop the fatigue generated dizziness he was experiencing. Harm's sleep was almost instant and although he wasn't comfortable, Trish let him sleep much longer than Harm would have liked.

It was just after dawn she slowly woke him and instantly he was panicked by the fact he'd been asleep nearly two hours.

"Mac's fine," Harriet reassured him as she handed him a bottle of water. "I've gone to the desk and checked every thirty minutes and would have woken you if she wasn't."

"Thanks, Harriet," he replied and unscrewed the lid. Taking a long drink, Harm let the cool liquid slide down his parched throat.

"And Frankie's fine too," Bud reported. "Just been in to check on him and Grams and they're both sleeping soundly."

Taking a deep breath, Harm rotated his head to free up the kinks in his neck before standing and stretching once more. Looking around at his family, he realised they'd need to come up with a plan. They couldn't all stay at the hospital indefinitely, especially as it left Mattie and Colin at the house with three children who would be up soon, one of whom would be demanding answers.

Forming a plan, Harm decided he'd go and consult Mac before telling the others and disappeared into the ICU.  
"Hey, gorgeous," he said, taking her hand and kissing it. "The nurse said you're doing well but will still probably sleep for another couple of hours. It's 0610 and we've been here 12 hours now, well, you and I have. The others have been here from about 2000. Now, the kids are going to wake soon, and I think it's best if I go home and tell them about Frankie and you. I'll grab a shower and be right back. Mom and dad will stay with you but I might take Grams home with me, she's exhausted...and I'll send Bud and Harriet home too, after all they've got their kids to see to as well. Is that alright with you?"

He never expected a reply but he took the silence as an agreement. Leaning down he kissed her forehead. "Good, I'm glad you agree. Now, you just rest and I'll be back as soon as I can. Just so you know, Frankie is doing so well, Mac," he said. "You'd be so proud of him. He's alert and lively and gorgeous – just like you. Well, like you when you're awake."

He kissed her again. "I love you so much, Mac. I won't be gone long I promise."


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: still not mine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Bud met Harm as he exited ICU and took him aside. Knowing they couldn't all remain at the hospital, Bud had come up with a plan of his own.

"Harm, given your kids are going to be up soon, I think you should head home soon," he said, resting his hand on Harm's arm.

"Yeah, I was just about to sort something out," he replied, scrubbing a hand over his weary features.

"I think you, Grams and your parents should head home and we'll stay with Mac and Frankie until you get back..." Bud began.

"That's very generous of you, Bud, but you have your kids too," Harm said, leaning against the cold wall.

"I know," he replied with a nod. "But they're pretty self sufficient. Anyway, I know Mattie and Colin will want to come back with you. So, when you come back, Harriet and I will go home via your place, pick up the kids and take them to our place. That way your folks and Grams can get some decent sleep."

"What about you and Harriet though, you need to sleep too," he said, with a yawn.

"Yes, we do, but the beauty of our place is it comes with four built in baby sitters who are more than willing to help out," he said, patting Harm's arm.

Knowing all the adults who had sat with him through the night would be able to rest and his children would be in good hands was all Harm needed to go with Bud's plan and soon after he left the hospital.

Walking through the door of his house, Harm was wrapped in Mattie's arms before he could speak.

"Congratulations, daddy," she said, before kissing his cheek.

Harm smiled, it was the first congratulations he'd had all night. When she moved aside, Colin hugged him tightly too, offering his best wishes as well. Trish headed to the kitchen to get some coffee as Frank made his way to the bathroom.

"Ah, Harm," Grams said, pointing to the little girl wandering down the hallway towards them.

"She doesn't know anything," Mattie whispered before taking Grams arm and allowing father and daughter some space.

"Where's mommy?" Lily asked as she padded straight over to her father.

"Mommy is in hospital," he said, picking her up and sitting down in the armchair with her.

"Is she alright?" Lily questioned as she wrapped her arms around Harm's neck.

"Well, at 8:31 last night, your baby brother arrived," he said slowly, trying to find the right words.

"Really?" she asked wide eyed. "Frankie's here? Can I see him? Oh, I can't wait to hold him."

"Yes, sweetie, Frankie is here," he confirmed, kissing her forehead. "He's early and little but the doctor said he's doing well. He's got black hair and brown eyes, like yours, and he's just beautiful."

"Oooh, he sounds so cute, daddy," Lily enthused.

"He is, Lil, he is," he said before taking a deep breath.

"What about mommy?" she questioned, her fingers tugging on her father's collar.

"Well," he drawled and Lily's eyes filled with tears.

"She isn't dead is she?" Lily questioned, after all, that's what happened in her dreams last night.

"No, no, baby, not at all," he said quickly, pulling her close and kissing her head repeatedly.

"She isn't going to be dead is she?" she questioned, just in case her dreams weren't quite right.

"No, Lily, mommy's going to be fine," he said, praying that he was right. "At the moment, she is in a special room called intensive care because after Frankie came she had to have her uterus taken out and it made her quite sick."

"Poor mommy," Lily said with a pout before her tears spilt over.

"She's going to be okay, pumpkin, so don't cry," he whispered, kissing her forehead.

"Can I see her?" she questioned and Harm shook his head.

"Not while she's in intensive care, Lily, only daddy is allowed in there, not even grandma or grandpa are allowed," he explained. "And you have to promise me you aren't going to try to go there by yourself," he added as an afterthought.

"I won't, dad," she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I learnt my lesson."

Over the next few minutes he told Lily of the plans for the day and Lily nodded. As Mattie and Colin organised themselves and Trish organised some things for the twins, Lily sat quietly in her father's arms.

"I know I can't see mommy," she said, looking up at him tearfully. "But when you go back to the hospital, can I go with you to see Frankie and then I can leave with Aunty Harriet and Uncle Bud? I promise I'll be good."

Harm looked up at Frank and he nodded, so Harm nodded too.  
He was in no real state to think things through on his own.

Before they left the house, Harm went in and tried to wake the twins to tell them their brother had arrived. Rose muttered something before falling back asleep and Harry stayed asleep throughout.

"I'll tell them later," Trish said, taking his arm and leading him from the nursery.

Walking out of the elevator on the maternity floor, Harm had to wonder when Lily had become so strong. She had such a grip on a couple of his fingers that he wasn't all that positive she wouldn't break them. Deciding to ease her mind, Harm scooped her up and placed her on his hip.

"It's going to be okay, pumpkin," he whispered, as he led the way down the corridor followed by Colin and Mattie.

His first stop was the waiting room outside the ICU, Bud was sitting there alone dozing but was quickly alert when he heard Lily call his name. He reported that all was well, or as well as it had been when he left, and given Lily's presence decided to leave the specific medical details out.

Harm smiled in relief before Bud directed them towards the special care nursery where they would find Harriet.

"Hey, Harm," Harriet said coming out of the special care nursery. "Everything is well with Frankie – he's such a gorgeous little thing." She opened her arms and Lily leant across before being released by her father and wrapping her legs around her godmother's waist. Harriet kissed the child and hugged her close. "Are you okay, sweetie?" Lily nodded, her bottom lip trembling.

"I'm going to go in and check that it's alright for you to visit," he said, ruffling Lily's hair, she nodded again feeling very nervous. It was one thing to want to come in when you're at home, but once you're in the hospital it was very different.

Harm disappeared into the nursery as Harriet cradled Lily to her and rubbed her back. Colin and Mattie were very quiet, neither wanting to ask the questions they had while Lily was there and neither knowing how to make small talk in these circumstances.

After an intense conversation with the nurse in charge who wasn't all that accepting of the need to have an eight year-old in special care, she finally relented when she looked out the window to see Lily's sad and desperate face.

With Lily's hands washed thoroughly and a pair of oversized surgical scrubs on, she was guided to her baby brother's crib and peeked in. Smiling she took in the sight of Frankie being awake and looking at her.

"He's really cute, dad," she said in awe of the bundle in front of her.

"Yes, he is," he replied, kissing her head. "Just like his big sister."

"Is he going to get bigger?" she asked, her hand nearly as long as his leg.

"He sure will," he said, "He'll grow up big and strong, just like you and the twins."

"Is it his fault mommy's so sick?" she asked tearfully, turning around to face her father.

"No, Lily," Harm said firmly. "That was her uterus. You know that."

"Yeah, but ..." she said but trailed off when Frankie began fussing.

"But nothing, Lily," Harm said as he placed a comforting hand on Frankie. "None of this is Frankie's fault."

Once the Roberts' and Lily had departed, Harm made his way back into ICU and stood by his wife's bed. Caressing her face, he let his fingers wander to her hair and raked through her locks.

"Anytime you want to wake up, gorgeous, you can," he whispered before kissing her forehead. "I'm really ready to be able to look into your eyes again and let you know how much I love you."

Mac murmured something and although she didn't wake, Harm took it as a good sign.

"Things are looking good," Dr Mollison said, coming to stand at the other side of the bed with Mac's chart in her hand. "The blood clot has dissolved and she's breathing easier. Her fluid levels are back up and kidney and liver functions are acceptable."

"When will she wake up?" he asked, lacing his fingers through Mac's.

"At the moment, it's the pain relief meds keeping her sedated, in a couple of hours we will reduce them and she'll become more alert," the doctor said, making a few notes.

"Won't she be in pain when you reduce them?" he asked, desperate to see her awake, not wanting her to be in any more pain than she needed to be.

"Yes, she will," Dr Mollison confirmed. "But it will be nothing she can't handle."

When the visit was concluded, Dr Mollison walked him back out to Mattie and Colin before taking in his exhausted appearance in the harsh fluorescent lighting of the waiting room.

"When are you going to get some sleep, Harm?" she asked, resting her hand on his arm. "I know you haven't been all that well lately and once Mac is awake she's going to need you to be rested and strong for her."

"I can't sleep until I know she's alright," he protested. "I need to see her awake."

"I will be here for a few hours doing rounds and writing up notes, so why don't you take a nap in my office upstairs – the sofa's quite comfortable," she offered.

Harm went to protest but Mattie interjected.  
"Thank you so much, doctor," she said, linking her arm through Harm's. "Harm will take you up on your offer." Before he could say anything, Mattie turned to him and smiled. "I'm here, Colin's here, Frankie's here, Dr Mollison's here, and you'll just be upstairs," she said quietly. "If you don't get some sleep now, you are going to make yourself ill and Mac is not going to be happy with that at all, is she?"

Harm shook his head.

"Okay, so come with me," Dr Mollison said and dutifully Harm followed.

Later that afternoon, after Harm had slept for four uninterrupted hours and had eaten his first meal in 24 hours, he made his way back to the special care nursery for another cuddle with his boy. As he rested against his father's chest, Frankie began to cry and Harm didn't really know what to do to comfort him. Before he could become distressed himself, a nurse offered him a small bottle.

"This little man is hungry, would you like to feed him?" she asked and Harm nodded. "We expressed this from your wife," she continued. "We wanted to make sure he had the colostrum and give him the best chance fight any infection."  
Harm nodded again.

As Frankie lay in his arms and suckled at the bottle, Harm's thoughts went back to the first feeds he had done for his other children. Lily was six months old before he got to bottle feed her and as she fed she looked up at him with big brown trusting eyes which gradually got heavier and heavier.

The twins were different. Mac fed them exclusively for the first two months but after that they used formula at night to supplement her milk and ensure they were full and slept through the night. Rose had taken to the bottle well and drank it all before giving the biggest burp and bringing half of it back up and over Harm. Harry was not at all impressed by a manufactured nipple and kept spitting it out and hollering at anyone who would listen.

In the end, a frustrated Harm handed the baby over to his mother and Mac placed the bottle to his lips. It wasn't quite what Harry wanted but with his head resting on Mac's bare chest, he figured it was the next best thing and drank contentedly, to Harm's amazement.

This time though, this baby boy had never had the luxury of his mother's breast to be able to compare. He hadn't had her soothing caresses or heard her crooning a lullaby. He'd had one short look at her and Harm knew that was nowhere near enough to leave a memory imprint for him.

"Come on, Frankie," he whispered, "Drink up for daddy."

He drank slowly and messily, his suckling reflexes present but not quite refined enough to ensure a smooth meal. A couple of times he stopped all together and the nurse stimulated his cheeks to try and get him to continue, it worked. When he was done, Harm raised him to his shoulder to burp him and then resettled him in the crib.

"Frankie is doing really well," said the nurse as she noted the feed time on his chart. "He'll spend a few more days in here and then he'll move down the corridor to the other nursery."

Harm smiled; finally some good news. Now, if only he could get some equally positive news about his wife.

Colin replaced him in the special care nursery as Mattie walked with Harm back to the ICU waiting room. Slipping her hand into his, Mattie said nothing but squeezed it as they approached ICU once more. Harm turned and kissed her head before moving through another door and in to see his wife.

Pulling up a chair beside her, Harm held onto her hand and rested his head on their joined hands. Silently, he thanked God for his son's good health and determined nature, then he prayed for his wife's recovery and he prayed hard.

Raising his head, he looked at her through teary blue eyes before lifting her hand and resting it against his cheek. He needed her to wake up. He needed her to touch him, to hold him, to celebrate the birth of their child and the completion of their family. He needed her to be alright.

"Hm," she murmured and Harm was on alert. True, he couldn't tell whether it was an attempt at his name or a moan of pain or his imagination, but he watched intently for any sign she was coming back to him.

"Mac, gorgeous, I'm right here," he whispered, squeezing her hand. "Wake up, Mac, please wake up."

Nothing.

"Please, Mac, open your eyes for me. Please!" He knew he was begging but he didn't care.

Nothing.

"Mac, I need you to let me know you're okay. Please, honey, please open your eyes, I love you so much, Mac," he whispered as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"H..a...r...m..."

One word, drawn out and virtually unintelligible to anyone else but Harm knew it was his name coming from his wife's lips.

"Mac!"

He was on his feet, leaning over her, caressing her face, kissing her hand, pleading with her to wake.

"Harmmmm," she repeated and a nurse appeared at her bedside as her monitors pinged and registered changes in her breathing and pulse rates.

"She's waking up," Harm said, confident in his diagnosis.

"She is," the nurse confirmed. "It may not happen right now, but I'm sure she'll be much more alert within the hour."

"Thank goodness," he muttered. He would give anything for this ordeal to be over and with a positive outcome.

Too soon for Harm's liking he was asked to leave and with a changeover of staff he knew he wouldn't be allowed visit for at least another hour.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: still not mine

Thanks to those who are still reviewing, it's much appreciated. There are 23 chapters in this instalment and then that's it from me for a while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The following hour of Harm's life was by far the longest he'd ever experienced. Every second felt like a minute, every minute felt like an hour. He sat and paced and paced and sat. He visited Frankie, phoned the house and the Roberts', he was made to eat and drink by Mattie and taken outside for a walk by Colin who was feeling a little claustrophobic himself being inside for so long.

While sitting out in the small garden drinking coffee, Harm drew in some deep breaths, hoping the extra dose of oxygen would clear his headache.

"I can go get you some Tylenol," Colin offered. "Mattie has some in her purse."

"No, thanks anyway," Harm said, preferring to let it abate of its own accord.

"Are you sure?" Harm nodded. "What about some water? Some food?" Colin offered and Harm shook his head.

It was in the garden Trish, Frank and Grams found them when they turned up to visit the new addition and hold vigil with their son for his wife.

"You're exhausted, darling," Trish said, embracing her boy as he stood to greet her.

"I'm okay," Harm said, holding her tightly. "I got some sleep earlier."

"And have you been eating?" she questioned, stroking his face.

"Yes, mom," he replied.

Trish looked towards Colin and when he nodded in confirmation, Trish accepted it as the truth.

"Colin and I were just about ready to head back upstairs," Harm said, "Are you coming too or did you want to get some coffee or something first?"

"We're ready to come up now, Harm," Grams said, linking her arm through his. She was eager to see her great grandson again and knew Harm was anxious to get back to his wife.

A quick family visit to the special care nursery was first on the agenda, followed by more time in the ICU waiting room, while Grams stayed with Frankie. Finally allowed back in to see Mac, Harm paused by the door drawing in some deep breaths, asking his nerves to abate so he could be strong for his wife and not crumble at her pain and suffering.

His stoic intent lasted until he saw Mac in floods of tears and he ran to her side and kissed her.

"Hey, hey," he soothed, taking her in an embrace he hoped wouldn't hurt her. "Shh, shh," he whispered, kissing her head. "It's okay, it's all okay."

"Harm," she whimpered, trying to hold onto him but her muscles being too tired to do so.

"It's all okay, gorgeous," he said, kissing her forehead, "You're okay."

"I'm sorry," she croaked. "So sorry. Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for, gorgeous," he said, wiping her face.

"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry," she repeated until she succumbed to sleep.

It was Dr Mollison's hand on his shoulder which startled him.

"What's she so sorry about?" Harm asked her, tears running down his face.

"Well, Sarah thinks she has lost the baby," Dr Mollison said quietly.

"What?" Harm was instantly on his feet.

"It's the effects of the pain meds and the anaesthetic," she explained, rubbing his shoulder. "She's just confused."

"You've told her Frankie's alright, haven't you?" he beseeched, grabbing the doctor's hand. Pain coursing though him at the pain and distress his wife would be experiencing.

"Of course, we have, Harm," she said gently. "We have told her every time she's woken."

Moments later, Mac stirred again and once again whimpered and apologised over and over again. And once again, Harm held her and kissed her and soothed her.

"I lost our baby," she cried, rubbing her flatter stomach. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"No, no, you didn't gorgeous. Frankie's okay, Mac," he said, trying to hold her gaze with his. "He's in the special care nursery."

"I lost him. I tried my best, please don't hate me," she begged trying to grab onto Harm's shirt, "I tried...I didn't want to lose him."

"We haven't lost him, Mac," Harm cried. "He's alive and well...Grams is sitting with him now. He's well and perfect and waiting for a cuddle from his mommy."

Mac drifted off to sleep once more and Harm was left heartbroken at her distress.

"Why don't you step outside for a few minutes, compose yourself, take a breath and then we'll try again," Dr Mollison said, feeling rather emotional herself at the hurt they were both experiencing.

Harm nodded and swiped at his face before kissing Mac once more and heading out to the waiting room. The look of pure heartache on his face was all it took for the others to think the worst and instantly they surrounded him.

"No, no," Harm said when he realised what they were thinking. "Mac's okay," he said before trying to stop his tears and gulp a breath.

"Then what is it, son?" Frank asked, wrapping a supportive arm around Harm's waist and pulling him closer.

"She thinks Frankie's dead and she's so...so upset," he said not trying to hide the tears which had spilt over.

"Oh, Harm," he said before taking him in an embrace and holding him tight. "She'll be okay once she wakes up fully," he said as he patted Harm's back. "It's only the effects of the drugs."

"I know. I know," Harm said, clinging to Frank.

"Still hurts like hell, doesn't it?" he questioned and Harm nodded into the older man's shoulder.

Trish, Mattie and Colin looked on at the scene with tears in their eyes, each wishing they could take away the pain both Harm and Mac were experiencing.

"You come and sit, Harm," Trish said, taking her son's arm and leading him to a chair, while Colin went and got him some water.

"She's going to be fine," Mattie said, her confident words in contrast to the tears on her face. "Here..." She handed him a Kleenex and took the seat beside him before taking a tissue for herself.

Ten minutes later, Harm had pulled himself together, visited the bathroom, washed his face and was standing at the door to ICU once more.

"Sir!" called a man in white scrubs. "It's good to see you again."

Harm studied the young man's face and couldn't identify him.

"My name's Lawrence, I was a technician in your wife's surgery yesterday," he explained seeing the confusion on the older man's face. "I was the one who took the photos of you and your wife and the baby," he said proudly. "Did you like them?"

"What photos?" Harm asked. He hadn't been aware of any being taken let alone seen the end result.

"I take a couple of photos just after the birth for the parents, to capture that first meeting. You know, usually you have photo albums with junior meets grandma and junior meets big brother, but very few of junior meets mom and dad."

"Great idea," Harm said nodding. They had albums exactly like that. "Are you saying you have photos of us?" he asked, hoping the photographic evidence would convince his wife.

"I left them at the desk last night," he said, "Weren't they given to you?" Harm shook his head. "Gimme a minute."

A few minutes later Lawrence reappeared with three photos in his hand; one of Frankie moments after his birth, one with Harm and Mac looking at their newborn and the last with Harm kissing his son while Mac looked on. Harm studied the photos for a moment and tried to find the words to thank this man. In the end, words failed him so, very uncharacteristically, he threw his arms around him and hugged Lawrence tightly.

"This means the world, thank you," he managed as he let Lawrence go. "Thank you."

Armed with the photos, Harm made his way back to his wife's side and placed a kiss upon her forehead. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open but before she could speak, Harm pressed a finger to her lips.

"Before you say anything, gorgeous," he whispered, his gaze holding hers. "I want you to look at something, okay?" With a slight nod and blink, Mac agreed."This," he said, turning the first photo around, "Is our beautiful, healthy baby boy – Franklin Georg Harmon MacKenzie Rabb." Passing the photo to his wife, he helped her to hold it and waited for her to have a good look. Closing her eyes, Mac brought the photo to her lips and kissed her baby. Harm reached over and swiped the tears from her face before removing the photo. "This one is Frankie meeting mommy and daddy," he said and Mac smiled through her tears.

"He's ... beautiful," she whispered.

"Was there ever any doubt?" he replied. "After all, he takes after you?" Mac just cried more. "And this one," he continued, removing the second photo and replacing it with the third, "Is us welcoming him and ..." he pointed to Mac's face. "Look how blissfully happy you are, gorgeous."

"So, he's really ...alright?" she asked breathlessly, finally dragging her eyes from the photos to her husband's face.

"He really is, sweetheart," he reassured her with a kiss to the head. "So much so that he should be able to be into the regular nursery tomorrow or the day after."

"Really?" she whispered, fresh tears falling. "But he's so early."

"Yes, but he's a little fighter, just like you," he replied, kissing her hands. "And he can't wait for his mommy to give him a cuddle."

"Me either," she said before yawning. "Have you cuddled him?"

"I have and I've fed him and kissed him and told him how much we both love him," Harm said caressing her face as her eyes fluttered. "And I've been here and kissed you and told you how much we all love you too."

This time walking out of ICU, Harm was far more composed. If he could actually think clearly enough, he would most likely say he was, to use Mac's phrase from earlier in the week, at ease and it showed on his face.

"You seem much happier, Harm," Mattie said as she came over to hug him.

"I am," he said with a grin.

"I take it Mac's awake," Colin said, getting up from the chair.

"She's gone back to sleep now, but she was awake and she understands the baby's okay and she's doing well and ..."  
He sighed as he let his words trail. For the first time since all this started he felt things would work out well for both his wife and son; it was such an amazing, yet indescribable sensation.

"Does that mean I can take you home and put you to bed for a few hours?" asked Trish. Harm shook his head.

"No, not yet," he said, raising his arms and stretching to loosen up his back. "It's too early."

"Harm, honey, it's past dinner time," Trish said with a smile.

"Oh, the kids," he said, wondering if any plans had been made for them.

"They are still with Harriet and she's more than fine with them being there for as long as necessary. She took the cases they had with them to her place and said to call in whenever you wanted, any time of the day or night. She's quite an amazing woman."

"Yes, she is," Harm agreed before checking his watch. "If you're happy to stay here for a bit, I might just go and see the kids and come back. Then you can all go home for the night."

"And what about you?" Mattie asked.

"I'm going to be fine right here," he said with a confident smile. Even though his wife was still in ICU he felt far happier about things.

Colin and Mattie drove him to the Roberts' and went inside with him before heading back to the house. It was bath time when they arrived and Harm found his youngest two splashing around and making a big mess in the upstairs bathroom.

"Daddy!" they shrieked in unison when the spied him at the door before trying to jump up and splashing more water out in the process.

"Sorry, Harriet," he said as she grabbed a towel and dabbed the water from her face.

"It's fine," she replied, getting up from her knees and hugging him. "How are things?"

"Improving," he said with a smile which told her everything she needed to know.

"Glad to hear it," she said kissing his cheek. "Now, Lily has gone with Nikki and AJ to get some snacks for tonight. I told the girls they could have a movie marathon tonight, thought it might keep Lily's mind off things."

"How is she?" he asked as he knelt by the bath to caress his youngest daughter.

"Mostly good,' Harriet reported. "A bit quieter and tearier than usual but that's to be expected. When the twins had a nap this afternoon she climbed up on my lap and cried for a bit before falling asleep."

Harm nodded; the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. He turned his attention to finishing the task Harriet had started.

"If you're right here, Harm, I might just go finish off in the kitchen," she said, knowing he just needed quality time with his kids.

As she descended the stairs, she spied Bud talking to Colin and Mattie by the door.

"You two are going to eat something aren't you?" she said, guiding them towards the kitchen before they had a chance to reply. "Come on, it's much better than that hospital food."

Mattie took one look at Harriet's watermarked clothes and smiled.

"The twins', right?" she said. "I thought it was just me they soaked."

"Nope," she said as she hugged Mattie, "They soak anyone in a ten foot radius of the bathtub."

It took Harriet and Bud only a few minutes to have the kitchen table covered with an assortment of leftovers, provisions for sandwiches, cakes and pies and juice. Handing large plates and glasses to the pair, Harriet instructed them to eat. Colin was a little shy at first but Bud put an end to that by taking the plate back and piling it high.

"If you don't eat it voluntarily," he whispered when Harriet's back was turned. "She'll come and spoon feed you herself." Colin laughed but Bud shook his head. "I'm not joking." This time Mattie laughed.

As the pair ate, Harriet poured herself a glass of juice and sat with them, talking about Mac and Frankie, then about Harm and how he was dealing with it all. Mattie told them of Harm's plan to head straight back to the hospital and how they were concerned that he was going to make himself sick and how being there by himself wasn't a good thing but he was insistent the others all needed to go home for the night and sleep.

"Don't worry, Mattie," Bud whispered as they heard Harm and the twins coming downstairs. "I'll take him back to the hospital and stay with him."

Harm was halfway through his meal when the backdoor opened and AJ came in followed by the girls.

"Daddy!" Lily cried, running to him and jumping on him, not caring she knocked over his glass of water. "Is mommy okay?"

"Yes, baby," he replied, caressing her face as Harriet, Colin and Bud tried to mop up the spill. "She's been awake and talking to me."

"Can I see her? Please, can I?" she begged, pulling on his shirt.

Harm shook his head. "Not yet, Lil, she's still in intensive care."

"That's not fair," Lily protested, her eyes filling with tears.

"I know," he replied. "But that's the way it is, sweetheart."

"I'm not even allowed to see her," Mattie said, rubbing Lily's back.

"Neither am I," added Colin as he tossed the last of the water soaked napkins.

"So, it's not just me that can't see her?" she asked and Harriet shook her head.

"No, Lily, no one but your daddy," Harriet said as she refreshed Harm's drink.

"Okay," she said with a deep sigh before burying her face in Harm's neck and holding tightly.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: still not mine

Thanks to those who are still reviewing, it's much appreciated. There are 23 chapters in this instalment and then that's it from me for a while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
By midnight, Harm had put to bed his twins, hugged and held Lily for a long time when she tearfully didn't want him to go, argued, albeit unsuccessfully, that he didn't need Bud at the hospital with him, arrived back at said hospital to send his parents and grandmother home, spent a few minutes with his wife as she slept and an hour with his newborn son.

"Here," said Bud, handing him a mug of coffee from the thermos Harriet had packed for them. "It's much better than the hospital stuff."

"Thanks, Bud," he replied, taking the cup. "Certainly smells better too."

Picking up a biscuit from the box Bud was offering him, Harm sat back in the chair and drew a weary breath.

"With both Mac and Frankie sleeping, why don't you go home and get some proper sleep Harm? It wasn't all that long ago you spent a week in hospital yourself," he said before taking a sip of coffee.

"I know, Bud, but there's no way I'm leaving them here alone," he said quietly.

"They're not alone," he replied. "There are thirty staff alone on this floor and I'll stay."

"That's very generous of you but, really, I'm okay," Harm said, with a weary smile. "Even though there's nothing I can do I feel better just being here."

Half an hour later, a doctor came out to see if Harm was around and was pleased to find him in the waiting room. He identified himself as Dr Carl Perkins and Harm recognised the name as the other surgeon who had operated on his wife.

"What's wrong?" Harm asked, as both he and Bud got to their feet.

"Nothing, nothing," he said, patting Harm's shoulder. "I've just settled a patient in ICU and was talking to your wife."

"Is she okay?" Harm asked, itching to get back in to see her again.

"She's very concerned about the effects of the surgery and that she's in ICU," he reported. "Worried about the damage to her organs..."

"Should she be worried?" Harm asked. He had been so focused on getting her conscious; he hadn't given thought to her actual physical condition.

"Would you rather we have this discussion in private?" he asked looking towards Bud.

"No, it's okay," Harm said as he remembered Bud was there with him.

"Well," Bud said, not feeling comfortable about hearing the information himself. "If it's alright, I'd rather go check on Frankie than intrude."

Dr Perkins sat in a chair and Harm sat beside him. He told Harm of the impact such a severe degree of endometriosis could have on internal organs and Harm had nodded; he'd read all about it over the years. The doctor then went on to say Mac's bowel and bladder function had been affected but only time would tell whether this was a permanent or just a temporary affliction.

"Does Mac need more surgery?" Harm asked, hoping the answer was no, but the doctor nodded. "She does?"

"In a couple of days, when she's stable, we'll take her back in," Dr Perkins said. "There were a few things we needed to do during the last surgery but because she became so ill we had to put that on hold."

"Will she..." he began but couldn't bring himself to finish it.

"Will she what, Harm?" the doctor probed.

"Will she be okay with the surgery?" he asked quietly. "She's still so weak."

"I know," he said. "And it's always a risk. However, there's still some cleaning up we want to do and we don't want to run the risk of infection."

"Okay," Harm said with a nod. "Can I go in and see her?"

"Sure, I'll take you in."

ICU was still a hive of activity belying the time of night. Staff and machines were working hard to ensure the six patients spread out around the room were as comfortable as possible and continuing to improve. While that was the case for Mac, he knew from the attention being focused on a woman in the far corner that her prognosis was not as good.

"Harm," Mac said, a smile coming to her face before her brow furrowed. "It's after midnight...why you still here?" she asked, her eyes narrowing to focus on him.

"Because you are," he replied, moving over to kiss her.

"No, you home," she said, her message clear even if her grammar wasn't perfect.

"No, I'm staying," he replied, caressing her face.

"Doctor," Mac said, looking towards Dr Perkins. "Tell him go home...he been sick. Tell him."

"Harm, I believe your wife wants you to go home," Dr Perkins said. "And I think it's a good idea."

"I'm fine," he said to the doctor before turning to his wife. "I'm fine, Mac."

"Go sleep, home, now," she said more insistently. Feeling lousy herself she couldn't bear looking at his pale skin and dark eyes and knowing she was causing it.

"Okay, okay," he conceded. "I'll go home and be back in a few hours."

"Ten," she said and Harm was confused.

"Ten what?" he asked.

"O'clock," she said. "Not back before ten."

"I'll be back in way before that, Mac," he said with a small laugh. How could she think he would stay away for ten hours?

"Doc...not let him back in here before ten...okay?" she asked, her eyes getting heavier.

"Mac," Harm went to protest.

"Doc...it's order..."

Dr Perkins looked at Harm and patted his back. "You're wife has spoken, Harm. Say goodnight and get your friend to take you home. She'll see you at ten."

After showering, Harm dressed in his pyjamas and crawled in bed. While he would have moved into the hospital had he been allowed, he found the simple thought of time in his own bed enough to bring a smile to his face. Lying on his own side of the bed, Harm shifted around a bit, surprised sleep wasn't coming as instantaneously as he thought.

Eventually, he slid onto Mac's side and his head sunk into her pillow. Inhaling the comforting scent of her shampoo and conditioner, Harm drifted off into a dreamless oblivion.

Around seven, Harm awoke feeling somewhat better yet not that refreshed. Grabbing his cell, he called the hospital for an update on mother and son before his feet had hit the floor. More than pleased with the good reports, he headed to the bathroom before dressing quickly and making his way to the kitchen.

"You're up earlier than I thought, Harm," said Grams, getting up from the table to get him some breakfast.

"I can do that, Grams," he said as he realised what she was doing.

"Hush, and sit," she said. "Your breakfast is the least I can do."

As she placed a large mug of coffee in front of him, Grams paused to caress his face before kissing his forehead. "How are you doing, darling?" she asked, cupping his face in her hand.

"I'm doing okay, Grams," he replied with a smile. "I phoned the hospital and Mac and Frankie have had a good night, so that's good news."

"It is," she concurred. "But I asked how you were doing?" she said, her eyes holding his.

"So long as they are alright there's not a thing wrong with me," he replied and Grams smiled; the man in front of her was as stubborn as his father and grandfather when it came to talking about themselves. Instead of forcing the issue, she kissed his head and continued with his breakfast.

Knowing Mac was adamant about Harm's arrival time, Harm decided that he would see her at ten exactly, as per her wishes. As she hadn't said anything about visiting with Frankie before then, Harm slipped into the special care nursery at 8:30, just in time to have a cuddle and then feed him.

As the magical hour approached, Harm called over the nurse.

"I know it's not the done thing, but is there any chance of taking Frankie to meet his mother?" Harm asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry, Harm," she replied, "but he can't go into ICU."

"He doesn't need to," said another nurse. "Your wife was moved from ICU into a room a little while ago. She's already asked to see Frankie but they're still settling her in."

"So, does that mean I can take him?" he asked, anxious to see his wife.

"I can take him," the nurse said, "Hospital policy, you know, but you can lead the way."

Wheeling the crib down the corridor, Harm couldn't believe the level of excitement he was experiencing. Arriving at Mac's door, the nurse peeked through the glass panel and smiled when she saw Mac was awake.

"How about you pick him up?" she whispered, "Mommy's awake."

Gently picking up his son, Harm took a few cleansing breaths as the nurse opened the door for him.

"Hello, mommy," he said, watching Mac's eyes widen and fill with tears as he approached her with the blue bundle in his arms. "I have someone here who wants to say hello."

"Oh my," Mac said with a tearful sigh. "My baby."

"Yes, he is," Harm said, as he leant down to kiss her forehead.

The nurse moved in and adjusted the bed so Mac was in a comfortable seated position.

"Can I?" Mac whispered, holding out her arms. "Please."

"You certainly can," he replied, moving in to hand the child over. "Franklin Georg Harmon MacKenzie Rabb, I don't know if you remember this beautiful lady but she is your mommy and she is, and will always be, the most amazing person you'll ever know."

"Oh, Harm," she said, before reaching up and kissing his cheek.

With ease, Harm slipped the baby into her arms and adjusted some pillows so his weight was on them and not Mac's abdomen. As Mac lovingly gazed down at her son, Harm couldn't help the grin which threatened to split his face in two. Nor could he help the tears which fell at response to hers. Glancing around for some tissues, he couldn't help but notice the nurse brushing away tears too.

"You are just so precious, aren't you, Frankie?" Mac whispered as her finger stroked his cheek. Frankie's eyes opened and fixed on hers, chocolate brown meeting chocolate brown. "You're gorgeous," she continued. "Just like your daddy. And look at your hair. How did you get so much? Your brother and sisters were practically bald! I can't wait for you to meet them."

"Lily has," Harm said quietly. "She came in yesterday morning, she was distressed about you and it was a compromise," he said before explaining the encounter.

"When can I see her and the twins?" she asked with an unmistakeable pleading tone.

"Now you are in here, visitors shouldn't really be an issue. However, you still need plenty of rest and visitors should be kept to a minimum. How old are your other children?" the nurse asked.

"Lily is eight and the twins turned three on Friday," Harm said, perching himself on the bed and kissing Mac's head.

"Well, perhaps Lily can visit for a few minutes this evening," she said. "As for the twins, they may be a little too boisterous for a visit. Perhaps they could wait a few days."

Harm nodded; although he also knew a few days would see Mac in and then recovering from her next surgery and he wasn't sure what to do.

"Maybe I can see them tomorrow, one at a time for a couple of minutes," Mac said hopefully.

"Maybe," the nurse replied. "Let's just visit with this little guy for now."

For the next ten minutes, Mac held and kissed her son, she whispered her love for him over and over again and all too soon it was time for him to return to the nursery.

"Can't he stay?" she asked when the nurse moved to tuck him back into his crib.

"Not this time, Sarah," she replied. "Fifteen minutes out of the nursery max. However, when he gets moved to the regular nursery he can be in here for as long as you'd like."

Once Frankie was back in the nursery, Harm returned to his wife's side, slipped his hand into hers before kissing her head. Mac's eyes opened and she smiled at him wearily.

"How are you doing, gorgeous?" he asked as he propped himself on the edge of her bed, facing her.

"Much better for having held Frankie," she said, rubbing his arm.

"I bet," Harm said with a grin. "He's perfect, isn't he?"

"Aha," she replied with a nod. "Just like you."

"Aw, thanks," he said, briefly kissing her lips. "I was thinking just like you."

For the best part of the morning, it was just Mac and Harm and a procession of nurses in and out of the room. There was another cuddle with Frankie and short visits from Frank, Trish and Grams, all one at a time.

After lunch, Frankie was brought back in for a feed and Harm helped Mac get herself into a comfortable position. Once her breast was exposed, the nurse situated Frankie in a mutually agreeable place before guiding him to the breast. The baby was reluctant to latch on and Mac's concern grew; she'd never had this issue with the other three.

"He's early and late pre-term babies do have issues with latching on and suckling," the nurse said when she caught Mac's worried expression.

"But he's been feeding in the nursery," Mac said. "How's that different?"

"There's a little more control of the bottle than the breast by the person nursing," she said, "But I'm sure with a little practice, young Franklin here will become a master at it."

Breastfeeding wasn't mastered in that first session and although Mac hadn't expected it to, she was still feeling sad and disappointed by it when Frankie returned to the nursery. Snuggling down into her bed, Mac tearfully closed her eyes and tried to ignore the pain in her abdomen and that in her heart. She had to wonder whether being so ill which necessitated Frankie's bottle feeding had taken away her opportunity to breastfeed her youngest child. While many women weren't fond of breastfeeding, she loved it and was heartbroken at the thought she wouldn't be able to do it this time.

"Do you want me to leave you to get some sleep?" Harm asked coming back into the room and finding Mac lying on her side with her back to him. Mac nodded. "Okay, gorgeous, I might..." He trailed when he realised she was crying.

Quickly he moved to the other side of the bed and crouched down so they were face to face.

"What is it?" he asked gently. Mac shook her head. "Are you in pain?" She shook her head again. "Is it the breastfeeding?" While she didn't nod her lack of response gave Harm his answer. "If you remember it wasn't perfect the first time with the others either," he said, caressing her face. Mac nodded. "And with Frankie's issues with suckling, that's going to complicate things."

"I know," Mac finally said, pressing her face against Harm's palm.

"Good," he replied, leaning forward and kissing her. "It'll just take time."

"I know," she repeated.

Knowing his wife was very emotional and in need of sleep, Harm whispered his love for her, kissed her and caressed her head until she had fallen asleep once more. Then, he made his way outside and phoned Harriet.

When Harriet informed him his parents and grandmother were there with her and the kids and then asked whether it would be okay for her to come and visit Mac. It was the perfect request from Harriet as Harm was about to ask for Lily to be brought in.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: still not mine

Thanks to those who are still reviewing, it's much appreciated. There are 23 chapters in this instalment and then that's it from me for a while.

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It was Harriet and Grams who brought Lily into the hospital and made their way to the special care nursery first as there was a nurse in with Mac. Grams went straight in and kissed her grandson before running her hand up and down her great grandson's blanket. Although he was far too young, Harm could have sworn Frankie smiled when Grams appeared at his side.

Harriet had been busy gazing through the nursery window at all the babies when Lily asked if she could go to the bathroom.

"There's one right by the nurse's station, sweetie," Harriet said. "Would you like me to come with you?"

"No, thanks, Aunty Harriet," she replied. "I'm big enough."

Harriet watched her until she entered the bathroom before turning her attention back to the babies. When Harm exited the nursery, they had a short conversation before Harriet realised Lily should have been back.

Meanwhile, Lily had finished in the bathroom and seeing Harriet still engrossed in the babies, peeked into her mother's room and found Mac all alone. Slowly, she pushed the door open and stood there looking at her mom and the tubes still attached. Sensing she was being watched, Mac opened her eyes and smiled when she saw her daughter standing there.

"Hello, Lily," she said, shifting in the bed. "Come on over. It's alright."

"Are you okay?" Lily asked as she padded over. "There's tubes and machines and everything," she said pointing to the IV drip and the drainage tubes.

"I'm doing much better now you're here," she said, patting the bed and helping her climb up.

"Are you sure this is okay?" she asked her mother. "Daddy said no visitors."

"That was in intensive care but I can have little visits in here," she said, kissing her daughter's head. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, mommy," she said, snuggling into her mother.

Mac grimaced at the pain caused by Lily's movement and she gingerly moved herself into a better place. "Frankie's so cute," Lily said, "His eyes are like mine."

"Yes, they are, and like mine too," Mac said, kissing her head.

"That because we're the same," Lily said, closing her eyes and feeling very weary.

By the time Harm and Harriet found Lily she was fast asleep in her mother's arms and Mac couldn't have been happier.

"Didn't think she'd go too far," Harriet said with a smile as she made her way to the bed. "How are you feeling, Mac?" she asked before kissing her cheek.

"Good," she replied before smiling wryly. "Well, as good as to be expected," she amended.

"I bet this one's helped," she said, stroking Lily's head.

"Yep," Mac said with a grin. "Though I thought she'd be a bit more excited to see me."

"Oh, she's was very excited. She didn't stop talking from the time we left the house until ...well, now," Harriet said with a laugh. "It's just a lack of sleep catching up with her."

"Didn't she sleep last night again?" Harm asked, pulling up the visitor's chair for Harriet. "I would have thought the girls' movie marathon would have done the trick."

"Well, they watched their DVDs for a bit and when I went in at eleven they were both asleep so I switched everything off and cleared the candy remains." she said, "Bud came in after dropping you home and she was still asleep. He went downstairs for a drink and snack and Lily went down quite upset so they spent an hour or so playing on the Wii and then Lily curled up on his lap and fell asleep. He didn't want to disturb her so he sat there all night. Found them both asleep in the chair covered in Harry's Wiggles blanket at six this morning when I went downstairs."

Harm and Mac both smiled at the images Harriet's story created and both knew that they owed this couple big time. It wasn't the first time they had gone above and beyond for them and, most likely, it wouldn't be the last. But, what do you give someone for such acts of loyalty and dedication – a plant just didn't do it.

As Mac and Harriet chatted, Harm excused himself and left for some coffee and fresh air. He was starting to feel every bit of his age and the stress of the last few days and concern about what was to come was starting to take its toll.

When Lily finally stirred, she tried to nestle closer to her mother but found Mac's knee in the way, this woke her.

"Got to be careful of mommy's tummy." Mac said gently as she refused to move her knee. Lily nodded.

"I think you need to brush your teeth," Lily said with a yawn. "Your breath smells."

Mac laughed. While she knew her daughter was right, she had had a few other more urgent issues to deal with recently and dental hygiene hadn't been anywhere near the top of the list.

"Out of the mouths of babes," said Harriet with a laugh, knowing Mac's priorities would have been elsewhere.

When all but Harm had left and dinner had been eaten, and Frankie had been fed, Mac lay back on the bed and patted the space beside her. At first, Harm was reluctant to climb in but all Mac had to do was flutter her eyelashes and pout and he was toeing of his shoes.

"This is all the medicine I need," said Mac as she settled herself on Harm before sighing deeply. "I don't think I've told you recently that I love you very much," she added as she placed a kiss on his chest.

"Love you too," he replied, kissing her head.

For a while there was silence until Mac drew a deep breath.

"Harm," she said quietly.

"Yes," he replied in equally hushed tones.

"I'm going to have more surgery," she said and Harm wasn't sure whether she was telling him or questioning him.

"I know," he said kissing her head.

"And Dr Perkins said that should be the end of it," she said, her fingers playing with a button on his shirt.

"Yep," he replied, his fingers raking through her hair.

"And then we can go back to the farm," she continued before looking up at him. "Can't we?"

"Of course we can," he replied, brushing his lips across hers.

"And everything's going to be alright," she continued, trying to convince herself more than her husband.

"Yes, it is," he confirmed before kissing her softly.

Silence fell once more and Harm began to drift off, Mac realised he needed to go home and sleep properly.

"Harm," she said, patting his chest. His eyes sprung opened. "Visiting hours are nearly over..."

"Not for husbands though," he said, resting his cheek on her head.

"They are for my husband," she said reaching up to caress his face. As he went to speak, Mac pressed her finger to his lips. "You are going to go home and eat and sleep. Tomorrow morning ..."

"I'll be back in," he said confidently but Mac shook her head.

"No, you'll go to the Roberts', spend time with the kids, have lunch..." she said.

"Then can I come back?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh, definitely," she said. "And you can bring the kids with you."

"Won't that be a bit much?" he asked, pushing back the hair from her face.

"Maybe," she said, "But ...well, after they visit I'd like them to go back to the farm...before my next surgery."

"Why?" he asked surprised.

"Because Lily has to go to school, Harriet has her own things she needs to do, so do Colin and Mattie," she said. "And I don't want you to have to worry about them all and me...and I ...well, I want to be a little selfish and have you concentrate on me."

Harm kissed her once more. He'd definitely agree to just concentrating on his wife – which was Mac's plan all along. With only herself to worry about, Mac could send him from the hospital to eat and sleep and be assured that he wasn't running around after anybody else while he was gone.

The following day dawned and Mac, feeling a little low, was regretting her instructions for Harm to spend the morning with the kids, she really needed to see him right now. Fighting the desire to call him and have him come straight in, Mac eased herself from the bed before breakfast had even been served, grabbed the IV pole and edged to the closet. Shrugging on her robe, Mac slipped her feet into her slippers before taking the pole once more and heading to the door.

"You're not supposed to be out of bed, Sarah MacKenzie Rabb," came a voice from behind her and Mac startled.

"Oh, Dr Mollison," Mac said, placing her hand on the wall to steady herself.

"Sorry, Sarah, I didn't mean to give you a fright," she said, taking her arm. "Now, where did you think you were going?"

"I wanted to see Frankie," she replied, looking towards the nursery.

"You should have buzzed," Dr Mollison said. "Someone would have brought him to you."

"I know," she said, "But I didn't want to wait...I need to see him now," she said tearfully.

"What's wrong, Sarah?" she asked as she took in Mac's distress.

"I just need to see him," she replied as she swiped at her tears. "Please."

"Okay," the doctor replied, telling a nurse to bring over a wheelchair. "Okay, let's go and see the boy."

Once in the special care nursery, Dr Mollison helped Mac transfer from the wheelchair to a more comfortable armchair situated beside the infant's crib. Scooping the sleeping boy from his bed, Dr Mollison settled him in Mac's arms before pulling up another chair and sitting with them.

Very experienced in dealing with emotional and hormonal women, Dr Mollison knew Mac was riding a rollercoaster of feelings and that she would find it hard to articulate exactly what was wrong. Still, there was something in Mac's eyes which seemed more than just the usual post partum experience.

"He's doing well," Dr Mollison said. "Some, who are six weeks early, can spend weeks in here or even in the NICU. This little guy is definitely made of sterner stuff...must be having a marine for a mom."

Mac nodded; her eyes firmly fixed on her son.

"And you're doing well too," she continued. "You gave us a bit of a scare during the hysterectomy but things are looking good."

Mac nodded again but her eyes never left her son.

"Can you tell me what you're thinking, Sarah?" she asked, moving forward and patting her arm.

"I'm thinking that ... that...I don't know what I'm thinking, really," Mac said, finally looking up.

"I want you to try," the doctor said.

"It's going to sound stupid," Mac said as her tears welled once more.

"No, it's not," she replied quietly.

"I have this really strange feeling about the next surgery and I don't know why..." she said, before looking back at her son. "I kind of think I was so lucky to come out of the last one and may not be so lucky next time and if I'm not then I am going to miss out on so much." Fresh tears fell unabated.

"Sarah, honey, there's no reason why this surgery won't work out well," Dr Mollison said gently. "It's fairly straightforward..."

"And so was the hysterectomy," she interjected. "And look how that went."

"I know, I was there," she said with a wistful smile. "I know there are no guarantees and there's probably not much I can say to reassure you but I will be doing my best and I see no further complications."

Mac nodded, words failing her.

"What time will Harm be in this morning?" she asked, wondering if Mac had had this conversation with her husband.

"Ah, not until after lunch," she replied. "I told him to spend the morning with the kids before bringing them in..."

"I can call him for you, if you'd like," she offered. "Get him to come in early." Mac shook her head before explaining the plan to send everyone back to the farm and the doctor nodded in understanding. "Is there anyone else I can call for you?" she asked, not really wanting to leave her alone.

Mac shook her head again. "No, I have everyone I need right here."

It wasn't as quiet a morning as Mac had anticipated with Trish, Frank and Grams all arriving to spend time with her and the baby. Harm had told them of Mac's wishes and they thought it was for the best but were still worried about both her and Harm, especially with the second lot of surgery a day away.

"You could come back on Friday evening, I'll be ready for some visitors then," she said with a smile which belied her confidence.

"Are you worried about the surgery, darling?" Trish asked taking her hand.

"No, not really, mom," she replied too quickly to convince anybody.

"It's only natural you'd feel some apprehension," Trish said, propping herself on the edge of the bed. "It's only been a few days since Frankie was born."

Mac nodded; knowing if she was to speak the tears would come and she didn't want that.

Quietly, Frank slipped out of the room believing Mac would be more open if it was just the ladies.

"Sarah, honey, talk," Grams said, sitting down next to the bed and picking up the box of Kleenex.

And that's all it took for the tears and worries to come tumbling out.

The physical pain she was feeling but not letting on as she didn't want more pain killers even though Dr Mollison had assure her it was fine.

The fear about the pending surgery even though she knew the chances were it would be drama free.

The deep distress about missing those precious hours at the beginning of her son's life.

The anguish over her husband's welfare.

The torment about wanting her kids with her but knowing it was for the best they were back home on the farm.

After lots of words, lots of Kleenex and lots of kisses, Mac felt somewhat better even if physically and emotionally exhausted. Not long after she fell asleep and left Trish and Grams wondering as to what to do as they had already discussed the pressures on Harm and Mac that morning before they'd left the house.

"Hiding out here?" Trish asked Frank when she found him in the special care nursery.

"Sprung!" he replied, getting up and allowing Grams to take his seat. "How are things?"

"Oh, as good as we thought this morning," she replied. "I know Sarah will feel better with the kids on the farm but I really don't like the idea of leaving Harm here on his own. Did you see him this morning? He isn't looking well at all –and it's more than fatigue, I'm sure of it."

"I'll stay," said Frank, resting his hand on his wife's shoulder.

"Really?" Trish asked as she scooped up the baby for Grams.

"Yeah, I could spend some time with my namesake..." he said slowly.

"And it would be a bit more peaceful than the twin tornados, right?" she said with a knowing smile. Her husband was a generous man but in this case he was also into self preservation and at his age she couldn't blame him.

As Grams and Trish stayed with the baby, Frank returned to Mac's room knowing he would need her support to get Harm to agree to his plan to stay.

"Hey, honey," he said entering the room and finding her awake. "Got a minute?"

"All the minutes you want, dad," she said, gesturing towards the nearby chair.

"I've been thinking about the return to the farm and how it's probably for the best," he began and Mac nodded. "But I'm a little concerned about something."

"What's that?" she asked, pulling at her blanket.

"Well, I know Harriet will be in to see you and you'll have her support but I'm a little worried about Harm and what support he'll have...you know, with Bud working all hours and whatnot."

"Yeah, that's one of the downfalls," she said sadly and Frank smiled, it was exactly the answer he was looking for.

"Well, I was thinking of staying in DC for the next few days and sending the others to the farm," he said, taking her hand. "Just to be around for Harm and maybe spend some time with my best-named grandson," he added with a wink.

"I think that's a great idea," Mac said with a relieved smile. "But I think you should run it by mom first..."

"I already did, honey," he said. "It's fine by her."

"It's well and truly fine by me," she replied, very happy with the new arrangement.

"Great," said Frank. "Now, it's just a matter of convincing Harm."

"Leave him to me," Mac said with a smile. She knew exactly how to get her own way with her husband.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: still not mine

Mac was asleep after lunch while Trish, Frank and Grams went down to the cafeteria for some refreshments and to wait for Harm, Harriet and the kids to arrive. It didn't take them long to notice the arrival of their grandchildren when Harry ran into a trolley and knocked the trays onto the floor. Harriet seized the child while Harm picked up the trays and returned them to their rightful place.

"I think he'll need to be sedated before seeing you know who," Grams observed as she sat across the table from Harm.

"I wasn't going to tell them who but Lily mentioned it on the way in and needless to say he's very excited," Harm said, taking the child in question from Harriet.

"Can I go first, please, daddy?" Lily asked, desperate to see her mom again and knowing it would be days before she could do so again.

"You can," Harm said. "But, if you were to go last, you'd be able to take longer." Harm had promised the kids that if they were very good with their mother he'd buy them an ice cream in the cafeteria.

"Okay, I'll go last," she said pulling over a chair from the next table and sitting next to Trish.

"Do you want me to take Rose up?" Harriet asked. "I wouldn't mind saying hello myself."

Rose arrived at Mac's room on Harriet's hip after the child had twice tried to run off from her.

"Mommy! Mommy!" yelled Rose as soon as she saw her mother.

"Hello, baby," Mac said, adjusting the bed so she was sitting up.

"Hugs, mommy, hugs," she said thrusting out her arms towards her mother.

"You have to be careful of mommy," Harriet said as she put the child on the side of the bed but kept a firm grip on her.

Despite both the women's attention, Rose still managed to launch herself at her mother and cause pain to ricochet through her body.

"Oh, Mac, I'm so sorry," Harriet said, trying to pull the child back a little.

"No, it's okay," Mac said with a grimace. "It's nice to be loved."

Their visit was kept to ten minutes and Mac made the goodbye as quick and painless as she could for herself. While she waited for Harry's arrival, she drew in deep breaths and willed herself not to cry, after all, this was her idea and she was a marine god dammit! She should be able to get through the day without repeatedly bawling like a baby...

Harm's grip on his son was tighter than Harriet's was on his daughter and while Mac got copious amounts of hugs and kisses it was done in a much more sedate manner. All too soon though Harm was taking him out and Mac had to will herself not to cry once more.

Lily's appearance did nothing to help her emotions as she was already in tears as she stepped in to greet her mother.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Mac asked, patting her bed.

"Going to miss you," she said climbing up and settling beside her mom.

"I'm going to miss you too," Mac said kissing her forehead. "But I don't want you missing any more school, you've missed a lot lately."

"I know, dad told me but I'd rather stay here," she said, looking up at her mother with big brown eyes.

"I know you would, Lily, but ..." she began.

"But what about daddy?" she interrupted. "He'll be all sad and lonely without anybody here."

"He'll have me and Frankie," Mac said, blinking away her tears.

"Yeah, but you guys are here," Lily continued. "But he'll go home to nobody and..."

"No, baby, grandpa has decided to stay in DC so daddy will have him," Mac said, grateful for Frank's decision to remain behind.

Lily contemplated it for a moment before she sighed and nodded. "I guess that's okay then," she said. "Just so long as there's someone looking after daddy."

For a while Lily rested by her mother's side and as Mac watched her, she knew the girl had something on her mind. Running her fingers through Lily's locks, Mac then caressed her face and drew her face up to her.

"What are you thinking, Lily?" Mac asked, keeping a grip so the child wouldn't look away.

Lily pouted and Mac knew that it was something about her and most likely something not so good.

"You can tell me anything, baby, you know that, don't you?" Lily nodded before shrugging.

"I know I can," she said, "But daddy said not to get you upset."

"Why would you upset me?" Mac asked, stroking her face.

"You know the night you had Frankie?" she started and Mac nodded, she knew it well...well, she knew the parts she could remember well. "Well, I had lots of dreams that night..."

"And were they bad dreams?" Mac asked quietly. Lily nodded. "And what happened in those dreams?"

Lily leant forward and touched Mac's cheek. "You were ... dead," she whispered, "In some of them."

"That must have been very scary for you," Mac said, trying her best to be strong.

"Yeah, it was...I thought it might have been one of those vision things and I cried lots but then in the morning daddy was there and he said you were good and Frankie was here," she whispered, her fingers still dancing across Mac's face.

"But it wasn't a vision, it was just a bad dream," Mac soothed, caressing her daughter's face. In truth, it could have been a vision, after all, she had crashed on the table, who knew if she had technically died or not, one thing for sure was that she wasn't going to share that piece of information with her daughter ever.

"How am I supposed to know whether it's vision or a bad dream?" she asked, a little more than confused by the whole thing.

"It's hard," Mac said, "But you'll get used to them and be able to see the difference...and until then, you just come and tell me about them and I'll help you."

"Even if they're about you?" Lily asked and Mac nodded. "Even if they are bad and about you?" Mac nodded again. "Are you sure you won't be mad?"

"I'll never be mad at you for dreams and visions, baby," she said gently. "I know there's no way to control them...and I know all about having them and how much better it is to have someone to talk to."

"Who do you talk to about your dreams and visions?" she asked, her arm wrapping around Mac's neck.

"Daddy," she replied, although she would only admit to herself that she did not always tell him everything; her need to protect him always superseded her need for her own comfort.

"What about before daddy?" she asked, starting to feel better about things.

"Before daddy I didn't have anyone to talk to and it was all a bit scary," Mac admitted.

"That's because your parents sucked," Lily said, patting Mac's cheek.

Mac just smiled, Lily had summed it up perfectly.

It was mid afternoon before all but Harm had left the hospital after final farewells and promises to phone. After seeing them down to the cars, Harm returned to his wife with a blue teddy bear he'd purchased on the way up. With her eyes closed, Harm slipped into the visitor's chair and watched his wife.

"I'm not asleep," Mac said, opening one eye.

Harm sprung to his feet and padded over, "In that case, I got you something..." He said before producing the bear.

"Oh, Harm, he's gorgeous," she said, taking the bear and hugging it. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied, kissing her head. "It's not much but I figured it would brighten up the room a bit."

"You know what would brighten me up?" she asked as she worried her bottom lip, still very sad about sending the kids home.

"What?" he asked, coming closer still.

"If you'd climb in with me and hold me..." she said and watched the concern mount on her husband's face. "You won't hurt me," she said to reassure him but then thought maybe that wasn't the cause of his hesitance. "Unless...well, unless you don't want to."

"I will always want to get into bed with you," Harm said quickly. "Even when you're my grandmother's age, I will still find you the most amazing and sexy woman I know."

"Even without my insides," she whispered, as if it was an unknown fact.

"I love you, Sarah, with or without anything and everything," he whispered in reply. "I love you deeply and that includes in sickness and in health, for better or worse, I love you whichever way you come and I always will." He brushed his lips across hers. Mac nodded; that's what she wanted to hear, now, she just had to convince herself that he wouldn't love her any less now she'd had the hysterectomy.

Toeing off his shoes and discarding his jacket, Harm gingerly slipped in beside his wife and gave her a few minutes to find the most comfortable position she could. Eventually, she settled in a contorted position which allowed her to rest her head on his chest but have her body resting in a pain free pose.

For a long time there was small talk and gentle caresses interrupted only by their son's feeding times. Eventually, Mac got Harm to slide down a bit further so she could hold and caress him.

"Now everyone's gone," she said, aware her husband didn't know of Frank's plans. "You and I need to have a serious conversation."

"About?" he questioned, both concerned and confused.

"You," she whispered, caressing his face. He was still too pale for her liking which accentuated the dark circles under his eyes and caused the usually bright blue sparkling eyes to look dull and cloudy.

"Me?" he questioned. "There's nothing wrong with me."

"Have you looked in a mirror lately?" she asked as she stroked his cheek.

"I'm a little tired, Mac, that's all it is," he said in a well practiced response.

"No, it's not all it is," she replied. "And I am concerned about you."

"Why don't we concentrate on you," he replied, deflecting attention away from himself; something which was also well practiced.

Mac shook her head, well aware of her husband's actions. "Dr Mollison has also commented on it...so, it's not just me."

"Mac..." he drawled, unhappy with the way this conversation was going.

"She said she'd make you an appointment downstairs with a Dr Andrew Eldon ... to do a work up and see what's happening," Mac said.

"That's not necessary," he said, pulling away and trying to get up.

"Harm, please," she said and the tone of her voice was enough to stop him.

Looking down at her he found tears on her cheeks and a pain in her eyes; if this was what he needed to do to make her feel better about things then so be it.

"Okay," he replied. "I'll call Dr Mollison and get Dr Eldon's details."

"You're appointment is at 1115 tomorrow," she said, "Sorry I can't be there with you though."

Harm just smiled; even in the state she was in, his wife's thoughts were of him.

Mac had just about fallen asleep when the dinner trolley came in and she was awake again.  
"Yuck!" she said when Harm lifted the cover to reveal some mess which was supposed to be her dinner. "I can't even tell what it is."

"How about you tell me what you'd like and I'll get it for you," he offered, covering the meal once more and pushing the tray away.

"I don't know what I want," she said sadly. "Just not that."

"Are you hungry?" he asked and she shook her head. "What about an ice cream sundae? There's a shop across the road, I can get you one...a chocolate one." Mac pouted. "What?"

"It sounds good," she started.

"But..." Harm prompted when she failed to continue.

"But I don't want you to go to any trouble," she said quietly.

"Mac, nothing is too much trouble for you," he whispered kissing her briefly. "Don't you know that by now?"

By the time Harm returned, Mac had phoned Frank and arranged for him to come back in so Harm didn't need to get a taxi home, she had also phoned Harriet to see whether she could come by for a visit and thus, knowing she wouldn't be alone, Harm wouldn't be as reluctant to leave her.

Surprising herself, Mac ate most of the sundae before settling down with her husband. Hearing his stomach growling, Mac looked up at him.

"When's the last time you ate?" she asked.

"At lunch," he replied, "Harriet made sure of it."

"Glad she's taking care of you," she replied, caressing his face. "Now, you should go and eat some dinner and get an early night."

"No, I'm fine," he replied, not really wanting to go home to an empty house.

"No, you're not," Mac replied gently. "You are exhausted."

"I don't want to leave you here alone," he said, trying once more to deflect the issue.

"Harriet's coming in to sit with me a while, so I'm not going to be alone," she said, taking his hand.

"Mac..." he started once more but Mac shook her head.

"In about two minutes, dad is going to come in and take you to dinner before taking you home," she said.

"Mac, dad went back to the farm with the others," he reminded her gently.

"No, he went back to the house with the others so he could help them pack and get on the road but he stayed in DC," she explained quietly as the door opened and the man in question stepped in, unbeknownst to his son.

"Why?" Harm asked.

"Because..." Mac started and knowing Harm wouldn't accept help for himself but would for her decided to sway it her way. "Dad knew how concerned I was about you and thought I would rest a bit easier if there was someone at home with you."

"I would have been alright," Harm said quietly. "I'm a big boy."

"I know," she replied, caressing his face. "But humour me, okay."

"Okay," he said, kissing her head.

"Glad that's sorted," Frank said from behind surprising Harm. As Harm turned around Mac winked at Frank and he smiled in return. "Now, your wife wants you fed and put to bed, so say goodnight and we'll get going."

Dinner for Harm and Frank was at a local DC seafood restaurant and after having a belly full of wonderful food, Harm had to admit he was in need of some solid sleep. Once they were home, Harm phoned the farm to check in and say good night before phoning Mac and doing the same. As he put his phone back into his pocket, Frank appeared with two glasses of whiskey on the rocks and handed Harm one.

"Here's to our new boy and his mother," he said raising his glass. "May we all be on the farm before long."

"Cheers," said Harm, clinking glasses and taking a seat beside him on the sofa.

The chat was amiable as Harm sipped on his drink and finally allowed himself to relax.

"So, dad, why'd you really stay?" he asked, not too sure if he believed his wife.

"Because your wife wanted us to go to the farm but she was concerned about you," he replied truthfully. "I offered to stay for her sake, and yours...and truth be known, mine."

"Yours?" he replied, putting down his glass.

"I love the kids, so don't get me wrong," he said, with a wry smile, "But these few days of peace and quiet will be a nice change."

"They are an active lot, aren't they?" Harm said with a smirk.

"Yeah, they are, and I'm not as young as I used to be," he replied, taking a drink.

"I don't think I've told you how much I appreciate everything you and mom have done, not only this week but throughout this whole pregnancy," Harm said quietly.

"We wouldn't have it any other way, son," he replied patting Harm's shoulder.

Throughout the night, Harm slept soundly and didn't wake until Frank came in with a coffee just before ten. "Thought we might need to get the day started, Harm," he said opening the blinds. "Especially if we want to be on time for your 1115 appointment."

"Wow! Didn't realise the time," Harm said sitting up. "Mac..."

"Mac and Frankie are both doing well...Mac sends her love and says not to visit her before you have answers from Dr Eldon and your mom says all is well on the farm. Lily went back to school today, a little reluctantly but she went...Mattie called the school and explained things, just in case Lily's a little upset," he said, addressing all Harm's concerns before he had a chance to express them.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: still not mine

AN: Two more chapters to go

Mac had been quite nervous sitting in her room when she knew Harm was in his appointment with Dr Eldon. She knew she wasn't well enough to go with him and she could only hope he was telling the doctor the truth. Filling in most of the morning by sitting in the nursery with Frankie, Mac was getting edgier as the clock ticked over to midday.

"He'll be here soon," Harriet said, startling her from her thoughts as she wandered back to her room.

"Who? Oh, Harm...I know," she replied.

"Then why do you look so worried," she said, taking her arm and guiding her to her room.

"I just want to know what the doctor is saying," Mac answered, easing herself back into the bed.

"He'll say Harm is just tired and rundown, it's to be expected, Mac," Harriet said gently. "Let's face it, the man hasn't been well since the start of the pregnancy."  
Mac nodded; she'd been thinking the same thing. "Now, don't get yourself all worked up," Harriet said, pushing away the lunch meal which had been delivered and picking up her basket. "Eat lunch instead."

Mac smiled when she saw the roast turkey and cranberry sandwiches Harriet had brought in along with the choc chip muffins and bottle of apple juice.

"Just thought you'd prefer this to whatever the hospital was offering. Especially since you have to fast again soon for the next surgery," Harriet said.

Mac groaned. "Don't remind me," she said. "I'm really not looking forward to it."

"No one ever does, honey," Harriet said, handing her a sandwich. "But, you had all your bad luck on Saturday after Frankie was born so this one should be plain sailing."

"I wish I had your optimism," Mac said with a sad smile.

"Well, it's a good thing I have more than enough to share with you," Harriet said, unwrapping her own sandwich.

"You know...Harriet, if something does happen," she started slowly looking at the sandwich rather than her friend.

"It won't," Harriet interjected.

"I know, but if it does..." she continued.

"If it happens, I promise you I will make sure Harm and the kids are well looked after," Harriet said, knowing exactly what Mac was thinking.

"Thank you," Mac said before turning her attention to her lunch.

Halfway through their meal the door opened and Harm and Frank appeared.  
"Hope one of them has my name on it," said Frank, smiling when Harriet handed him one.

"One turkey, hold the cranberry," she said, having made the arrangements with Frank that morning while Harm slept.

"What about you, Harm?" she asked, "I have turkey, or I have tuna salad, which would like?"

"Um, the turkey, please," Harm said, as he kissed Mac's head and squeezed her hand.

"What did Dr Eldon say?" Mac said putting down her lunch.

"Eat up, I'll tell you later," he replied and Mac smiled, knowing he was a little hesitant about talking about personal issues with an audience.

With lunch gone, Harriet and Frank excused themselves to take a trip down to the nursery while Harm remained by Mac's bedside.

"Harriet's food beats hospital food," Harm said, finishing his drink.

"Yes, it does," Mac agreed watching him.

"She could go into business and ..." he continued but Mac shook her head. "She shouldn't?"

"What did Dr Eldon say?" she asked, which was of far more interest to her than any possible catering business of Harriet's.

"Dr Eldon and I had a long talk and he did a few tests..." Harm began.

"Did you tell him the truth?" Mac interjected and Harm nodded. "Are you sure?" she pressed. "You do have a tendency to downplay things."

"I told him the absolute truth and dad mentioned things I omitted," he said, taking her hand.

"Dad went in with you?" Mac asked in surprise.

"Yep, he insisted. Said he wasn't going to have you mad at him for me wasting this opportunity to get on top of things," Harm said with a small smile.

"Good on dad," she said, before squeezing Harm's hand. "So, what did he say?"

"He said I have a still have a slight infection and anaemia and I'm just really run down," he reported honestly. "He said more sleep, more iron, more sunshine and I'll be as good as new."

"A big juicy steak would help you, you know that, right?" she said with a giggle, feeling more than relieved that all his ailments were minor and easily fixed – she'd been dreading something more sinister.

"I might leave that steak to you when you're up to it," he said, "I might just eat more spinach and take some extra supplements."

"I would so like to be able to take you home and put you to bed," she said, stroking his face.

"Me too," he replied. "And before too long you will be. Dr Perkins said once tomorrow's surgery was over you and Frankie could be home sometime next week."

"Frankie too?" she asked surprised.

"Yep," he replied. "Every test has been good, so he'll be in the regular nursery from tomorrow."

"When I first thought he was going to be so early, I had visions of NICU and months in hospital...and there's been none of that trauma," she said shaking her head in disbelief.

Harm just smiled; true there hadn't been that trauma for Frankie but his mother had put him through enough for the both of them...for a lifetime.

The following morning, Harm was at the hospital by 0700 and Mac wasn't complaining as she knew she was being taken to surgery before 0800 and she was nervous. Harm sat by her bed, holding her hand and caressing her face, trying to make small talk with a very distracted wife.

As the dreaded hour drew near and the nurse came in, Harm could see the distress building behind his wife's eyes. When they got a moment alone, he crawled into the bed and held her.

"Tell me," he whispered, kissing her head.

"I love you," she replied and Harm kissed her head once more.

"I love you too," he said, "But that's not what I meant."

"I know," she whispered. "Just easier to say than ..."

"Than the fact you're scared," he said, and pulled her closer.

"Am I that obvious?" she asked, playing with his shirt.

"Only to me," he said, caressing her face. "What are you scared of?"

"Oh, well," she began before pausing "I just want to be alive and well after it's all done."

"And you don't think you will be?" he asked, pulling back in surprise.

"I know there is a strong possibility that everything will go perfectly well and I'll be back in here and awake in a couple of hours, holding Frankie," she said, her voice filled with false confidence. "But the last surgery wasn't supposed to go the way it did...and it did...and I... well, in Lily's dreams at least, I died..."

"Oh, Mac," he said, pulling her to him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was trying to suck it up, you know...be a good marine...after all, everyone keeps telling me I'll be fine but..." her voice trailed.

"You're allowed to be scared, gorgeous," he said gently. "I'm scared..."

"You are?" She looked up to find him nodding.

"Of course I am. You are the love of my life and that last surgery scared the hell out of me..." he said before kissing her. "But I have confidence in you and in Dr Mollison and, in my heart, I feel like it's all going to work out."

"I'm glad to hear it," said Dr Mollison as she checked Mac's clipboard. "Now, I'm heading in to scrub up, the orderly will be here in a few minutes to take you in. Any last questions?"

Both shook their head.

Mac's grip on Harm's hand was strong as she was wheeled back to the OR. Harm had offered to bring Frankie for a quick visit before the orderly came but Mac had said no, knowing that she would be a complete wreck if she saw her little boy.

As they approached the door she wanted to reconsider and was very tempted to ask Harm to get their baby but she knew she was just putting off the inevitable and closed her eyes tightly, squeezed Harm's hand and prayed it would all turn out for the best.

Leaning over, Harm kissed her head and left his lips near her ear.  
"Hush, little baby, don't say a word," he began, knowing how comforting she found the song.  
"Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird,  
And if that mockingbird won't sing,  
Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring."

"You promise…" Mac said interrupted.

"Promise what, gorgeous?" he asked, pulling back slightly to look at her.

"Buy me a diamond ring?" she asked with a watery smile.

"Hand on my heart, Mac, I promise, that on the day I take you and Frankie home, I will stop at any jeweler's you choose and buy you anything you want," he said, before kissing her and sealing the promise.

"And I can get anything?" she asked, caressing his face.

"Mac, I'll buy you the whole damn store," he said, such was his love for this woman.

"Sir, we need to keep going," said the orderly and, just like that, she was gone.

Before Harm could take his seat in the waiting room, Frank appeared and put an arm around his waist.

"You and I are going on a mission," he said, leading his son to the elevator.

"I want to stay here," he said, pointing to the OR.

"They have your cell number, they have mine, and the surgery will take at least an hour," he said as he pressed the down button. "We'll be back by then."

Realising he wasn't being given much of an option; Harm followed his dad into the elevator and waited to see what eventuated. Truth was he didn't really want to spend the next sixty minutes panicking about his wife in the confines of the surgical waiting room.

"Where are we going, dad?" he asked as they exited the hospital and headed to the car.

"Not far," Frank replied, activating the central locking and opening the driver's door.

"Dad, really...I don't want to leave the hospital..." he protested.

"Sarah knows where I'm taking you and she has no objections, actually, she suggested I do something, the venue is my idea though," he said, slipping into the driver's street.

Deciding to go along with whatever the plan was as it had Mac's okay, Harm climbed in and put on his seatbelt.

It stunned Harm when he realised the destination but he said nothing. Not when Frank parked the car, not when they both climbed out. It wasn't until they were walking towards the wall, Harm finally spoke.

"Why did you bring me here?" he asked, as they headed to where he's father's name was written.

"Because you came here the day Lily was born and on the day the twins arrived," Frank said as he produced a Polaroid picture from his pocket. "So, I only thought that given this one..." he handed the photo of Frankie to Harm, "Has his name, that he should get to hear all about him too."

"Thank you, dad," he said tearfully as he took the photo. Frank was right, he'd spent time telling his father all about the previous arrivals but this time, given the circumstances, he hadn't even thought about it.

"I'm just going to head over to the van and get some coffee," he said, patting Harm's back. "Take all the time you need."

"You can stay, dad," Harm said, "I'm sure he won't mind."

"I'm sure he wouldn't," Frank replied. "But I'll leave you all the same."

As Frank wandered over to the food van parked on the side road, he turned to check on Harm and found him holding the photo of his son and talking. In any other place, this would cause concern for one's mental health, but for many, many years now people came to the wall and talked to their loved ones and Harm's actions were considered normal.

It was twenty minutes later when Harm appeared by Frank's side with his own coffee and sat next to him on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

"I phoned the hospital," Frank said, playing with his empty cup. "Everything is going well with the surgery."

Harm sighed deeply. "Thanks for doing that," he said, taking a sip of coffee. And, ah, thanks for doing this for me..."

"You don't have to thank me, son," he said, shoulder bumping him. "We're family."

"And I'm forever grateful for that, dad," he said, "I don't know how my life would have turned out if you hadn't loved mom and persisted with me. I loved that man..." he said, nodding towards the wall. "But I never really knew him...it was more through default...I guess. But you, I know you and I love you and I'm lucky to have you as my dad."

"When did you get so good at speaking about your feelings, Harm?" Frank asked, misty eyed.

"Mac...she's brought out the best in me...It's still hard at times, you know, but I'd like to think I'm getting better at it," he said quietly before standing up. "After all, I want my boys growing up being open and honest about their feelings so I need to be a good role model."

"You already are, son, you all ready are," Frank said, standing up too. "Let's go see number two son and tell him how much you love him..."

"Sounds like a plan," Harm said as he tossed his near full cup into the trash.

Food van coffee was no better than hospital coffee.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: still not mine

Mac was in recovery before Dr Mollison came out to see Harm and, from the smile on her face, Harm knew it had all gone well. After a detailed discussion on what had been done and the prognosis, Harm asked to see her and Dr Mollison assured him he could in a few minutes once she was settled.

Turning around, Harm was embraced by Frank, neither having the words to express their relief at this outcome. When the nurse came out, Harm grinned, he was going to see his wife and this whole ordeal would be behind them...finally.

"Give her my love," Frank called as Harm neared the doors.

Stroking and caressing his wife's face, Harm smiled when she opened her eyes.

"Everything's alright, Mac. Everything's just fine," he said as he kissed her head,

"Harm," she murmured.

"I'm right here, Mac and everything's alright. The surgery went well," he reassured her.

"Love you," she said as she drifted off once more.

"Love you more," he countered, kissing her head.

A few hours later, Mac was back in her own room and sound asleep, Harm was in the armchair beside the bed with Frankie asleep in his arms. The child had been moved to the regular nursery that morning which meant Harm could take him whenever he wanted and for as long as he wanted, And what he wanted, more than anything, was for Frankie to be the first thing his wife saw when she woke up; just in case she thought it was all a dream, or worse.

"How are things?" Frank asked bringing in a paper bag and two bottles of water.

"Good," Harm said with a relaxed smile. Things were finally good – not perfect, not all over but good.

"It's lunch time," he said as he put the bag next to Harm.

"It's a bit early isn't it?" he replied, looking to find it had barely gone noon.

"You didn't eat this morning, son," he reminded him and Harm nodded before looking at the bundle in his arms.

"I'll take him," said Frank and with Harm's consent, picked the baby up and settled in the nearby chair.

"What is it?" he asked, picking up the bag.

"Harriet dropped it off. She just said it was good for you and you were to eat it all," he said, adjusting the baby in his arms.

Harm unwrapped the bundle of two sandwiches to discover they were tomato and avocado on whole wheat, his favourite. Also in the bag were a couple of slices of coconut sponge cake, another of his favourites.

"What about you, dad?" he asked as he took his first bite.

Frank laughed. "Actually, I already ate mine," he admitted. "Mediterranean chicken salad sandwiches...my new favourite thing...I tell you, if I wasn't already married..."

"Harriet certainly has that power over people, doesn't she?" Harm said and Frank nodded, she definitely did.

"By the way," said Frank, pointing to the bag. "One of those pieces of cake is mine...just putting it aside for later."

"Good idea," said Harm. "Better than anything downstairs."

"True," he replied. "And the bonus is the rest of the cake is at home in the pantry. Harriet said she called over with some 'essential supplies' for us men."

Harm just laughed; Harriet's idea of 'essential supplies' was enough to feed an army.

It was well after lunch when Mac finally stirred and Harm stood up with Frankie back in his arms.

"Hi, mommy," he said quietly as he leant down to kiss her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

Mac looked up at him for a bit but didn't speak before closing her eyes once more. Harm looked to Frank but he just shook his head. About ten minutes later she reopened her eyes and Harm caressed her face with his free hand.

"You're okay," he soothed when he saw the tears building. "The surgery's over and everything went perfectly well. Dr Mollison's very happy with you and the way things went so it's all good news."

Mac nodded and sighed deeply.

"You're okay," he repeated, knowing the post anaesthetic haze was often hard to navigate.

"Is that our baby?" Mac whispered looking at the bundle in his arms.

"Yes, Mac, this is Frankie," Harm said, concerned she had to ask. She nodded but didn't speak. "He's doing really well." Mac nodded again. "Are you okay, Mac?"

Mac studied him and the baby in his arms. Her brow furrowed and eyes narrowed as she tried to process the visual information she was receiving and the swirl of thoughts and ideas spinning through her head.

"Mac?" he called again when she didn't respond.

"I had our baby," she finally said and it was Harm's turn to nod.

"And he's alright," she half stated, half asked. Harm nodded again.

"And I had my second surgery," she continued.

"Yes, you did," Harm said, when he realised she was staring at the baby.

"And I didn't die," she whispered.

"No, gorgeous, you're alive and well and everything's fine," he soothed, taking her hand in his.

"And Frankie didn't die," she added.

"No, he didn't," Harm said, tears building as he imagined what must be going on in her head to make her ask the question.

"Okay," she said before closing her eyes and breathing deeply. "Okay," she repeated.

After Mac had been asleep a few minutes, Harm turned to Frank.

"What do you think?" he questioned, not too sure what to make of his wife's behaviour.

"I think Sarah has been through a lot in the last few days and her brain is just trying to distinguish between reality and fantasy. You know the effects of anaesthetic, plus the hormonal changes after giving birth..." he said, taking the baby back off Harm. "Why don't you go see if you can find Dr Mollison and check? I'll stay here."

Harm took Frank up on his suggestion and while he couldn't find the doctor, he did speak to a senior nurse who explained things much the same way Frank had. Returning to his wife's room, Harm was feeling a little more comfortable with things.

When Mac woke up again she was more lucid and had no memory of her earlier awakenings. Her first question was about Frankie who was back in the nursery with Frank and then about how the surgery went. Happy with the answers she received; Mac smiled and adjusted herself in the bed.

"Think you can come and keep me company for a bit?" she asked, feeling absolutely exhausted but wanting to be close to her husband.

Climbing in tentatively, Harm perched himself on the edge so Mac could remain on her back but still feel her husband close. Harm kissed her and caressed her and she soon fell asleep once more.

By the time Friday evening came around, Mac was feeling more like her old self and moving around much more freely. She was anxious to see the other children and more than anxious to be discharged, something she knew wouldn't be happening for at least another five days.

"Stop pacing," Harm said, opening his eyes and watching her from the armchair. "They'll be here soon."

"Not soon enough," she replied, pausing by the window to see if she could see them come into the car park.

"Mac," he called, before crooking his finger and beckoning her over. "Come sit with me."

With an overly dramatic sigh, Mac padded over and settled herself into Harm's lap, the comfort of his arms more than compensating for the pain she was experiencing.

"You know," Harm said, as Mac rested her head against his. "We will have to stay in DC for another few weeks after you're both discharged," he said, gesturing to their son who was asleep in the crib beside them.

"I know," she said with a sigh.

Dr Mollison had told them she would release the pair the following week so long as they stayed in town so both could have follow up treatment and appointments and for Mac to remain close by should there be any complications from her procedures. When Mac had tried to argue they could come from the farm for the appointments, Dr Mollison was firm, explaining that, in reality, they would still probably spend less time in DC than they would have if Frankie had have gone full term. This ended any argument Mac was going to make.

"Makes me glad we didn't sell the house," he said, kissing her head.

"Me too," she replied, snuggling closer.

"Mom said she packed the baby things you wanted from the farm, so Frankie will have whatever he needs," he continued, knowing that Mac already knew all of this but wanting to distract her.

"Good," she said before sighing.

"What's up?" he questioned, knowing a frustrated sigh when he heard one.

"Still haven't figured out how we're going to fit four kids into that bedroom," she said, closing her eyes and picturing the rooms. "The twins need to be out of the cot and I guess we could do bunk beds with Lily on top but we promised her to do her bedroom for her birthday present...should have realised she didn't actually have a room."

"I'm sure it will all work out," he replied, not too sure how, but not wanting to distress her too much.

"Maybe we can build on some extra rooms," she said. "Is that possible?"

"Anything is possible, gorgeous," he said kissing her head and Mac closed her eyes once more trying to picture where those rooms would be and what would go in them.

Suddenly, Lily thrust open the door and stood with hands on hips when she saw the bed was empty – this wasn't how it was supposed to go.

"Looking for someone?" Harm said from the arm chair in the corner of the room and Lily's face lit up.

"Mom! Dad!" she squealed running to them and hugging them both at the same time. "Oh, and Frankie!" she said, leaning over to peek at her baby brother.

"How are you doing, pumpkin?" Harm asked as she kissed his face before wrapping her arms around Mac's neck.

"Good," she replied. "Grandma says I've been exceptional this week," she said proudly.

"That's great to hear, Lily," Mac said. "I'm sure that's been a great help."

"That's what grandma said too," she said before pulling back and looking at Mac. "You look better, mom. When are you coming home?"

"I'm feeling better too," she said, caressing Lily's face.

"But we won't be home for a while yet," Harm said, knowing his wife really wasn't up to telling Lily the news. "Mom and Frankie have to stay in hospital for a bit more and then we have to stay in DC after that."

"Permanently?" she asked her eyes widening.

"No, baby," Mac said. "Just until Dr Mollison says it's okay."

"And when will that be?" she questioned.

"A few weeks," Harm said, not wanting to say a month as that would upset both mother and daughter too much. "But you can keep coming and visiting, just like the plan we had before Frankie came early."

Lily nodded; she could handle that...sort of.

Harry and Rose came running in and Mac found the safest place to be was in her husband's lap, with his knees providing a buffer between the eager arrivals and her very tender abdomen. Hugs and kisses were exchanged before Harm and Mac caught up on the adventures of the week. When the kids began getting restless, Mattie and Colin offered to take them downstairs for ice cream and they jumped at the opportunity.

"Where's my husband?" Trish asked. "I thought he'd be here."

"He's not far away," Harm reported. "Had some business to take care of. Said he'd be here by half past." Trish nodded; though she did have to wonder what it would be that kept him from staying with his son and grandson.

For the twenty five minutes the kids were away, the four remaining adults had an in depth conversation into Mac's current condition and the prognosis.

"Dr Mollison thinks I should make a full recovery," she said, entwining her fingers with Harm's. "There are more issues with my bowel than bladder but with some medication and time she thinks that will right itself."

"That's good news," said Grams as she nursed her great grandson. "I can't wait to have you both on the farm. It's been a long time since there was a newborn there."

Harm smiled and patted her hand, he knew he had been the last newborn to spend any time there and that was nearly fifty years ago.

Friday's shorter visits were followed by longer ones on Saturday. Come Sunday morning, after Saturday discussions amongst the adults that Mac and Harm weren't privy to, Frank, Colin and Grams returned to the farm. When questioned by Harm at their early morning hospital visit, Frank took Harm aside and said he'd offered to give Colin a hand rearranging Grams' bedroom. When Harm had questioned why it couldn't wait until later that day, Frank just shrugged and said it's what Grams had wanted, knowing that Harm wouldn't question his grandmother's actions.

The truth was, Frank had to follow up on Friday's 'business' meeting and he needed Colin and Grams help.

Mac was too preoccupied with making the most of her time with her children to consider what the others were up to, she farewelled them and took the time to thank Frank for spending the extra time with him.

When he hugged her, Mac whispered, "I love you, dad." And it was all Frank could do not to break down in tears.

When everybody else left for the farm just after lunch, it was Mac's turn for tears, she had requested that no-one come down in the week as Lily needed routine and, if she was home by the end of the week, she really didn't need the twins underfoot. While she knew it was a lot to ask of the other adults in the short term, she thought that it would make for a speedier recovery and that would be good in the long term.

Even though it was her idea and her decision, it killed her to see her kids walking away from her once more, none were too happy and it took all of Mattie and Trish's efforts to get them to walk out without a scene. As soon as the elevator closed behind them, Mac burst into tears and for all Harm's efforts he couldn't placate her. In the end, he tucked her into bed and held her until she fell asleep.

It was a tough few days in hospital knowing she wouldn't see her other three babies any time soon but Mac filled in her time with Frankie and trying to cajole Dr Mollison into letting her out sooner rather than later.

In the end, Dr Mollison discharged her on Thursday afternoon and as Mac packed the last of her things which signalled the end of her near two week stay, she couldn't help but smile.

Everything was over ... and she was going home happy and on her way to being healthy ... and, most importantly, she was going home with the most gorgeous baby boy who had put on 6oz, grown a little and was fit enough to leave the hospital.

All her fears had proved unfounded and as she looked into the sparkling blue eyes of her husband, she knew he was thinking about the same miracle she was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
AN: Last chapter will go up on the weekend.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: still not mine

With all three occupants buckled up safely in the car, Harm pulled out of the hospital car park and headed down the road. Far more cautious than usual, Mac didn't comment about his driving and the fact they were well below the speed limit. She didn't mention the fact he was slowing down at intersections even when the lights were green nor did she mention that he seemed to be going the wrong way.

She knew, from previous experience, that driving a newborn home from the hospital for the first time was a slow process with Harm being exceptionally careful with his precious cargo. And she knew, given what she'd put him through, he was most likely being extra vigilant.  
Not too far away, Harm pulled over and Mac looked at him puzzled.

"I'm keeping my promise," he said before she could ask the question.

"What promise?" she asked as she took his hand in hers.

"The one I made before the second surgery," he said before pointing to the shop they were in front of – Weston's Jewellers.

"Ohh," she replied excitedly. "My diamond ring."

"Yes, a diamond ring or a necklace or brooch or watch or anything else you'd like," he said kissing her hand before climbing from the vehicle and getting Frankie out in his capsule.

"You didn't need to do this, Harm," said Mac as she eased herself from the car. While she was very much looking forward to being home, the pain and discomfort was still considerable.

"I always keep my promises, gorgeous," he replied, looking at his son, his proof of giving his wife everything she had always wanted.

Once inside the shop, Harm stood to the side with Frankie and allowed Mac to gaze at all the cabinets and displays. First, she spied a beautiful teardrop diamond necklace that she loved, then it was a sapphire ring which caught her attention. Next, it was a pair of silver earrings with an intricate design.

While she chatted to the sales associate, Harm was having his own private conversation with the manager and following up on a purchase he had arranged earlier. Not able to make up her mind, Mac narrowed it down to the necklace and the ring.

"Get them both," Harm said, not even asking about the price – something's just couldn't have a tag put on it.

"It's a lot of money, Harm," she said as she slipped the ring on.

"Think of it as one for you and one for Frankie," he suggested and Mac smiled; that did make it seem better.

At the mention of his name, Frankie decided to let his presence be known and started to cry. Harm took him from his capsule and cradled him to his chest, trying to soothe the boy before he disturbed the whole shop. Harm's tactics didn't work and he could see Mac getting a little distressed herself. Handing over his credit card to the manager, Harm informed his wife that she was to get whatever she wanted and he and Frankie would go for a walk and would be back to finalise the transaction.

After watching them disappear from the store, Mac turned her attention to the display she had bypassed; that of Pandora bracelets. Looking at all the options, Mac knew that if she picked out all the charms which represented her life, it would cost an absolute fortune. She tried to narrow down the charms but she loved them all...

The blue topaz baby carriage which could represent their newest addition.

The angel of hope charm which suited Lily perfectly – she was definitely an angel in Mac's eyes.

The key to my heart one which was what Harm had and had done so much longer than Mac ever wanted to admit.

The twins charm which conveniently had one girl and one boy.

There was the Russian rings charm which represented their visit to Russia to find the truth about Harm's dad; perhaps one of the first times she had risked everything for Harm.

There was a biplane charm, not quite the Stearman and not her passion but planes, of all shapes and sizes, had played such a huge part of their lives.

Then, in the next display cabinet there were eternity spacers which told its own story, as to did the 'together forever' charm, which, as she conceded, meant the same thing.

Looking closely, Mac found a range of military charms and spied the marines charm and navy one sitting side by side, just as they should be...of course, she was also impressed that the marine one was first.

There was also a cute dinosaur charm and a teddy bear charm and ...

Mac shook her head; there was a time when she didn't think she'd ever want to remember her life. She felt she had nothing and no one and, looking into a glass cabinet, she couldn't believe that those precious moments of her life could be captured by something so beautiful. It wasn't till she caught the $450 price tag on the baby carriage, the first one she'd spied, that she realised getting the whole bracelet wasn't an option.

Still it was a nice thought and something she could aspire to. Perhaps she could get the bracelet itself for her birthday and then get the charms over the next few years.

"Have you decided yet?" Harm said, coming back in with a sleeping baby and catching her wistful expression.

"Yeah," she said with a sigh before turning her attention to another counter and pointing out a different necklace altogether. It had a gold filigree locket and Mac could put photos of the children in it and keep it close to her heart.

When Frankie started fussing again, Mac took him and caressed his flushed cheeks as Harm completed the deal.

Handing Mac her gift, Harm kissed her cheek.  
"For you, gorgeous," he whispered as he slipped another package into his pocket. "Thank you for our son."

The journey from the jeweller's home continued to be a slow one with Harm making doubly sure everything was right at every intersection and every turn. Pulling into their driveway, Harm put the car in park and climbed out before collecting his son. As Mac moved to the trunk, Harm shook his head, he'd come out and grab everything else once they were settled in the house.

"I'm not made of crystal, you know," she said as he ushered her into the house. "I'm not going to break if I carry a few things."

"I know," replied Harm, "But Dr Mollison was clear about no lifting or carrying and I think we should at least follow her instructions for the first 24 hours before you decide you're a marine and can handle anything."

Mac laughed; Harm was right.

During her last visit, Trish had cleaned the nursery thoroughly and made up Harry's crib for Frankie. She'd ensured it was well aired out and when Mac opened the door to the room it smelt fresh and clean and the perfect place for her baby boy. Turning on the monitor at the wall, Mac waited for Harm to bring their son in but it was a wait in vain.

Padding back to the living room, she found Harm settling Frankie in a new pram which had been sitting in the corner.

"Honey, aren't you bringing him into the nursery?" she asked quietly.

"I thought I'd leave him here for a bit," Harm replied. "Just while I get the things in and get you settled."

Mac smiled and nodded; she knew her husband was still a little concerned about them both and wanted Frankie within sight and she wasn't going to argue the point.

With the bags brought in and the teddy bear settled on the sofa, Harm moved to the kitchen to make some coffee and decide on dinner.

"What do you feel like for dinner, now that you're home, Mac?" he asked, taking her hand and leading her to the sofa. "There are flyers here for all your favourite places or Harriet's got a range of things in the freezer we can heat up."

Using their joined hands, Mac looped his arm around her and nestled in close as they sat together.

"You okay?" he asked, kissing her head.

"Yeah, just more tired than I thought," she replied with a yawn.

"Well, all we have to worry about is dinner and an early night," he said, stroking her arm.

"And the feeds every three hours for Frankie," she replied, loving her son but not looking forward to months of broken sleep.

"Yeah, there is that too," he said with a laugh. "So, we'll just have to make sure we make up for it during the day, especially over these next few weeks while the kids are away."

Mac nodded before her brow furrowed.

"What's so serious?" he asked, dragging her face up.

"Can't decide between pizza and Chinese," she said before kissing him.

"Oh," he replied with a laugh. "One of the most serious decisions an individual can face."

The decision was Chinese and it was delicious. Frankie had been fed and cuddled and bedded down in the nursery, calls had been made and goodnight wishes had been sent down the phone line to the farm. Mac had gone in and showered and changed for bed, wishing she could have a bath but not being allowed to with her stitches. When she came back into the bedroom, she was surprised to see Frankie was back in his pram in the corner of their bedroom.

"He's a bit young to move himself," Mac observed as she bent down to kiss the child's head.

"I...ah...thought it might be best for him to be in here tonight," he said, not quite looking at his wife.

"Why?" she questioned, all of the other children had slept their first night home in their own beds in the nursery.

"I...well, I..." He stopped when he realised he couldn't really answer the question.

"I don't mind," Mac said quickly when she realised he was struggling. "It'll be nice having him so close after having him back in the hospital nursery at night."

"Yeah, I was kinda thinking the same thing," he said, with a nod.

After Mac climbed into bed, Harm made his rounds of the house to ensure everything was secured. Even though it hadn't gone nine, he knew he needed sleep and he also knew that if he didn't go to bed, his wife wouldn't either.

Easing himself into bed, Harm waited for Mac to find the most comfortable position for herself and it didn't surprise him that it involved being in his arms. But while sleep came to her, it didn't come to him and he found himself lying there thinking and over thinking everything that had happened, how it had turned out, how it could have turned out, how this was all he wanted from day one; that was to have his child here and healthy and his wife safe in his arms, at the end of the pregnancy.

And while he had things exactly as he had wanted, dreamed of, prayed for, something still didn't feel right. Slipping out of bed, Harm made his way back to the living room and picked up the teddy bear before sitting down on the sofa and trying to work out what his problem was. Clutching the bear to his chest, he leaned back and tried to figure it all out.

"What's wrong?" asked Mac from the hallway. Harm shook his head and shrugged his shoulders; he had no idea. "Can I come and sit with you?" He nodded. Mac made her way to him and sat alongside him, taking his hand in hers and said nothing.

For a while there was just silence, Mac waiting for Harm to open up, Harm not actually able to give voice to whatever it was he was feeling. Eventually, Mac shifted to his lap and draped her arms around his neck.

"Do you know how much I love you?" she asked as she kissed his face and drew his head to her shoulder.

"As much as I love you," he replied, kissing her cheek before resting his head on her shoulder.

"Harm, usually I can tell what you're thinking...or at least what mood you're in, but right now I have no idea, honey," she whispered, pulling him closer. "I don't know whether you're upset or angry or sad or sick or...or...whatever else."

"You're not alone, Mac," he replied, looking up at her. "I don't know myself."

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked caressing his face. "You don't feel sick, do you?" she asked using the back of her hand to check his temperature.

"No, I'm not sick," he replied, moving her hand and kissing it. "I think what I'm feeling is relief," he finally said.

"Well, that's a start," she said. "It's been a very stressful time and I'm feeling quiet relieved myself. I don't need to tell you I was a bit worried myself."

"I know," he said, kissing her head.

"But you," she said, before briefly kissing him."You have been stressed since the moment we found out we were pregnant. I know you tried to hide it and I know you didn't want to worry me but I could still see it, honey."

"I couldn't help it," he whispered.

"I know," she replied. "You've got to let the guilt go, Harmon. You've got to let it all go. It's all over – Frankie and I are here, at home, safe and sound. Let it go."

Wrapping his arms around her, Harm buried his head in her shoulder and let go; first with tears, then with sobs as Mac whispered her love and her, what she considered unnecessary, forgiveness over and over again. And by the time he had managed to pull himself together Harm felt an incredible weight had lifted. He was finally able to look his wife in the eye and not dread what might happen or what she might be thinking of him.

By the time he finally felt calm and composed, Frankie was hollering for a feed. Hand in hand they walked back to the bedroom. Harm picked up the child and kissed him before changing his dirty diaper and settling him with his wife.

As Mac fed the child, Harm remembered the package from earlier. He had wanted to wait until they had returned to the farm and had been officially home, but here, in their bedroom, in the house they brought their other three kids home to for the first time, it seemed like the ideal time.

"When you've finished with Frankie, I've got a special package for you," he said, sitting on her side of the bed facing her.

Mac chuckled. "And an amazing one at that, but you know that's off limits for at least 6 weeks," she replied and Harm blushed it was definitely not what he'd had on his mind.

"Oh, ah... not what I meant..." he stammered, his mind going straight to where hers led it.

"Shame...it's going to be a long few weeks," she said with a dramatic sigh.

Once Frankie was fed and contented, Harm scooped him up and allowed Mac to kiss him once more before exchanging the boy for her package. As he was settling Frankie into the pram, he heard her unwrap the box.

When he heard nothing further, he turned to find her holding up the bracelet with tears streaming down her face.

In her hand was a Pandora bracelet complete with marine and navy charms, baby carriage, angel, twins, dinosaur, Russian rings and biplane separated by eternity spacers.

"The manager said you could change any you didn't like," he said, climbing into the bed and holding her the best he could. "It took me forever to pick out these ones online."

"It's perfect...just perfect...I...in the shop...I looked at this...and picked them...picked all these..." she said, fingering the charms. "But...but...it was too expensive...Oh, Harm..." She ended with a sigh.

"You're perfect, Sarah," he said, kissing her. "This is just a token so you will always remember how we got to this point...that of completing our family."

"Oh, Harm," she said with a sigh.

"And you'll notice there's still room on the bracelet," he said. "And for the rest of our lives will continue to fill it and you can get a second and a third..."

"Oh, Harm," she repeated as he fixed it around her wrist. "We've really done it, haven't we?" she said, looking up at him. "We've made all our hopes and dreams come true...we have our family."

"We have," he said, kissing her. "It's taken us nearly twenty years but we've got it."

"And now we have the rest of eternity to enjoy it," she said, snuggling into him.

"Yes, we do," he agreed.

This time when he closed his eyes Harm felt nothing but joy and contentment. Gone were the fears and guilt which had become as much a part of him as his pulse and breathing. With his baby boy sleeping peacefully on his left and his wife asleep in his arms, Harm succumbed to the most restful slumber he'd had in his life.

**_AN: And that's where we leave our freshly expanded, and completed, MacKenzie Rabb family for now. I'm sure we'll visit with them again sometime. As for me, that's it for the time being too. There are things I need to do, places I need to go and people I want to see which will take me up to October. After that, there are other hobbies I wish to explore and other things I have neglected in the name of fan fiction. Thank you to all who have taken time to read and comment on my work, I truly appreciate it. I wish you all the very best._**  
**_Love _**  
**_Nettie_**  
**_xoxox_**


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: not mine

_An: This is the continuation of Life on the Farm (which was a sequel to 36 Hours and Change – still available under same author / title ). I don't know how many chapters this will be as yet and will continue it into the New Year, but this chapter is a way of saying thank you to all who read and comment on my work – it is very much appreciated. Best wishes for 2011 – I hope it is kind to you._  
_Love_  
_Nettie_  
Xoxox

It was late April before Mac and Frankie were cleared to go to the farm. It had been a long six weeks since the baby's birth and Mac was more than ready to return home and be with her family fulltime. True, her in-laws, Mattie and Colin had been amazing ferrying the kids back and forth and looking after all the commitments at the farm, but there was nothing like being back in control of your whole life and Mac couldn't wait.

The six weeks forced stay in DC had meant a whole lot of rest and relaxation, not only for mother and son but for father too and Harm was now fully recovered from his own health issues which delighted Mac. For too long he had been only a shadow of himself, the stress and guilt of the pregnancy coupled with the appendectomy and peritonitis had had a greater effect on him than he would have ever admitted. Still, now when she looked at him, his skin was back to its usual colour, his eyes were clear and sparkling and he looked as adorable as on the day she married him.  
"That's everything," Harm said, returning from putting the last of their belongings in the car.  
"What about Frankie's bag?" Mac asked, scanning the room.  
"In the back seat just in case we need it on the way home," he said before grinning.  
"What?" asked Mac catching his smile.  
"Home!" he said again. "We're going home."  
"Yes, we are," she said, her smile matching his. "And two days early."

The plan had been to return home Saturday but with nothing left in DC for them to do, Harm and Mac had decided to pack up immediately and surprise everyone. While desperate to see her other children, there was another reason for wanting to get home today – tomorrow, Friday, had been Frankie's actual due date and she felt there was something symbolic about being home, happy and healthy by that date which would mean it was all behind them.  
"I keep thinking we're forgetting something," Mac said as Harm checked the back door and electrical outlets.  
"I don't think so," he called from across the room. "There doesn't seem to be anything left behind."

For a moment, Mac frowned, the feeling was insistent. Suddenly, she burst out laughing and headed down the hallway before returning minutes later with Frankie in his carrier. "The baby!"

Once his wife and son were buckled safely into the car, Harm climbed in and inserted his seatbelt.  
"You think we'll remember how to get there?" he asked with a laugh.  
"It has been a while, hasn't it?" she replied, taking his hand in hers.  
"But well worth it," he said, flipping their hands over and kissing hers. "I'm just so grateful it's all over and worked out so well."  
"Me too," Mac said with a relieved smile as she let go of his hand so he could reverse out of the driveway.

The drive was a quiet one with Frankie sleeping and hushed conversation between husband and wife. At the half way mark, Harm pulled into the gas station as the baby was becoming restless and Mac needed the bathroom. Sitting, cradling his son at the table as his wife returned, Harm was singing to his boy, hoping his voice would distract the boy from his hunger – it wasn't working.  
"Here's mommy," he said as Mac slipped into the seat beside him. "She's got your lunch."  
Frankie seemed to quieten immediately and Harm could only shake his head; Mac had such a magical power over the Rabb men. Once the baby was feeding happily, Harm went to get them both a drink.  
"You are just the most precious thing," Mac cooed as she used a finger to caress his face. "I can't believe we finally get to take you home. You're going to have to share a room with mommy and daddy for a bit because we need to build on some more rooms but I'm sure you won't mind – I know I won't. When you get a bit bigger you can share a room with your brother, but I think you'll have to be a bit bigger before that happens as I think he might squeeze you to death."  
"What are we talking about?" Harm asked, placing a caramel milkshake in front of his wife.  
"Bedrooms," she said with a sigh.

Harm just nodded. They'd had this conversation a lot and while he shared Mac's concern about the need for more room, he was frustrated that she just couldn't let it go.  
"I know, I know," she said, catching his expression. "It will all work out and things will be fine..."  
"But..." Harm prompted, knowing there would be one.  
"But..." she continued, "I just want to be home and have everyone settled in 'their' rooms and not feel so...so..."  
"So ...what?" Harm prompted once more, not sure what his wife was feeling.  
"So...crowded," she said quietly as Frankie gazed up at her.  
"You're feeling crowded?" he checked, this was a new one.  
"A little," she admitted. "Sorry."  
"Don't apologise," he said quickly, rubbing her back. "Why haven't you told me before?"

Drawing a deep breath, Mac let it out slowly. "I don't know," she finally said. "Maybe it's not an issue at all," she said trying to downplay it all. "Maybe I'm just being too sensitive."

Harm just nodded. If Mac was giving voice to a concern then it was an issue and she wasn't being too sensitive but she seemed to have closed the topic so he'd let it drop for now. They had some drafts completed during recent weeks for an extension to the house. It was only an additional three rooms which was all they really needed, especially as Mattie and Colin would have their own place within the year.

The final leg home was almost in silence. Content after his feed and diaper change, Frankie fell asleep very quickly and Mac soon followed. As he drove towards the one place he'd truly considered home, Harm was deep in thought as to how he could alleviate Mac's concern within the current structure of the house.

He knew his mom and dad had been sleeping in their bed while they had been in DC but now they were returning, and his mom and dad were staying one more week to ensure everything was well, they would go into Mattie and Colin's room, which once was the study, while the younger couple would be relegated to the living room floor once more.

Grams' room was nearly twice the size of the children's bedroom and Harm knew if they could swap those rooms over they'd have more flexibility. However, there was no way he'd ask his grandmother to give up her room and risk her feeling they were invading her home and she was in the way; no, there had to be another way.

Twenty minutes from home he was distracted from his ponderings from the quiet sniffles beside him and one quick glance confirmed his suspicions. Pulling over onto the side of the road, Harm put the car into park and turned in his seat.  
"Hey," he said quietly, caressing Mac's face. "Why the tears?"  
"We're nearly home," she whispered, her eyes still closed.  
"And this is a good thing, right?" he checked.  
"Yeah!" she said with a broad grin as she opened her eyes and looked at him. "Very good."  
"So, why the tears?" he repeated.  
"I'm just really happy," she replied. "When we last left here I was a little worried this day would never come." She glanced into the back seat at her baby boy. "Just so relieved that it's all behind us and we're going home."  
"Me too, gorgeous," he said, leaning over and kissing her. "Me too!"

Pulling up in their driveway, Harm parked the car before getting his son out. Mac had climbed out and was still studying the house when Harm closed the rear door.  
"What's wrong?" he asked, following her gaze.  
"Is that a fence or what at the rear of the house?" she asked pointing to a new construction painted to match the house.  
"Looks like a fence," he replied, wrapping an arm around her waist and heading up the steps to the back door. "Maybe they built a pen to corral the kids." They both laughed.  
"Oh my!" said Grams scrambling to her feet when she saw them come through the door. "We weren't expecting you until Saturday!" Quickly she hugged and kissed them both before turning her attention to the baby. "Welcome, home, Frankie – angel."  
"Where is everyone?" Harm asked, scanning the house.  
"Colin's in the yard somewhere, Mattie's down yonder," she said gesturing towards the rear field. "With some land surveyor. Trish and Frank have Rosie with them at Charlesville and Harry is next door ..."  
"Seeing Shadow the kitten, no doubt," Mac said with a smile.  
"Seeing Shadow and Flopsy," Grams said moving to boil the kettle.  
"And who or what is Flopsy?" asked Harm, wondering what Harry would be asking for when he returned home.  
"A rabbit," she said. "A fluffy white thing with big ears."  
Mac just smiled; she was definitely on a farm.

Over coffee and sandwiches, the trio chatted amiably as Grams cradled her youngest great grandson. When she saw Mac and Harm had finished, she turned her attention to Frankie.  
"Now, my boy, would you like to see your new room?" she asked and Frankie seemed to gurgle in reply.

Knowing she couldn't climb the stairs with the baby in her arms, she handed him to his father and took hold of Mac's arm. "Let's go see it."

At the top of the stairs, Mac went to turn into her room before Grams tugged her arm in the opposite direction. As Grams opened the children's bedroom door, Mac saw it had been converted into a nursery.  
"Wow!" she said as she gazed up at the clouds painted on the ceiling. "It's beautiful."  
"Nothing but the best for my boy," she said with a satisfied smile.  
"I thought I was your boy," Harm chided gently.  
Grams ignored him and gestured for the baby to be placed in the crib and smiled broadly when Frankie was settled. "Just like your daddy and granddaddy," she said with a small sigh. Flicking on the monitor, she picked up the listening component and gave it to Mac. "There's one of these in your room and this one's for downstairs – thought we had a few days to do the final touches."  
"Thank you, Grams," Mac said embracing her tightly. "I love the room and I'm sure Frankie will too."  
"It's wonderful, Grams," Harm said. "But I have to ask..."  
"Where we've put the other children?" she asked for him and Harm nodded.

Leaving the nursery, Grams opened her bedroom door to show it had been converted to two rooms. The smaller section was now Lily's room and decorated in all she had chosen. The larger area was for the twins and their 'big kids' bed were proudly on show. Rosie had Lily's Princess Bed while Harry had a Wiggles inspired Big Red Car. Lily's bed was now a four posted bed and would do her into her teen years. The walls had been freshly painted and adorned with art work, and the floor had colourful rugs.  
"We knew you were worried about the room," Grams said before the other two could speak. "This set up should do them for a few years. By then, Frankie will be big enough to share with Harry, Rosie can have Lily's room and we can redo the nursery and Lily can have that."

Mac embraced Grams once more; it was all perfect – and a huge relief.

As they walked back onto the landing, Grams gestured to their bedroom. "It's still yours," she said, heading down the stairs. "We haven't touched it."

Before anymore could be said, and before they could find out where Grams' room was now, the backdoor opened and in walked Colin and Harry.  
"Mommy!" Harry squealed, charging at his mother. Instantly she scooped him up.  
"Hello, baby," she said, smothering him in kisses. "Mommy's missed you so very, very much!"  
"Mommy!" he repeated trying to hug and kiss and squeeze her all at once.

When Colin spoke to Harm, Harry realised daddy was there too and thrust his arms out.  
"Daddy!" he yelled. "Daddy, daddy, daddy."  
Taking his boy from his wife, Harm hugged and kissed him before settling the boy on his hip.  
"Me see Flopsy and Shadow and Flopsy's a rabbit and this big," Harry said enthusiastically stretching out his arms to indicate a rather large rabbit.  
"That big?" Harm questioned, watching his son's eyes sparkle.  
"Big!" he concurred, "And he hops and hops," he added, trying to bounce in his father's arms.  
"Mrs Anderson's very lucky to have Flopsy and Shadow," Harm said, kissing Harry's head.  
"Can me have one?" he begged. "Pwease."  
"We'll see, son, we'll see."

Mattie's return home occurred soon after and she was still accompanied by the surveyor. Harm went from family man to businessman as he and Mattie discussed results with the visitor. It was all good and by the time they walked the man out to his car, Harm knew the airfield would be a reality very soon. Wrapping his arm around Mattie, he went to walk in when he heard a horn toot and they turned back to see Frank driving up the driveway.

Waving, he let Mattie go as he headed to the car. Opening the door once Frank had parked, Harm unbuckled the seatbelt of his sleepy daughter.  
"Come to daddy, baby," he said as he pulled her from her seat.  
"Daddy," she murmured, quickly tucking herself into him.  
"Hey, Rosie," he said, supporting her as he closed the door and opened his mother's. "Daddy's got you."

The greetings from Trish and Frank were more enthusiastic than Rosie's and Frank guided his son into the house as Rosie fell asleep once more. Happy to have the prodigal children home, Trish tried to make a fuss over them but Mac was having none of it.  
"Why don't you let me make you a coffee?" she said to her mother-in-law.  
"I'll stop the arguments and get you both one," Mattie said, taking charge.  
"Good," Harm said, "Because we really would like to know the rest of the changes that have happened here."  
"What have you seen so far?" asked Frank.  
"The nursery, which is beautiful, thank you," Mac said. "And the kids' new rooms."  
"But we don't know what happened to Grams room," Harm said, repositioning his daughter in his arms.  
"Come with me," Grams said, getting to her feet.

Opening the study door, the couple were surprised to find it was a complete replica of Grams' room as it had been upstairs, just in a smaller format.  
"I didn't need all that room," she said by way of explanation. "This suits me just fine and means I only need to go upstairs once a day to the bathroom to shower and not up and down when I need something from my room."  
Happy that Grams' seemed to be happy about it, Harm smiled until he realised it still left a problem – Mattie and Colin.

Grams gestured for Frank to take over tour guide duties and Frank opened a rarely used side door which once led to a long since gone barn. Following Frank, Mac was the first to see what that new construction she had seen actually was.  
"This is why I came back early on that Sunday after you'd had your second surgery," he explained looping his arm around Mac. "I'd arranged for this while I was in DC and needed to clear out the area for its delivery."

What 'this' was, was a rather large state of the art mobile home. Opening the door for them, he ushered them in to find a kitchen / dining area, a lounge area at the front which could be converted into a double bed, a surprisingly large bathroom with a shower and toilet, and a largish bedroom at the back with a queen sized bed.

Though the furnishings were fitted, the decor indicated it was being used by Mattie and Colin.  
"I thought the kids could do with a bit of privacy," Frank whispered to Mac as Mattie entered behind them. "Now you're home, we will sleep here," he said, indicating the lounge. "It's extremely comfortable."  
"It's amazing, dad," Mac said, hugging Frank. "It's such a relief."  
"Thought it might be, honey," he said, kissing her head. "And the bonus is, when the kids have their own place, you can use this as a guest room or a hide out from the kids."

The early afternoon was spent in the simple pleasures of family life and easy conversation. As the afternoon moved on, Mac began to watch the clock, something which wasn't necessary given her internal clock. Noticing her daughter-in-law's behaviour, Trish nudged Harm as she went into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

Rather than question her, as he knew just what she was waiting for, Harm stood and took her hand.  
"Come with me?" he said quietly, kissing her head.  
"Where to?" she asked quickly.  
"Come with me?" he repeated, and Mac stood and followed him.

Walking them out the back door, Mac grinned when she realised Harm was leading her down the long driveway.  
"Figured it was easier to bring you down here to wait for Lily's bus than to have you go crazy waiting in the house," Harm said as he wrapped his arm around her.  
"You're amazing," she said, pressing up to kiss his cheek. "And so is your family," she added. "I can't believe they did all this for us."  
"They are amazing," Harm confirmed. "But they aren't my family, they are our family. Don't ever forget that!"  
Mac nodded, she knew they were her family too; sometimes she just needed a reminder.

"Where is it?" Mac asked for the third time in as many minutes. "It should be here by now."  
"It will be," Harm said soothingly.  
"I just want to see her," Mac said. "Then I'll know we're truly home."  
"I know," he whispered, wrapping her in his arms as he leant against a fence post. Then, to distract her he kissed her. Deep and tender, Harm caressed her face as he let his love pour into her.  
"'Mazing," she muttered pulling back. "Can't wait til we can take things further."  
"Me neither," Harm replied, kissing her nose. "It's only a few more days."  
"Feels like forever since I had you," she said, linking her arms around his neck.  
"I know," he said, gently kissing her once more.  
"Kiss me again," she asked, running her fingers into his hair and using that position to bring his head down to her once more. Willingly, he obliged.

It was the bus horn which drew them from their embrace and Mac grinned when she saw their daughter waving frantically at them.  
"Mommy!" she yelled from the bus door before jumping out and running to them.  
"Lily!" Mac exclaimed, wrapping her up and kissing her a dozen times.  
"Are you home?" Lily asked and Mac nodded. "For good?" Mac nodded again. "Yes!"  
"I've got your bag," Harm said, carrying her bag from the bus where she had discarded it when she saw her parents.  
"Daddy!" she replied, turning her attention to her father. "I've missed you too!"  
"I've missed you too, baby girl," he said, scooping her up and hugging her tightly.  
"You're home early," she observed as they turned for home.  
"Thought we might surprise you," Mac said as Harm moved Lily to one hip and wrapped his other arm around his wife.  
"It is a surprise, a BIG one," she said squeezing her dad. "And is Frankie home too?"  
"Yes, he is," Mac said. "He's asleep in his new bed."  
"Did you see my new bed and room?" she asked and Mac nodded.  
"It's beautiful," she said. "You're a very lucky girl."  
"I know," she said, kissing her dad's head. "Can I be luckier and stay home from school tomorrow and spend the day with you and Frankie. Pleaseeeeee?"

Mac looked at Harm and Harm looked at Mac, their usual answer would be 'no'. School was important and not to be missed without good reason but tomorrow was a special day.

It would be the first full day of the rest of their lives and it was an occasion worth celebrating.  
"You can stay home tomorrow," Harm said, surprising Mac. "And we'll have a special party lunch."  
"What's the party for?" Lily asked, loving parties.  
"It's a promise party," Harm said, kissing his wife's head.  
"What's a promise party?" Lily asked, not understanding.  
"I once made your mom a promise that we would have a family and a home and live happily ever after," he said tearfully. "I think she'd agree we now have our family and our home."  
"I would agree," Mac said, holding him tighter.  
"And now we get to live happily ever after," Lily gushed.

She loved fairy tales and princes and princesses and kisses and dreams come true and happily ever afters.  
"Yes, we do," Harm said, kissing them both. "Yes, we do."


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: not mine

The problem with 'happily ever afters' is that they occur only in fairy tales. Real life is full of ups and downs; the good guys don't always win, the bad guys don't always get caught. There are bumps along the road to happiness; some are minor and while you feel them they have no real impact on you. Others can cause crashing and bashing and can send you off your trajectory and towards a destination you didn't want.

Life on the farm was a combination. Mostly, there were just minor hiccups, there were no huge bumps, well, not that Harm could see. They had been back on the farm a little over a month, his parents had returned to DC and they had all seemed to settle into their new routine which included having an infant in the house quite well.

Frankie was a good baby; rarely fussing, he was easily placated when his needs had been met. He was already sleeping through the night and the 0200 feeds they had been through with the other children were a thing of the past.  
It was a phone call from Harriet midweek which made him re-evaluate just how well things were going.  
"I'm concerned about Mac," were her first words when he answered the phone.  
"Why?" he asked, looking out the window to see his wife walking off into the distance.  
"She phoned me this morning and she seemed down," Harriet reported, "I asked her about it and all she would say was she was over it all."  
"Over what?" Harm asked concerned.  
"Everything," she replied, knowing it was of little help. "I tried to get her to be specific but she just stopped talking."  
"Thanks for letting me know, Harriet," Harm said. "I'll take care of it."

Ensuring that Mattie was aware he was going for a walk with Mac, Harm left his three youngest children and grandmother napping as he jogged off down the field in the direction of his wife. Yes, she'd been quieter in recent days, yes, she'd seemed tired. But 'over everything' just didn't sit right.

It took him fifteen minutes to catch up with her and it wasn't a surprise he found her near their special family area, the one with their history etched on the rocks. It was a surprise, however, to find her sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them, her head resting on them and sobbing her heart out. Silently, Harm sat beside her and wrapped her in his arms before kissing her head. Mac didn't change position, she didn't acknowledge his presence but she didn't send him away either, so he continued to hold her and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Eventually, Mac sat up and wiped her sleeve across her face, her focus still anywhere but her husband.  
"Want to talk about it?" he asked, rubbing her back.  
"No," she said before standing up and walking further from the house.

Harm was quickly on his feet and trailed behind her.  
"Mac, come on," he said, reaching for her hand. "Please don't walk away from me."  
Not really wanting to hurt him, despite how she was feeling, Mac stopped and Harm caught up and moved to stand in front of her.  
"What is going on with you?" he asked, wiping her tears. "Talk to me."  
"Don't want to," she said too quietly for his liking. She definitely wasn't herself.  
"Why not?" he countered. "Have I done something wrong?"

Mac looked at him for a moment before turning around and heading in the general direction of the farmhouse.  
"What have I done?" Harm asked, tugging her back to him. "Mac, talk to me!" he said becoming increasingly frustrated.  
"Nothing, nothing," she spat as she pulled her hand from him. "Okay, you've done nothing."  
"I don't understand," he said desperately. "How can I have done something wrong if I haven't done anything?"

Mac's response was to glare at him.  
Harm reached out, attempting to caress her face but she slapped his hand away.  
"Don't touch me," she said and Harm reacted, grabbing her wrist and holding it as she struggled against him.  
"Talk to me!" he said, his voice raised and not as controlled as he would have liked. "What the hell is happening here?" He dropped her hand, not wanting to hurt her.  
"You think I'm repulsive," she shouted as she moved forward and used her hands to shove him. "I knew what you said accounted for fuck all!" She shoved him again.  
"I do not think you're repulsive," he said, quite hurt. "I love you," he said, not too sure how she'd like that.  
"Yeah, right," she retorted, "Like you care."  
"I do care about you, very much," he said in a gentler voice. "Right now, I am very concerned about you, and about us."

Taking a breath, Mac looked into her husband's eyes. It wasn't that she hated him; it wasn't even that she was that mad with him. It was the hormones coursing through her as she went through early menopause. For the past week or so her thoughts and feelings were all over the place; between her post partum hormones and menopause hormones and then the emotions connected to both, Mac was becoming more and more overwhelmed. Rather than talk to Harm, she had been trying to handle it all by herself as he had been occupied by the plans with the airfield and flying school as Mattie put her efforts into their house.

While she had thought she was doing a good job juggling all her swirling thoughts and feelings and emotions, it had all come to the fore this morning when she awoke desperate for Harm's touch and attention only to find an empty bed. Harm had been up early to meet with a sales rep for the company who would be supplying the aircraft hangars and sheds. And while Mac knew this from the night before, it made no difference, the emptiness of her bed, matched her heart and set her on this particular downward spiral.

Chancing his luck, Harm took a step forward and linked his hands behind Mac's back.  
"Now, if you can," he almost whispered. "What's going on?"  
"You don't love me," she whispered in reply as the first of her tears fell.  
"How can you say that?" he asked, wanting to let go of her but fearing what would happen if he did.  
"How old's Frankie?" she asked, changing tack.  
"Eleven weeks and five days," Harm replied quickly.  
"And how long since we've made love?" she asked, her eyes darting between his.  
"Fifteen weeks," he answered, finally understanding what was going on.  
"Exactly," she said, hoping he'd get her point.

Dr Mollison had cleared her to resume sexual activity seven weeks after Frankie's birth and the hysterectomy, and, here they were, a month later and they still hadn't made love.  
"And you think that because we haven't had sex that I don't love you and find you repulsive?" he questioned and Mac shrugged. Rationally, she knew she was wrong, emotionally, she could only see how right the argument was. "I was waiting for you."  
"What do you mean?" she questioned, her gaze finally meeting his.  
"After the other kids and the surgeries, I've always left the first move up to you," he said, pulling her a little closer. "Haven't I?" Mac nodded. "And this time was no different in that respect. However, Frankie's birth and the subsequent surgeries were hugely traumatic and after the seven week mark passed, and the eighth and ninth...I figured you just needed more time, that you weren't comfortable with resuming sexual activity or you weren't ready."  
"I've been ready for a while," she said sadly. "I ...I guess I wasn't feeling all that sexual and...well, when you didn't initiate anything figured you thought so too."

Instantly, Harm wrapped her in his arms and kissed her head. "I still think you're the most gorgeous, sexy woman I know," he said, tilting her head and briefly kissing her lips. "I was just waiting for you."  
"And I was waiting for you," she said, fighting her tears. "And the more it didn't happen the worse I felt."  
"Why didn't you tell me this weeks ago?" he questioned, stroking her face.  
"Because I thought you'd tell me I was right?" she said, burying her head in his chest. "I'm sorry... so very sorry."  
"I'm sorry too," he whispered, kissing her head. "I should have talked to you about it."  
"We're a sorry pair," she said, holding him tightly.  
"Yes, we are," he said, walking them towards home. "What do you think about a special dinner – just you and me, followed by a night of dancing and intimacy – if you're up to it?"  
Mac smiled sadly. "Sounds nice but there's no place to go nearby."  
"Just have your appetite and your dancing shoes on just as soon as the kids are all tucked up in bed asleep," he said, kissing her head and hoping this little hurdle had been overcome.

As Mac took a nap, Harm set about preparing the evening meal for everyone and a picnic basket for himself and Mac. Additionally, he went out to the barn and set up a CD player with her favourite music and cleared an area of the floor to dance on. He set up lanterns around the place and had them ready to be lit. Placing a blanket on a raised platform, he added some pillows and cushions wanting Mac to be comfortable while they ate.

The late afternoon and evening was filled with homework, dinner and baths and after everyone was fed, clean and asleep, Harm took Mac's hand and kissed it.  
"You ready?" he asked, squeezing her hand. Mac nodded. "Great."

Leading his wife out to the barn, Harm placed the picnic basket in their 'dining' area and set about lighting the lamps and starting the music. Spinning around, he took his wife's hand.  
"Let's dance," he said, pulling her closer as The Everly Brother's 'Let It Be Me' started.

With his arms encircling her, he pulled her closer and kissed her gently as they swayed to the music. Resting her head on his shoulder, Mac felt her troubles fading, this is all she really wanted, just some 'them' time. It wasn't about the sex, well, it wasn't only about the sex, it was about intimacy and she had missed it tremendously.

Four songs later, Mac's stomach rumbled and Harm stepped back and turned them towards the blanket.  
"I think it's time for dinner," he said, still holding her close as they made their way to the picnic area. "After you," he said, helping her step up into the cosy area.  
"You thought of everything," she said appreciatively as she sat amongst the pillows.  
"Now," he said, opening the basket, "Only the finest water." He handed her a bottle before unwrapping a plate of food he'd prepared earlier. Mac smiled as she accepted his offering. The meal was the same chicken, potato salad and coleslaw he'd prepared for his children but Mac's was being served on Lily's red love heart plate. "Love you," he said, leaning in and stealing a kiss.  
"Looks good," she said, waiting for him to settle beside her with his own dinner.

Picking up a fork, she held it in her hand and sighed.  
"I am really sorry about today," she said, looking shyly at him. "I never, ever, meant to hurt you."  
"It's okay," he replied, "I know you love me and I know you know I love you."  
"You don't hate me for what I said?" she questioned, the thought playing on her mind.  
"I could never hate you, Sarah MacKenzie Rabb, never," he said, taking her plate from her and caressing his face. "Let's just think of today as a fender-bender; minor cosmetic damage but structurally everything is still intact."  
Mac smiled; she felt a little like a car wreck at the moment so it was a good analogy.

After dinner there was more dancing, both more than happy being in each other's arms. When the CD finished, neither wanted to let go so instead of swaying in the silence, Harm started to sing and it instantly reduced Mac to tears.

I'll always remember the song they were playin',  
The first time we danced and I knew,  
As we swayed to the music and held to each other,  
I fell in love with you.

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?  
Would you be my partner every night?  
When we're together, it feels so right.  
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

I'll always remember that magic moment,  
When I held you close to me.  
'Cause we moved together, I knew forever,  
You're all I'll ever need

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?  
Would you be my partner every night?  
When we're together, it feels so right.  
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

The answer to Harm's questions was a resounding yes and Mac demonstrated this by pulling his head down and kissing him thoroughly. There was no doubt she wanted to dance with him, vertically and horizontally, for the rest of her life and she wanted the rest of her life to start right now.

Leading him back to the blanket and pillows, Mac tugged him to lay down with her and then proceeded to show him just how much she loved him. Before things went too far, Harm slowed proceedings, hoping she didn't think he was saying no.  
"Wouldn't you be more comfortable in bed?" he checked as she undid his jeans.  
"No," she replied, pulling down the zip. "Unless you..."  
"Here's fine by me," he injected quickly. "I just want it to be perfect for you."  
"It will be," she assured him. "But can we..."  
"Go slow?" Harm offered and Mac nodded. "You just set the pace," he said, more than willing to let her take the lead. It had been over three months since they had made love and cold showers and self relief hadn't done anything to diminish his desire for her, he didn't trust himself to be able to control all his urges if he was to let go.

Slow was an understatement and as much as Mac tried nothing was bringing about those old familiar feelings which she was desperate for. Disappointed, and embarrassed, she pulled away and sat with her back to her husband. Harm's arm went out and around her waist, before easing himself closer to her.  
"It's never perfect the first time," he soothed, kissing her back.  
"I know," she said, fighting her tears.  
"Are you in pain?" he asked, trying to move around to see her face.  
"No," she said quietly.

Harm smiled; he knew Mac's favourite positions and styles as well as he knew his own. He also knew that what they were just attempting wouldn't have really satisfied even if things had gone well. Sitting up, he held out his hand.  
"Come sit with me," he said tugging her hand. When Mac moved closer to him, he placed his hands on her waist and lifted her onto his lap, easing her legs around him as he wrapped her around him.

Gently he kissed her; her lips, her face, her shoulders, her breasts. As his lips caressed her, his hands began to work in unison, touching, rubbing, massaging. Soon, he heard familiar sounds and he knew he was heading in the right direction. Sucking on her collarbone, Harm reached between them and smiled when his wife whimpered at his intimate touch.  
"Only if you want to," he whispered as she ran her fingers along his length. She nodded briefly before raising herself onto her knees and lowering onto him. This time the sensation of her husband filling her was overwhelming.

Increasing speed, Mac's eyes locked with her husband's as they moved to ignite their passion. Knowing it really wasn't going to happen this way either, Mac deftly moved them around so Harm was on top of her and then with a few quicker thrusts she reached climax and took him over the edge with her.

Not wanting to rest his weight on her, Harm turned them over and pulled the blanket over their naked bodies.  
"Okay?" he whispered as he kissed her head.  
"Yeah," she replied kissing his chest.

It wasn't the best sex they'd ever had, that was probably the weekend they'd conceived the twins. It wasn't the worst either, which would have had to have been the moment morning sickness kicked in when she was pregnant with Lily, and instead of screaming in ecstasy she threw up over her husband. But it was okay, she was okay, they were okay and, right now, that's all that mattered.


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: not mine

xoxox

Despite the success of their night, neither Harm nor Mac were naive to think the hormonal battles would be a onetime thing. However, it did heighten their awareness of the situation and both tried their hardest to ensure matters were discussed and dealt with much earlier.

As the back fields were being prepared for the airstrip and the paperwork was being submitted for 'Rabb Runways' Mac felt she was being left behind somewhat. Everyone had their own projects and she was left with the kids –not that she minded, after all, moving to the farm had been her idea. Still, it had been months since she had done anything intellectually challenging, forever since she'd spoken Farsi and her archaeological things were still boxed up in the barn.

After days of quiet contemplation and internet research, Mac had come up with something which had her interest. There was a summer course at the nearest community college called Ancient Artefacts. The write up explained how a retired professor, now local resident, had spent years working on digs around the world and how over the course of six weeks, once a week, he would share his adventures, and artefacts, with students. It sounded perfect.

Harm was very supportive of Mac's plan, he'd been concerned she would be bored on the farm before they moved and he was surprised it had taken this long to materialise. Although the farm, new business and family had been keeping him busy, he had found time to miss the demands of his life at JAG and those of being a lawyer. Some days he longed for something more than casual conversation. He missed the verbal sparring and the need to think on his feet and while he didn't regret his retirement, there were aspects of his former life he missed more than he expected.

"Any chance you're going to finish that before dinner?" Mattie asked startling him.  
Harm looked down and realised his pen was still midair and the form still half completed.  
"Ah, yeah, nearly done," he said with a quick shake of his head.  
"What's got you so preoccupied this afternoon?" she asked, dropping in the chair beside him.  
Blowing out a big breath, Harm shrugged. "Just thinking."  
"About?" she prompted when he said nothing more.  
"This, that, the other," he said, ticking the next box.  
"Harm?" Mattie called, resting her hand on his to stop him writing. "Everything okay?"  
"Yeah, kiddo," he said, with a smile. "Everything's okay."  
"Kiddo?" she questioned, it had been years since he'd called her that. "What's on your mind?"  
"Just thinking that I miss some of the aspects of life before I retired," he finally admitted.  
"Like what?" she questioned.  
"Like having a good argument."

They both laughed but later that week Harm found out that not all arguments are good and that living in close confines with the person you are arguing with isn't ideal; especially if that person is your grandmother and it's the first argument you've ever had with her.

The cause of the argument was Grams' birthday, her 90th birthday, which was coming up in two weeks and Harm wanted to mark the occasion with a grand celebration. Grams was adamant she needed nothing but the family around and a cake but Harm thought such a milestone needed more than that. And given everything that Grams had done for him over his life, Harm decided to push ahead anyway believing that she really wanted something special but didn't want others to fuss.

So, he made a few calls, invited a few people and when one of those people, Mary, Grams' cousin, called the house and told Grams her grand niece would be bringing her and hoped it would be okay, she didn't realise it was meant to be a surprise; Harm had left out that detail.

Rather than confront her grandson in front of his children, Grams waited until they were in bed and then cornered him in the kitchen as he was making coffee for the adults.  
"I explicitly told you not to do anything for my birthday, did I not, Harmon?" she growled and that, coupled with the use of his full name, Harm knew he was in trouble.  
"You did, Grams, but I..." he started to explain but she cut him off.  
"I might be old but I'm not senile, you know!" she said rather loudly. "I still know what I want and what I don't and I will not have you or anyone else making such decisions for me. Is that understood?"  
Suddenly Harm felt like he was ten again and automatically came to attention. "Yes, ma'am."  
"I'm very disappointed in you, Harmon. Very disappointed," she said as she turned towards the living room door just as Mac appeared.  
"Everything alright?" Mac asked quietly.  
"I'm heading to bed," Grams said, "Goodnight, dear."  
"But you haven't had your tea or cake," Harm called which earned him another glare.  
"I don't want anything from you," she snarled before quickly saying goodnight to Mattie and Colin and going into her room.  
"What was all that about?" Mac asked Harm as he stood in the middle of the kitchen.  
Harm related the story and Mac shook her head.  
"I told you not to organise anything," she said picking up the tray of coffee. "But you wouldn't listen."

It was two days of apologising before Grams would even acknowledge Harm's presence such was her annoyance. The boy was always headstrong, she knew that, but this was the first time she had asked him not to do something and he hadn't listened to her. Sometimes, she still wanted to put him across her knee and spank him.

It was Mac who helped bridge the gap between them when she spied Grams sitting on the back porch with her cup of tea one afternoon.  
"May Frankie and I join you?" she asked before sitting down on the chair Grams indicated.  
"Of course, dear," she said. "How is my boy?"  
"This boy is hungry for his lunch," she said, settling him in for his feed. "Your other boy, he's a little upset."  
"Sarah," Grams said in a tone which clearly indicated the topic was closed.  
"Sorry, Grams," she said, raising a hand. "It's just I love you and I love him and it hurts me to see you both upset."  
"Why couldn't he have just let it go?" Grams said staring off into the distance.  
"He wanted to do something special for you," Mac said quietly. "You have done so much for him over his life that he thought this was one way he could repay you."  
"He doesn't need to repay me," she said, "I have not done anything any grandmother wouldn't have done."  
"Oh, I think you have," she said, looking at Frankie. "You gave him a sense of hope when he thought he had lost everything; that was such a turning point in his life."  
"I don't want a fuss for my birthday," she said quietly but firmly.  
"May I ask why not?" Mac questioned. "Turning 90 is a big deal."

Grams took a deep breath and looked at her granddaughter-in-law, she wanted to talk to someone, maybe this was her chance.  
"I've never had a birthday party," she said so quietly Mac had to ask her to repeat herself.  
"Never?" Mac questioned in disbelief.  
"Never."

It was then Grams told her namesake of her birthdays past. Growing up in a poor family, birthdays were marked by a hug and kiss and extra helping of dessert. Married at 19, a mother by 20, her birthdays were not as important as those of her darling baby boy. When he was home, Georg would hug and kiss her, give her a flower he'd picked from the garden and that would be it. Widowed at a young age, even those small birthday gestures became a thing of the past.  
Then as her son grew he had no real interest in anyone's birthday but his own but, when he married, Trish sent her her very first birthday card – she was 41. Every year since she had received a card from Trish for her birthday and, in later years, when Harm married Mac, she had received cards from them, and then the children. Still, her 90 years had amounted to a collection of 70 cards. 48 from Trish alone.

"Don't cry, honey," she said looking up to see the tears on Mac's face. "It was just a way of life."  
"So, why not let us spoil you on this occasion? Let us throw you your very first birthday party. It would be our honour," she said, adjusting Frankie once more. "One birthday party, just with the whole family," she added, tilting Frankie so she understood the meaning.  
"I wouldn't know what to do," Grams said quietly. "I've never had that kind of attention and I think at my age it might be a little overwhelming."

When Frankie was finished and burped, Grams put her arms out to take the boy. He was such a beautiful thing and he still reminded her of her beloved husband, just as he had on the day he was born.  
"How about you think about it and talk to Frankie for a bit while I go to the bathroom and make us some fresh tea?" Mac said, getting to her feet.

When Mac returned ten minutes later with hot tea and cookies, Frankie was sleeping peacefully.  
"Let me put him to bed," Mac said reaching out for her youngest child.  
"How about you bring his basket out and let him get some fresh air?" Grams suggested and Mac nodded before returning to the house and collecting the item.

When the baby was settled in his basket and Mac was settled in her chair, her legs tucked up underneath her, her cup in one hand and a cookie in the other, Grams spoke.  
"Frankie thinks a birthday party might be a nice idea," she said, her eyes fixed on the infant.  
"Does he?" Mac said, with a smile.  
"Yes, says it would be his first family party and that I would like it," she said quietly.  
"I have a very clever boy," Mac said with a smirk.  
"Yes, you do," she agreed. "There's only one problem though."  
"What's that, Grams?" Mac asked, placing her tea on the table.  
"How do I tell Harm without him being angry with me?" she asked sadly.  
"Leave Harm to me."

Later that night, Grams went to bed at the same time Lily did feeling very weary and not long after, Colin and Mattie said goodnight. Deciding it was a probably good to have an early night all around, Harm started his process of locking up. As he was going through the living room, Mac came in with two hot chocolates and some left over apple pie from dinner.  
"Are you going to bed too?" she asked in surprise.  
"Aren't you?" he questioned before turning around and seeing her hands full.  
"I thought I might spend some quality curled up with my husband," she said, placing the tray on the coffee table.  
"Sounds good," he replied as he slipped in a CD and turned the volume down low.

Taking her hand, Harm spun her around before pulling her close and kissing her tenderly. Wrapping his arms around her, Harm swayed with her as she linked her hands behind his neck and pulled him down to kiss her.

All too soon, Mac pulled away and got Harm to sit down before handing him his mug and sitting on his lap, her legs hanging over the arm of the chair.  
"This is nice," he said as she kissed down his neck.  
"Mmha, very," she muttered before pulling back and caressing his face.

Harm kissed her before handing her her mug of hot chocolate and then kissing off the foam moustache that was left after she'd taken a sip.  
"Can we talk?" she finally asked when her mug was empty and the pie was gone.  
"Sure," Harm drawled, he'd been wondering if there was an ulterior motive to all this.  
"It's about Grams," Mac said and she felt her husband bristle. "It's good though," she said, raking her fingers through his hair.

As Harm sat there, Mac continued her ministrations as she told him of the conversation she and his grandmother had had earlier in the day. She told him of how her birthday had pretty much been a non-event and how she felt completely overwhelmed at the thought of a party just for her.

It was of no surprise to Mac to see her husband's tears and she leant in and kissed them away.  
"She loves you very much, Harm, she just got more and more anxious about it and when you planned things that she specifically asked you not too she got angry," Mac said gently. "Angry at you, angry at herself."  
"At herself? Why?" Harm asked, holding Mac a little tighter.  
"Because deep down she wanted something special but couldn't bring herself to ask for it and when you planned it anyway she was angry with herself for not simply saying thank you, but her nerves had gotten the better of her and she panicked," Mac explained.  
"So what are the plans now?" he questioned. "Do we celebrate it? Ignore it? What?"  
"We're going to have a party," she started and Harm's eyes widened. "But only a very simple, family one. Just the nine of us, maybe mom and dad if they can come. I'll work on her allowing Mrs Anderson and maybe Mrs Stevens to come along too, and of course her cousin, Mary, who already accepted with her grand niece."  
"After what she said to me when I'd planned something, why did she listen to you?" he asked, as Mac played with the collar of his shirt.  
"It wasn't me," said Mac. "It was Frankie."  
"Frankie?" he challenged. "Our four month old baby?"  
"Yep," Mac said. "During the conversation I told her I understood she was nervous but that she should let us spoil her this once...I was also in tears at the time when she'd told me about having no previous celebrations...then I went to get us some tea and told her to think about it and talk to Frankie whom she was cradling at the time and when I came back she said we could have something for her as Frankie thought a small birthday party would be very nice, especially as it would be his first one."  
"We have a very clever boy," Harm said with a smile.  
"That's exactly what I said," Mac replied kissing his cheek.


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: not mine

With Grams' blessing, Mac took charge of organising a birthday lunch for her on the day of her 90th birthday, which, as luck would have it, happened to be a Sunday. There were just under two weeks to organise things and while Grams had an input into the menu and would do some extra baking, the rest was left to Mac to coordinate.

"Silver and blue or ..." Mac started to say as she looked at the party supplies catalogue.  
"For what?" Grams interrupted.  
"Streamers and balloons," she replied. "And before you say no, Lily says it isn't a party without them, so we have to have a few."  
Grams nodded and smiled, she may have been turning 90 and had more trouble remembering things these days, but she knew when she was being played. She said nothing as secretly she was excited about the party and so she let Mac use her children as excuses for having the excess touches – like Lily and the balloons and streamers, Harry really wanting the big cake and Rosie thinking the party games were a great idea.

"Did Lily have a colour preference?" Grams asked and Mac nodded.  
"She thought the silver and blue would look good but thought you may prefer the white to silver," she said, pointing to the items in the catalogue.  
"I think silver and blue," Grams said after pretending to give it some thought. "But it has to be navy blue."  
"Of course," Mac said with a smile, while she loved marine green, she was a sucker for navy blue too.

Through some planning efforts, Mac had a list of 20 plus the guest of honour for the party, having invited the Roberts to join them. While they were no relation to Grams, Harm and herself considered them family and they had missed them since they had returned to the farm and thought this was the perfect time to catch up. It would also mean her older children would have company and extra supervision, allowing her to deal with the party. Frankie wouldn't be an issue as she knew between Grams and Harriet she'd be lucky to hold him all weekend.

Being located where they were, accommodation was an issue, given the house was already full. Mrs Anderson graciously offered her spare room to Cousin Mary and her great niece, Kate, and Bud had said a mattress on the floor would suffice for them and the kids would sleep anywhere. Frank and Trish had their place reserved in the mobile home with Mattie and Colin so bedding people down would be easy.

The next issue she faced was gifts for the birthday girl, or woman in this case. There was nothing Grams really needed or wanted but you couldn't have your first birthday party and not receive gifts. So, after Lily had gone to school one morning, Mac took Frankie into Charlesville for a day of shopping, leaving Grams at home so she didn't see what was bought. She would have left Frankie too but she was still feeding him exclusively and knew she would be away too long to leave the boy go hungry.

By the time she arrived home in the afternoon she was exhausted and so was her boy, although he had the luxury of sleeping on the return trip.  
"Buy me something nice?" Harm questioned, opening the car door for her and helping her out.  
"Of course," she replied, kissing him briefly.  
"What is it?" he questioned as he took Frankie from the car.  
"You'll have to wait until bedtime," she replied with a wink and Harm's interest was certainly raised. "However, I will show you what I got for Grams."  
"That won't be as much fun," he replied with a pout and Mac laughed.

As Grams prepared afternoon tea for them all, Harm settled Frankie in his crib before heading to his own bedroom to find Mac putting away her purchases.  
"This is alpaca," she said handing him the softest blue blanket he'd ever felt. "Thought it could be from Lily. And this is cashmere," she added, handing him a cardigan.  
"Grams will love it," Harm said, feeling the texture. "Is that from us?"  
"No, that's from Harry. These pearl earrings are from Rose and Frankie picked this," she continued, handing Harm a silk embroidered scarf.  
"Our children have excellent taste," he said, kissing her cheek."Thank you, she'll love them."  
"I know she'll say we didn't need to buy so many gifts, or any for that matter, but it's her first birthday party and I just want to spoil her," Mac said teary eyed.  
"Do you know how much I love you?" he questioned, leaning in and stealing a kiss.  
"I do," she replied, kissing him back until Grams called out that their tea was getting cold.

Harm was already in bed when Mac came in from re-settling Harry who seemed to be having trouble sleeping.  
"Is he okay?" Harm asked, pulling back the covers on Mac's side.  
"Yeah," she replied, taking off her slippers. "Just a bad dream."  
"I was just thinking," he continued. "You showed me all the presents the kids got Grams but what did we get her?"  
"Nothing yet," she replied. "I have ordered something but I'd rather not tell you until I have it – it looks better than it sounds."  
"Oh, okay," Harm replied, "When do you pick it up?"  
"The day before her birthday," Mac said and so Harm wouldn't ask too many questions about it, she changed the topic. "I thought you'd be more interested in what I got you."  
"Oh, I am very much interested in that," Harm said, reaching out for his wife.  
"In that case..." Mac started before pulling off her blue towelling dressing gown and revealing an incredibly sexy black negligee. "Ta da."  
"Wow!" was all he could manage as Mac twirled in front of him. "I love it!"  
"Thought you might," she said with a grin. "Your present is that you get to take it off me...if you like..."  
"Oh, I like, I like very much," he said, reaching over to turn off the light and then proceeding to peel the delicate fabric from his wife's body.

Once he had made a thorough investigation of his wife's body using his mouth and hands, Harm positioned himself above her before kissing her tenderly. As their tongues duelled, he slid into her with one smooth move and waited a few moments to ensure all was well. When he received no indication to the contrary, Harm moved with fluid motion and soon, Mac was meeting each of his thrusts with her own movements.

It was only Harm's mouth locked over hers that stopped the extent of Mac's ecstasy being known throughout the house and in turn, Mac provided Harm with the same sound muffler. All too soon, he was slumped beside her, sweat slicked and extremely sated. Mac could only smile; it was getting better each and every time.

Before she could initiate another round, there was a turning of the locked door handle and a sorrowful cry for "mommy". Closing her eyes, she tried to will her son back to bed but it was to no avail as the cry became louder and more insistent before a "daddy" was added to the end.

Getting up, Harm pulled on his boxers, while Mac threw a nightgown over her head and waited for Harm to open the door. When he did, Harry ran right by him and clambered up onto Mac's side of the bed crying for his mother.  
"What's wrong, baby boy?" she asked cuddling him to her. "Hey, Harry, what's up?"

Harry just cried and clung tighter to her, so Mac eased them down into the bed and kissed his head. Soon, Harm had joined them and slowly stroked his son's back.  
"More bad dreams?" Harm asked looking at his wife and Mac shrugged.  
"Possibly," she replied. "But it's not like him."

It took a lot of kisses and declarations of love before Harry settled down and fell asleep.  
"The boy doesn't have great timing," Harm said with a sigh as he caressed his wife's face.  
"He takes after his father," Mac said with a smile.  
"Thanks," he replied, taking his hand away.  
"Could be worse, you know?" Mac said, putting his hand back on her face.  
"How?" he questioned, gazing at his son.  
"Could have woken up 20 minutes earlier and stopped everything," she said with a wink.  
Harm grinned; it had been a wonderful 20 minutes.

Harry was happy and content so long as he was sleeping alongside his mother and the one attempt Harm made to return him to his own bed was greeted with wails before they'd reached the hallway. Deciding to allow the rest of the household to sleep, Harm had retreated with the child and tucked him up alongside his mother once more.

When dawn came, Frankie was hungry and Harm went to change his diaper before bringing him into Mac as well. Easing herself around Harry, Mac sat up and reached out for the infant. Satisfied mother and son needed nothing else; Harm slipped back into bed and watched his son eat breakfast. It didn't take long for Mac to realise she was the centre of attention.  
"I like this, you know," she said quietly. "Being in bed with all my favourite men."  
Harm nodded and smiled; there was something special about this particular scenario.

Being rather hungry, Frankie fed for longer than usual before burping loudly and settling in his father's arms. Harm was going to return him to his crib but Mac shook her head wanting him to stay just a little longer. Slipping lower in the bed, Harm settled Frankie in his arms as Harry cuddled into Mac. Before long, Harm was the only one awake and he took the opportunity to think about his boys.

Since he lost his own father he had wanted a son, someone who he could do the things with that he missed out with his dad – fishing, baseball, flying. He had vowed he'd never leave his son and would be the best father in the world.

However, the opportunity to be a dad seemed to have deserted him. While he would admit that he had a bit of a playboy reputation when he was younger, he never once considered any of the women as suitable to be the mother of his child. Then he had met Mac and all that had changed.

While the baby deal may have been said in a flip manner, Harm knew back then that she was the only mother for his children. Despite being unable to tell her about his feelings for a long time, it was his way of creating a tie between them. Then, as the years went on and his relationship with Mac hit rocky times, he wondered if there would ever be the opportunity to have her, to have his son.

When good fortune finally blessed him and Mac and he became a couple, Harm had been sincere when telling her he wanted her foremost and a child, though wanted and welcome, would be a bonus. He only wanted her as the mother of his child and if that wasn't going to be possible he would live with it; after all, having Mac as the love of his life was the most important thing.

Then came the good news, a baby girl and he was thrilled. Yes, he wanted a son but, God help him, he was instantly deeply in love with Lily and could never imagine her not being in his life. The Christmas morning Lily told him Mac was pregnant with a girl and boy his heart swelled. A boy, a son, nearly 40 years after he'd lost his father he was getting a son of his own to right the wrongs he had vowed to do forever ago.

There was no doubt he loved Rose just as much as Harry but looking at the boy with the same eyes and hair as his he could see himself, his life, his father and that was amazingly special to him. Then Mac had given him the gift of a lifetime, a second son, and words couldn't describe that. From feeling he would go through life alone to having the most gorgeous wife, two daughters and two sons, his life was complete and well and truly blessed. Yes, there was Mattie and she was very special to him and he considered her his daughter but she had come to him fully grown and it wasn't quite the same.

Tears streamed down his face as he watched his wife and boys sleep. The realist in him knew that these days were fleeting and he couldn't keep the life he had now forever – the children would grow, Mattie and Colin would move into their own place, his grandmother would pass, but he vowed to make the most of each and every moment. It had taken him 48 years to get to this point and he wasn't going to waste a second of it.  
"Daddy crying," Harry said, patting his face. "Daddy sad."  
"No, son," he said, caressing his face. "Daddy's very, very happy."  
"I'm hungry," he announced and looking at the clock, Harm realised it was breakfast time for his children and Lily definitely needed to be up and get ready for school.  
"Let's leave mommy sleep," Harm whispered, slipping out of the bed with Frankie still in his arms.  
"Okay," Harry replied in a loud whisper, standing in the middle of the bed and waiting for Harm to scoop him up.

After Harm had settled Frankie in the crib and sent Harry in to wake up Lily, he returned to his bedroom and put on his robe before pulling the covers over his wife and kissing her head.  
"Thank you," he whispered, kissing her once more.

Mac just rolled over and settled into her sleep and Harm smiled; she was definitely the most gorgeous thing he had ever seen.

It was nearly noon before Harm sat on the bed and caressed her face once more. He hated waking her up but it was nearly Frankie's lunchtime and he wasn't equipped to handle such matters.  
"Morning, gorgeous," he said when her eyes fluttered open.  
"Morning, Har...god, the time!" she said struggling to sit up. "How did I sleep so long?"  
"You were very tired and had an interrupted night's sleep," he said, leaning down and kissing her head.  
"But the kids, the baby," she said, pushing herself into a seated position.  
"The baby is almost ready for his lunch," Harm said, "Which is why I'm waking you now, give you a chance to take a shower first. Harry and Rose have gone with Mattie and Colin to check out that building materials place over in Lonsdale and Lily's in school."  
"I guess I needed more sleep than I thought," she said, linking her arms around Harm's neck. "But what about you? Harry and Frankie woke you too."  
"I'm fine," he replied, moving forward as Mac pulled him down with her.  
"Have we got time for me to thank you?" she asked.  
"We do," he replied, kissing her deeply.

And Harm was right, Mac had time to thank him thoroughly for letting her sleep in and shower before Harry hollered for a feed.


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: not mine

AN: to all in Queensland suffering through the tragic floods, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

"No!"  
"Yes!"  
"No!"  
"YES!"  
"Mommy!"

Mac's peaceful day was over when Mattie and Colin returned home with the less than cooperative twins.  
"There's no way I am having more than one at a time," Mattie huffed as she dropped her handbag onto the table. "They've done nothing but argue all day."  
"Sorry, Mats," Mac apologised, while normally a handful, her twins weren't prone to arguing. "What are they arguing about?"  
"You name it," she said, getting herself a glass of water so she could take a headache tablet. "Who sat on which side of the car? Who held my hand? Who held Colin's hand? What they had for lunch."  
"Did they at least sleep on the way back for you?" Mac asked as the duo in questioned continued to argue and push each other.  
"Nope," Mattie replied. "Believe it or not, this argument is over a damn cow. Harry said he saw one, Rose said he didn't and that was 15 minutes ago."  
"Damn cow!" Rosie said, hands on hips.  
"That's enough out of you, young lady," Mac said sharply as she turned around. "You have both been very naughty for Mattie."  
"No!" Harry said defiantly.

Not wanting to get into a power struggle with three year olds but not one for tolerating rude behaviour, Mac took both children by the hands. Placing each twin in a different spot, she advised them both they were in time out and as they went to protest she reinforced the house rules about behaviour.

Rosie was the first to break the cardinal rule about staying put in this situation and Mac firmly placed her back on the same spot, which allowed Harry to move while she was occupied with his sister. This happened several times before Mac decided the game was well and truly over. Taking Rose's hand, she led her into the living room and out of sight of her brother before timing her out once more. Harry watched his mother return alone and saw the very cross look on her face and said nothing.

"Doesn't it drive you insane when they're like that?" Mattie asked, handing Mac a mug of coffee.  
"Yes, it does," she replied, with a shake of her head.  
"A swift smack on the butt might get them to listen quicker," Mattie said sitting down on the table.  
"Sometimes I think that too," Mac agreed. "But after being on the receiving end of that kind of discipline where anything warranted a slap, punch or the occasional kick, I never want to touch my children in that way."  
"Sorry, Mac," Mattie said rubbing Mac's arm. "I wasn't thinking."  
"It's alright, Mats," Mac said with a sad smile. "It's just a part of life; but for me and the discipline of my children it's going to have to be time out, withdrawal of privileges and restriction of liberties."  
Mattie smiled; "Once a marine, always a marine, hey?"  
"Semper Fi," said Mac.

When time out was over, Mac brought both children back to the kitchen table and made them apologise to Mattie. While she wasn't too sure if they understood just how crazy they had made her, Mattie accepted their "Sorrwy, Mattie" and their hugs and kisses. Realising it was probably a little late for an afternoon nap; Mac figured an early night may be the best option, especially given Harry's disrupted sleep the night before.

So it was an early dinner and bath time for the pair of them.  
"Am I going to bed early too?" Lily asked as Mac knelt by the bath.  
"No, honey," she said, wiping splashed water from her face. "Your bedtime is the same as usual."  
"Why are the twins going early?" she questioned, playing with Mac's hair.  
"The twins have been grumpy and naughty today and missed their nap," she replied, washing Harry's face.  
"They are a handful when they're like that," Lily said with a sigh, belying her tender years.  
"Can me and you do something special when they're in bed?" Lily asked eagerly, it had been a while since she had some one on one mommy time.  
"Sure, baby, you and I can do something," she said with a smile. "What would you like to do?"  
"Can we have chocolate milk and cookies and sit in the armchair and read start the next Nancy Drew book?" she asked, her eyes widening. "It's The Mystery of the Tolling Bell and it looks really interesting and..."

Not able to concentrate on the plot outline and the twins, Mac interrupted. "How about you go and set it all up for us? Maybe get into your pjs so you'll be more comfortable and get daddy or Grams to help you with the milk. I'll get these two to bed and be there soon."

Lily flew down the stairs to get organised only to have to return to her bedroom for the book. On her second descent, she tripped at the bottom and went sprawling across the floor as the book ricocheted off the wall, as to did her cries.  
"Lily, honey," Harm said running in and crouching beside her. "Are you okay?"

Lily looked up at him with bloodied and swollen lips and nose from her face plant.

"Oh, baby, baby," he soothed as he picked her up and cuddled her close, grabbing his handkerchief to stop the bleeding.  
"What happened?" Mac called from the top of the stairs, holding a naked child in each hand.  
"Lily had a bit of a fall," Harm called back, standing up with the child as Grams, Mattie and Colin milled around.  
"Is she okay?" she said, as she directed the twins to their bedroom.  
"I'll go sort the twins out," Mattie said, "And let Mac come see for herself."

As she headed up the stairs, Colin followed knowing just how much trouble they had been for them today. Time spent with squabbling toddlers was a perfect contraceptive and while he wanted children, and lots of them, he prayed it would only happen one at a time, and when they were ready.

"Oh, my baby girl," Mac said spying her daughter's face as she descended the stairs. Lily just sniffled and held closer to Harm who was holding the cold compress Grams had prepared to her face. "Let me see." Slowly she pulled back the small towel and grimaced. "Looks sore, Lil."  
"Hurts, mommy," she whimpered as Mac kissed her forehead.  
"What happened?" she asked, caressing her face.  
"Was in a hurry and tripped," she said with another sniffle. "And now my face hurts."  
"That's because you've hurt your nose and mouth, Lily," Mac said. "Can you open your mouth for me?" Slowly, Lily opened up her mouth, her swollen top lip making it a little painful. As gently as she could, Mac felt all her front teeth to check if she'd loosened them; she hadn't. "Nothing seems loose, honey."

Lily just pouted, wondering why what was going to be a wonderful evening with her mommy had to go so bad so quickly.  
"Don't cry, baby," said Harm kissing her head. "We'll make it better."  
"It's not it," she said still crying.  
"What is it then?" he asked caressing her face.  
"Mommy and me were going to have a special evening with chocolate milk and cookies and Nancy Drew and everything and now it's all ruined," she said, fresh tears falling.  
"Oh, Lily," Mac said, reaching out and taking hold of her daughter. "Come with me."

Before long, Mac and Lily were settled in the recliner armchair, Lily's head on Mac's shoulder as she held the compress against her mouth.  
"You're okay, baby," Mac soothed, kissing her head. "You're okay."

A few minutes later, Harm appeared holding two red popsicles and her book.  
"I was thinking a Popsicle might be a little better for your mouth right now," Harm said, peeling off the wrapper. "And if it feels better you can still have the milk and cookies before you go to bed."

Lily took one Popsicle and Mac took the other and slowly they ate them. Mac finished first and started reading the book, noticing her girl was becoming sleepier and sleepier. Concerned it was more than just normal bedtime fatigue, especially given the concussion she'd had from the rock fall nearly a year ago, her senses were on alert.  
"Is she okay?" Mattie asked quietly coming and kneeling on the floor in front of them.  
"Very tired," Mac replied. "Which is a bit of a concern. The bleeding's stopped, so that's a good thing."  
"Can I get you anything, Mac?" she asked as she rubbed Lily's leg.  
Mac let out a sigh and shook her head.

It was ten minutes later that Frankie started crying for his last feed of the night and Mac was reluctant to let go of one child in favour of another.  
"How about you come and sit with daddy?" Harm said to Lily as Colin brought Frankie into his mother.

Slowly, Lily put her arms out for her daddy to take her and soon settled against him on the sofa. Both watched as Frankie had his supper and, before long, Lily was asleep. When Frankie was finished and ready for bed, Mac carried him up to his bed while Harm carried Lily. Before Mac could ask to have Lily in their bed, Harm was already settling her in the middle of the queen sized bed, making sure she was comfortable and the cold compress was in place.

Mac returned from the nursery and quickly changed into a nightgown before sliding in alongside her daughter.  
"I can stay," Harm said, closing the blinds.  
"No, it's okay, I will," she said, "And maybe she can stay home tomorrow."

Harm nodded, he'd been thinking the same thing. The memories of finding her writhing in pain on her bedroom floor in the dark of the night after the rock fall still etched in his brain.

The following day was a rather subdued one in the MacKenzie-Rabb household. Harm and Mattie had work to do down in the back fields and took Rose with them. Colin had things to do around the farm and took Harry, Frankie was happy in the company of his great grandmother or sleeping, which just left Lily and her mommy. Most of the morning they spent curled up in the arm chair reading The Mystery of the Tolling Bell. Lily's lips were more swollen than they had been the night and the split seemed to be healing, while her nose was tender but otherwise okay. She had no headache and no other ill effects, which pleased Mac immensely.

Having got more than halfway through the book, Mac put it down after the ninth chapter to consider lunch plans and what Lily could actually eat. Breakfast had been very soggy rice bubbles and it wasn't that appealing to serve them again.  
"What would you like for lunch, babe?" Mac asked, brushing her daughter's hair from her face. Lily shrugged. "How about a PBJ on some really soft white bread, no crusts, and a super duper chocolate thickshake?" Lily nodded, that sounded alright.

As it turned out it was the same meal most ate, Grams opted for a ham and cheese sandwich and tea, while Colin had the ham and cheese and milkshake. Harm wasn't all that fond of either option, so made himself a cheese and onion sandwich with a coffee.  
"On-on ick," Harry said, sticking his tongue out when Harm announced his choice.  
"On-on ick," Rosie echoed, repeating the gesture.  
"It's a good thing I'm not making you eat it then," he replied, placing his plate on the table.  
"What are we going to do after lunch?" Lily asked looking at her mom.  
"Well, it will be nap time," she started and Lily frowned.  
"For me too?" she asked, looking to her dad.  
"No, honey, just for the babies," Harm replied. "Unless you want to." Lily shook her head.  
"In that case," Grams said. "How would you like to help me do some baking for Sunday?"  
"What are you making?" Mattie asked, loving the treats which came from the kitchen.  
"Crunchie Chocolate Brownie Bars, Peanut Blossom Cookies and a couple of batches of cupcakes," she said, ticking of her mental list of the things she needed to get done.  
"We've never had the brownie bars or the blossom cookies before, have we?" Lily asked, the names not sounding familiar.  
"No, you haven't," Harm said, "But I have. They're special birthday treats Grams makes."  
"Why didn't I have them for my birthday?" she asked, looking towards her great grandmother.  
"Because you wanted all the other things," Grams said. "There's only so many treats you can have at one time."  
"Oh, I don't think so," Colin said, picking up the empty plates. "I'm sure we could fit them all in."

As the younger kids slept, and everyone else went about their business, Mac disappeared to the Anderson's for a while on the pretext of helping Mrs Anderson set up the guest room for Mary and Kate. The truth was they were working on part of Grams' birthday present and, given Mrs Anderson was a whiz at scrapbooking, Mac felt more comfortable working on this aspect of the present next door than by herself at home.

Friday on the farm was spent cleaning up for the weekend festivities. Lily had gone to school, happy to show off her war wounds while the twins were being highly cooperative; something Mac hoped lasted all weekend. Frankie had been a little cranky but nothing Grams couldn't solve with some extra cradling and kisses.

Happy that her present from Grams would be ready that afternoon and not the following day, Mac headed into Charlesville alone to pick it up and do a few last minute errands. All was going well until she swerved to avoid a horse which was running on the road and ended up in the ditch only ten minutes from home. Taking a quick inventory she realised she was in better shape than the car and slowly climbed out, grabbing her purse so she could get to her cell.

Calling the house, she was relieved it was Colin who answered, Harm would have freaked. Explaining the situation, Mac was relieved when told Harm was down in the fields with a contractor and that Colin would come and get her. Spying his future mother-in-law sitting on a roadside barrier, Colin pulled his car over and climbed out. First, he inspected Mac, making sure the injuries he could see were only as minor as she'd told him earlier. Then he inspected the car. There seemed to be a bit of front end damage but nothing too severe, however, he thought he might need some more help to free it.

Deciding to get Mac home first, Colin drove back down the road and pulled up at the farmhouse. Getting out of the car, he helped Mac out and walked her into the house to make sure she told the others of her accident. Leaving her in Grams' safe hands, he headed next door to get Dave Anderson and his tractor which would be far more suitable to extract Mac's car.

Things were going well until the school bus came by and Lily saw her mother's beaten car being wrenched out of the ditch. The bus came to a sudden halt as Lily screamed for it to stop. Both Lily and the bus driver, Joe, jumped from the bus to investigate the scene and were extremely relived to find it was just the car which was damaged and not Mac.  
Colin scooped up the upset little girl to soothe her as Joe helped Dave get the car back onto the road. When the vehicle was righted and assessed as driveable, Colin got Lily's bag from the bus and thanked Joe for his help. Lily was put into the front seat of the car as Colin got in to drive it and Dave followed slowly behind to ensure all was well.

Once they arrived at the farm, Colin thanked Dave while Lily flew into the house desperate to see her mom.  
"Are you really alright?" she asked running straight to Mac. "The car was in the ditch and the tractor was there and Joe stopped the bus and Joe and Dave got the car out and then Colin and me drove it home and it's all bashed up at the front and..."

Mac's finger pressed gently against Lily's sore lip, wanting to settle the child before her husband came in. The same husband that still didn't know about the accident.  
"I am really alright," Mac reassured her. "My shoulder is a bit sore from the seat belt and I have a little cut on my forehead from hitting the side window, but I'm in much better shape than the car."

Lily hugged her as best she could as Mac kissed her daughter's head.  
"Did you get Grams' present?" Lily asked, still holding close.  
"Oh, it's in the car...hopefully it's alright. Do you think you and Colin could go and get it and check that it's alright?" Mac whispered as Grams appeared with a new ice pack and a cup of tea.

Dutifully, Lily and Colin disappeared and collected the undamaged gift from the trunk of the car. Not wanting Grams to see it, they walked around the house to put it in the mobile home and, as they rounded the back of the house, Lily spied her dad and Mattie walking back towards the house. Instantly she abandoned Colin and sprinted for them, wanting to share the events of the afternoon with them, not hearing Colin's belated pleas to not say anything.

"Mommy had an accident, a car accident, and me and Joe got out of the bus and Joe helped Dave and Colin get the car from the ditch and ..." she raved as Harm came to a complete standstill.  
"She what?" he questioned, placing his hands firmly on his daughter's shoulders and trying to calm her.  
"Mommy had a car wreck and the car was in the ditch and when the bus..." she started again but it was all Harm needed to hear before he took off, sprinting to the house.

"What the hell..." were his first words as he burst into the kitchen.  
"I'm fine, I'm fine," Mac said quickly, getting to her feet. "A little bruised but otherwise in far better shape than the car."

A dozen kisses later and with Mac still in her arms, Harm took his first proper breath.

Wrapping an arm around his waist, Mac led Harm out to the car as she explained what had transpired. Both were relieved to find that despite the scare Mac had received that it was all relatively minor. They could get the car fixed the following week but it was still driveable and, most importantly, Mac's injuries were a little painful but short term and for that they would be forever grateful.

Later that night, Harm lay in bed and watched as his wife changed for bed. Usually, when he did this, it was more for his own pleasure and delight but tonight was about ensuring there were no other marks on her beautiful body. When she turned to face him, he could see the bruising already apparent on her shoulder and chest, legacy of her seat belt, but there was nothing else and he allowed himself to breathe.  
"I'm alright," she said, crawling in alongside him. "I've had more bruises after a sparring session."  
"I know," he said, "But they weren't caused by you driving a car off the road."  
"No, they weren't," she agreed. "But the point I'm trying to make is that I've had worse, much worse, and I'm still here – so don't look so worried."  
"I worry because I love you," he said, as she slipped into his arms. "And don't tell me not to because I can't help it."  
"Okay," she said gently, rubbing his back. "How about I just tell you that I love you more than life itself and that I'll let you worry about me a little?"  
"Deal," he said, kissing her head. "Love you more than anything too, gorgeous."


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: not mine

AN: to all in Queensland suffering through the tragic floods, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Saturday was a blur of activity as Mary and Kate arrived in the morning and then the Roberts came in the afternoon, Trish and Frank weren't expected until Sunday morning. Despite his wife's assurances that she was fine, albeit a little sore, Harm made sure she did as little as possible, recruiting Mattie and Kate to do any of the lifting required, and asking them to ensure Mac didn't know the directive was coming from him. In irate Marine mode, Mac was still a force to be reckoned with.

Deciding to make things a little easier, Mattie gave the whole mobile home over to the Roberts family. The three boys sharing the queen sized bed while Bud and Harriet shared the double. Nikki would be sharing with Lily. Mattie and Colin would sleep on a mattress in the living room, Harriet had protested but Mattie explained quietly that with Bud's amputation, getting in and out of a normal bed would be a better option, and it was the least they could do for him. When Frank and Trish arrived the following day, they could have the double bed in the mobile home as the Roberts' were only staying for one night.

Grams and Mary spent the afternoon in the living room, drinking tea, eating cake and reminiscing about days long ago and family members long gone. These women were the last of their generation and though Mary was a dozen years younger than Grams, ill health made her look and feel just as old.

Kate was thirty two. Five years older than Mattie and while not related found they had a lot in common, upcoming nuptials being the main thing. They spent much of the time at the dining table looking at bridal magazines and comparing everything from dresses to honeymoons.

Harm, Bud, Colin and the kids, bar Frankie, went on a walk and exploration of the farm. While the younger Roberts kids had been there before, Bud and AJ hadn't and the younger children ran around the adults trying to get them to go faster. However, Harm told them, on more than one occasion, that they had all the time in the world and this was to be an enjoyable afternoon. Then after one squeal too many, he told the children that those who didn't behave could return to the time out spot in the house. While he was only speaking to his children, it had the desired effect on everyone too young to drive and the afternoon became much more enjoyable.

This left Mac and Harriet in the kitchen preparing the fixings for the evening's barbeque and chatting about life in general. Frankie was sleeping in his basket in the living room, both Grams and Mary delighted to have the bundle near them.  
"Let me do that," Harriet said, taking the pot of potatoes from Mac and putting it on the stove top.  
"I'm not an invalid," Mac said, turning her attention to the lettuce.  
"I know," Harriet said, "But it's not every day you run your car off the road. It must have given you a fright."  
"Yes, a rather big one," Mac admitted as she cut up the lettuce. "I turned the corner and saw the horse and instantly knew it wasn't going to end well. Now, I'm just happy it turned out as well as it did."  
Harriet smiled; she was happy too.

The peace of the afternoon was interrupted about thirty minutes later when the men and children arrived back. After a dash to the bathrooms and a raid on the kitchen, the kids decided on a game of baseball out the back. AJ volunteered to umpire and keep an eye on them all, especially the MacKenzie-Rabb twins. Colin started to prepare the barbeque while Bud leant him a hand, preferring to be outside and help keep an eye on the younger generation.

It wasn't long before tables of food, plates and condiments were set up outside. Mattie had brought out the twins seldom used high chairs knowing table space was at a premium and having them confined would mean dinner would be more enjoyable all around. Grams had been seated at the table in the prime position so she could see everyone and everything. Mary was seated to her left while the position on her right was to be for Harm...Harm...Mac looked around the people milling about and around the yard. Then it dawned on her that she hadn't seen him since he came back into the house after the walk. Handing Frankie to his godmother, she excused herself and re-entered the house.

Knowing he wasn't downstairs, as she would have seen him, Mac headed up to their bedroom and found him seated on the side of their bed, his head hung low, screwed up tissues in his hand.

"Hey," she whispered, closing the door behind her. "What's wrong?" She padded across the room and around the bed to him.

Harm looked up at her with red, watery eyes and Mac's heart broke. Tenderly she caressed his face and used a fresh Kleenex to wipe his face.  
"What is it?" she asked, kissing his forehead.  
"Allergies," he said with a sniffle and Mac cupped his cheek in the palm of her hand.  
"Allergies to what?" she questioned, dabbing at the fresh tears which appeared.  
"I don't know," he replied. "Something from the walk."  
Mac looked at him curiously, not knowing whether he was being serious or not.  
"What do you think it might be?" she probed, raking her fingers through his hair.  
"Oh, it was either the cottonwood trees or the fact it hit me that Grams is 90 and while we are throwing her her first ever birthday party, it could also be her last," he said tearfully.

Instantly, Mac's arms surrounded him and cradled his head to her chest.  
"What made you think of that today?" she asked as she held him close.  
"I guess I'd been thinking of it a bit lately and then on the walk Jimmy made a comment about 90 being ancient and not knowing anyone who was that old. Then Michael said he wondered if she'd get to 91 and ..."  
Mac pressed a kiss to his head, "And it hit home."  
"Yeah," he replied. "Came up here to pull myself together and couldn't."  
"Aww, honey, why didn't you call for me? I would have come up earlier," she said, caressing his face.  
"Because I was trying to get myself together and didn't want to look like a blubbering fool in front of everyone, especially Grams," he said, dropping his head in embarrassment.  
"You're not a blubbering fool," she corrected gently. "You are a beautiful man who loves his Grams very much and doesn't want to lose her."  
"Hardly the tough jet jock, lawyer you fell in love with," he said, his gaze not meeting hers.  
"I'll let you in on a secret, Harmon," she said, tilting his head up to get eye contact. "I may have fell in lust with the tough jet jock, lawyer but I fell in love with the beautiful man you are. Your capacity to love and feel and do right for others is what I fell in love with. Never forget that."  
Harm reached up and kissed his wife tenderly. "Thank you," he whispered. "But what am I going to tell everyone downstairs?"  
"Tell them it's that damned cottonwood again and we're out of antihistamines," she said, kissing his forehead before taking him to the bathroom and washing his face before leading him down to dinner.

Dinner was a rather loud and lively affair. Lily was the one to mention Harm's eyes when she sat down for dinner and Mac handed her her plate.  
"Daddy has allergies," Mac said quickly, as she sorted out dinner for the twins. "His eyes are very sore."  
"Poor daddy," she replied. "Would it help if I kissed it better?" she asked her mother and Mac nodded.  
"It wouldn't hurt, baby," she said and helped her up from the table.

Rounding the table, Lily met her father as he was about to come up the steps. Moving to the edge of the porch, Lily put her arms out for him and he took hold of her. Wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, Lily squeezed him tightly.  
"I love you, daddy," she said, kissing his forehead. "And I hope your allergies get better soon."  
"Thank you, baby," he said, holding her close and looking over to his wife. Mac smiled and winked and Harm smiled back. This sort of love made lots of things better.

Family, friends, food and fun makes life's special moments even better and for the rest of the day smiles, laughter and stories abounded. It was well past dark before all the children were bedded down for the night and the adults were seated in the living room with their choice of beverage. AJ was with them, much too old to be considered one of the kids these days.  
"Uncle Harm," he said, sitting alongside his godfather. "Can I ask you a question?"  
"Sure," Harm said, turning in his seat to face the boy.  
"You know how I finish high school soon?" he started and Harm nodded; he still found it hard to believe AJ would be at Annapolis by Christmas. "I was hoping you wouldn't mind me coming to stay here for a bit. I was talking to Colin earlier and he said he'd be doing a lot of work on the house, you know, framing, roofing and all that and I think it would be a good way to spend a few weeks."

Harm looked at him curiously. No boy he knew wanted to spend their first few weeks of freedom from school working hard on someone else's projects.  
"Aren't there parties and other things you want to do?" he asked, mindful that if AJ was talking as quietly as he was, this conversation wasn't for everyone's ears.  
"No, not really," he said, dropping his head. "Janie and I are breaking up when school's over. She's moving to California with her family and while we've had a good time, we both know a long distance relationship won't work. So, instead of staying home with all the memories and all our friends and that, I figured coming out here might be better for me."  
"You are more than welcome," Harm said, putting his arm around the boy's shoulders. "You can stay as long as you like."  
"Thanks, Uncle Harm," he said in relief. "Do you think it will be okay with Aunty Mac and Grams and everyone else?"  
"It will be fine," he reassured him. "We'd all love to have you here."  
"Do you think it will be okay with mom and dad?" he asked, surprising Harm.  
"You haven't asked them?" he questioned, glancing to Harriet as she entered the room.  
"No, they don't know about me and Janie either, so please don't tell them," he begged quietly.  
"I won't," Harm promised. "But I think you should."  
"I will when I get the chance. I just wanted to sort something out first," he said. "You know, to get it straight in my mind."

Harm hugged the boy to him; he, above everyone, knew the need to think and sort things out before speaking to anyone. While it was a good characteristic in some circumstances, it was also the thing that kept him from being with Mac years earlier; and that would always weigh heavily on his heart.

Sunday dawned bright and warm and early and as Mac rolled over in bed she realised she was there alone. Before she could do anything about it, Harm appeared with their baby boy and Mac grinned widely. Was there a more beautiful sight in the world than father and son, both only clad in boxers, or, in Frankie's case, diapers?  
"Morning, mommy," Harm said, leaning down to kiss her.  
"Morning, daddy," Mac replied, her lips lingering on her husband's.  
"Frankie is after some breakfast," he said as Mac took hold of her son and kissed his head.  
"Morning, baby boy," she whispered. "Mommy loves you very much."  
"Daddy loves mommy very much," Harm said, kissing her head. He loved seeing her like this.

Feeding in the quietness of the house, Mac leaned on Harm as Frankie suckled happily, Kissing her temple, Harm used one hand to cup the child's head before moving one finger to caress his cheek.  
"He's gorgeous like his mother," he whispered, kissing Mac again.  
"We're so blessed," she replied, craning her head for a proper kiss.  
"We are," Harm agreed, resting his head on Mac's and closing his eyes, taking a moment to thank God for all that they had and all the day would bring.

The day brought a lot of fun and special moments. The first came when Grams appeared in the dining room and was immediately smothered in birthday hugs and kisses. All children, MacKenzie-Rabbs and Roberts alike, surrounded her and sang Happy Birthday, for the first of many times that day.

Breakfast was bacon, veggie bacon for Harm, scrambled eggs and freshly baked bread all around, courtesy of a very efficient Harriet who had Mattie and Kate to help her. After breakfast, Colin and Bud did the dishes while Harm dressed his offspring and Mac showered and dressed. Grams and Mary sat out on the porch happily drinking tea while everyone buzzed around them.

When Frank and Trish arrived mid-morning, the buzz increased with Trish setting the dining and living rooms up for the party lunch. AJ, Colin and Mattie put up the decorations while Mac, Harriet and Kate worked in the kitchen. Harm supervised the children in the yard while Frank went to pick up Mrs Stevens and Mrs Anderson in his car.

By lunch time everything was ready. The 'Happy 90th Birthday' banner hung proudly across the dining room and when it was time to eat, Bud helped Mary inside as everyone else congregated in the two rooms. When Grams was the only one left outside, Harm offered her his arm.

Stopping him at the back door, Grams took a deep breath.  
"Are you okay, Grams?" he said, turning to face her.  
"I am, sweetheart, just a little anxious," she said, her voice shaky.  
"You just need to relax and enjoy your special day," he said, kissing her cheek.  
"I am trying but it is hard," she replied. "I know you know what it's like to really want something for years but it never eventuates and, so, you give up on it...well, give up on it in my case, you got what you really want...finally."  
"I did," he confirmed with a smile. "And today, you get what you should have gotten all along – recognition for another year of your amazing life."  
"Oh, Harm," she said as the tears started.  
"I know you don't want all the emotional stuff but you are an amazing woman who has endured so much and still found the space in her heart for others...for me," he said, his eyes filling with tears. "I love you so very much and I want you to know, that I know, I wouldn't be half the man I am today, wouldn't have any of the things I have, without your love and influence."  
"Oh, Harm," she repeated before wrapping her arms around him and holding him close. "You are the joy of my life, do you know that?" Harm shrugged. "You are, darling." She caressed his face. "You are the absolute joy of my life and having you living here with me now, with Sarah and the kids, means more to me than you will ever, ever know."  
"I love you, Grams," he said, kissing her once more.  
"I love you too, my boy," she replied before taking a deep breath and opening the door to start her party.

The chorus of happy birthdays rung out as soon as Grams appeared and Lily quickly made her way to her dad and great grandmother with a box of Kleenex.  
"Are you guys alright?" she asked, offering the box to them.  
"We're perfect," Grams said, taking a tissue.  
"We are," Harm agreed, taking one for himself.

With Grams sitting at the table set up in the living room, the kitchen table covered with food, she took another deep breath, it all looked so beautiful and it was all for her.  
"Come and sit in the armchair," Lily said, helping her up once more. "You need to open your presents first."

Obliging her precious great granddaughter, Grams moved to the armchair and made sure the box of Kleenex was nearby, she knew she'd need it.

With birthday wishes and kisses, Grams had a lot of presents thrust at her at once from the over excited youngsters. Slowly, she unwrapped the presents and loved the blanket and cardigan, pearl earrings and scarf from her great grandchildren. Next was a large gift from the Roberts family and Harriet was having none of Grams' declaration that it wasn't necessary.

Opening the box, Grams smiled. Inside, wrapped in layers of paper and bubble wrap was a Raggedy Ann doll and Grams cried. Raggedy Ann had been the most popular toy of her childhood. She'd seen pictures of it, had asked Santa for one, and had prayed for it, all to no avail. Betsy Thomas got one the year she turned 10, but Betsy was the Senator's daughter and they had money. She remembered being allowed to touch it once, only once, and could still remember how the fabric felt under her fingertips. Grams had never got her doll, actually, when she thought back, except for the knucklebones from the roast lamb which were used for jacks and an old rope she used for skipping, she'd never had a proper toy.  
"Oh Harriet," she cried as she pulled it from the box. "It's...it's..." Lost for words she stopped talking as her fingers traced the face of the precious doll.  
"Doesn't she like it?" whispered Michael loudly.  
"I think she loves it so much she can't talk," Mac said, moving the box from the table.  
"It's just a doll," he replied. "Isn't she a bit old for dolls?" he said before his father looked at him, in a way only father's can, and Michael knew not to say anything else.  
"I couldn't think of what to get you," Harriet said coming closer and resting her hand on Grams' shoulder. "Then I called Mary and she told me you'd always wanted a Raggedy Ann doll as a child and I figured that as this was your first birthday party you should get the first toy you wanted."

With her words gone, Grams hugged Harriet tightly. "Happy Birthday, Grams," Harriet whispered once more.

It was Harm drying his tears which caught his mother's attention and she moved next to him, wrapping her arm around his waist.  
"I know what other presents she is getting," she whispered. "So, you might want to grab a few more tissues."  
"I'll be right, mom," he said as Kate brought over the present from herself and Mary, but he grabbed a few anyway.

Mary's present was a bathrobe and slippers in lavender, Grams' favourite colour, and Harm smiled, he could cope with clothing. Then Grams found a photo frame at the bottom of the box, a photo of Grams when she was about five.  
"Where on earth did this come from?" Grams asked in disbelief.  
"I found it in a box I was sorting out in my parents' house after they passed. I always meant to get it to you, but you know how it goes?" Grams nodded, she knew how things could be left and forgotten. "Anyway, when Harm invited me here and I was thinking about a gift, Kate asked about old photos and I remembered this. Kate cleaned it all up and framed it."  
"I remember the day this was taken," Grams said, the frame shaking in her hand. "I was at our grandparents' home for your parents' wedding. The photographer was there from the local paper to get a picture of the bride and groom and he took one of me too. I haven't seen it before. Thank you, so very much," she said, wiping at her eyes. "I just can't believe it."

Eighty five years later, she finally had the toy she had wanted and a picture of herself at the age she first wanted it. Closing her eyes, she could only imagine what sort of life she would have had if she had been able to have even half of what she wanted during her life.  
"Our turn," Trish said, coming over to the table with a small box. "Happy Birthday, Sarah," she said, kissing her cheek.  
"From me too," said Frank, kissing her other cheek.  
Opening the small package, Grams discovered a necklace with a larger than usual gold locket with a clasp. After several attempts, she managed to open it and found it had photos of Georg, Harm Sr and Harm Jr, Harry and Frankie.  
"I know the girls will wonder why they're not in it," she whispered to Grams and the adults while the kids played nearby, "But I know how much joy and comfort the Rabb men have brought to you over your life and thought this way you could keep them close to your heart."

Mac handed her husband another tissue and rubbed his back as she wondered how he was going to cope with their gift.  
Mrs Anderson's gift was a china tea set and Mrs Stevens gave her silver candle holders with the occasion engraved on the base. While he appreciated the gifts they weren't emotional and Harm had pulled himself together, kind of.

"When can we eat?" asked Lily to no one in particular. "I'm hungry." Presents were great and all but when they weren't for you it did get a bit boring.  
"As soon as Grams opens mommy and daddy's presents," Mac replied, placing the two presents on the table.

Opening the first one, Grams revealed the album Mac and Mrs Anderson had been working on. It was the same album Mrs Anderson had given to Grams to record the new beginnings on the farm once Harm and his family had moved in. With all that had happened, especially around Frankie's birth, she hadn't had time to fill it. Mac and Mrs Anderson had done it for her and Grams loved it. While the family had only been there six months, it had been the best six months of her life and she smiled to find it had filled the entire album. Mrs Anderson had also scrapbooked the start to a new album for the second six months and Grams smiled again, things could only get better.

It was the second gift which started the tears once more, and Mac reached for Harm's hand. In the box was a big photo frame with one large photo at the top and two smaller ones underneath. The large photo was a colourised version of Sarah and Georg's wedding photo and looked amazing. Even though it had been a simple wedding, their love was enough to enrich the photo. The two photos below were also wedding ones, Harmon and Trish, and then Harm and Mac's. Mac had phoned Frank to make sure it was alright with him; she loved him and didn't want him to be hurt by the gift and he had easily given his blessing.

Each of the photos, though taken decades apart, had one intrinsic link; the expressions on the faces of the bride and grooms. It was one of pure love. Each Rabb man had found the love of his life and it showed in his stance, in the set of his jaw, in the look in his eyes. To anyone else, they were wedding photos but to this family, who knew what had transpired since, they were a record of love lost, well, for the first two generations at least.

Grams stood and hugged and kissed Mac and then Harm. They were such a blessing in her life and it did her heart well to know their love was still alive and she knew, as only the elderly do, that theirs was the love which would break the 'Rabb Legacy'.

The day continued with fun and festivities and Grams sat back and took it all in; the smiles, the laughter, the past, present and future all rolled into the place she had called home for 70 years. Closing her eyes, she let it all wash over her; she would treasure each and every moment of it.


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: not mine

AN: to all in Queensland suffering through the tragic floods, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

With summer vacation a week away, Mac lay in bed late one night, her eyes closed and her mind racing with plans and possibilities. When they were in DC the twins had loved day care and, given that they had turned three, she would have been looking at preschool options. Given that there wasn't a preschool anywhere near the farm, she knew it wasn't an option. But, she felt they were missing out on an important step in their education and knew she needed to do something about it. Still, she had time to work on that. Lily being home every day was something else she needed to plan for. She may have only been 8 but the child had a list a mile long of what she wanted to do over the summer break. And then there was her course at the community college, she was really looking forward to that.

It was Harm's kiss that brought her from her wanderings as he leant over her.  
"Mmmm," was Mac's response as her arms wrapped around her neck and she drew him to her. "More."  
"My pleasure," Harm said, climbing over her and pulling her onto him.  
"Damn, I'm wet," Mac said, pushing up on her hands and Harm grinned. "No, not that type of wet," she said, looking down at her nightshirt which had the unmistakable signs of a breastfeeding mommy.  
"Oh, I see," Harm said, letting her go so she could sit up.  
"Sorry," she replied. "Frankie mustn't have had as much as I thought."  
"Don't apologise, gorgeous," he said, kissing her hand. "It's alright."  
"I've...um...been thinking about expressing ...and doing some bottle feeding," she said slowly, chancing a glance at him.

Harm remained quiet. He'd mentioned it a couple of times in recent weeks but had been met with a wall of silence.  
"Frankie is five months and doing well and maybe it's time I let you do some of the feeding too, what do you think?" she said as Harm's hand snaked up her leg.  
"I think it would be great," he said, containing his enthusiasm. "But it's your decision."  
"I know you loved feeding the other kids when they were babies and thought that you should get that chance with Frankie," Mac said as Harm sat up beside her.  
"Are you ready to share the job though?" he asked as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.  
"Yeah," she said slowly. "I think I am. I love doing it and with Frankie being our last baby I guess I was trying to keep him mine for as long as possible, but I think I'm ready to share."  
"In that case," he said, sliding from the bed. "I'll get the pump."  
"You're very eager," she said with a laugh. "Didn't think feeding the baby would have you so excited."  
"It doesn't," he replied. "Well, it does, but I figured once you'd expressed then maybe we could get back to the 'more'."  
This time it was Mac who grinned.

Having cleaned and prepared the pump earlier in the week, Harm collected the necessary provisions before labelling the bottle and putting it in the fridge when she was done. When he returned to the bedroom, Mac had cleaned up and was back in bed with a fresh nightgown - one that only lasted until he had locked the door and crossed the room.

"Now, where were we?" Mac questioned, pulling him into bed and rolling on top of him.  
"Oh, about here," Harm said pushing up to kiss her.

A few long, sensual kisses later, they both stopped and cringed when the monitor sprung to life, Harm and Mac remained perfectly still, willing their infant to settle down. He did, much to their relief and activities resumed.  
"You know, at our age, all this sex shouldn't come as easy and often," he mumbled as Mac licked his collar bone.  
"Calling me old?" she asked, looking up at him.  
"No way," he said quickly. "Just an observation."  
"Then hush," she said, her trail of kisses continuing deep under the sheets.  
"Oh, good God," Harm moaned as she reached her destination and he reached the realms of ecstasy.

In the midnight hour, Harm and Mac continued to connect in ways most intimate until Mac could take the foreplay no more.  
"Now," she said, tugging on his head and pulling him onto her. "It's got to be now."  
"Patience, Sarah," he whispered, but when Mac glided her hand between them grabbed hold of the most sensitive part of his anatomy, Harm needed it to be now too.

Entering his wife, effortlessly, Harm stilled and kissed her deeply until Mac rolled them over and started the friction she knew would send her into oblivion.  
"Slowly, slowly," he encouraged, rolling them back as Mac's movements became more rapid and she began panting.  
"Slowly, my ass," she said, upping the speed and tumbling them back over.  
It had to be now...Now...NOW!  
"Whaa!"

Knowing she was so close and desperate for release, Mac pulled Harm on top of her, hoping to come before Frankie woke the household. One deep thrust and the deepest kiss she'd had in a long time, Mac crashed over the edge, her head swirling and her body thrumming, Harm followed soon afterwards and both lay panting, aware of their baby's unsettled squawking but not in any state to go and placate him.

Grabbing her nightgown, Mac threw it over her head before stilling as the monitor came to life once more.  
"Frankie, what's wrong?" Lily whispered, her voice coming through the monitor clearly. "Aw, did you have a bad dream? It's okay, I'm here, you go back to sleep."  
Frankie squawked again.  
"I know you want mommy or daddy but they're asleep but it's okay, I'm awake and I'll make sure you're alright," she said, Frankie gave a squeak. "You have to let them sleep, they're old you know so they need lots of sleep like Grams...Well, they're not as old as Grams but they're still old. I mean, Mattie is 20 years older than me and dad is 20 years older than her, that's 40 years right there. Even though Mattie is our sister, mommy and daddy aren't her mommy and daddy...I'm not sure how that works. Dad once said Mattie found him and Mattie said dad found her and dad became her dad but I don't know how they both got lost. And she calls them mom and dad but only when us kids are around, when she's talking to them she calls them Harm and Mac ... Mac is mommy but her name is really Sarah, like Grams...the Mac comes from MacKenzie, and we all have that name...even you. Your name is really, really long and we call you Frankie for short. I think I'm the only one in the family that gets called by their full, right name. That's funny, isn't it?"

Harm stifled a laugh as they listened to their girl. She was right; she was the only one, bar Colin, who got called by the same name they were baptised with.

"Anyway, whatever happened Mattie's our sister. And Rosie's our sister too, and Harry's our brother...it's a big family with lots of people, but that's good because it means there's lots of love and you have to remember that no matter what happens I'll always be looking out for you."  
"She's precious, isn't she?" Mac asked and Harm nodded before kissing her head.  
"Now, normally I'm asleep too but it's the last week of school before summer break and I'm so excited," she continued. "It'll be so much fun to hang out here every day with you. And AJ's coming to stay and I think Nikki and Michael and Jimmy will come at some stage, they're our cousins...well, not really. Mom and dad are their godparents just like Aunty Harriet and Uncle Bud are ours but it's like we're cousins. Guess it's a bit like Mattie being our sister but not our sister...maybe I have to ask mom and dad about it."

There was a pause for a few minutes before Lily's voice came through again. "You should be asleep by now, kiddo. How about I read you a book?" Noises could be heard and then a crash and Mac went to get up but Harm held her back.  
"Just wait," he whispered.  
"Oops," Lily said. "Sorry, I knocked over your lamp. Don't tell mom, Frankie, she's always telling me to be careful in here. Now, what about 'Where the wild things are' I loved this story when I was young."

Lily's voice came through clear and confident as she read and turned the pages and soon it was clear that Frankie had gone back to sleep. Mac looked at her husband to find Lily's reading had put him to sleep too. Mac listened as Lily returned to bed and, after listening intently and feeling everything was okay, Mac drifted off in her husband's arms.

The next morning, Mac awoke and fed her son before fixing breakfast for her family. Lily came down ready for school and Mac hugged her close.  
"Good morning, Miss Lily," she said, kissing her daughter. "How did you sleep?"  
"Okay," she said with a yawn. "Frankie was awake so I went and talked to him for a bit."  
"Did you?" she asked with a smile. "What did you talk about?  
"About family and then I read him 'Where the wild things are' but he fell asleep, and I went to bed," she said, letting go of her mom.  
"That was very good of you, baby, thank you," Mac said, kissing her head.  
"That's okay," she said. "I know you need your beauty sleep."

When Harm came down, Lily got extra hugs and kisses from him too. She was such a beautiful child and he had always been proud to call her his daughter, last night had definitely reinforced that.  
"One week left of school," Harm said as he picked his daughter up. "Are you excited?"  
"Yes, daddy," she said squeezing him. "Can't wait. There's so much to do and see and I..."  
"How about you eat your breakfast, Lily," Mac said, placing her bowl of cereal on the table. "Then tonight maybe daddy and I can look at your vacation list."  
"Cool," she said, jumping down. "There are three more things I want to add," she said, sitting at the table, "But I can tell you about them tonight."

Mac just shook her head and smiled, full sure that by the time Lily finished her list there'd be more than just an extra three.

The final week of school was a blur and, by the time Lily was officially on summer vacation, she had a list of seventy three 'must do' things. Of course, they were in 'no particular order' as she had told her parents on more than one occasion. The schedule for the start of building on Colin and Mattie's house was also confirmed. The site had been excavated and the foundations laid, the framing would start next week after the lumber and other materials had been delivered. AJ would arrive Sunday afternoon and he, Colin, Harm and a couple of men Colin had employed would construct the frame.

And that was what came to pass.

Hammers, drills, splinters and nails abounded as the house began to take shape. Mattie helped out where she could but, nursing a summer cold, Colin wanted her to take it easy, especially as there were more than enough people helping in this phase of construction.

To alleviate the desire of the younger MacKenzie-Rabb's wanting to help, Mac planned a few day trips with the four children and Grams, hoping to cross off a few things on Lily's list too.

Shopping and lunch in Charlesville one day, with a long play in the park.

Movies with popcorn and other treats in Lonsdale.

An afternoon at Sandra Jenkins, Lily's friend's, house.  
It was Sandra's brother's birthday and they were having a party and Lily had been invited. As he was Mrs Anderson's nephew, she was attending and had invited the rest of the family, knowing the extra kids would be no hassle and that she'd enjoy the company of Grams and Mac.

In the second week of AJ being there, Colin found him sitting with his cell in the barn after he had apparently gone to bed.  
"Sorry," AJ said, feeling guilty he was in Colin's space.  
"What's up?" Colin asked, sitting down beside him.  
"Not much," he replied. "Just couldn't sleep. Too much on my mind."  
"Want to talk about it?" he asked. AJ thought about it, maybe Colin would be the best one to talk too, after all, he'd be neutral and he was young enough to understand where he was coming from. "Janie?" he asked pointing to the cell.  
"No," he said with a quick shake of his head. "A friend."  
"So, I ask again, what's up?" Colin said, stretching his legs out and leaning back against a post.  
"You know how my mom, dad, grandad and Uncle Mike are all Navy, like Uncle Harm?" AJ started and Colin nodded. "That's the problem."  
"I don't understand," he said. "Is this about your acceptance to Annapolis as a midshipman?"  
"Yeah," he said slowly.  
"And you don't want to go?" he probed.  
"I do," he said and Colin remained silent thinking it may get them to the problem quicker. "I mean, I want to serve my country, make my family proud...follow the tradition..."  
"But..." Colin provided for him as silence crept in.  
"I want to be a marine, and there's a Marine-option midshipman course. It's the same as the Navy midshipman but during the summers there's cruises and the emphasis on the marine side of life and...I don't know, the minute I read about it I knew it was for me."  
"So, I don't get what the problem is?" he said, with a shrug. "If it's the same place, same course, same job and the Navy and Marines are pretty much the same thing, then what's the issue?"  
"You're not from a military family, are you?" AJ said with a laugh. "Here's a hint, never let Aunty Mac and Uncle Harm hear you say Marines and Navy are the same thing otherwise you'll have an irate jarhead and squid on your hands."

Colin laughed; he had heard the debate before but hadn't given it too much thought.  
"Why don't you talk to Harm about it?" Colin said, knowing the younger man had spoken to Harm a couple of times since he had arrived.  
"I don't want him to be disappointed in me," he said, dropping his head.  
"AJ, Harm loves you, whichever way you choose you'll be serving your country, the only way he'll be disappointed in you is if you don't choose what is right for you."  
"You really think so?" AJ asked looking up at Colin.  
"I do," he replied. Colin and Harm had had a similar conversation not long after they'd moved in about farming techniques and Colin's concern about not wanting to do the wrong thing and being mindful about doing things the way Harm wanted. Harm had told him that the only wrong thing would be for Colin to spend his life considering what Harm thought and not trusting himself and his own instincts. "Besides, if anyone will understand it will be Harm. After all, you need to remember he crossed the huge divide when he fell in love with and married a Marine."


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: I wish... My thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by floods in Queensland, NSW and my state of Victoria, as well as many places around the world experiencing similar catastrophes. xox

In the fourth week of vacation, with the house taking shape, Harriet decided to visit for a few days with her younger children. She had been concerned about AJ and while she had been reassured by the boy himself, Harm and Mac that he was doing okay after the break up with Janie, she wanted to see him for herself. Additionally, she was hoping Mac would let her bring Lily and the twins home with her for a bit. Jimmy and Michael would be away for three weeks at a baseball camp they had begged her to attend and Nikki had asked for Lily to stay.

However, as the girls were getting past the stage of needing her, she felt the MacKenzie –Rabb twins would give her something to do. She knew her children were too young for her to be experiencing 'empty nest' syndrome but she lived for her children and now that they were older she was finding herself at loose ends. Perhaps it was AJ going off to Annapolis that had her feeling this way, but all she knew was a full house is what she needed right now. She'd wait for the right time to bring it up.

The first night Harriet was on the farm, she and Mac discussed Harriet's growing feelings of loneliness over late night tea and cookies. They went on to discuss a range of options for her, returning to work, a course of study, volunteer work but Harriet shrugged. For her, this wasn't a new feeling; she'd had it, at some level, since her twins had started school. However, by then there was Lily and babysitting and then came Harry and Rosie and life was full of children. It was only when Harm and Mac had moved their brood to the country that she felt her life was empty once more.

So, the following day, Mac took a step back and allowed Harriet to take control of life on the farm. Content to rock her son and help where needed, Mac enjoyed seeing the spark come back into Harriet's eyes. After a few full days, Harriet was planning their return home and brought up the topic of the older children returning with her. Mac was hesitant, she'd been away from her children too much this year already. Harriet explained the baseball camp and Mac thought that maybe it would give her the chance to enjoy the beginning of her course and perhaps be able to do a little extra reading.

The three weeks Harriet was offering was too long, so Mac compromised. The three children could go for ten days, if they left on Monday. Wednesday of the following week she and Frankie would have their appointments at Bethesda and she would re-evaluate if they would stay longer.

Meanwhile, AJ still hadn't discussed his problems with anyone but Colin. A couple of times he had tried but he could never seem to find the right words. Now, with his mother there and asking him every five minutes, or so it seemed, if he was okay, AJ realised he'd have to do something to ensure his 'I'm fine' response was truthful.

When Harm grabbed his keys and wallet to go into Charlesville for some items needed from the hardware store, AJ jumped at the chance to go with him. When Michael and Jimmy wanted to go too, Harm was about to say yes before he caught the look on AJ's face.  
"Maybe next time, boys," he said quickly. "I need the backseat and trunk for the materials I have to get. Sorry."

The younger boys didn't really care and ran out into the yard to play ball.  
"Thanks, Uncle Harm," AJ said as they headed out to the vehicle.

Harm waited until they were half way down the driveway before he spoke.  
"Now that it's just you and me, how about you tell me what's happening?" he said as he turned left onto the road. "And make it the truth because I'm not buying the 'I'm fine' routine."

In the silence of the car, AJ told Harm, in essence, what he had told Colin and except for a few 'aha's' and 'okay's' Harm remained quiet.  
"So, what do you think?" AJ finally asked when he got to the end.  
"I think you've looked into it thoroughly enough, you know what you are getting yourself into and you want to do it. The only thing you seem to be having trouble with is telling your parents," he said, keeping his eyes fixed on the road.  
"I know, I don't want them to be disappointed in me," he said, sounding more mouse than marine.  
"AJ, how could they be disappointed in you?" Harm questioned. "Seriously?"  
"Because I'm not following their footsteps into the family business," he said. "Everyone's so Navy."  
"Do you consider Mac family?" he asked, glancing across at the young man.  
"Definitely," he replied without missing a beat.  
"Then it's still a family business," he said, taking the Charlesville turnoff.  
"What do you think, Uncle Harm?" he asked, "Man to man."  
Harm smiled; if this was a man to man talk then maybe AJ was old enough to drop the uncle part.  
"I think you will make an excellent marine and serve your country proudly," he said, reaching over and patting his arm.  
"You don't care that I'll be a jarhead and not a squid?" he questioned.  
"Nope," he said with a smile. "Don't tell anyone but I have a rather soft spot for the Marines."  
"Well, one in particular," AJ said and they both laughed.

By the time Harriet left with the four children on Monday, AJ still hadn't discussed his career plans with his mother, preferring to speak to his parents together. He had planned to go home overnight Saturday and talk to his parents Sunday. It gave him five days to man up, or marine up in his case.

Tuesday was Mac's first night at her Ancient Artefacts course and she was enchanted by the lecturer, retired professor Allan Healy. As the man stood at the front of the lecture room, Mac let his words wash over her and imagined being there with him as he found each and every item; it was so different to her current life of diapers, family and farming.

Allan's voice was deep yet lilting and Mac was sure there were some Irish origins in there. He had a dry sense of humour and on more than one occasion Mac found herself being the only one laughing heartily. As she looked around at the other students, she realised she was older than most of the others. There seemed to be a big pool of college students doing this course to up their credits. There was a smaller group of much older students whom Mac decided were probably retirees looking for something to do.

Most of the students were female with only a peppering of males throughout and there were few females in her age group. Seated between a rather large woman who smelt of lavender and camphor and a college guy more interested in texting than text, Mac allowed herself to be absorbed into the subject matter and before she knew it the two hours were over.  
"How was it?" Harm asked turning on the bedside lamp as Mac stripped for bed.  
"Fantastic!" she said with a smile Harm hadn't seen in a while.  
"What was so good about it?" he asked, sitting up in bed.  
"Everything! The content, the artefacts, the lecturer, the...the...everything!" she enthused, pulling on her nightgown.  
"Things here went well," he offered, surprised it wasn't her first question, given her last minute hesitation about leaving Frankie.  
"Great," she said, slipping into bed. "Did he settle quickly?"  
"Like a baby," he replied with a chuckle before Mac kissed him briefly.  
"Glad to hear it," she said, snuggling under the covers. "Goodnight."

Mac closed her eyes and thought of all things ancient. Harm's eyes remained opened and thought all sorts of things about his wife's amazingly good humour.

A week on the farm without children was an odd experience for Mac. She kept expecting someone under four foot to come through any door and it was days before she realised they really weren't there. Not one to waste opportunities, Mac spent her down time doing the recommended reading for the course and going through her boxes of text books, artefacts and supplies. There was no doubt she loved her children more than life itself but these days were doing wonders for the non-mommy parts of her soul, feeding the intellectual stimulation she'd been craving.

"It's lovely to see you so happy, Sarah," Grams said as they sat on the porch enjoying afternoon tea. "I don't think I've seen you like this for a long time."  
"What do you mean?" she asked, putting down her cup.  
"You're lively, animated, relaxed, happy," she reeled off as she took Mac's hands.  
"Well, I guess it's been a bit of a struggle these past 12 months," she said.

The endometriosis, pregnancy, move, retirement had all certainly had a major impact on her demeanour. Even when she was feeling happy, there was always the weight of everything else...now, her life seemed to be more settled and she was feeling alive and enjoying every moment of it.  
Harm too had noticed the change in his wife. The most obvious was her preference to read than sex and while he was happy to see her happy, he couldn't help but feel slighted. Here, they had the perfect opportunity to have some more 'them' time and Mac was content with her worn copy of The Encyclopaedia of the Archaeology of Ancient Egypt.

Climbing into bed Sunday night, Harm waited for Mac and waited and waited until he could wait no more. Padding downstairs in his blue plaid boxers, Harm found her curled up on the sofa with her book.  
"Thought you said you'd be a couple of minutes," he said startling her.  
"Yeah, yeah," Mac said distracted.  
"Mac," he called a little louder, causing her to finally look at him.  
"What?" she asked before seeing his state of dress, or rather undress. "Oh yeah, bed."  
"Gee, when you say it like that you sound completely disinterested," he said turning and heading back up the stairs.

It took Mac a moment to realise Harm hadn't been flip with his comment and she quickly closed the book before turning out the light and following him up to the bedroom.  
"Harm?" she called, finding him under the covers and turned away from her. "Harm?"  
"What?" he asked, not bothering to move.  
"Is everything alright?" she asked, moving around to his side of the bed. "Between us?"  
"I don't know, Mac," he said bluntly. "I know you're enjoying your course and everything else but I don't like the feeling of being replaced by a book."  
"Who's replacing you with a book?" she asked, getting him to move backwards so she could climb in on his side.  
"You seem to be," he said, closing his eyes. "Three times this week I've tried to initiate something with you only to be told 'right after this chapter'."  
"Aww, Harm," she said patting his face. "Don't be jealous. I love you more than the book I guess I just got carried away with having some me time."  
"I know but I wanted some us time," he said as Mac snaked her arm around his torso.  
"We can have some us time now," she said with a grin but Harm just shrugged.  
"Nah, not in the mood now," he said with a deep sigh.

Mac climbed out of bed and moved around to her side of the bed before slipping in behind him.  
"Goodnight, Harm," she said, patting his back and wondering just what had gone on.  
"Night, Mac."

Harm fell asleep relatively quickly while Mac lay there for two hours thinking things over. In the end she decided Harm was being petty and that he should know about it – Now!

Shoving him, Mac waited for Harm to respond. It took three shoves and five minutes for Harm to realise Mac wasn't going to let him sleep until they'd spoken.

Slowly, he dragged himself into a sitting position. "What?" he asked, stifling a yawn.  
"What?" Mac challenged. "You're asking me what?"  
With a deep breath, he turned to look at her. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.  
"For what?" she questioned, not sure if this was a blanket 'I'm sorry now let me sleep'.  
"For the way I acted earlier," he replied, linking his fingers through hers. "It's just..."  
Then there was nothing.  
"It's just," Mac prompted, squeezing his hand.  
"I'm really happy that you're happy," he started slowly. "Honestly, I am. I think it's great for you to have a something outside the house. Something that's for you."  
"But..." she prompted, knowing there was one coming.  
"But ...I don't know...I guess seeing you so happy...I kind of got to wondering whether you were regretting moving..." he said chancing a glance at her.  
"Never!" she interrupted. "I have no regrets about being here, living here, retiring, the kids...Never!"  
"But you seem happier this week with the archaeology stuff than you have in a long time," he said, tugging their joined hands into his lap.  
"I know," she said, furrowing her brow. "I think it's just a release valve. For so long it's been about everyone and everything and now it's just me and I finally feel at home in my own body and it's an amazing feeling. Does that make sense?"  
"Yeah, I guess it does," Harm admitted, realising just how tough life had been for his wife, not just in the past twelve months but since they had Lily. It had taken a huge toll on her life and on her body and while she had never complained he was seeing the old her coming to life in this new phase of her life. Rather than encouraging the spark he had felt the need to quench it, just in case that old spark was a sign she wanted her old life.  
"There's only one regret in my life and that's that we didn't see the light sooner and not wait a decade," she said, leaning in to kiss him. "There is nothing I would change about our marriage, our children, our life on the farm. If you want me to give up the course I will. I don't want something so trivial coming between us."  
"No, I want you to do the course," he said, kissing her hands. "And other courses after that."  
"I don't want you to fret every time I read a book," she said, snuggling down under the covers with him.  
"I promise I won't," he said, kissing her forehead. "Sorry for being childish about this."

Mac just kissed him, she could understand the concern one felt when something from the past reared its head. She still remembered the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach when Harm went back to flying after his eye surgery and how she desperately wanted to hold onto him. She guessed, at some level, this is what her beloved was feeling now.

The second night of the course was as thoroughly enjoyable as the first and, while Mac knew she and Frankie had an early start to the following day because of their appointments in DC she still accompanied Allan and a small group of students to the cafe for an after lecture coffee.

Enjoying the opportunity to ask the professor a barrage of questions, Mac hadn't realised the time had gotten away from her and it was midnight before she arrived home.  
Changing in the bathroom, to reduce the chances of waking Harm, Mac slid into bed after checking on Frankie.

"You're very late," he said groggily.  
"Just been in with Frankie," she replied, hoping he'd think she'd been home for awhile.  
It worked. "He okay?" Harm asked.  
"Yeah, he's gone back to sleep now," she said, sliding into bed and kissing him.  
"Good," Harm murmured before drifting off to sleep once more.

It was only Mac and Frankie who headed to DC as Harm had things to do on the farm and Mac didn't think it was necessary given that she fully expected things to go well and then she'd go to the Roberts' and see the kids and decide if they would stay longer. While they had all told her on the phone they wanted to stay, she had a strong feeling that once she was there in person their views would change.

Dr Mollison was extremely impressed with mother and child and the paediatrician was also very pleased with Frankie's progress. So, it was a delighted Mac who headed to Harriet's excited to see her other three babies, relieved her youngest baby was doing so well despite his rocky start to life.

The afternoon was spent with good food and chatter and dinner was a noisy affair. The kids had fluctuated between wanting to return home with Mac and wanting to stay in DC a little longer, so Mac had told them they'd make the final decision at breakfast. After calling Harm so he could say goodnight to his children, Mac related all the news of the day and she was sure she could hear Harm's smile through the phone.

Once the kids were tucked into bed, Mac, Harriet and Bud sat in the living room enjoying coffee, cake and the quiet.  
"Do you know about AJ?" Bud started and Mac shook her head. He was back on the farm with Harm and had something happened to him she was sure Harm would have told her. "He's doing the marine-option midshipman's course at Annapolis," Bud continued. "That's why he came home on the weekend to talk to us."  
"He's going to be a marine," Harriet echoed.  
"Wow!" Mac replied, extremely proud of her godson's decision, and happy she'd have a marine ally against all the Navy in her 'family'. "I've heard of that course, extremely limited places and quite an achievement to get in."  
"Yes, that's what AJ said," Harriet replied, handing Mac a second piece of cake.  
"What do you both think about it?" Mac asked, taking her plate back.  
"Well, it's a bit of a shock. I have nothing against marines, as you know," Bud said quickly. "I just always saw him as a sailor."  
"I'm fine about it," Harriet said, "I think he'll be a good marine...just don't want to see my baby boy go to war."

Mac smiled sadly. It's one thing to serve your country; it's another thing sending your eldest child to do it. She wondered if she'd ever be sending one of her children on an overseas campaign. That thought alone made her tear up.

Over breakfast, Lily was coming home with Mac, then she was staying, then she was going. Mac had pretty much decided the twins were already returning with her, so it was just Miss Lily. By the time the table was being cleared the decision still hadn't been made as Harriet had sent them all upstairs to wash their hands and faces, then Mac's cell rang.

It was Mattie.

It was bad news.

It was very bad news.


	32. Chapter 32

My thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by floods in Queensland, NSW and my state of Victoria, as well as many places around the world experiencing similar catastrophes. xox

Disclaimer: Not mine  
AN: You knew I wouldn't leave you hanging that long, just wanted to make sure I had your attention.

Yes, there is a Kleenex warning, a BIG Kleenex warning, at least there was for me as I wrote it.

It was Mattie.

It was bad news.

It was very bad news.

"Hey, Mac," Mattie said tearfully and Mac was instantly on alert, signalling to Harriet she'd take the call outside.  
"Mattie, what's wrong?" she questioned, closing the door behind her.  
"Um...well," she said before crying.  
"Mats, what's happened?" she asked, her heart racing a million miles an hour.  
"Grams died during the night," she said, sniffling. "She didn't come out for ...ah...for breakfast and I went in to see if she was alright... and she ...um...well, she wasn't."  
"Oh, Mattie, oh no," Mac said as the first of her tears tumbled. "Where's Harm?"  
"Sitting in with her," she replied. "I screamed when I found her and he raced in and well...she was gone...you know, blue and cool to touch, and Harm just took her hand and he hasn't let go yet."  
"Oh," Mac said as more tears fell, her heart breaking for her husband's pain.  
"I ...um... called the doctor and he'll be here soon, Mrs Anderson is here and Colin is contacting the undertaker," Mattie said quietly, trying to pull herself together.  
"Where's AJ?" Mac asked, knowing it would be something Harriet would want to know.  
"He's in there with Harm," she replied. "Said he shouldn't be alone. When will you be home?"  
"As soon as possible, sweetie," Mac said wiping her tears away. "As soon as possible."

For several minutes after she disconnected the call, Mac tried to pull herself together as she still had the children to face. Looking out the window and realising something was seriously amiss, Harriet came out to her.  
"What's happened?" she asked, taking Mac in an embrace.  
"Grams died," Mac said quietly as she hugged Harriet. "Mattie went in to her this morning and she'd passed away."  
"Oh, bless her," Harriet said as her tears fell. "She was such a beautiful woman."  
"She was, wasn't she?" Mac said, drying her tears. "Now, I need to get home. I don't want to tell the kids just yet. I ...ah..."  
"Leave the kids here," Harriet said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Go home and be with Harm, god knows he'll need you, and I'll bring the kids home whenever you're ready for them."  
"But..." Mac started to protest but then realised Harriet's offer was for the best. It was Thursday, the funeral probably wouldn't be until Tuesday and if Harriet kept the kids, even until Sunday, it would give her a chance to organise things and console her husband. "Okay, thanks," she said. "That will be great."

With a few hugs and kisses and an excuse of allergies for her eyes when Lily asked, Mac said goodbye and bundled Frankie into the car. Rosie didn't want to stay and Mac was very close to putting her in the car too but then Harriet reminded her of the picnic they were going on later and Rosie was instantly happier to stay.

The trip to the farm was always about three hours but this particular three hours felt like three hundred as Mac fretted for Harm and struggled to keep her emotions at bay so she could still see clearly.

Meanwhile, at the farm, the doctor had arrived and had officially declared the death of Sarah Elizabeth Rabb. Given her advanced years, and the peaceful look on her face, he was happy to say her death was due to old age and declare that an autopsy was not required. All the while, Harm sat beside her bed and held her hand, knowing that once he let go their bond would be forever broken.

"Uncle Harm," AJ said quietly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Mattie says you need to drink this." He placed a mug on the bedside table. "I'm really sorry about Grams," he said, glancing at the woman in the bed. "Is there anything I can do?"  
"No, AJ, but thanks," he said with a sigh. "Oh, hang on, Mac..."  
"Mattie called her," he replied, rubbing Harm's back. "She'll be home as soon as she can."  
"Okay." Harm said rolling his neck.  
"Why don't you come on out?" he asked. "You've been sitting here for nearly four hours."  
"No, I'm okay," he said. "I'll wait til the ... ah ... undertaker's here."  
"He's here now, Uncle Harm," AJ replied, rubbing his back once more. "Can I send him in?"  
Harm nodded; there was no point putting off the inevitable.

All the hugs from Mattie, Colin and AJ made it no easier for Harm as the undertaker left with Grams' body. While Harm could reason that Grams lived a long life and passed peacefully, his tears were more for the little boy within who loved his grandmother dearly and couldn't quite comprehend what this loss would mean.

It was Mrs Anderson's firm hand on his arm that brought him back to the present.  
"You've had nothing to eat or drink all day and you will right now," she said, easing him into a chair. "And before you protest, I'm not taking no for an answer."

Harm could only smile; she sounded just like his grandmother.

After eating and drinking barely enough to placate Mrs Anderson and Mattie, Harm turned his attention to something he couldn't put off any longer – calling his parents.

"I might just go sit outside and make this call," he said looking around the table, they all nodded.

A few deep breaths, a few button presses later and the phone in the Burnett household was ringing. Harm held his breath as he waited for it to be picked up. Just when he thought it would go to message bank, Trish answered.  
"Hey, mom," he said, taking a much needed breath. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"  
"No, sweetie," she said. "Just getting up. Everything alright?"  
"Um, no, actually," he said slowly, then realising there was no good way to break such news, he just came out with it. "Grams passed away in her sleep."  
"Oh, no," Trish said with deep sadness. "Oh, dear."  
"It all seemed very peaceful," he said, wanting to comfort his mother. "She looked happy."  
"Oh," she said, tears streaming down her face. "How are you doing, Harmon?"  
"Okay," he said. "I keep thinking that Grams had a long, good life and died happy. I mean she said only last week just how this past year has been the best in her life so I can imagine her telling me to suck it up and not cry over this...but..."  
"For now you just can't help it?" Trish offered and Harm nodded before managing a 'yes'. "How's Mac doing with it?"  
"Don't know," he said. "She was in DC, she and Frankie had their appointments yesterday, she's on her way home now."  
"Well, you give her my love when she gets home and I'll get Frank to make the arrangements. We'll be there as soon as we can, honey, okay?" she said, drying her eyes.  
"Okay."

By the time Mac arrived home Harm was back in Grams' empty room, sitting in the chair once more, staring at the empty bed. Mattie went out to meet her as she pulled up; hugging her tightly once she was out of the car.  
"Are you okay, honey?" Mac asked, drying the younger woman's tears. Mattie nodded. "Must have given you a huge fright."  
"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "It's all just very sad."  
"I know," Mac soothed as she got Frankie from the back seat.  
"How's Frankie?" she asked, taking the carrier from Mac.  
"Slept most of the way but is starting to get grizzly," she said. "It's nearly time for a feed but I wanted Harm to do it, thought he might find it comforting."  
"Yeah, it'll do him good," Mattie said with a sigh as Mac collected their bags and a cooler which contained milk she'd expressed the night before.

Leaving her son with Mattie, Mac dropped their belongings on the kitchen table and, following Mattie's nod towards Grams' room, she took a deep breath and padded over. Knocking softly on the door, she walked in without waiting for an answer.  
"Harm," she said quietly and smiled sadly when he looked at her with red rimmed and watery eyes. "Hey, honey. I'm so, so sorry," She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his head repeatedly. "I'm so sorry."  
"Me too," he managed as his arms wrapped around her waist and she stepped between his legs, his head resting on her breast as she raked her fingers through his hair.

Hearing the cries of her son, Mac kissed his head once more before tilting his chin up.  
"I hate to ask..." she started, kissing his nose. "But Frankie needs a feed and I need the bathroom and something to eat...You think you..."  
"Of course I can feed him," Harm said getting to his feet before holding her closely. "I'm really going to miss her."  
"Me too," Mac agreed. "She was an amazing woman and she was so happy to have us all living with her, especially the kids."  
"Shame is they won't remember her...well, Lily will to some extent but the twins won't past the short term and Frankie...well..." he started before the tears came once more.  
"Then it's up to us to keep her memory alive," Mac said, gently kissing his lips. "To talk about her, to celebrate her life, to keep her as a part of this family."  
"I love you," he replied, so very glad Mac was home.

As Harm got his son's bottle ready, Mattie made a platter of sandwiches hoping to entice Harm to eat something more than the few mouthfuls he'd had that morning. After Mac had been to the bathroom, she organised the drinks and set the pitcher and glasses out on the porch table.

Sitting in Grams' favourite chair, Harm settled Frankie into his arm and started feeding. Looking out on the farm as Frankie drank happily, his mind swirled with many memories, distant and recent, of his life here with his grandmother and a few of his father, now both were gone and he was alone.

Looking from the kitchen window, Mac watched father and son for a bit before she noticed AJ and Colin making their way in from the barn, the place they'd gone to give Harm some time and space.

Tracking their moves, she watched as the both came up on the porch and greeted Harm and Frankie, both taking the time to pat Harm's shoulder as they leaned down to check on Frankie before heading into the house to wash up for lunch.  
"Hey Mac," Colin said coming through the back door and hugging her. "So sorry."  
"Yeah, me too," she said, before he pulled back and embraced a tearful Mattie.  
"Hi, Aunty Mac," AJ said, hugging her. "I'm so sorry about Grams."  
"Yeah, me too," she said kissing his head. "How are you doing?"  
"Okay," he said, "Better than Uncle Harm."  
"Yeah, but he'll be okay," she said confidently. "Just needs a little extra love."  
AJ nodded before he went to wash up.

Over lunch there was little general chatter, instead, talk was confined to remembrances of Grams. Mac took note of all Harm said and did, taking their son when she was finished so she could encourage him to eat. By the time the meal was over, Harm had eaten little and Mac had her son in one arm and her husband's hand in the other. As Mattie and AJ cleared the table, Colin took Frankie up to bed and Mac took Harm's hand and led him to the porch sofa, cuddling into him once they were seated.  
"So much to do," Harm finally said breaking the silence which had surrounded them.  
"Like what?" she asked, wanting to help him as much as possible.  
"Make some calls, you know to Mary and Kate, the minister...um, a few of the neighbours," he said, looking off into the distance. "Do the funeral and burial arrangements...undertaker said he'd be here tomorrow morning to see me..."  
"Us, Harm. I know she was your grandmother but you told me not that long ago that I needed to remember she was my family as well and I'd like to help with the arrangements," she said quietly as her fingers entwined with his. "Unless you really want to do it all by yourself."  
"No, no," he said quickly before kissing her head. "I would appreciate us doing it together."  
"Good," she replied, lifting his hand and kissing it. "What else do we have to do?"  
"Well, there's the legal stuff, you know, calling her lawyer...the will, financial arrangements..." he said before his voice trailed.

Mac nodded; there were many tasks which needed attention at the completion of one's life but nothing that she saw as urgent.  
"What needs to be done today?" she asked, sitting up and caressing his face.  
"The phone calls, I guess," he said. "Other than that, I guess there's not much we can do until we speak to the undertaker tomorrow."  
"I can make the phone calls," Mac offered. "Maybe I can get the minister to attend in the morning with the undertaker and help with the arrangements."  
"Yeah, that will be good," he said nodding.  
Silence fell once more before the quietness registered in Harm's addled brain.  
"Where are the kids?" he asked looking at his wife.  
"I thought it was best to leave them with Harriet," she replied. "They were having fun and behaving themselves and I knew we'd have things to organise, to do."  
"When are they coming home?" he asked, desperate to see them, to touch them, to hold them.  
"Anytime you want," she replied, kissing his cheek. "Harriet said just to call her and she'll bring them back immediately. Thought maybe Sunday would be good, gives us time to plan things, and then still have them home to explain things before the funeral."  
"Do they know?" he asked tearfully, not wanting to think of their pain.  
"No," Mac said with a shake of her head. "I would never tell them then leave them there."

Later that night, Mac and Harm had gone to bed and sleep wouldn't come. Mac had dozed for a little bit before she was woken by the feeling of being alone; she was right. Sliding out of bed she went in search of her husband but didn't have to go far, he was sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery cradling his son, just has his grandmother had done since the day the infant was born.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear him," Mac apologised, padding over as Harm shook his head.  
"He wasn't crying...I just..." he started but then shook his head. What he wanted to say was that he just needed to be with him, to hold him, to draw comfort from him the way Grams used to but the words wouldn't come. Mac didn't need words to understand what he meant.  
"It's okay," she soothed kissing his head. "Can I do anything for you?" she asked as Harm stood and put the boy back into his crib.  
"Take me back to bed," he said and Mac led him back to their room and slipped in beside him, holding him close until sleep claimed him.

It didn't feel like all too long a time before Mac awoke to empty arms once more. Searching once again for her husband, she found him sitting on the kitchen floor, a carton of milk and the container of Grams' last batch of choc chip cookies, made the day before, keeping him company. Standing by the door she watched as he ate cookie after cookie, slowly she entered and sat beside him on the floor.  
"Feel like sharing?" she asked and he tilted the container towards her.

Mac took a cookie as Harm took a long drink of milk. Using her thumb, Mac swiped it across his lips cleaning up the remnants of milk and cookie crumbs.  
"Been here long?" she asked, taking a bite.  
"About eleven cookies and a pint of milk long," he said, offering her the carton, Mac shook her head.  
"Should have woken me," she said, "I would have joined in your midnight feast."  
"I don't even recall this being a conscious thought," he said, his eyes fixed on the fridge. "I woke up, felt hungry and before I knew it I was sitting here."  
"Okay," Mac said, taking his hand in one of hers. "Just know that you can come to me any time ... about anything."  
"I know, gorgeous," he said, kissing her head. "And I'm extremely grateful. I just...I'm just feeling a little lost. Never felt like this before..."  
"Felt like what?" she asked, squeezing his hand.  
"Lost..." he said. "And I don't really even know what that means..." he added before she asked. "I mean I'm incredibly sad Grams has gone but she was 90 and I knew she wasn't going to be here forever. I am incredibly proud that I was able to make her last year her best year, as she told me on more than one occasion, by being here with her. I know she'd be cross with me if she knew I was so upset. She'd be saying it is all a part of life and not to mourn her but celebrate her life but at the moment I'm just feeling ..."  
"Sad," Mac offered as tears welled in her eyes.  
"Yeah, sad," he agreed, dropping his head.  
"Can I let you in on a secret?" Mac asked, using her hand to direct his attention at her. Harm nodded. "I'm feeling very sad too."


	33. Chapter 33

My thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by floods in Queensland, NSW and my state of Victoria, as well as many places around the world experiencing similar catastrophes. xox

Disclaimer: Not mine

The undertaker and local minister were both compassionate men who had seemed to find their life's calling. Nothing was too hard, nothing was impossible, with kind words and a gentle manner they lead Harm and Mac through the task of organising Grams' final service. Mac had contacted Grams' lawyer and he too attended as Grams had expressed her wishes quite clearly to him over the years.

It would be simple, no ornate casket and 'waste of money' accessories, a plain pine box, a posy of daisies, her favourite flower, and traditional hymns as per her wishes. It would be a graveside service, short and to the point, and followed by a gathering at the farm of anyone who wished to attend. Grams wanted to be dressed in her good navy blue dress she reserved for more formal occasions and she wanted to be buried with the family photo taken at her 90th and one of her wedding.

"It says the photo taken at her 90th?" Harm asked, recalling the photo taken just over a month ago.  
"Yes," replied Shaun Siddle, her lawyer of many years.  
"When did she tell you that?" Harm challenged.  
"Mrs Rabb phoned me about two weeks ago to make some changes to her will and told me about the photograph," he reported. "She said she had a feeling she wasn't long for this world and wanted to finalise things."  
"She never said anything to us," Mac said, saddened that Grams didn't tell them.  
"She didn't want to upset you," he replied, patting Mac's hand. "She was by far the happiest I have seen her in a long time and she was doing it for peace of mind."  
"Oh," Mac replied, dabbing at her eyes.  
"Now, the reading of the will is up to you but it's pretty straight forward. Most people do it after the funeral but we can do today if you like," he said. "I have it with me and can go through it with you when we've concluded here."  
Harm nodded, he guessed today was as good a day as any to have the reading of her will.

When funeral arrangements were completed, Jack Hughes, the undertaker left while the minister, Paul Anderson, a cousin of Dave Anderson from next door, stayed to support the family.

After morning tea was served by Mattie, and cleared away by Colin, Shaun got the paperwork from his briefcase. Harm and Mac moved into the living room as the others stayed in the kitchen but Harm turned back and called them in, he needed family to be with him at this time. Opening the file, Shaun started with the usual lingo of a last will and testament as Colin and AJ moved uncomfortably. Mattie had been through this twice now, having buried both her parents, and while she would never get used to it, she didn't find it as uneasy as the guys.

Sarah Rabb had lived a gentle, simple life and her will reflected this. The bulk of the estate was left to Harm, and that surprised no one. It was the inclusion of the others that did.

To Mac, her namesake, she left her jewellery and glory box. A box Mac knew existed but didn't know the contents of, other than it was Grams' and no one was to touch it, ever.

To Lily, she left Raggedy Anne and a short letter telling the child how much she loved her and that the doll was a testament that good things come to those who wait.

To Harry, she left Harm Senior's leatherman, to be given to him when he was old enough to understand its origins and use it appropriately.

To Rose, she left the sterling silver rose she had received as a thank you present a few decades earlier and a note comparing its beauty to the young girl's.

To Frankie, she left the locket given to her by Frank and Trish. Wanting the comfort provided to her by the Rabb men to be received by the precious infant.

To Mattie and Colin, she left them the papers giving them ownership of the land they were building on.

"No," Colin said getting to his feet. "It's your land," he said to Harm.  
"I know," he replied, standing up. "But it's something Grams and I had discussed and it was going to be your wedding present."  
"Are you sure, Harm?" Mattie asked as she moved to hug him.  
"Positive," he replied. "It's got access to the road and to the back fields and just means that you guys will be financially secure and not having to worry."  
"Oh, thank you, Harm," she said, holding him close. "And to you too, Grams," she said looking up. "I love you."  
Colin hugged Harm too and said thank you, whispering his thanks to Grams quietly.

When everyone was seated once more, Shaun continued.

To Trish and Frank, she left the Georgia O'Keefe painting which had hung in the living room for as long as Harm could remember. His mother had always adored the artwork. She also left a note thanking them both for their ongoing love and support.

To Mrs Anderson, she left the fine china tea set that she and Grams used for Sunday afternoon teas. In recognition of the kind deeds and words from the Anderson family throughout many years, she also left them the sum of $10,000.

AJ went to stand but Shaun called him back.  
"Before you go, young man," Shaun said, gesturing back to his chair. "There's something for you too."  
AJ shook his head, he hadn't been expecting anything.

To the Roberts family, she left the funds for a family vacation, to be held sometime soon before AJ left for Annapolis.

Then Grams made special mention of AJ.  
'I have watched you in recent weeks here,' Grams' note said. "You are a dedicated young man and you seem to be struggling with a major decision. Let me say that I think you will make a wonderful marine...'

AJ looked at Colin, how did Grams know? Colin shrugged.  
'I leave to you something special.'

Shaun took a small pouch out of his briefcase and handed it to AJ. Slowly, he opened the pouch and tipped the contents into his hand. It was a silver chain with a plain silver cross.  
'May it bless you and keep you safe.'

"I don't know what to say," AJ said tearfully looking at Harm.  
"Just say thank you," Mac said putting an arm around him as she looked upwards.  
"Thanks, Grams," he said quietly. "I'll treasure it."

With a headache to beat all others, Harm lay on his bed in the dwindling light of the day having foregone dinner. Knowing the lack of sustenance in his system would be contributing to his plight; Mac made up a small platter of assorted goodies and took it, along with bottles of juice, water and soda up to him.

"Hey," she said quietly, closing the door behind her. "How are you feeling now?"  
"About the same," he said, running his hand across his eyes.  
"You haven't eaten much all day, honey," she said, putting her supplies on the bedside table. "That's not helping the situation."  
"Yeah, was just thinking that myself," he said, taking her hand as she sat facing him.  
"So, how about you sit up and eat something for me," she said and helped him when he moved to sit up, before handing him the water. "Drink up."

In a few gulps Harm had consumed half the bottle and had to admit the cool liquid felt good running down his throat. As they sat in the quietness of the room, Mac fed him a variety of savoury items, followed by fresh fruit she'd cut up for him, and was very pleased when the plate was empty, as too were the water and juice bottles.  
"It's 2024," she said, caressing his face. "Which may be a little too early for bed. Do you want to come downstairs for a bit? Or I can run you a bath..."  
"I'll come down," he said, leaning forward to kiss her. "But before we go..." He pulled her back to him. "How are you doing with all this?"  
"I'm doing okay," she said, her hand rubbing his arm. "I'm feeling sad and a little worried about you but overall okay," she admitted, leaning in to kiss his forehead.  
"I'm sorry it's all been about me today," he said, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.  
"No need to apologise, she was your Grams a lot longer than she was mine," Mac said, gently, raking her fingers through his hair.  
"Guess we should go down," he finally said, although he'd have preferred to stay holed up in his bedroom with Mac.  
"Yeah," she agreed. "And just so you know, mom and dad arrived about twenty minutes ago."  
"How's mom coping?" he asked, not too sure if he could deal with her emotion on top of his.  
"I think she'll feel better once she's seen that you're okay," Mac said, standing up and pulling him up with her.  
"I don't feel okay," he said with a shrug.  
"That's normal, honey," she soothed. "You're grieving, but we'll get through this."

Upon seeing her only son, Trish sprung from the chair and wrapped her arms around him and let her tears fall once more. Her pain was more for her son's loss than her own. Grams had always been the Rabb link for him, the person who kept him grounded, the one who he reached for when things got too hard in his life, notably when his father went MIA, when he got his new stepfather, then when he crashed on landing.  
"It's okay, mom, it's okay," he soothed, his eyes stinging with tears. "I'm okay, really."

It took a few minutes but eventually Trish pulled back and caressed Harm's face, taking the time to actually look at him. He smiled sadly at her and dried her tears.  
"Grams wouldn't be impressed with all this crying, would she?" he said as he blinked back his own tears.  
"She'd say stop your fussing and get on with it," Trish said, reciting words she'd heard often over the years.  
"I know," he agreed, as Frank came over to him.  
"I'm sorry for your loss," he said, hugging his son. "For our loss," he added, feeling more apart of Grams' family than he ever did the Burnett clan.  
"Thanks, dad," Harm said holding him tightly. "Thanks for being here."  
"Wouldn't be anywhere else, Harm," he said, kissing Harm's head. "Anything you need me to do?"  
"Keep mom calm," Harm said with half a laugh.  
"Easier said than done," Frank said with a chuckle. It had been a big job to keep her calm in the plane and then in the car on the way there, especially in the last 30 minutes of their trip when all she wanted was to see her son and hold him.

After a few cups of tea with quiet conversation, Trish declared, that as it was nearing midnight, it was bedtime for all. She and Frank would be sharing the mobile home and AJ would take Lily's bed.

For a while, Mac lay in bed alone as Harm did Frankie's last feed and had just dozed off when her husband propped himself on her side of the bed and kissed her.  
"You asleep?" he asked, kissing her once more.  
"Nah," she said opening her eyes only to close them once more when Harm's lips descended on hers.

Before she could respond, Harm had climbed on top of her and covered her with hard kisses. It took her minutes to free her hands and, once she did, she raked her fingers through his hair before using the position to push his face back, concerned about his sudden passion.  
"Harm, Harm," she managed breathlessly. "Stop a minute."  
"What?" he said, trying to kiss her once more but Mac's arms remained braced and he couldn't move forward.  
"What's happening?" she asked, her legs moving to hook around his to stop him moving.  
"I thought that was obvious," he said trying to move from her. "But if you don't..."  
"Harm, honey," she said, letting him go so he rolled onto his side of the bed before rolling onto him. "Talk to me."

He shook his head and closed his eyes; he didn't want to have to explain to his wife that he wanted her right now. He wanted sex. He wanted to feel something other than sadness. He wanted to feel life and love. He wanted to lose himself in the type of oblivion only Mac could provide.

"Please," was the only word he could come up with to explain his need and it was the only one Mac needed to hear to understand. Kissing him soundly, Mac rolled back, pulling him with her and gave herself over to satisfying his every want and need; making this particular encounter solely about him.

It was of no surprise to Mac that Harm was asleep only minutes after they had finished nor was it a surprise that he fell asleep with his head on her breast and her arms surrounding him. It was the very same position he was still in when Mac awoke the following morning. Hearing Frankie's cries, Mac was trying to work out how to slip out of their bed without waking Harm. Before she came up with a plan, she heard AJ's voice over the monitor.

"Morning, Frankie," he said, his voice becoming louder through the monitor as he neared the child. "Phew...that diaper certainly needs changing...you're very stinky!"  
Mac went to move; after all it was her son, she should be the one changing smelly diapers.

"Come on, don't look so worried," AJ said. "I am well practiced at these things...after all, I helped mom with Jimmy and I did the twins sometimes and then there was Lily and your twins, so I know what I'm...oh good god, Frankie...what on earth's in Aunty Mac's milk?"

Mac laughed but decided to leave it all to AJ, after all he wanted to be a marine and marines should be able to handle anything.

AJ cleaned the boy and grabbed a new diaper before grimacing once more.  
"Oh, no Frankie, you're not supposed to pee before the new diaper is on," he said grabbing a diaper and placing it over the little fountain which had sprung up. Once the baby had finished, and laughed, AJ took a deep breath before cleaning up the boy and the change table once more. "I bet you wouldn't have done this on Grams would you. I'm sorry you won't ever remember her because she was a very special woman. Best Grams I ever had and we weren't even related."

Mac closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry.  
"...And she loved you so much," he continued. "Uncle Harm said it was because you reminded her of her husband, Georg. I'm not too sure about that because to me you look like your mom. I guess everyone sees something different in babies. I know when Michael and Nikki were born people said all kinds of strange things."

Once the boy had on a new diaper and everything was clean, AJ picked him up and kissed his head, Frankie gurgled happily.  
"Nothing personal, buddy," he said as he used his free hand to bundle up the two soiled diapers, "But I won't be volunteering to do this again in a hurry but I will feed you...I think there's some of Aunty Mac's milk in the fridge, you ready for breakfast?"  
Mac followed the sounds of her godson and son going down the stairs before she turned her attention to her husband.

Slowly, she raked her fingers through his hair and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of bare skin against bare skin, something which hadn't happened for a while.  
"AJ is a good kid, isn't he?" Harm said, surprising Mac who thought he was still sleeping.  
"Yes, he is," she replied, stroking Harm's face. "How are you doing this morning?"  
"Okay," he said slowly. "Want it all to be a bad dream and have her call up and tell me it's breakfast time, but learning to accept that's not going to happen again."  
"I always thought it was funny how if we stayed in bed past eight she'd tell us it was nearly noon," Mac said as Harm readjusted himself to be holding his wife.  
"Comes from living her life on the farm; early to bed, early to rise," Harm said kissing her head.  
"And how she often went to bed the same time as Lily but she could be convinced to stay up with a fresh cup of tea," Mac said, feeling sad that those late night conversations with Grams was now a thing of the past.  
"She loved chatting with you late into the night," Harm said, kissing her head once more.  
"I loved it too," Mac said with a sniffle. "And I loved that she baked the best treats around. I think I put on weight every time she lit the oven."  
"I'm glad she had Mattie write out the recipes over recent weeks," he said, pulling Mac a little closer. "Guess she was finalising things."  
"Guess she was," Mac agreed. "At least we'll be able to pass down the recipes to future generations of Rabbs."  
"We will," he said with a sad smile as he wondered what the younger generations would remember of the wonderful and special woman he had to bury on Tuesday.


	34. Chapter 34

Disclaimer: Not mine

It was midmorning before Harm and Mac were showered, dressed and ready to face the world. Descending the stairs, they were met with Trish and Mattie sitting at the table working on a menu for Tuesday while Frankie played happily with his rattle in the basket beside them.

"Good morning, darling," Trish said getting to her feet to embrace Mac. "How are you today?"  
"Doing better than yesterday," she replied, kissing her mother-in-law's cheek.  
"And how are you, honey?" Trish asked, hugging Harm.  
"Yeah, a lot better," he said, kissing his mother's head.  
"Let me get you breakfast, well, brunch at this time," Trish said and disappeared into the kitchen before they could protest.

After greeting Mattie, Mac scooped up Frankie and kissed him before handing him to his father. "Where's everyone else?" she asked.  
"Colin and AJ took Frank over to the house so he could see the progress," Mattie said, stacking up the items on the table to clear a space for Harm and Mac.  
"Sit, sit," Trish said, coming back in with coffee for them both, and they obeyed. "Now, cereal or toast or eggs or all three or something else?" she offered.  
"Just toast for me, thanks, mom," Mac said, sitting beside Mattie.  
"Me too," added Harm, sitting down with Frank on his lap facing him. "Did you sleep well, little man?" he said, tickling the boy's stomach, delighted when his son giggled. "AJ was very good to change your diaper and feed you breakfast. Were you a good boy for him?" Frankie just laughed.  
"Except when he peed before AJ got his clean diaper on," Mattie said with a laugh. "Trish told him it was a sign of good luck to have a baby pee on you."  
"I thought it was having a bird poop on you," Mac said, picking up her mug.  
"Either way it's disgusting," Harm said, tickling his boy once more; although he had had his share of 'luck' as far as his children toileting habits were concerned.

The day seemed to drag, Harm didn't really want to do anything and the house was too quiet without the children there. Mac called Harriet and arranged for her to bring them home the following morning and Harriet assured her they'd be there by lunch. She also said that she had looked into accommodation in Charlesville as she didn't want to intrude in an already crowded house. While Mac didn't like the idea of Harriet staying so far away, she agreed it may be the best option but as there would only be her and Nikki, with the boys still at baseball camp and Bud away on investigation, Mac was sure they could arrange something. Making Harriet promise not to book anything before she arrived, Mac hung up and called Mrs Anderson; she'd have room.

Doing little during the day, Harm wasn't all that tired and, as daylight started to fade, he pulled on his trainers having decided to go for a run.  
"I'll come with you," Mac said, but Harm shook his head. He planned to run and run fast and he really didn't need a concerned wife with him.  
"How about if I come?" AJ said, getting to his feet. "I need to get in the miles and how better to see how fit I am than to go head to head with a squid."  
Mac squeezed AJ's hand, happy for him to go in her place.

The run was hard and fast, just over six miles and a mix of road and fields. In the early stages, AJ let Harm set the pace and found it easy to match his stride, years on the track team paying off. Knowing this run was about a release of emotions rather than fitness, when Harm began to slow, AJ ran faster, knowing Harm would keep up. However, it was a pace too hard to keep up and a mile or so from home, both stopped, hands on knees and panting.

It was several minutes before either could speak.  
"Think we might have to walk the last bit," Harm said, a hint of breathlessness still present.  
"Yeah, me too," AJ replied, rubbing a stitch in his side.  
"Gonna hurt tomorrow," Harm said turning towards home with a brief smile; physical pain was much easier to deal with than emotional pain.

Meanwhile, Mac was in the kitchen making coffee when she picked up Grams' favourite teacup, that's when her tears started. Alone for so long, Harm had filled a huge void in her life but it was the inclusion of Trish, Frank and Grams in her life that made her life full, even before the children arrived. The relationship she had developed with Grams over the years, especially the last year, had been one of the most fulfilling in her life. To have a woman care about her, love her, guide her through the trials of marriage and raising children was one she had long ago given up on. As her own mother couldn't be bothered having that relationship with her, she never imagined anyone else would. Now, that relationship was gone too and her heart ached. Yes, Trish loved her too but she lived on the other side of the country and it was nowhere near the same thing.

"Oh, Sarah," Trish said, coming into the kitchen and finding her sobbing and clutching the cup. "Come here."

Instantly, Mac was wrapped in loving arms and continued to cry for her loss. She knew she should be grateful for the time they had together and the joy they brought each other but right now it was painful and opened old wounds she thought were long gone.

It was this scene which greeted Harm as they arrived home and, spying the embrace, AJ decided to opt for his shower immediately.  
"Hey," Harm said forgetting about the water he had desperately desired just moments ago.

Trish moved and allowed Harm to hold his wife, knowing he wouldn't be happy until she was in his arms.  
"What's going on?" he asked before Trish mouthed 'Grams' and slipped out of the room.  
"I'm sorry," Mac mumbled into his sweat stained shirt. "Just got to me."  
"What did?" he asked, wanting to help her as much as she was helping him.  
"Grams won't be here anymore to help me out," she said in barely a whisper.  
"Help you out with what?" he asked, drying her face.  
"I don't know...life...the farm...the kids..." she began.  
"I can help with all of that," Harm interrupted.  
"You..." she added with a sad smile. "She was very good at helping me with you."

Harm just smiled and pulled her closer, he had known his wife had found an ally in his grandmother, especially since they had been living on the farm. Mac had seemed to know too much about things she hadn't previously and there was also that special smile they shared, especially when it related to him.  
"I'll help you with me too," he said, leaning in and kissing her gently. "I promise."

Anxiety levels were at an all time high by the time Harriet's car was spotted coming up the driveway. In the early hours of the morning, Harm and Mac had discussed their plan of attack; Harm would take Lily aside and explain the situation to her while Mac would tell the twins. Mac had offered to switch but Harm had said no, it was something he should do, regardless of how much it killed him to do it.

Now, as the vehicle got closer, he was losing his nerve.  
"Someone else can do it, son," Frank said, wrapping his arm around Harm's shoulders.  
"No, no, it should be me," Harm replied, before taking a deep breath. "But...ah...wouldn't mind you being there," he added, needing someone else just in case things went worse than he was already imagining.

Shoulder to shoulder, they walked to the car before each man extracted a twin from the backseat before greeting them warmly. Mac had walked down to the car with Mattie and Harm watched as Lily greeted them both, chatting away happily and it broke Harm's heart a little more that he'd have to burst that bubble.

After a quick kiss and hug from Harriet, Harm drew a deep breath.  
"Don't I get a hello, Lily?" he asked and soon his daughter was in his arms.  
"Hello, daddy!" she said, hugging him tightly. "I've missed you soooo much!"  
"Missed you too, baby," he said, pulling her closer.  
"I had the best time with Nikki," she said as Harm walked them over to his boulder at the front of the house. "It was so much fun and exciting and everything," she enthused as Harm sat down and Lily straddled his lap. "I can't wait to tell Grams everything...where is she?"  
"I'm glad you had such a good time, Lily," he said, kissing her head and willing himself not to cry, it wasn't working.  
"Have you got allergies again?" she asked patting his face.  
"No, honey, no allergies. Daddy is just feeling sad," he admitted honestly and instantly his daughter's eyes teared up. If daddy was sad something was really wrong."Why are you sad, daddy?" she asked, linking her hands around his neck.  
"Well, on Thursday morning, Grams didn't come out for breakfast," he started, his voice a little shaky. "And so Mattie went in to see if she was okay..."  
"And was she?" Lily asked, her eyes widening. "I hope so because we are supposed to make those cinnamon rolls this week."  
"She wasn't okay, Lily," he said, caressing his daughter's face. "Grams had passed away in her sleep."

For several moments Lily stared at her father, not quite comprehending what he was saying but as his tears finally spilt over she figured it out.  
"Grams is dead?" she questioned in disbelief.  
"Yes, she is, baby. Grams died," he said, wanting there to be no misunderstanding.  
"No!" Lily shouted trying to get down from his lap. "No, it's not true!"  
"It is, honey," he said, holding onto her arm and keeping her with him.  
"It's not, she's not dead," she yelled. "Don't say such horrible things, daddy."  
"I'm not, Lily," he said, swiping at his tears. "I know it's hard and sad but it is true."

Lily heard the desperation in her father's voice turned around. The look on her father's face scared her, she had only seen him cry a couple of times before, the last time was when her mommy was in hospital and so sick after Frankie was born. He hadn't realised Lily was there but she had stood at the bedroom door and watched him cry and it had scared her, just like this did.

"Oh, daddy," she said as she ran back into his arms. "Oh, daddy."

Frank let them be for a few moments before walking over and sitting beside them, rubbing Lily's back as he did. When the child was a little calmer, he wrapped his arm around his son and hugged him close and then sat there with them.

Meanwhile, Mac's talk with the twins was having its own difficulties. In really simple terms she had explained that Grams had died and was now an angel up in heaven and how it was all very sad. But at three, the concept of death was beyond them and they just wanted to go see Grams and then play.

It broke her heart to know they would ask for Grams many times before they realised she was never going to be there again and could only imagine how painful that would be for them all.  
"They're only babies," Trish said, rubbing her back as Mac let the twins go play. "They don't understand."  
"I know," Mac said with a sniffle. "Wonder how Harm's going?"

Looking out the window, Mac saw the trio coming up the front path, Lily clamped onto her father as he carried her to the house. She was now very reluctant to enter the house knowing her great grandmother was gone.

Wanting to help, Mac headed to the front door.  
"Hey, baby girl," she said putting out her arms and smiling when the child went to her. "It's okay, it's okay," she soothed as Lily buried her face in Mac's hair and cried. "It's okay."  
"I don't want her to be dead," she sobbed as Mac carried her into the house.  
"None of us do, Lil, but we can't change it," she said, sitting on the sofa with her.  
"But...but..." she started but only tears followed.  
"It's all very sad, I know," Mac said, kissing her daughter's head. "It's okay...let it all out..."

Throughout the house came the sounds of quiet sobs of people coming to terms with their loss and feeling a little girl's raw pain. And the sounds of three young children who really had no idea just how much things had changed and how much poorer their lives would be without the influence of an amazing woman.

In the early hours of the morning, Lily woke with tears on her face and an overwhelming feeling of being sad. Thinking it was all a dream she made her way out of her room, being careful not to wake anyone, and tiptoed down the stairs.

Turning to the left she saw the door to Grams' room ajar and the glow of the lamp and she smiled; it had all been a bad dream. Pushing the door open she caught her breath, Grams' bed was empty and her dad was sitting in the chair holding a photo of her; it wasn't a dream.

Hearing a sound, Harm looked up and caught the look on his daughter's face.  
"Hey, Lily," he said quietly, holding out his hand. "Would you like to come in?"  
Lily shook her head.  
"It's okay," he said quietly. "Grams wouldn't mind you coming in."  
Lily shook her head again.

For several minutes Lily stood in the doorway and looked at the empty bed while Harm remained in the chair. Finally she spoke.  
"I thought it was a bad dream," she whispered. "And then I came down and saw the light on and thought she'd be in here."  
Harm held out his hand once more and Lily padded over to him before climbing up on his lap. "Was Grams scared when she died?" she asked using her finger to trace over the face in the photograph.  
"No, baby," Harm said, kissing her head. "She was happy going to bed on Wednesday night and she fell asleep and just didn't wake up."  
"I didn't get to say goodbye," she said, snuggling in to Harm. "It's not fair."  
"I know, I didn't get to say goodbye either," he replied, as a tear trickled down into Lily's hair. "But we'll get our chance at the funeral on Tuesday."  
"Do I have to go?" she asked before yawning.  
"No, honey," he replied. While he would like her to be there he wasn't going to force her to do something she was not comfortable with.

When Lily yawned again, Harm stood up and suggested they head back to bed but Lily protested.  
"You can come and sleep with mommy and me," he said, rubbing her back when she shivered.  
"I'm hungry," she said, not having eaten any dinner.  
"Let's get a snack then," he said, feeling a little hungry himself. Lily shivered once more. "We don't want you getting cold," he said, kissing her head. "Why don't you put this on?" He picked up Grams' lavender bed jacket and Lily froze. She'd worn in a few times before and loved it but now it was different, very different. "Grams won't mind."

Slowly, Lily put it on before they headed to the kitchen for cookies and milk. Not wanting to wake Harriet and AJ who was sleeping in the living room, Harm and Lily went out to the porch and sat on the sofa. When the cookies and milk were gone, Harm laid down and Lily lay on his chest, looking out to the black night sky which had a sprinkling of stars.  
"Amy says that when someone dies they become a star up in the sky, is that right?" she asked, playing with the collar on her dad's tee.  
"That's what many people believe," he agreed, stroking her head.  
"Do you think Grams is a star?" she asked, her eyelids getting heavier.  
"Yes," he replied. "I'd like to think she is."  
"Me too," said Lily. "And I think that's her," she added pointing to a bright star low in the sky. "It's bright and twinkling and looks like it's looking right us."  
"I was thinking the same thing too," Harm said, kissing her head.

There were a few minutes of silence before Harm decided that they really should head to bed but by that time Lily was already asleep and he didn't want to disturb her.

Closing his eyes, sleep came quickly for him too. Meanwhile, AJ had heard them in the kitchen and then go outside but when they hadn't come in half an hour later he decided to investigate whether they were okay. Finding them both asleep on the sofa, he retreated to the house and picked up a quilt from Grams' room, made by her own hands nearly half a century earlier, and spread it over them.

When Harm awoke a little after dawn, the first thing that struck him was that there was no star looking at him and it made him all the sadder. Being an intelligent man, well versed in the happenings in the night sky, did little to placate him and he closed his eyes once more. Then it struck him that he was far warmer than he had expected and opened his eyes to see Grams' own quilt covering him and his daughter, providing warmth and comfort to them both.

Closing his eyes once more, he smiled; he didn't need to see a physical presence from his grandmother to know she was still with him, still comforting him.

"Aunty Mac," Nikki said quietly, patting Mac's arm. "Aunty Mac."  
"What's wrong, honey?" Mac asked, forcing her eyes opened.  
"Lily's not in her bed and the bed's cold," she said before looking to Harm's empty side of the bed. Mac followed her gaze.  
"She's probably with her daddy, Nikki. Why don't you go back to bed and I'll make sure everything's okay," Mac said, swinging her legs from under the covers.

It took her several minutes to find the pair and as she stood by the back door she had to wonder what had gone on during the night.  
"I put the quilt on them about two this morning," AJ explained, coming from behind her. "Hope it's alright that I used Grams' quilt."  
"It's more than okay," Mac said, kissing his cheek before saying good morning. "Any idea what time they went out there?"  
"About half one, I think," he said stifling a yawn. "Think they'd been in Grams' room first and then in the kitchen before I went out."

Mac shook her head, surprised she hadn't realised Harm was missing all that time but thinking he may have planned it that way given he had positioned his pillows in a manner where his sleeping wife might believe it was him.  
"Are you going to leave them?" AJ asked, moving away from the door and Mac nodded, just happy they were drawing comfort from each other and were actually getting some sleep.


	35. Chapter 35

Disclaimer: Not mine

Tuesday dawned bright and warm and Mac was thankful for the morning service and burial, knowing they'd be home before the harsh heat of the summer's day. Showered and dressed in her robe, Mac stood at her wardrobe trying to decide what to wear. The two outfits she'd narrowed it down to the day before now seemed inappropriate and she was at a loss as to what to wear.  
"Does staring at it help?" Harm asked having watched her from the door for the past minute.  
"Nope," she replied, her eyes not leaving her clothes.  
"What's the problem?" he asked, walking across to her.  
"Don't know what to wear," she said, turning to look at him. "And before you say it, yes, I know I had this same problem yesterday. And, yes, I had narrowed it down."  
"So, what's wrong with those?" he asked, pointing to the two chosen outfits hanging on the back of the door.  
"I don't know," she replied, turning her attention to the wardrobe once more. "Just don't seem right."

Harm moved to hug and kiss his wife before picking up his clothes for the day; his dress whites, the uniform his grandmother adored him in. Mac smiled, she had her answer. If Harm was wearing his dress whites then she'd wear her service Charlie uniform. It would feel odd wearing it again but she was wearing something similar when she first said hello to Harm's grandmother and so it was fitting that she'd be wearing it to say goodbye.

In ample time, everyone was dressed and ready to leave for the cemetery, all except Lily who really didn't want to go. In the end, Harriet had volunteered to stay behind with Nikki and the child and so the others piled into two cars and disappeared from view. Harriet had a strong feeling that Lily really did want to go but was just a little scared, so she took her by the hand and sat down with her at the kitchen table.  
"Your Grams was a wonderful lady, wasn't she, honey?" Harriet opened with and Lily nodded. "She was always doing things with you and for you."  
"Yes, she was," said Lily tearfully, not really believing her mom and dad had left her behind.  
"What was the best thing about her?" Harriet asked and slowly Lily moved from her seat to Harriet's lap.  
"Her smile," Lily said, resting her head on Harriet's shoulder. "Whenever I saw her she'd always smile at me, no matter what I had been doing. I'm going to miss her smile."  
Harriet kissed her head.  
"And I'm going to miss her baking...and her cooking...she's much better than mom," she continued of her own accord. "And ..."  
"And what, Lil?" Harriet asked, holding her a little tighter.  
"I'm just sorry I didn't get to say goodbye," she said, wiping her hand across her face.  
"Well, that's what today's about, Lily. It's about coming together with family and friends and all saying goodbye to Grams," Harriet explained gently.  
"And now I missed out on that too," she said as Harriet rubbed her back.  
"It's not too late," Harriet said. "If we leave right now we'll be there in time for the service."  
Lily was out the backdoor and running towards the car before Harriet had even stood up.

The minister had just begun to talk as Harriet pulled her car up in the churchyard but being too far away, and too absorbed in everything else, neither Harm nor Mac realised. Entwining her fingers with Lily's, Harriet held on tight, not wanting the child to disrupt proceedings. As she looked across at the gathering of forty or so people, she saw that AJ was on Harry duty while Colin seemed to be on Rosie duty both wandering nearby with their charges. Mattie, holding Frankie, Trish and Frank sat in the chairs by the grave, while Harm was too edgy to sit so he remained standing near the minister and Mac stood with him.

The first of Grams' favourite songs, Amazing Grace, was sung by the church songstress and Mac drew a deep breath, she always cried during this song and that was without it being at a funeral.  
"Love you," Harm whispered, kissing her head.

When the song had concluded, Paul Anderson offered prayers of thanksgiving for the life of Sarah Elizabeth Rabb. He spoke of a kind, compassionate woman who gave far more in life than she ever received. He spoke of her service to the community during her life. He spoke of the hardships she had endured and overcome.

Listening intently, Harm wasn't aware of his daughter's presence until she slipped her hand into his free hand and squeezed it. Bending down, Harm kissed her head and wrapped his arm around her, holding her as close as possible.

Ave Maria was the next hymn which rang out and Lily took the opportunity to turn around and hug her daddy. Still not quite believing the pine box in front of her contained the body of her beloved Grams.  
"How are you doing, baby?" Harm whispered and Lily's response was to put her arms up to be held by him.

Obliging, Harm let go of his wife's hand to pick up his daughter but once she was settled in his arms, his hand found Mac's once more.

All too soon, Paul called on Harm to say a few words and though he'd rehearsed it in his head, it all seemed a bit fuzzy at the moment.  
"Thank you all for coming today," Harm started, Lily still in his arms, her head resting against his. "I know Grams would appreciate it. As you all know, Grams was a pretty amazing lady and there are so many things I could say about her but I'm guessing you already know it, which is why you are here with us today...So, let me share with you one of my favourite memories... I was 9 and here for the summer holidays, which was a regular thing. My dad, Grams' son, went MIA when I was 5 and I don't think either of us really got over that. Anyway, I spent that particular summer here and was asking Grams all these questions about my dad...wanted to know all the details of his childhood, what he liked doing, what he didn't like doing, how his life changed when his own dad was killed in action during WWII. Grams was patient with me, like she usually was. She answered all the best she could and created this wonderful picture for me of the man we both loved and desperately missed. At the time, I remember thinking it was my god given right to ask anything and everything I liked but as I got older I realised just how painful a task it would have been to sit there day after day with me and answer all my questions. Losing my dad was probably more painful for her than for me, after all, she'd known and loved him a lot longer than me, but she still did everything she could to help me through my grieving process. That pretty much summed up Grams. No matter what the cost to herself, she was there for others, whether it be me, my family, her friends or neighbours. Nothing was ever too much trouble, nothing was ever expected in return. I, for one am going to miss her terribly but as Grams always said, life goes on and it will for all of us. I just ask that you take a piece of her with you in your heart and keep her memory alive. I know I will, she's right here," he said, tapping his chest above his heart. "Always has been, always will be. Thank you."

Stepping backwards, Harm was tenderly embraced by his wife who couldn't help the tears which fell during his speech. Long after the minister continued to speak, Mac held Harm close.

When the service had concluded and the coffin had been lowered, Harm and Mac helped their children to throw flowers and soil onto the coffin and say their own goodbyes. Frankie just gurgled but Mac was sure Grams would understand her precious boy.  
"Bye, bye, Grams," Harry said tossing in the soil and then leaning over to see where it had landed, Colin grabbed the back of his shirt quickly to avoid him toppling in. "More! More!" he said, before throwing more dirt.  
"Bye, Grams," Rosie said, having been coached by Mattie. She threw in her flower and then wanted it back. Rather than have her climb in after it, Mattie handed her a second one before throwing one in for herself and whispering 'goodbye'.

Standing by the grave, Mac closed her eyes and said a silent thank you before kissing the daisy in her hand and throwing it in, wiping her eyes as she stepped away and into Trish's open arms. Harm followed her and just stared at the pine box below. There was so much he wanted to say but no final words would come so he stood there, holding up the line of mourners who were following him, none of them minded.  
"It's time to say goodbye, daddy," Lily said, taking his hand in one while using the other to throw in her flower. "Goodbye, Grams," she said stoically, ignoring her falling tears. "I love you so much and I'm going to miss you heaps. I promise to look after daddy for you."  
"Bye, Grams," Harm said quietly, scooping his daughter up and holding her close, more to comfort himself than her.

Standing to the side, Harm and Mac thanked the mourners as they filed past the grave. Hugs and kisses abounded as they accepted the words of sympathy and praise for the woman they had just buried. All too soon it was time to leave the cemetery to return to the house and as Mac buckled the last of her children into the car, she turned to find Harm back at the grave once more, standing alone, head hung low.

Before she could go to him, Trish appeared by his side and slipped her arm around his waist. For a few minutes there was only the sound of their tears before Harm spoke.  
"Guess that's the end of an era, isn't it?" he said, taking a deep breath. "The last of the Rabbs."  
"No, it's not," Trish reminded him. "You're a Rabb...and over there you have a new generation of Rabbs, the line lives on."  
"But it's not the same," he said quietly.  
"I know it's not," she said, pulling him closer. "But it's the future and not the past and Grams would want you to live in the past."  
"I know," he agreed, closing his eyes one last time before opening them, whispering 'goodbye' and walking away with his mother.  
"You okay?" Mac asked as he came over to the car.  
"Yeah," he said with a sigh as he wrapped his arms around her and gently kissed her lips. "I'm ready to go ... take me home?"  
"Any day," she replied, kissing him back before opening the passenger door for him and helping him in.

Back at the house, things were far more upbeat, chatter, laughter, Grams favourite music ringing out and the squeals of children playing brightened the mood somewhat. Mac had slipped upstairs to change, as too had Harm. Mac chose khaki three quarter pants and a summery white shirt; the same outfit Grams had loved on her only the week before. Harm stepped back from the wardrobe in time to see that he had put on pretty much the same outfit, Mac could only laugh.  
"Guess I should change," he said, opening his wardrobe door once more.  
"No, don't," Mac said closing it before wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. Solid arms wrapped around her and held her close. This is what she needed right now. Yes, she had four children downstairs who needed her attention. Yes, there was a houseful of people who needed to be fed but right now the most important thing was a few precious minutes in her husband's arms in the quietness of their bedroom.

Eventually, Harm kissed the top of her head before tilting her face up and gently kissing her lips.  
"Guess we can't hide up here all afternoon," Mac said with a sigh and Harm nodded.  
"No, we can't," he replied, kissing her once more.  
"Sooner we go down the sooner it will all be over," she said, a little reluctant to let him go.  
"Yeah," he replied, not all that sure about letting his wife go either.  
"Promise me will have an early night and resume this," she said, caressing his face.  
"Promise," he replied before taking her hand and leading her downstairs.

The afternoon was full of food, friends and family. Harriet, Mattie and Trish took over the kitchen and stopped Mac doing anything but being with her husband. The girls were sitting playing Nikki's Nintendo DS while Colin and Frank mingled with mourners chatting about Grams before moving onto farming techniques and best suppliers. Harm and Mac sat on the porch sofa, Harm holding onto his youngest son, even though he was sound asleep and Mac had offered, more than once, to put him to bed.

AJ had taken it upon himself to look after the twins and having ensured they were well fed and watered, was in the process of running them ragged in the hope they'd have an afternoon nap. It didn't really seem to be working for him, so he switched his plans in the hope they'd go to bed early.  
"Harmon," Mrs Anderson said, taking his hand. "I know this has all been very hard for you but your grandmother spoke to me Monday of last week and asked me to make sure you don't grieve for too long."  
"She actually told you that?" Harm asked surprised.  
"Yes, she did," Mrs Anderson replied. "She went on to say that you have to remember you have a wife, four young children and Rabb Runways to look after and she doesn't want you wasting time mourning her. She had a long, happy life and now you just have to get on with things."

Harm smiled; the words may have been coming from Mrs Anderson's mouth but he could clearly hear his grandmother's voice. It was just like her to set the ground rules for him.  
"Promise me," Mrs Anderson said. "Sarah told me to make sure you promised me. She said you never made a promise you didn't keep."  
"I promise," he said, squeezing her hand; though he knew it may be one of the harder promises to keep.


	36. Chapter 36

Disclaimer: Not mine

By the end of the week, Harriet, Nikki and AJ, Trish and Frank had returned to their respective homes and as Harm lay there in the early light of Friday morning, he knew that this was the first time they were there on their own. Looking down at his wife, he was surprised to see her thumb in her mouth. Gently, he extracted it before linking his fingers with hers and squeezing it, hoping to give her the comfort she seemed to need.

Getting up when he heard his son's hungry cries, he'd fed Frankie and was burping him when Mac appeared in the living room.  
"How are my favourite boys?" she asked, padding across the room and kissing both their heads.  
"We're good," he replied, lifting his head to claim her lips. "How are you?"  
"I'm doing okay," she said, taking the cloth and cleaning her son's face. "Feels a bit strange to have the place to ourselves."  
"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing," he said, handing Frankie over to Mac for their good morning cuddle. "Can I get you some breakfast?"  
"What did you have in mind?" she asked, not sure what she was in the mood for.  
"What do you feel like?" he questioned, not too sure what he felt like. When Mac shrugged, Harm smiled; "Guess I'll go take a look, see what catches my eye."

Within half an hour, there were ricotta and berry pancakes for two served on the back porch with fresh orange juice and hot coffee.  
"Looks yummy," said Mac as she placed Frankie in his pram at the bottom of the porch steps so he could catch the warm rays of the early morning.

Breakfast was very yummy indeed and Mac was finishing her coffee when Colin and Mattie appeared from the house. After greetings were exchanged, Harm disappeared into the kitchen to make breakfast for the newcomers while Mattie and Colin sat and chatted to Mac, Colin laying out his plans for the day which involved servicing some of the machinery and a trip into Charlesville to get spare parts for the bobcat which had spluttered and stalled several times when he had used it last.

Mattie had no real plans and offered to help him but Mac intervened.  
"Um, maybe you could ask Harm to help," she said, looking at Colin. "He could do with some distraction at the moment... and physical labour wouldn't hurt."  
Colin nodded in understanding. "I'll ask him when he comes out."  
"Ask me what?" Harm questioned, coming through the door with a tray in his hand.  
"I needed your help with a few things I have on today and I wanted to know, from Mac, whether it was appropriate to ask you...given the events of the week," Colin said, manipulating the truth just a little. "Mac said I needed to talk to you and I said..."  
"I'll ask him when he comes out," Harm said, repeating the words he'd first heard.  
"Well, yeah," Colin said, looking briefly at Mac.  
"Is it okay with you?" Harm asked, looking at Mac.  
"Fine with me," she said, taking Mattie's hand. "Mattie offered to help me with the kids today, suggested we take them to Lonsdale for a play in the park and to get some ice cream for a special treat."  
"Yeah," agreed Mattie, although it was the first she was hearing about it. "They have a killer boysenberry ripple."

Happy enough that the plans for the day seemed to be set, Harm nodded and Colin smiled.  
"Great, I need to head to Charlesville for parts, was planning on doing that first. Interested?" he said to Harm and he nodded.  
"Yeah, sounds like a plan," Harm said before leaving them to their breakfast while he headed upstairs to shower and change.

And so life moved on.

There were tears and laughter, happy stories and quiet remembrances. Lily spent hours in the kitchen trying to perfect Grams' recipes with either Mac or Mattie, Harm threw himself into Rabb Runways while Colin worked on the farm and on putting the roof on his new home. Harry and Rosie both still looked for Grams but it wasn't as often. Frankie was growing and even though he was such a happy baby, Mac swore he smiled every time he passed Grams' picture. The only thing that hadn't changed was Grams' bedroom, for now it would be left untouched.

With summer moving into fall, Lily returned to school and Mac put into place home pre-schooling for the twins, determined living on the farm wasn't going to disadvantage them academically. Legally, Grams' estate was sorted and finalised, the farm and farmhouse was officially Harm's and his first act was to put it in their joint names, needing the house to become Mac's should anything happen to him.

The major concern Harm had in the first weeks after Grams' death was Mac and namely her thumb sucking. He'd seen it seven times, and each time it was after she'd had a rough day with the kids, or him, or her health. While he wanted to discuss it with her he wasn't all too sure how she'd respond and so he put it off. Then after little sleep the night before due to Frankie having croup, and a hard day for the same reason, Mac fell asleep and soon her thumb was in her mouth.

In the morning, Harm found her in the kitchen wiggling and examining her thumb.  
"What's up?" he asked, rocking Frankie in his arms.  
"My thumb's sore," she replied. "Was one of the kids in with us last night?"  
"No," he replied. "Why?"  
"Seems to be bite marks on it," she said, shaking her head.  
"That was you," Harm replied, deciding now was as good a time as any.  
"Me? I don't think so," she said with a laugh.  
"Mac, you've been sucking your thumb in your sleep," he said gently and immediately she spun to look at him.  
"I have not!" she exclaimed indignantly before storming off.

From her response, Harm knew he had hit a nerve. Usually when he called her on something related to her sleep – drooling, talking, hogging the covers, her response was to say, "Did I?" and laugh it off. This was very different.

Following her path, he found her sitting at the small table they'd set up in the living room organising the twins things for the morning.  
"Mac," he said cautiously, not sure of the reception he'd get. "Can we talk about it?"  
"About what?" she spat. "There is nothing to talk about. I do not suck my thumb!"

And that was it; conversation was over.

It was a rough morning all around. Harm had taken Frankie down to the airfield with him; the office already set up and open for business. However, the child was still not well and his barking cough meant Harm spent most of his time nursing him. At least, Harm rationalised when Mattie commented on it, it meant Mac was getting a break. By the end of the morning, Mattie had a Frankie induced headache and it as of no surprise that she opted to work on the house with Colin in the afternoon.

As Mac tried to work on the counting activity she'd found online with Rosie, Harry thought drawing on himself with markers was a better use of time. Looking up from the computer, she saw the Picasso like designs on his arms and she growled so loudly at him that Rosie also burst into tears.

Taking the child by the arm, she took him to the bathroom and scrubbed his arms clean, using a little more force than Harry was used to. Harry's cries did nothing to help Mac's mood and when Rosie tried to stop her, she marched them both upstairs and to their room, reasoning that she probably needed the time out for over reacting more than the twins did.

It was Mattie, coming in to organise lunch, who found Mac sitting on Grams' bed crying.  
"Hey, hey," she said gently, quietly entering the room. "What's wrong, Mac?"  
"Nothing," she snapped, swiping at her face.

Realising she wasn't going to get anything from her; Mattie wrapped her arms around Mac and held her close.  
"Sorry, Mattie," Mac finally said. "I didn't mean to snap at you."  
"That's okay. Is there anything I can do to help?" she asked, rubbing Mac's shoulder.  
Mac shook her head before reconsidering. "Maybe you can go check on the twins. They're in their bedroom."

Up the stairs and into their bedroom, Mattie found the two sitting on the floor playing with a set of blocks. One look at their faces told her they'd been crying too.  
"Hey, guys," she said kneeling down with them.  
"Mommy mad," said Harry tearfully.  
"Mommy yelled...loud!" added Rosie, handing Mattie a block.  
"Did she?" Mattie said, not willing to pass judgement. Both nodded. "Okay, well, it's nearly lunch time so how about you play up here a bit longer." Both nodded again.

Downstairs, Mac was organising lunch and had the bread out and a range of fillings.  
"They're playing quietly," Mattie said, startling Mac and causing her to spill the milk she was pouring. "Let me clean that."

Twenty minutes later, after Colin, Harm and Frankie had returned, they sat down for lunch and it was all rather subdued. With Frankie finally sleeping, Harm placed him in his pram while he ate and scolded Harry for squealing when he thought it would wake the sick infant. Harry's response was to burst into tears; he wasn't used to having mommy and daddy cross with him and on the same day.  
"I think everyone could do with a nap," Mattie said, clearing away her plate and glass. Harm shrugged, Frankie hadn't slept more than thirty minutes at a time and he knew he wouldn't get much of a nap. "And I'll take Frankie for a bit."  
"No, it's okay," Mac said, standing up, but the tears in her eyes told their own story and instantly Harm was on his feet.  
"Sounds like a good idea, thanks, Mats," he said, taking the twins upstairs. He had no idea what had gone on but he knew with Frankie's coughing no one had had much sleep lately.

Tucking them into bed, Harm kissed and caressed them and soon they were asleep. Mattie took Frankie out to the mobile home with her so she could work on her computer and Colin returned to work on the house.  
"Please come and take a nap with me," Harm said, holding out his hand to his reluctant wife. "Please," he repeated and Mac nodded; she needed a sleep, she needed a long, uninterrupted sleep and she needed it now.

Almost asleep when Mac came into the bedroom from the bathroom, Harm watched with half an eye open as she tried to contort herself in the bed. It was obvious to him she was trying to put herself in a position where she wouldn't suck her thumb. Knowing that nothing would really work and sure she wouldn't talk about it, Harm opened his eyes and propped himself up on his elbow.  
"Think you could slip in here so I can hold you?" he questioned and Mac sighed and nodded.

Moving backwards, until her back was against the expanse of his chest, Mac waited for Harm's arms to lock around her and it soon came.  
"Tighter," she whispered, knowing with his pressure against her arms she wouldn't be able to move them.

Harm obliged and kissed the back of her head and shoulder. "I love you, Sarah," he whispered before kissing her once more.

Hearing a sniffle, he kissed her again. "I'm here if you want to talk," he said gently. "About anything."  
"I know," she replied, trying to use the pillow to dry her tears.  
"Please tell me what's wrong," he said when silence had filled the room once more.  
"It's not what you think," she said and Harm frowned, he wasn't sure what he was thinking. "It isn't."  
"Then what is it?" he asked, pulling her closer.  
"My thumb, I don't suck it," she said so quietly Harm had to strain to hear her.  
"Okay," he replied, although it certainly looked like sucking to him.  
"It started when my mother abandoned me," she started and Harm stilled, they hadn't had this conversation before. "I really didn't believe she was gone, permanently, and I argued with dad day after day, night after night. I guess I did it once too often or he'd had one drink to many and he grabbed my hand and pulled my thumb back...god, it hurt," she said recalling the sharp pain which shot through her at the time. "I remember thinking he'd broken it but, when he let go and went out drinking, I could move it but it was really, really sore. I remembered reading or hearing somewhere about cold compresses but I didn't dare open the fridge or freezer, he always knew, so I sucked on it. The next day there was bruising and swelling and I told the teacher I caught it in the door. Don't know whether she believed me but she didn't say anything else. And that night and the next few I sucked it to try and stop the pain."

Harm nodded and kissed her shoulder.  
"Do you think that's what you're doing now?" he asked, tugging her around to face him. "Trying to stop the pain?"  
Mac shrugged tearfully. "I don't know...maybe."  
Harm tilted his head and looked at her, trying to get a read on what she was thinking.  
"I miss her so much," she whispered, burying her face in his neck and Harm wasn't too sure it was just Grams she was talking about.

Harm pulled her closer and kissed her head a few times before declaring his love repeatedly.  
"I can't bring her back, gorgeous," he said tearfully as he hooked his finger under her chin and raised her head. "But I promise I will try and be everything you will ever need."  
"You all ready are," she whispered, snaking her arm around his neck and holding him tightly. "You're everything I will ever want or need. I love you so much."

Harm pulled her as close as was physically possible before pulling up the covers and creating a warm, safe cocoon for her. In the quietness of the room he softly crooned her favourite song for her children; "Hush little baby, don't say a word, papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird" and soon she was asleep.

As he lay there, Harm looked at the four walls surrounding him and thought about what this room had seen over the years. It was the bedroom of his great grandparents, the room where his grandfather, Georg was born. It was the bedroom of his grandparents, the room where his own father was born. It was a room which had seen joy and pain, laughter and tears. It was the room which always held the eldest Rabb, and now that was him.

On the wall to his left, he saw their enlarged copy of the photo from Grams' 90th birthday, its frame matching the photos of their wedding and children's baby photos. A mismatched frame nearby was of Harm with his father and another on Grams and Georg taken a million years ago, possibly on the occasion of their engagement.

The wall told the life of this house, this room, his heritage and for the first time since Grams passed, Harm truly smiled. Through triumph and tragedy, through love and loss, life went on. And just like those before him, this place would remain steadfast and life on the farm would go on.

-  
AN: And that's where we leave the farm. I'm not sure about others but I have fallen in love with this particular family and plan to keep revisiting them.

A special thanks to all who have read and commented, I appreciate your enthusiasm for the story.

However, as there's been a big drop in readers / reviews on this site and I'm not sure if it's a timing thing, a decrease in JAG readers or just a lack of interest, it may jus tbe posted on HBX. I will let you know when I'm up to post it though and won't leave you hanging.


	37. Chapter 37

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: Usually I don't start posting until most or all of the story's done but I'm 8 chapters in and so I figured I'd put this up earlier than I anticipated. (Remember the initial stories - 36 Hours and Change are the precusors to this story)

A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless New Zealand. Thoughts and prayers are with all in Christchurch xox**_

_**-**_  
And so life moved on. Lily turned nine. Mattie and Colin's house was near completion. Rabb's Runways was operational and they now had two of their own planes and provided hangar space to three light planes. Additionally, they had six clients taking flying lessons and bookings for a couple of joy flights in the coming weeks.

With all the positives came the negatives.

Rosie had experienced frequent earaches, each increasing in severity and driving them all to distraction with her pain induced screaming at night. On top of which, Mac had been experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety which she was trying to hide. With her hormones out of kilter, she found the constant mood swings difficult to cope with and at first tried to convince herself it was nothing.

Unfortunately as Rosie earaches became more persistent and a lack of sleep was added to the equation, Mac's behaviour became more obvious. All through it, Harm tried to be supportive, he held her close when she allowed it, gave her space when she needed it. He tried to talk to her but each time she shot him down.

The one night he had cornered her in their bedroom and tried to force the issue, was the only time she had ever hit him, after which she spent the night on the sofa. The first time in their 10 year marriage they had voluntarily slept apart.

The next day things weren't much better.

"Daddy," Lily said, tugging on his arm in the early hours of the morning. "Daddy."  
"What's up, Lil?" he asked, opening one eye.  
"Mom is in the living room and she's crying," Lily reported, her eyes filling with tears.  
"How do you know?" he asked, sitting up and swinging his legs out.  
"I went to get a drink and I heard her," she said, "But I didn't go in because I didn't want her to yell at me again."  
"Again?" he questioned with alarm. He had never heard Mac yell at one of the children. "When did she yell at you?"  
"Last night when I was doing my homework and I knocked over my drink," she said quietly. "She said I was very naughty and needed to behave and not be so clumsy and stupid."

With a glance at the clock, Harm sent Lily back to bed for another hour's sleep before she was due to be up before heading downstairs to see what state his wife was in.

Pausing by the door, Harm spied her curled up in the corner of the sofa, breaking her heart crying and then watched as Mac grabbed another tissue from the box and tried to stifle her tears, it didn't help.

Taking a deep breath, Harm opened the door fully before padding across the room and kneeling down in front of her. Not really knowing what to say and not wanting to say the wrong thing and make matters even worse, Harm went for the three words which would always remain true regardless of anything and everything else,  
"I love you," he whispered, as he took a tissue and wiped her face. "I love you with all my heart."  
Mac sniffled.  
"Will you let me sit next to you and hold you?" he asked, not wanting to presume anything anymore.  
Mac nodded.

Quickly, Harm positioned himself on the sofa and wrapped his arms around his wife. To his relief she collapsed into him and tangled her fingers in his tee to keep him close.  
"Shh," he soothed as her tears continued. "Shh..." He was about to say 'everything will be okay' but he stopped himself as the truth was he didn't know. So he fell silent and spent his time kissing her head and rubbing her back.

It took fifteen minutes before either spoke.  
"I yelled at Lily last night," Mac said, swiping at her tears. "And she looked at me with her big brown eyes filled with tears and I felt like such a bitch ... I promised myself I would never raise my voice at them and then I did... and she had this look of ...of... I don't know what of. I don't think she knew. I sure as hell don't know who I am ... I don't like who I am... don't like what I do...and ... and ... Oh, Harm, I'm so sorry I yelled at our baby girl." Her tears fell harder.  
"Shh, shh," he said, scooping her up and putting her in his lap so he could wrap her in a cocoon of himself and soothe her torments away. "It's okay...it's okay," he said squeezing her tighter. "We'll make it better, I promise," he vowed letting his tears drip into her hair. "We'll make it better."

Time for them stood still as they remained curled on the sofa, Mac trying to gain some control, Harm trying to soothe her. They were oblivious to anything else but the sadness she was dwelling in right now. It wasn't until Mattie walked in forty five minutes later they realised just how much time had passed.  
"Oh, sorry!" Mattie said quickly as she took in the scene in front of her. "I didn't expect anyone to be in here."  
"That's okay, Mats," Harm said with a weak smile. "You're up early?"  
"No earlier than usual," she replied, glancing at the wall clock.  
"Oops," Harm said, "We didn't realise that was the time. Is Lily up?"  
"I don't think so," she replied. "Everything's very quiet. Is...ah...is everything alright?"

Harm looked down at Mac and she nodded briefly.  
"Yeah," she managed. "It will be."  
"Okay," Mattie said slowly, knowing by Mac's response that it meant things weren't alright right now. "I'll get Lily up and organised and then I can take the little ones with me to Charlesville to pick up that stationery order..."  
"Thanks but I don't think that's necessary," Mac said before looking up at Harm.  
"I think it's a good idea," Harm whispered. "It will give us a chance to talk properly and get a bit of uninterrupted sleep."  
Mac nodded. "Okay, it'd be great if you could have them for a bit, Mattie – thanks."

For a while longer Harm and Mac sat in their little corner of the world and it wasn't until Mac heard Lily chatting to Mattie as they ate breakfast that she made a move. Peeling herself away from Harm she took a moment to try and make herself a little more presentable but knew her daughter would see right through her attempt.  
"Hey, pumpkin," she said as brightly as she could as she leant over to kiss her head.  
"Hi, mom," Lily said quietly, her eyes staying focused on her bowl of cereal.  
"Did you sleep well?" Mac asked, looking at her tired face.  
"Yes, mom," she replied, chancing a glance at Mattie.  
"Lily, can you look at me, please?" Mac asked and slowly Lily turned her head to be looking at her mother. "That's better," she said, reaching out and smoothing the child's hair. "Lily, I just want to say how sorry I am for yelling at you last night. I know you're not clumsy or stupid and I know you weren't being naughty, that it was an accident and I'm so very sorry."

Lily nodded still very unsure about her mother and the person she had become in recent weeks.  
"I love you very much, Lily," Mac said, fighting to keep her tears at bay. "And I am sorry."  
"I know, mom," she replied with a degree of weariness not usually seen in someone so young. "I know it's the hormones making you not like you...I just wish they'd go away and let the nice you come back."

Mac bit down on her bottom lip and nodded. She had thought she had controlled it all quite well but, if her nine year old daughter could see it, it meant she hadn't controlled it well at all.

"Me too," she muttered tearfully, standing and kissing the child's head before disappearing into the kitchen.

Watching the scene play out from the doorway, Harm moved into the dining area and kissed both of his girls.  
"How are my girls this morning?" he said overly brightly.  
"Good thanks, Harm," Mattie said, offering him a supportive smile.  
"And you, baby?" he asked when Lily failed to respond.  
"I'm okay, daddy," she said, standing up from the table. "But I'm going to be late."

Picking up her bowl, Lily took one step towards the kitchen before she realised that was where her mom had gone. Looking from the kitchen door to her dad, she didn't know what to do or what to say. Harm decided to help her out.  
"I'm going in there," he said gesturing towards the room in question. "I can take your bowl."  
"Thanks, dad," she said handing it to him before disappearing up the stairs.

Turning around, Harm looked at Mattie and just shook his head; when did it all get so hard. After the move to the farm, after Frankie arrived and the hysterectomy was performed, things were supposed to be easier. They were supposed to be living their dream, not existing in this precarious place.

When he finally walked into the kitchen he found Mac sitting on the floor.  
"She hates me," were her first words.  
"No, she doesn't," Harm said crouching down beside her. "She's just a bit confused and a bit sad that her mommy is sad."  
"She hasn't called me mommy in weeks," Mac said taking Harm's hand as he helped her to stand.  
"She's growing up," he reminded her as he kissed her cheek.  
"But you still get daddy and I just get mom," she said, fretting that her current wellbeing may have damaged her strong and beautiful relationship with her eldest daughter.

Pulling her into a hug, Harm kissed her head. "She loves you, Mac," Harm reassured her. "She loves you very much."  
Mac just sighed.

She wasn't fairing much better when Harm returned from walking Lily down the drive for the school bus, nor when Colin and Mattie buckled the three youngest Rabbs into Harm's car for a trip to Charlesville.  
"Why don't you go have a nice hot shower and I'll make us a good breakfast and then we can chat?" Harm suggested, as he hugged her.

Twenty minutes later, Mac reappeared wearing sweats and bare feet, even though it was mid October. Her hair was still damp and the dark circles under her eyes seemed much darker than Harm had expected.  
"How do you feel?" he asked as he pulled the chair out for her.  
"Tired," she said with a sigh, sitting down. "I just feel tired."

Breakfast was scrambled eggs on toast with orange juice. When Mac went to get up without eating, Harm looked at her curiously.  
"Coffee," she said, heading towards the kitchen but Harm took her hand and shook his head.  
"Given sleep is on the agenda for today, do you think caffeine is a good thing?" he asked and Mac shrugged.  
"I guess not," she said, returning to her seat.

Little was said as they ate as Harm wondered how they were going to talk about this when nothing but silence surrounded them. It was only after he'd finished eating and Mac pushed her plate away when only halfway through her meal, she told him of their plans.  
"Do you mind if we talk in bed?" she asked, pushing herself up off her chair. "I'm just exhausted."  
"Sounds like a good idea," he replied, looking from her to her plate. "Can I get you something else? You didn't eat much."  
"Not really hungry, but thanks for the offer," she said, stretching her hand out to him.

Harm wasn't really sure how this talk was going to pan out. He didn't know if he should sit up in bed, lie down, attempt to hold her, give her space. So instead he excused himself and went into the bathroom and wasted time until Mac had settled herself in bed and gave him a clue as to what he should do.

Returning five minutes later, Harm found Mac dressed in one of his tees, buried deep under the covers on his side of the bed. If nothing else, it told him she was in need of his comfort and that was the starting point he needed.

Toeing off his shoes, Harm unbuttoned his jeans and left them on the armchair before edging himself onto his side of the bed in the small amount of room that was left, wrapping Mac in his arms.  
"Tighter," she whispered and he increased the pressure. "Tighter," she repeated."  
"Gorgeous, if I hold you any tighter I'll break something," he whispered, kissing her head.  
"Don't care," she replied. Right now she was feeling too much and too little and despite everything else running through her body and her mind she knew she trusted Harm and she just wanted to feel him and nothing else.  
"Okay," he replied, holding her closer still and rolling her backwards slightly so she could feel more of his weight on her.

Long minutes later, Harm decided it was time to get the ball rolling.  
"Mac, are you able to tell me what's going on?" he asked, nuzzling into her neck and dropping a kiss on her shoulder.  
"I'm a mess," she admitted. "And I'm so sorry..."  
"No, Mac, there's no apologising...there's no blame here," he said gently as he stroked her face.  
"But I'm the problem...I'm the one causing all the problems," she said despondently.

The problem with depression is that telling a person they've got it wrong doesn't help. It devalues the feelings they're experiencing and often makes matters worse. Harm knew this but he found it incredibly hard to hear Mac say such things and not contradict her. Taking a deep breath and fighting against his instincts, Harm tried a different tack.  
"What problems are they?" he asked, wanting her to articulate the issues.  
"Me being like this," she started, her eyes closed so she wouldn't have to look into his sympathetic eyes. "I'm always tired...my patience with the kids...with you...with everything is worn thin...I do everything I think I need to but I know my heart's not in it..."  
"Why do you think that is?" Harm asked, his heart breaking with each word being spoken.  
"Menopause..." she said, "I think it's menopause anyway...maybe post partum depression ... Lily says it's my hormones...and she's probably right ..."  
"How long have you felt this way?" Harm asked, raking his fingers through her hair.  
"A couple of months," she replied quietly. "At first I put it down to Grams dying and just being grief...but she passed three months ago and things have just gone from bad to worse."  
"Why didn't you tell me?" he questioned. There'd been so many times he had tried to talk to her about this but she'd spun him some story or brushed him off and although he knew this he had never pushed her on it, thinking he was helping her. How wrong he was.  
"Don't know," she said honestly. "Didn't want you to stop loving me..."  
"That will never happen," he said quickly, brushing a kiss across her lips.  
"I know," she replied. "But I thought it anyway... and at times I thought maybe I was losing my mind and I didn't want you to say I was."  
"Mac, gorgeous," he interjected. "You're not losing your mind..."  
"I know," she replied. "At least on my good days I know...I'm just so tired ... and Rose doesn't help matters. She's had a blasted ear infection five times in two months and I know it's not her fault but, god, help me, I can't stand the screaming."

Harm nodded; the child's anguished high pitched screaming when in pain was piercing and hard enough to take when you were well, when you weren't it was excruciating. Worse still, Harm had the uneasy feeling they were headed down the same track as Rose was grouchy that morning and pulling at her right ear. He needed to prepare her.  
"I think Rose is developing another one...she was pulling at her right ear this morning," he said, holding Mac closer.  
"Oh no," she sighed. "Not again."  
"Maybe it's time we see if we can get her an appointment with the paediatric ENT at Bethesda," he suggested, knowing they'd be heading that way as soon as he could get Mac to agree to see Dr Mollison again.  
"Yeah, it is," Mac agreed. "Her language is starting to suffer and she's definitely falling behind Harry's development."  
"I'd noticed that too," he said. "I'll call the doctor and see if he can give us a referral."  
"Okay," she said, nestling in closer to him.  
"And what are we going to do about you?" he asked gently, hoping for a positive response.  
"I made an appointment with Dr Mollison but it's not until mid-December," she said, closing her eyes.  
"Why the delay?" he asked, stroking her hair. "Did you tell the receptionist it was an emergency?"  
"No," she replied. "I didn't think it was an emergency at the time."  
"And now?" he questioned, crossing his fingers.  
"Now ... I think it might be," she said with a yawn.

Nothing else was said as Harm held her close until she fell asleep. When he was sure she was sound asleep, he reached back and grabbed his cell before scrolling through to the Bethesda's number for Dr Mollison's clinic. After several rings the receptionist answered.  
"Hello, is Commander Harmon Rabb," he said, hoping his rank would give his call more weight. "I need to speak to Dr Mollison on an urgent matter."  
"Dr Mollison is currently in with a patient, can I take a message?" she asked.  
"Can you please ask her to call my cell at her earliest convenience, she has my number," he replied.

Seventeen minutes later his cell buzzed and he answered quietly so as not to wake his wife.  
"Thank you so much for returning my call, Dr Mollison. I am so sorry to disturb you," he said quickly.  
"What's wrong, Harm?" she asked concerned. Despite everything this couple had been through not once had either one called in as an emergency.  
"It's Mac..." he said and quietly he relayed the events of the conversation he had just had and the fact the nearest appointment was still six weeks away and that he felt they just couldn't wait that long.

Dr Mollison agreed and checked her schedule. "When do you have an appointment for Rose?" she checked.  
"Haven't got that far yet," he replied, closing his eyes, just happy to have Dr Mollison onside.  
"Let me see what I can do and I'll call you back soon."

It was fifteen minutes later when his cell buzzed once more.  
"Okay, Harm, here's what we can do..."  
Dr Mollison explained that while she could have fitted Mac in the following afternoon, which was Friday, that the paediatric ENT department didn't operate Mondays, Tuesdays or Fridays. She had, however, organised for them to see Rose first thing Tuesday morning before Dr Jacobs went into surgery and she could see Mac Monday afternoon, giving them a chance to drive in that morning and necessitating only one night in DC.

Harm had thanked her profusely before disconnecting the call.

Looking at the alarm clock on Mac's bedside table, he saw it was only 10:36 and closed his eyes. The next time he saw that alarm clock it was reading 4:06. Surprised at the time, he listened intently; he couldn't discern any noises which would indicate anyone had arrived home while he slept. Then the thought struck him; where was Lily? Usually someone met her at the end of the driveway at 3:30 and they were in the door by 3:45. Then something else struck him; the smell of double choc cookies – Mac's favourite.

Sliding carefully out of bed, Harm silently pulled on his jeans before slipping on his shoes. Trotting down the stairs he found Lily alone in the kitchen peering into the oven.  
"What are you doing, Lily?" he asked quietly.  
"Hi, daddy," she said turning around to reveal a face smeared in batter. "I'm making mommy's favourite cookies."  
"So I can see," he replied. "Why?"  
"Well, I was a bit worried when no one was there to meet me from the bus," she said wiping her hands on a cloth. "It's the first time no one's been there. But then I remembered Mattie and Colin were taking the kids with them and I figured you'd be working and mom wasn't well this morning so I thought she could be napping...so when I came in I checked upstairs and saw you were both asleep and thought that mom must be really sick or sad for you to be asleep with her...'cos when I'm sick you stay with me all day or night ... so I tried to think of something to make her feel better and then I remembered that Grams used to make mom these cookies when she was having all those problems with her uterus and so I thought I'd try to do the same..." she rambled before taking a deep breath.  
"That's a lot of thinking, pumpkin," he said, kissing her head.  
"I know," she said and Harm could only marvel at how mature and loving his beautiful nine year old daughter was. "Do you think it will work?"  
"Work?" he echoed, not quite sure what she meant.  
"Do you think it will make mommy feel better?" she asked with big soulful eyes.  
"I'm sure it will," he replied, kissing her nose. "Especially if you call her mommy too. I think she's missing that."  
Lily nodded. "Are you going to go back to bed too? I already poured you a milk."

Harm's reply was interrupted by his cell and he had a revised answer.  
"No, honey," he said. "That was Mattie and Rosie is sick again with an earache."  
"Oh no," Lily said, she knew what an earache meant for them all.  
"So, when they get back, I'm going to take Rosie straight to the doctor," he said. "But I'll have some when I get back."

He watched as Lily looked at the second glass of milk.  
"You could have my milk and cookies in bed with mommy," he said. "I'm sure she'd love it."  
Lily's face lit up. "Can I change into my pj's?" she asked. "I've got stuff all over these."  
"Sounds like a good idea," Harm replied. "Why don't you go and change now and I'll watch the cookies."  
Lily was half way up the stairs before she called back to him. "Make sure they don't burn, daddy!"  
"I won't," he replied with a chuckle. His daughter was certainly growing up.

Harm was taking the tray of cookies from the oven as Lily reappeared and he watched her inhale deeply. "They smell just like Grams'," she said proudly.  
"Yes, they do," he said grabbing a cookie from the tray and breaking it in half. Blowing on it to cool it quickly he handed a piece to his daughter before biting into his half. "And they taste as good too." Lily glowed.  
It took a few moments for Lily to arrange half a dozen misshapen cookies on a plate and to put the two glasses of milk and some napkins with it. Then she thought about the stairs.  
"Daddy, can you carry it up the stairs for me?" she asked and the moment he nodded, she raced up to the bedroom and slowly opened the door.

Not wanting to take away from all Lily's work, Harm slid the tray onto the bedside table and returned to stand by the door.  
"Mommy," Lily said quietly, gently shaking Mac. "Mommy, wake up."

Soon Mac's eyes fluttered open and she was surprised to find her daughter standing there dressed for bed. Shaking her head she realised it wasn't as late as she had initially thought but was still surprised she'd slept nearly six hours.  
"Mommy, I made you some double choc cookies...and I have some milk for you too," she said gesturing to the tray. "I thought it would make you feel better," she added earnestly. She was desperate for her mother to feel better and be more like herself.  
"Thank you, baby," Mac said, looking at the plate of cookies. "You know what would make me feel even better?"  
"What?" she asked eagerly, willing to do anything.  
"A big hug from you," she whispered and instantly Lily wrapped her arms around her tightly. "I love you, Lil," Mac said as she kissed the child's head.  
"I love you too, mommy," she replied and Mac couldn't help the tear that trickled down her cheek.

Not wanting to be a mess, Mac shook her head and smiled at Harm who was still in the doorway. "So, two glasses of milk. Are they both for me?"  
"No," she replied giving her mother a cookie. "One's for you and the other one was for dad but he's going to take Rosie to the doctor as soon as they get back so he said I could have his lot in bed with you. That's okay, isn't it?"  
"That's more than okay," Mac said, more than happy to share the milk and cookies with her beautiful girl.

When Lily was snuggled into Mac and they were happily munching on the delicious treats, Harm came in and sat facing Mac, rubbing her leg and he did.  
"So, Rosie's ear is worse?" she asked and Harm nodded.  
"Yeah," he replied. "Figured I'd take her straight in and get the referral for Bethesda at the same time."  
"Did you get an appointment for her?" she asked, handing Lily her milk.  
"First thing Tuesday," he replied. "And got that other one for Monday afternoon," he said, tilting his head to indicate he didn't want to say much in front of Lily.  
"Okay, good," she replied aware of what he wasn't saying.  
"Does that mean we're going to DC?" Lily asked hopefully.  
"Just mommy, me and Rosie," he said. "You have school and we really need to get Rose's ears checked."  
"What's the other appointment for?" she asked and Harm could only smile; nothing got passed her.  
"The other appointment is for me with Dr Mollison," Mac said truthfully.  
"Is she going to help your hormones?" Lily asked looking from her dad to her mom.  
"I hope so, baby, I hope so."


	38. Chapter 38

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless New Zealand. Thoughts and prayers are with all in Christchurch xox**_

_**-**_  
Having managed one cookie and half of Mac's milk, Harm answered his phone and could hear Rosie's pained cries in the background, it broke his heart.  
"Where are you?" he asked, standing up and putting the glass of milk on the bedside table.  
"Half way up the driveway," Mattie said. "Didn't want to get too close in case Mac was asleep."  
"Good thinking," he replied, even though she looked much better than she had earlier, he believed hearing her daughter in such distress would only distress her, something he was trying to avoid. "Leave her in the car and I'll be right down."  
"Do you want me to come with you?" Mac offered but Harm shook his head.  
"Nah, it's fine," he replied casually. "Colin said he'd come with me," he lied.  
Mac nodded and smiled; glad he wasn't doing it alone.

After exiting the house, Harm jogged down towards the car and greeted Mattie, Frankie and Harry with hugs and kisses as they made their way towards the house.  
"I know she can't help it but, god, Harm, she's loud," Mattie said readjusting Frankie. "I've got such a headache."  
"Me too," added Harry rubbing his head. "Rosie's too loud."  
Harm smiled as he kissed his son's head. "I'll get the doctor to fix her up."  
"Good," he said and continued walking with Mattie.

By the time he reached the car, Rosie's screams had given way to sobbing and Colin was doing his best to pacify her; it wasn't working. Realising he couldn't just drive away he unbuckled his daughter from her seat and held her close, pressing her sore ear against his chest to ward off the cold wind. Instantly, she calmed.  
"I don't believe it," Colin said, shaking his head. "She's stopped."  
"Probably not for long," he replied as he stroked her red, tearstained face. "I hate to ask but..."  
"Want me to drive?" Colin half asked, half said.  
"Yeah, I kind of told Mac you'd be coming with me when she offered," he replied, climbing into the back with Rosie.  
"Sure," Colin said wearily. "But see if you can keep the decibels at a minimum.

Deciding not to put Rosie in her booster seat, Harm quickly reconfigured the seat belts and made a makeshift harness which would see her secured against him in the event of a sudden stop. He knew it wasn't ideal but neither was the utter pain she was experiencing.  
"Just go slowly," was his instruction to Colin as he reversed back down the driveway.

Arriving at the local hospital, Harm was lucky to spy the paediatrician getting into his car in the car park. Quickly, he sent Colin racing over to stop him. Rosie really couldn't afford to be taken home without being seen. Conscientious and dedicated, the doctor jogged over to Harm's car and took a quick look at Rosie. Using his pen torch he looked into her left ear, frowned and instantly helped Harm from the car. His change in demeanour worried Harm, particularly as it was her right ear causing her distress today.

A long study of the left ear produced several scrawled notes and mutterings but Rosie took it well. The moment he touched her right ear she screamed loud enough to be heard at the other end of the waiting room. The diagnosis was simple for the right ear; severe middle ear infection and perforated eardrum. Harm's eyes filled with tears at the diagnosis; no wonder she was in so much pain.

Thinking about the right ear news, Harm forgot about the left. It was Colin who asked.  
"While I'm a paediatrician," he started, "I'm not an ENT specialist and I'd prefer you got a proper diagnosis when you're there on Tuesday."  
"I appreciate that," replied Harm. "But you're seeing something you don't like and I'd like to know what it is."  
Dr Lynch looked from Harm to Colin and back to Harm.  
"I can see a mass," he said quietly, aware that Rose was awake and watching him.  
"A mass?" Harm repeated. "A mass of what?"  
"I don't know," the doctor said honestly. "There are a range of causes and further investigation will be needed at Bethesda."  
"What could it be?" Colin asked, looking at Harm.  
"I'd rather not ..." Dr Lynch began but Colin shook his head.  
"Is it a tumor?" he questioned, wanting to rule out the one thing that came to mind with the word 'mass'.  
"I don't know," he replied.  
"So it could be?" Colin probed.  
"Yes it could be," the doctor admitted. Harm's heart nearly stopped.

To get Rosie through the next few days the doctor gave her a strong shot of antibiotics in her butt as well as a course of antibiotics to take for her right ear. Dr Lynch then had Rosie swallow a spoonful of liquid, which she found very distasteful. It was a paediatric pain killer which would reduce the pain and make her drowsy enough to sleep. He hoped it would bring some relief to the anguished little girl, and her family. Harm also received a bottle of the second medication to keep the child drowsy and pain free until she could be seen on Tuesday. Additionally, he handed over information about dealing with perforated eardrums and the referral to Bethesda as well as his cell number and instructions to call him if her condition deteriorated.

It wasn't til they were in the car on the way home that Harm realised he had asked nothing about the perforated ear drum and whether that would lead to permanent hearing loss. Taking a deep breath he realised the answer would be 'wait and see' and so he figured they'd find it all out in DC.

With Harm and Rosie buckled into the back seat, Rosie still nestled tightly against him, Colin negotiated the roads back to the farm.  
"What are you going to tell Mac?" he asked quietly.  
Harm sighed and shrugged before realising Colin couldn't see him.  
"I'd like to say 'nothing' but I'm going to tell her the truth, always the truth," he said slowly.  
"How do you think she'll take it?" he asked, turning off the main road. "She hasn't exactly been herself."  
"I know and I don't know how she'll take it," he said leaning his head back on the head rest. "I think I'll tell her all about the right ear and leave the 'mass' bit for Tuesday. I guess there is no point worrying her unnecessarily."  
"Are you worried?" Colin asked, glancing in the rear view mirror.  
"Oh yeah," Harm said blowing out a big breath. He thought 'terrified' might be a better word but he didn't say so.

After ten minutes of silence Colin spoke once more.  
"Ah, Harm, can I ask you something?" he began and Harm detected a note of nervousness in his question.  
"Sure," he said slowly, hoping it wasn't bad news ... he didn't know what he'd do if it was.  
"Um, well, Mattie and I have been talking and, ah, well...we want to get married," he said keeping his eyes firmly on the road.  
"I'm aware of that," Harm replied, wondering where he was going with this.  
"Well, we thought New Year's Eve...actually, we thought Christmas Eve but then we'd go on our honeymoon and miss New Year's with you all so we figured this way we get the holidays together and then we can go away for two weeks. It would be mid-winter and there's little to do on the farm and Rabb's Runways should be quiet..."  
"Aha," Harm said with a nod. "So, what's your actual question, Colin?"  
"Oh, yeah...do you think it would be okay?" he said quickly.  
"Sure," Harm said, his eyes never straying far from his sleeping daughter's face.  
"It's just with Mac and all...Mattie didn't want to put any extra pressure on her," he said quickly and Harm nodded.  
"Thanks for your consideration but Mac will be fine," he said confidently. "I'm sure she'll be delighted."  
"There was kind of something else too," Colin said reluctantly.  
"What's that?" Harm asked looking up at the driver.  
"We'd like to ask you and Mac to be our witnesses...we're not going for the full bridal party...just us, you guys, the kids, Roberts, Andersons and whoever can make from Iowa," he said quickly.  
"We'd be honoured," Harm said, reaching forward and patting his arm, confident that Mac would agree too.

Meanwhile, back at the farm, Mac and Mattie had just finished cooking dinner and knowing the others were still about half an hour away, and with Mac actually feeling hungry they sat down with Lily, Harry and Frankie to eat the spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread. By the end there seemed to be more sauce across little faces and the table than anywhere else but Mac just smiled. She couldn't explain why, but between her conversation with Harm, her long, peaceful slumber and now, she felt considerably better than she had in a long time.

Harry and Frankie had been bathed and dressed for bed and Lily was in the bath by the time Colin pulled up in the driveway. Mac pulled on her coat and made her way out to them as Mattie watched the boys and went about organising dinner for the latecomers. Colin was opening the rear car door as Mac approached.  
"How'd she go?" Mac asked, reaching in to help Harm take off the harness.  
"She's okay," Harm said, sliding out of the car, holding his daughter firmly against him.

When he found his footing he covered her exposed ear with his hand and kept her snug against his chest.  
"Has she been asleep long?" Mac asked as she guided Harm up the stairs.  
"Since the doctor medicated her, a dose of antibiotics in the butt and a mild sedative," he reported, entering the house.  
"She's sedated?" Mac asked in surprise.  
"Yeah," he said, easing the child down on the sofa and taking off his coat. "Dr Lynch thought it was for the best as she was in so much pain."  
"What did he say was wrong? Rose seemed much worse this time," Mac commented as she took Harm's jacket.  
"Well, his opinion is that Rosie has perforated her right eardrum which has caused her all this distress," he said, stepping in to embrace his wife. "On top of a severe infection which has made her miserable."  
"Oh, the poor baby," Mac said tearfully, feeling bad she had been so resentful of the noise she had been creating.  
"I know," Harm replied, kissing Mac's forehead. "She's got the two lots of medication to take and if things don't improve he gave me the number to call him right away."  
"Harm, if you want to wash up, your dinner will be ready in a minute," Mattie said from the doorway.  
"Thanks, Mats," he said with a weary sigh. "I'll have it in here," he said gesturing to the coffee table. "I don't want to leave her alone, not while she's sedated."  
"I'll stay with her," Mac said, easing herself onto the sofa by her daughter's feet. "You go eat."  
Harm could only nod.

It was after Harm had crawled into bed beside his daughter and wife, that Mac decided to voice the concern she'd had all evening. Checking that Rosie was still asleep, as opposed to dozing, Mac reached across and cupped Harm's face.  
"What is it you're not telling me?" she asked, holding his face to stop him turning away.

Furrowing his brow, Harm tried to work out what to say, then his own words came back to him 'always the truth'.  
"Dr Lynch made some comments about Rosie's left ear but in the end said we should just wait and see what the ENT has to say Tuesday," Harm said, lifting Mac's hand off his face and entwining his fingers with hers.  
"What did he say?" she probed, knowing there was something seriously amiss by her husband's preoccupation all evening.  
"Mac," he protested quietly, "It's best just to wait until Tuesday."  
"No, not Tuesday, now," she insisted. "What is wrong with our daughter?" she said, enunciating each word very clearly.

Drawing a deep breath, Harm closed his eyes briefly before focusing on his wife once more.  
"Dr Lynch examined her left ear and discovered a mass in the ear canal,' he whispered, covering Rosie's ear as he did.  
"A mass!" Mac exclaimed in a whisper. "What sort of mass?"  
"He couldn't or wouldn't say," Harm said. "Thinks we'll get a more reliable diagnosis on Tuesday...didn't want to speculate."  
"A mass," she muttered. "Are you sure he didn't say anything else? Like is it cancer? Is it a growth? Is it...Is it..."  
"Mac, honey," he said caressing her face as she became more distressed at the news. "Colin asked if it could be a tumour and he said yes, but he really didn't want to speculate and I don't think we should either."

Any argument Mac was going to make was interrupted by Rosie stirring.  
"Momma," she mumbled as she blindly reached out for someone, anyone.  
"Mommy's here baby," she said, leaning in and kissing her head before pulling her closer.  
"Momma," Rosie repeated not really awake.  
"Mommy's here," Mac repeated wondering why she was getting momma and not mommy.

Rosie wriggled about until she was atop her mommy before she managed to open her eyes and see her daddy. Stretching out a little arm, she reached for him and when Harm moved across, she rested her hand on his face. It was clear she loved her daddy, he was strong and safe and she trusted him with all the hard things like doctor's visits and injections. She wanted him to know that although right now she needed her mommy, to have that familiar touch and smell encircle her when everything else was a little fuzzy, she did love him, she loved them both; and then she drifted off once more.

Harm moved closer to the pair and slid one arm under his wife's neck as he wrapped his other one around his daughter and held them close, taking the opportunity to kiss both of their heads before resting his on the pillow alongside Mac's.  
"Harm," she whispered, "What happens if..."  
"Then we'll deal with it," he said, not wanting to hear the scenario she was thinking of. He couldn't bear the thought of his little angel having anything more than an ear infection.  
"But..." Mac protested.  
"Mac," he said before opening his eyes and seeing the fear in hers. "But what?" he said, offering her the chance to voice those fears.  
"But... she's just a baby, she can't have a tumour... she can't have cancer ... she can't have...have...I don't know...but she just can't," she said tearfully.  
"I'd like to be able to promise you that she won't have anything untoward going on, but you know I can't," Harm said, kissing her head. "So instead, we'll just hope and pray it's all benign and this is just a little scare for us."  
"I feel so bad that I was resenting her screaming," she whispered.  
"Well, it was very loud and persistent," Harm said with a yawn. "And when you're not feeling 100% yourself, it's hard to deal with."  
"Doesn't make me much of a mother," she replied, closing her eyes and willing the tears away.  
"It makes you human, Mac," he said, moving his hand to wipe away the tears which had fallen. "As much as you'd like to think it, you're not superman...or superwoman, in your case. You can't do everything...can't be perfect..." He kissed her head.  
"You saying I'm not perfect?" she said with a tearful chuckle.  
"You're perfect to me," he said kissing her once more. "I just don't think you're perfect to yourself."  
"That's because marine standards are higher than squid standards," she said, smiling at him.

Harm could only grin that despite everything at least Mac's sense of humour was still there.


	39. Chapter 39

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless New Zealand. Thoughts and prayers are with all in Christchurch xox**_

_**-**_  
Friday was a quiet day in the MacKenzie Rabb household. Lily was at school, Colin and Harm were working on Colin's car which had failed to start that morning, Harry had been invited next door to play with the cats and rabbits by Mrs Anderson, after Colin had told Dave the news about Rosie and Frankie had accompanied his brother.

This left Mac, Mattie and Rosie in the house and with the child still drowsy due to her meds, Mac spent a lot of the day in the armchair with Rosie asleep against her. In and out of sleep herself, Mac had tried to keep her mind off the negatives, instead trying to focus on something positive. When she couldn't come up with something herself, she called Mattie in from the kitchen table where she was doing accounts on her laptop.  
"What's up?" Mattie asked, coming to the door.  
"I'm trying to think positive about things and not think about Tuesday," she said, nodding towards her daughter, "And I've run out of things...I need your help."  
"For what?" Mattie asked, a little confused.  
"What's happening with the wedding?" she asked. "We haven't talked about it for a while..."  
"Did Harm say something last night?" she questioned, moving into the living room and sitting on the sofa.  
"No," Mac said. "Should he have?"  
"No, no," Mattie said quickly. "It's just Colin said he'd spoken to Harm yesterday and I just thought..."  
"Is there something wrong?" Mac asked, noting the concern on Mattie's face.  
"No," she said shaking her head. "Well, I hope not," she added before explaining to Mac what Colin had explained to Harm on the drive home the day before.  
"We'd be honoured to be your witnesses," Mac said, wishing she could get up and hug Mattie.  
"And you don't think it will be too much...you know...with...ah, Rosie..." she stumbled, not quite able to voice her true concern.  
"I don't think it will be too much with Rosie...or with me," she said, giving voice to Mattie's biggest concern. "I know I haven't been the easiest to live with but I'm doing okay at the moment and I'm sure after I see Dr Mollison things will improve."  
"I sure hope so, Mac," Mattie said, coming over to embrace her. "Because I hate seeing you like this...I really do."

The next hour was spent chatting about the finer details of the wedding – the dress, the guest list, the cake, the catering, the honeymoon.  
"Colin is talking about two weeks somewhere warm, especially at that time of year," Mattie said.  
"Oh, that would be nice," Mac said. "Bermuda, Bahamas, Jamaica..."  
"If only," she said with a sigh.  
"No?" Mac said, a little confused.  
"It's a lovely idea," she replied. "But with the cost of the house blowing out and the business still in its early stages, money is a bit tight."  
"Then it will be our gift to you," Mac said, holding up her hand when Mattie went to protest.  
"The land for the house was your gift," Mattie said with a shake of her head.  
"No, that was Grams' gift," Mac corrected, stroking Rosie's back as she started to stir.  
"But..." she went to protest but Mac shook her head.  
"Sweetheart, you and Colin do so much around here," Mac said. "Colin won't take any money from the farm as income..."  
"That's because the farm hasn't made any money yet," Mattie said, tucking her legs under her.  
"And Rabb's Runways isn't exactly paying you big bucks either," Mac reminded her.  
"It will get better as the weather improves and we pick up more clients," she said defensively.  
"I'm sure it will," said Mac, knowing the income projections. "But in the meanwhile, you're not getting any income."  
"Mac," she said with a sigh. "We've gone through this before...Colin sold his place, we have savings, I have some money left from my mom..."  
"And most of that's gone to your house," Mac said, wondering why she was protesting so much.  
"I know...and with the wedding...there's not really spare money for the honeymoon," she said with a shrug.  
"We love you and Colin very much. You know we think of you as our daughter. You have done so much for us over the past year and we could never repay you," she said tearfully.  
"There's no need to repay anything," Mattie said. "You guys are family and I love you so much."  
"Good, and because we love you and cherish you, Harm and I are paying for two weeks to the place of your choice, airfares, accommodation, spending money, extras," Mac said in her firmest lawyer voice. "And, Matilda, there will be no arguing. Are you understanding me?"

Mattie jumped out of the sofa and carefully wrapped her arms around Mac and the sleeping bundle. "Thank you," she whispered gratefully – not just for the honeymoon but for the sense of family Mac and Harm had given her. It didn't seem all that long ago she was on her own and believed she'd never know the love of a family again and then Harm entered her life and everything changed...  
"No, thank you," Mac whispered, kissing her head.

Later that afternoon, after lunch had been eaten, Mac curled up on the sofa with Rosie. While she had had her antibiotics with lunch, Mac was reluctant to give her the pain relief liquid unless she needed it. With her own issues of addiction, she knew there was a chance she would pass on that gene to her children and was always overly cautious of their medications. Still, missing the dose didn't seem a problem as Rosie hadn't displayed any symptoms of pain.  
"Wiggles," she said, pointing to the television. "Pwease momma."  
Mac nodded and climbed over her daughter and inserted the DVD. Soon, she was back on the sofa and Rosie was nestled into her.  
"Momma," she mumbled as her thumb went into her mouth and Mac frowned. It was clearly noticeable that her child was regressing in her speech and her behaviour. Closing her eyes briefly, Mac prayed it was only a temporary thing; she couldn't contemplate it being anything else.

Three songs in, Harm stood at the door and watched his wife watching his daughter as she watched the Wiggles. There was no singing or movement from his daughter, just a slight smile on her tired face. The look on his wife's face was one of concern and he quickly moved into the room.  
"How are my favourite girls doing?" he asked sitting in front of their legs.  
"Dorothy," Rosie said pointing to the screen as Dorothy the Dinosaur came on.  
"It is Dorothy," said Harm taking hold of her hand and kissing it.  
"Do you want to do the Dorothy song with daddy?" he asked but Rosie shook her head.  
"Me tired, daddy," she said, pushing back into Mac.  
"Okay, baby," he replied. "Would you like daddy to hold you for a bit?" He opened his arms.  
Rosie nodded and crawled over to him and into his arms.  
"She seems more alert," Harm said as he cradled her head to him.  
"I haven't given her the pain meds yet, she didn't seem to need it," Mac said, swinging her feet around and onto the floor once more. "But I am watching for any sign of pain."  
"Okay," he said nodding as Rosie's eyes fluttered closed. "And how are you doing, gorgeous?" he asked, reaching out to rub her leg.  
"I'm okay," she said slowly which Harm knew meant she wasn't. "I guess I'm a little concerned about our precious girl and what this all means for her."  
"I'm a little concerned about that too," Harm said, leaning forward to kiss his wife.

The kiss was nothing more than a peck as Harry came running into the room chattering about the cats and the bunnies and reinforcing just how much further his language had developed than his twin's. Spying Rosie asleep against their daddy, Harry suddenly stopped and made a big show of tiptoeing over and trying to be extra quiet.  
"Rosie sleeping," he said in a rather loud whisper.  
"Yes, she is," Harm replied, stooping forward to allow Harry to check on his sister.

Harry sighed before gently kissing her head. "Poor Rosie Rose," he said with another sigh. "She's still sick."  
"Yes, she is," Harm replied, reaching out and caressing his son's face.  
"Make her better, daddy," Harry insisted, pointing to his sister. "Please."  
"I'm trying, baby," he said, raking his fingers through Harry's locks.  
"Frankie's the baby, me big boy," he said with a laugh before climbing up with his mother.  
"You are a big boy," she said smothering his head in kisses, but you'll always be mommy and daddy's baby."  
Harry just laughed, not too sure what she had even said.

With Frankie napping in his crib and Harm and Mac curled up with a twin each, napping in the living room, Lily stood at the door with her hands on her hips. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Colin had picked her up from the bus and the motorbike was too noisy for her to tell him her news so she had raced into the house, dropped her bag and jacket, kicked off her boots and was now standing there a little miffed that they were all asleep – and worse, they all looked so happy and comfortable and she'd missed out again.  
"Humpf," she said, turning around and walking back to her bag, picking it up and placing it on the kitchen table.  
"What's up, kiddo?" Mattie asked, hanging up the child's jacket and placing her shoes on the rack.  
"I had big news and they're all asleep," she said tugging fruitlessly on the bag's zipper.  
"Hey, hey, you'll break it if you tug that hard," Mattie said, taking the bag and freeing the thread the zip was snagged on. "I'd like to hear your news."

Opening her bag, Lily produced three certificates and handed them to her sister.  
"I got these at the school assembly today," she said, a little deflated she didn't have a bigger audience.  
"For excellence in mathematics," Mattie said as she read the first one. "Wow, that's great, Lil. Why did you get this one?"  
"Mrs Burns said it was because I have gotten 100% on my last ten quizzes!" she said proudly.  
"Wow, you are a clever girl," she said, kissing Lily's head.  
"That's what the principal said," Lily said as Mattie placed that certificate on the table and looked at the next one.  
"For outstanding work in English," she read. "Maths and English, well done."  
"I got that one because I can now read at a twelve year old level," she said, "And I'm only nine," she added, just in case Mattie didn't get the point.  
"You're a superstar!" she enthused, patting her on the back. "And the third one," she said dramatically as she placed the second certificate with the first one.  
"For being an excellent role model by demonstrating friendship, compassion and understanding," Mattie read. "This one is very special, Lily, well done."  
"I don't really know why I got that one but the principal was impressed too," she said with a shrug.  
"It's special because it says you are the type of person they want the other students to look up to and be like," she explained, wrapping an arm around her.  
"But I don't do anything special," she said with another shrug. "Oh except for Jessie."  
"Who's Jessie?" Mattie asked, placing the certificate with the other two and leading Lily into the kitchen.  
"Jessie Murphy started at school last week and I've been helping her out and no one else did," she said, watching as Mattie poured her a glass of milk.  
"That was very kind of you," she said, opening the cookie box.  
"Well, just because she's in a wheelchair doesn't make her any different," Lily said before taking a drink. "The kids have been calling her names and don't want to go near her because they think she's scary but I tell them to shut up, just because she's in a wheelchair doesn't make her less of a kid!"  
"You are a wonderful friend, Lily MacKenzie Rabb," Mattie said, kissing her head.  
"Well, I was still me even if I was in a chair and just because I had broken ankles and she has...has...I can't remember what she called it but just because she has it doesn't mean she's any different from me," Lily said emphatically, waving her arms around, making it clear she was very passionate about this girl and the way she had been treated.  
"Jessie's very lucky to have a friend like you," Mattie said, embracing the girl.  
"I'm lucky to have a friend like her," Lily said before hugging Mattie back.  
"Maybe we can see if Jessie can come over next weekend," Mattie suggested,  
"What about this weekend?" Lily asked, eager to have her new friend over.  
"It might be a bit much this weekend with Rosie being sick, we don't really want to be making too much noise, do we?" she said and Lily nodded.  
"Is Rosie really, really sick?" Lily questioned in a whisper.  
"Her ears are sick," Mattie said in equally hushed tones.  
"And mommy's hormones are sick...again," she said with a sigh.  
"Well, they're both going to Bethesda on Monday and Tuesday and hopefully by the time they get back they'll have good news and be feeling better," she explained, kissing her head.  
"Maybe Jessie can come for dinner on Monday night when they're gone ... the bus can drop her off with me and we can walk back here...she can't go on the motorbike... and then her mom can come get her...pleeeaaasssseeee, Mattie?" she begged, eager for Jessie to visit.  
"How about I call her mom tomorrow and see what she has to say and to make sure that it's alright?" Mattie suggested and Lily hugged her tightly.  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Mattie just smiled. She knew herself the traumas of being confined to a chair and the way people stared at you with look of pity, or curiosity or something in between; or worse yet, didn't see you at all. She knew the problems she had with accessing friend's places and the difficulties using the bathroom. Smiling to herself she knew she'd do her best to foster this relationship.  
"How about you go set the table for dinner and then come and help me in the kitchen?" Mattie said, opening the fridge.  
"Anything you say, Mattie," Lily replied, and then she was gone.


	40. Chapter 40

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless New Zealand. Thoughts and prayers are with all in Christchurch xox**_

_**-**_  
It was the aroma of Chicken and Potato Provencale which greeted Mac as she stirred from her slumber. When her eyes were opened and she realised the time, she woke Harry, hoping he hadn't slept too long and be awake all night.  
"Come and we'll see what Mattie's been up to?" she whispered, not wanting to wake Harm and Rosie. Despite his protests, she knew he too hadn't been sleeping well lately.

Entering the dining area with Harry on her hip, Mac saw the table fully set and Lily's three certificates in the middle.  
"What are these?" she said to the boy. Flicking through them she couldn't help but smile proudly at her daughter's achievements. Laying them back on the table Mac and Harry headed to the kitchen. "Where's my amazing daughter?" she asked when she saw Lily wiping down the bench tops.  
"You're awake!" Lily exclaimed coming over to hug her. "Are you feeling better?"  
"Seeing you always makes me feel better," Mac said holding her with her free arm as she kissed her head. "I saw your certificates out there, I'm very impressed."  
"Me too!" she said proudly. "And Mattie and I made dinner and I set the table and tomorrow Mattie's going to call Ms Murphy to see if Jessie can come over and ..."  
"Whoa, take a breath," she said putting Harry down when he became restless.  
"Whose Jessie and Ms Murphy?" Mac asked, taking hold of her daughter's hands.  
"I'll tell you and dad at dinner at the same time," she said, turning as the oven timer buzzed. "Can you please wake dad and get everyone washed up for dinner?"  
Mac could only laugh at how grown up her daughter sounded. "Yes, ma'am!" she said before taking Harry's hand and leading him back out of the room.

Over dinner, Lily told them all the news about the certificates and about Jessie and about what Mattie had said and happily received all the praise about the maths and English certificates, but was still nonplussed about the role model one.  
"I don't know why everyone's making a fuss," she said with a sigh. "No one got an award for making friends with Carlos when he started last month."  
Harm just took Mac's hand and kissed it, they were raising a very special little girl.

The following morning when Mattie phoned Ms Murphy, she was surprised by the tears which greeted Mattie's request for a play date on the Monday evening. Through her tears, Veronica Murphy explained that this was the first time her daughter was being invited to a friend's house; something she thought would never happen. When they were living in the city, Jessie had attended the same school since kindergarten and regularly had been the only child not invited to parties or sleepovers, and now, just two weeks at her new school and not only had she found a friend to play with at school, she'd been invited home.

Mattie couldn't help but shed a few tears as she listened to the pain and joy in Veronica's voice. Before she could ask any questions of what Jessie liked to eat or anything else, Veronica invited her and Lily over for afternoon tea and Mattie accepted.  
"What did Ms Murphy say?" Lily asked quickly as Mattie came into the living room. "Can Jessie come over on Monday?"  
"I'm not sure, kiddo," she said and Lily's face dropped. "But she did invite you and me over to meet her and talk more about it this afternoon."  
"Oh, Mattie, you're the best," she said running over and hugging her tightly. Quickly, she pulled back. "We are going, right?" Mattie nodded and Lily hugged her once more.

After lunch, Mattie and Lily baked some of Grams' sugar cookies and honey and oatmeal ones so they could take some with them when they went visiting. They also baked a batch of cupcakes they knew Rosie liked and covered them in purple butter icing – Rosie's favourite colour.

When the first one was ready, Lily put it on a little plate and carried it into her sister.  
"Here, Rosie," she said, lifting up the plate. "It's your favourite."  
Rosie looked at the cupcake then at Lily, then at her mom.

When Mac nodded she slowly reached out and picked it up from the plate.  
"Ta," she said, before licking the top of it.  
"Is it yum?" Lily asked her and she nodded before leaning into Mac and enjoying her sweet treat.  
"Mommy, Mattie's bringing yours in with some coffee and there are more for the boys when they come back," she said.  
"You've been busy," Mac said, caressing Lily's face. "And it all smells lovely."  
"We used Grams' recipes," she said proudly before a look of sadness drifted across her face. "I miss her so much."  
"Me too, baby," Mac said squeezing her hand. "We were very lucky to have such a wonderful Grams."  
"Yeah," she said before Mattie entered and placed Mac's afternoon tea on the small table beside her.  
"Lily, if you go and get ready, we can leave," she said and Lily disappeared from the room.  
"Mats, thanks for doing this," Mac said, wiping Rosie's hands.  
"Anytime," she replied. "Veronica sounded nice and young...it would be nice to have a friend around my age in town."  
"Well, give her my best and tell her that she and Jessie are welcome anytime," she said as Rosie handed her the half eaten cupcake.  
"No more," she said, pushing it back at Mac.  
"I'll take it," Mattie said, taking the remains of the treat and handing Mac a napkin to clean her daughter.

It took just under ten minutes for Mattie to drive to the Murphy house and Lily chatted excitedly the whole way, only stopping when Mattie pulled into the driveway. The first thing Mattie noticed was there was no ramp at the front.

Since her wheelchair bound days, she had become an expert at noticing such things. Lily bounded up the stairs and knocked quickly on the door.  
"She's here!" Jessie yelled from inside the house.  
"Slow down, slow down," Veronica said as her daughter wheeled into the wall in her excitement to get to the door.

Soon the door was opened and Lily and Mattie were ushered inside. Hot chocolate was prepared in the kitchen while the girls played on the Wii in the living room floor. As they chatted, Mattie was surprised to find she and Veronica shared the same birthday - day, month and year. She also found out that the year Harm entered her life was the same year Veronica fell pregnant with her son, Aidan.

From a deeply religious family, the shame of being 16 and pregnant saw her kicked out of the family home and on the streets.

In a stroke of good luck, she was taken in by the parents of a friend until the baby came along but things became difficult when Aidan was born and was a colicky baby. Through the support of a social worker, they moved into an apartment and things were okay. Four years later, Jessie came along and with a diagnosis of cerebral palsy, things got decidedly tougher.

Finding all the courage she had left, she turned to her parents and they agreed to take in Aidan, but only Aidan, they had neither the time, space nor money for a disabled child, nor for her. While Veronica admitted it broke her heart to leave her little boy, she was twenty at the time and knew Jessie needed a lot of attention and that Aidan, who was due to start school, would suffer.  
"Do you see him often?" Mattie asked and Veronica shrugged.  
"No, not really," she replied sadly. "I call him every Wednesday and Sunday night. He visits over school breaks but that was when we were in New York but now, who knows... How did your parents react when they found out you were pregnant with Lily?"

Mattie shook her head before filling Veronica in on the story of her life. When she was done, Veronica sighed.  
"Wonder if everyone born on the same day as us has had the same sucky life," she said wearily.  
"I don't know," Mattie said looking at the girls laughing at something. "It may have been a tough road but I wouldn't change it for the world."

By the time Mattie and Lily left, plans had been set for Jessie to come home with Lily on Monday and for Veronica to join them for dinner. Jessie was so excited that Mattie was letting her come over she stood from her chair to hug her.  
"Wow!" said Lily. "I've never seen you stand before."  
"I only do it for special occasions," Jessie replied as her mom helped her sit down once more. Mattie couldn't help the tears which pooled in her eyes.  
"That's so cool," Lily enthused.

Sunday was a day of debate. It was actually a one person debate with Mac trying to decide whether to take Frankie to DC with them or to leave him home with Mattie. She argued that with Harry, Lily and Jessie coming to visit, that would be enough for her. Then she countered that argument with the fact that Rosie was entitled to their undivided attention given what the news may be. Then the argument was made that she was still breast feeding Frankie at least once a day and still expressing milk for him to build up his immunity system but that was countered with the point that she could feed him Monday morning and Tuesday afternoon and still express in DC.

"Made up your mind yet?" Harm asked watching Mac pace back and forward as she tried packing an overnight bag for Rose.  
"About what?" she asked, turning to face him.  
"About taking Frankie to DC," he said, leaning against the door jamb.  
"How did you know that was what I was debating?" she question coming over to him.  
"Because I've watched you walk back and forth to the drawers three times with the same sweater."  
"Oh," she said, looking down at the pink soft sweater still grasped in her hand.  
"Oh," he echoed, pulling her closer and kissing her cheek. "So, have you decided?"  
"I think he should stay with Mattie," she said after a long pause.  
"And how do you feel about that?" he asked knowing it would be the first time she would leave him overnight.  
Mac just wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed close. "I don't know how I feel about anything."

Wrapping his arms around her back, Harm pulled her closer while nuzzling into her neck.  
"Do you want to know how I feel about you?" he whispered and she nodded. "I absolutely and completely love and adore you, Mac."  
"Love you too," she replied, pressing closer.

As soon as Lily was on the bus to school, Harm, Mac and Rosie left for DC. There were a couple of tears when saying goodbye to the kids but Mac pulled herself together, told herself it was for the best and closed her eyes as Harm reversed away from the house.

Rosie slept most of the trip, Mac dozed and traffic was a dream, so it was just after 1100 that Harm pulled up in the Roberts' driveway. There were loving hugs all around before Harm grabbed their bags and Mac unbuckled Rosie and they entered the warm, inviting house.

With Mac's appointment at 1300, they had time for an early lunch and settled around the kitchen table enjoying coffee as they caught up with the news of both families.  
"Are you sure it really is okay for us to stay here tonight?" Harm asked Harriet as Mac took Rosie to the bathroom.  
"It is always okay," Harriet said. "You never have to even ask."  
"Thanks," he said. "It's just with Rosie's infection we needed a clean, warm place and our house isn't it."  
"I know," she replied. "But I did tell you I could go and prepare it for you, I wouldn't have minded," she added and Harm smiled.  
"I know," he said. "I think it's time we made some decisions about it ..."  
"About what?" Mac asked coming back in with Rosie on her hip.  
"About the house," he said, knowing she'd know which house he meant as they had discussed it in part on the way here.  
"Well, you might want to consider renting it out," Harriet said, preparing the table for lunch. "You could rent it privately or through an agent. I know Bud was talking about a new Commander at JAG who was looking for a place for his wife and children. He said they looking at schools in the area, so maybe you can talk to Bud about it tonight."  
Harm looked at Mac and she nodded, so he did too. "Yeah, that'll be a good place to start.

Sitting in the OBGYN clinic waiting room, Mac was bouncing her leg anxiously. Realising she wasn't aware of what she was doing Harm placed his hand on her knee and squeezed it.  
"Yeah, it was lovely," Mac said absently.  
"What was lovely?" he questioned, taking her hand.  
Mac looked at him blankly for a moment. "Didn't you say something about lunch?"  
"No," he replied, "I didn't say anything."  
"Oh, sorry," she said, "Guess I'm a little preoccupied."  
"I can see that," he said, raising her hand and kissing it. "Want to tell me about it?"  
"Nah," she said with a sigh. "We'll wait til we're in there."

By the time Mac's name was called, Harm's hand was white with clear nail imprints on it due to the grip Mac had on his hand. It was only when she went to stand she realised just how tight it had been.  
"Sorry," she whispered.  
"No problem," he replied, keeping hold of her hand as they entered Dr Mollison's room.

The first thing Dr Mollison noted was how pale and tired Mac looked, she noted weight loss and just how firmly she had hold of her husband's hand.  
"Are you a little nervous about this appointment, Sarah?" she asked, scanning her face.  
"Um, yeah, I think I am," she replied quietly as she sat in the soft leather chair.  
"What's been going on?" Dr Mollison asked gently.

Surprising herself, Harm and the doctor Mac burst into tears and started sobbing.  
"Hey, hey," Harm said, distressed at seeing his wife so distressed. "It's okay," he whispered, crouching in front of her and caressing her face. "Shh, shh, shh." Wrapping his arms around her, Harm cradled her head in his hand, kissing her cheek and whispering soothing words. When the sobbing eased, he pulled back and used his hand to wipe away her tears before gently kissing her. "Okay?" Mac nodded, so Harm returned to his seat.  
"So, Sarah..." Dr Mollison started once more.  
"It's all a mess, I'm a mess...I...I..." and then there were more tears.  
"Okay, okay," Dr Mollison said coming from behind her desk and resting on the front of it. "Sarah, take a breath, honey," she instructed gently. "Take a breath."  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Mac muttered but Dr Mollison shook her head.  
"There's nothing to apologise for," she said. "I just want you to take a few deep breaths and then when you're ready tell me what's been happening."

When she felt suitably composed, Mac told Dr Mollison the truth about everything she'd been struggling with in recent months, some of which surprised Harm. She spoke of the anguish concerning Rosie's health, the consistent level of fatigue she had experienced, the mood swings, the guilt she wasn't doing the right thing by her kids, or by Harm, her fluctuating interest in the world around her, her sadness which could be attributed to many things, the fear that although she knew Harm loved her, she wasn't too sure if he liked her recently and she declared she didn't blame him as she didn't like herself much either...  
"Hang on a minute," Harm said, putting an end to her spiel. "You think I don't like you?" he asked completely stunned by her revelation.  
Mac just shrugged.  
"How can you...I mean...How do you not know how much I love you?" he asked clearly mystified.  
"I know you love me," she said in an unusually weak voice. "But... well, there are things that sometimes make me think you don't like me much at the moment."  
"I...I..." Harm shook his head as the words just wouldn't come.  
"Okay," Dr Mollison interjected, not wanting her patient to become more distressed than she was. "I think we deal with first things first and that is to run a few tests on you, Sarah, and see what's happening physically."

Picking up her phone she called for her assistant and soon Connie knocked on the door. Dr Mollison explained what tests she wanted, including a range of blood tests, and the Connie led Mac to a nearby examination room.

Turning her attention back to Harm, Dr Mollison took in his shell-shocked appearance.  
"I see you weren't expecting that outcome either," she said, sitting down in the chair beside him.  
"No," he said with a shake of his head. "Definitely blindsided."  
"From your perspective, what's been going on?" she asked and Harm ran a hand over his face.  
"Mac's been down, on and off, since my grandmother died. At the start we were all a bit down but Mac just wasn't herself..." Harm went on to mention the thumb sucking, restlessness, moods and anything else he could think of.  
"Sarah said she knows you love her but she isn't sure if you like her, any idea what could have her feeling that way?"Dr Mollison asked gently.  
"I love her...I like her... I...I..." he said quickly and defensively.  
"I know that," she said patting his arm, "But Sarah's struggling with it. Has something changed in recent weeks?"  
"No," he said firmly.  
"So, nothing's changed?" she said getting up and moving to her own chair.  
"Well, except for sex, I guess," he replied, not able to think of anything else.  
"What's changed with the sex?" she asked, her pen twirling in her fingers.  
"There hasn't been any," he admitted. "Maybe that's why she thinks ..."  
"Is it unusual for this much time to pass without sex?" she questioned.  
"Well, aside from the pregnancy / birth related abstinence and after the hysterectomy, we've always enjoyed a very regular sex life," he said, honestly.  
"So, what's been different in recent weeks?" Dr Mollison asked, getting back to the original point.  
"I don't know," he said. "Mac's always so tired...I mean with Rosie's earaches we both are...and the few times I've tried to initiate something, she hasn't responded ... so I figured I'd wait for her and ..."  
"It never happened," Dr Mollison offered and Harm nodded. "Okay."

Making a few notes, the good doctor answered the phone when it buzzed. Concluding her call, she stood up.  
"I'm going to go in and examine Sarah," she said and Harm got to his feet.  
"I'll wait out..." he began before the doctor shook her head.  
"No, stay in here, it's fine," she said. "I know you normally wait out there but Sarah's my last patient of the day so there's no need to go anywhere."  
"Thank you," he said, sitting back down. "For everything."

Glancing at the chart Connie handed her as she entered the examination room, Dr Mollison nodded before Connie exited through the other door.  
"Well, Sarah," she said, moving over to the bed, "Your blood pressure is low, you've lost about fifteen pounds..."  
"I told you I'm a mess," she said quietly but Dr Mollison shook her head.  
"I really don't think we're going to find anything that can't be fixed," she said, patting Mac's arm. "Now, the blood tests won't be ready until tomorrow, I've put a twelve hour rush on them so they should be on my desk first thing. Now, I know you have Rosie's appointment at nine, so how about you come and see me at eight? It will give us a chance to discuss the results without the pressure of waiting room full of people."  
Mac nodded. "What do you think is wrong with me?"  
"I suspect we'll find your iron is very low, that your hormone levels are well out of range ..." she explained.  
"I forgot Frankie's name the other day," she said tearfully. "I was looking at this beautiful baby and I knew he was mine but for the life of me I couldn't think of his name."  
"It happens, Sarah," Dr Mollison said gently.  
"Am I losing my mind?" she questioned, her voice a little shaky.  
"No, honey," she replied. "I think you're a little overwhelmed with things in your life and with your body...you're just very preoccupied and you're not sleeping."  
"How much does Harm hate me right now?" she asked, brushing a tear away. She knew they would have been out there talking about her.  
"Harm loves you very, very much, Sarah, and I know you know that," she said firmly. "He is very concerned about you and a little hurt by what you said but he does love you."  
"I love him too," she replied.  
"I know you do."


	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless New Zealand. Thoughts and prayers are with all in Christchurch xox**_

_**-**_  
The silence which surrounded them as they left the consultation room and headed down to the car park was so suffocating Mac couldn't think straight. After she'd almost walked into the second bollard, Harm slipped his hand into his hers and squeezed it before raising it to his lips and kissing it.

Zapping the car to unlock it, Harm opened Mac's door for her but then prevented her from getting in by turning her around so her back was against the car before he kissed her tenderly.  
"I know this is not the time or the place but never, ever, ever, think that I am not totally and utterly in love with you," he said, kissing her once more. "And contrary to recent opinion, I like you a hell of a lot too," he said, raising her face with his crooked finger and locking eyes with her. "You are my life, Sarah, my whole world, my reason for living...I will never give you a reason to doubt me."

Mac threw her arms around his neck and held tightly.  
"I love you too, and I'm so sorry," she said into his neck.  
"I don't need to hear an apology," he said, pulling back. "I need to hear you say you believe me...that you know I like you..."

"I believe you, I believe you," she said before he crushed her body against his in the tightest embrace she'd ever had. "I believe you."

Harriet wasn't sure what to make of the pair when they returned, both still somewhat subdued but before she had that discussion with them, Rosie's needs came first.  
"Glad you're back," she said, ushering them in. "Rosie's starting to pull on her ear and getting quite distressed."

Instantly Harm was at the child's side as she sat crying on the sofa, her face flushed and tearstained.  
"Dada," she whimpered putting her arms up for him. "Ear hurts!"  
"Oh, baby," he said scooping her up and holding her against him. "Daddy will fix it. Daddy will make it all better."

Hating the fact he had to do it but knowing it was the only thing which would work, Harm took the small medicine cup Mac was offering and helped his daughter take the pain relief medication.  
"Dada, yuk," she said as he pulled the cup away.  
"I know, Rosie, but you'll feel better," he said kissing her head.  
"Hurts, dada," she whimpered as she pressed her ear against his chest.  
"Shh," he soothed, gently rocking her and within minutes, with kisses from mommy and daddy, she was asleep.  
"You can put her up in AJ's bed to sleep," Harriet suggested and Harm turned towards the stairs. "Afternoon tea will be ready in a few minutes, so come down once she's settled."  
"Thanks, Harriet," he said as he shook his head. "But no, we don't leave her when she's sedated."  
"Why don't you put her on the sofa then and we can have afternoon tea in here?" she suggested gesturing to the living room.

Looking at Mac he thought that maybe a couple of hours of girl talk with Harriet might do her the world of good. If today had shown him anything it was that he really didn't know what his wife was truly thinking and maybe chatting to Harriet would allow her to open up to someone.  
"Thanks all the same but I'm feeling a bit tired myself," he said. "I could do with a nap too...that is if it's alright with the both of you," he added, knowing neither would deny him sleep.

By the time Harriet had the coffee poured for herself and Mac and a plate of cookies and cake on the table, Rosie and Harm were sound asleep in AJ's bed.  
"So, how did your appointment go?" Harriet asked, pushing the plate of treats closer to Mac.  
"Um...okay," she replied tentatively.  
"Just okay?" Harriet queried. "If you don't want to talk about it..."  
"No, it's okay," Mac said, thinking it would be good to have a friend to talk to.

Then over coffee, treats, tears and tissues, Mac opened up and told Harriet everything ... even things she hadn't told the doctor, things she barely told herself ... things about her health, Harm, life on the farm, feelings about menopause, her behaviour during the artefacts course, which was innocent in itself but a sign to her she was craving a connection away from the farm...It all poured out and as it did Mac realised just how isolating life on the farm had been.

While she had Mattie to talk to, it still wasn't the same thing. While she and Harriet had exchanged calls and emails, it wasn't the same thing.  
"Now you can see the issue, what are you going to do about it?" Harriet asked her sympathetically.  
"No idea," she replied with a sigh. "I didn't realise it was such a big problem."  
"Neither did I," Harriet agreed, a little stunned by Mac's outpouring of emotion and information.  
"I guess all I can do is wait and see what Dr Mollison says about me tomorrow," she said with a shrug. "Maybe it is all a hormone thing...I was fine until Grams died."  
"Didn't you start the course before she passed?" Harriet asked and Mac nodded. "So maybe things weren't as fine as you thought."  
Mac could only nod. "Maybe they weren't."

Regardless of the issues, nothing could be decided upon at that point. Not with Mac's results due the following morning and certainly not before Rosie had been examined by the ENT surgeon. Mac knew that if the news wasn't good for her little girl then she'd be spending every waking hour...and many of the ones she should be sleeping ...devoted to her care.

Glancing at the clock, Harriet realised their time was just about up.  
"The twins will be in shortly," she said, glad it was Monday night they stayed later at school for basketball training. Standing, she started clearing the table of the debris from their afternoon session. Mac stood to help her.  
"Why don't you go up and check on Rosie and Harm?" she said, "It's been over three hours."

Mac nodded, knowing she needed to wash her face and make herself more presentable to everyone else before they all started thinking she was losing it too.  
"Harriet," she said, following her friend to the sink. "Thank you for listening...sorry to dump it all on you."  
"You're welcome and you don't need to apologise for anything," she said embracing Mac. "You've certainly been there enough for me over the years."

Upstairs and into the bathroom, Mac used the facilities before looking at her reflection in the mirror. Her red rimmed, puffy eyes and flushed face giving away the fact that she'd spent much of the afternoon crying. Raking her fingers through her hair, Mac tried to fix her locks before grabbing a face washer and rinsing it under cold water. Holding it to her face she drew in a few deep breaths and allowed the coolness to seep into her heated skin.

When she'd done all she could, Mac made her way to AJ's bedroom. Slowly opening the door, she was greeted by her husband's open eyes and gentle smile.  
"Hey," he whispered, mindful that Rosie was still asleep on his chest.  
"Hey," she replied, closing the door and padding over to them.

He didn't need to ask how she was, her face told it all, so he raised his hand and gently caressed her face.  
"Doing okay?" he asked, and Mac nodded, her cheek still cradled in his palm. "Got time to climb in here with us for a bit?" Mac smiled and nodded before toeing off her shoes and slipping under the covers, glad AJ's double bed meant they had a confined space to share.

Sliding his arm under her neck and around back, Harm leant down and pressed a kiss to her crown as Mac rested her head on his shoulder, her face inches from her daughter's."  
"Has she woken up at all?" Mac asked, raking her fingers through Rose's tangled locks.  
"Not really," Harm said, rubbing Mac's arm. "She's started to stir a bit but then it's only been a couple of hours."  
"It's been nearly four hours," she corrected gently.

Harm blinked several times before craning his head and trying to gauge the light from the window. Alas, the heavy winter day outside and the heavy drapes meant that Harm wouldn't have known whether it was noon or midnight.  
"So are we being very anti-social being up here?" he asked, kissing her head.  
"No, not really," Mac replied reaching up to caress his face. "The twins are due home shortly, Bud's planning to be here by 1830 and Jimmy's away on a school trip."  
"You've missed having Harriet to talk to, haven't you?" he said, as he played with her hair.  
"Yeah, more than I thought," she admitted honestly.  
"Are you lonely on the farm? Or bored?" he asked, needing to know, not sure if he was ready to hear her answer.  
Her silence spoke more than any word she could have uttered.  
"Mac?" he prompted, needing to hear her articulate a response.  
"Yes and no," she said slowly. "I'm not lonely or bored really," she tried to explain. "I mean there's always a house full of people and a hundred things to do..."  
"But..." he said, knowing her 'but' pause when he heard it.  
"But..." she continued. "I guess there are things I miss about our old life that I hadn't realised...I love the kids, don't get me wrong, but ..."  
"Their conversations aren't quite on the same level that you were used to at JAG?" he said, knowing that Mac loved the verbal jousting of a court case as much as he did.  
"No, they're not," she agreed. "Though their behaviour is often better..." she added with a small chuckle.

Harm smiled and kissed her head. "How are we going to improve things for you?"  
"Honestly, I don't know," she said, not able to think that far ahead.  
"Because anything you want to do we'll be able to work around it," he said confidently. "If you want to do a course or get a job in town or do volunteer work or whatever it is, then I want you to do it."  
"And the kids?" she said with a yawn.  
"Mac, the kids will be cared for and loved whatever happens," he said. "What I want is for you to be content and fulfilled and happy living on the farm...and if you don't want to live there then we can move any..."  
Knowing where he was going, Mac sat up before turning herself around and being face to face with him.  
"Don't finish that sentence," she said, her eyes locked on his. "I don't want to leave the farm ... not now, not ever."  
"But if you did..." he interjected.  
"But I don't," she said earnestly. "I know it doesn't seem like it right now but I love the farm and I'm sure when Dr Mollison sorts me out that I'll be able to see things a little more clearly. Yes, maybe it's time I look for something that gets me away from the house for a couple of hours a week but I'm not looking to leave on a permanent basis..."

Harm nodded; he, Mattie and Colin all had jobs which got them out of the house, granted they all still worked on the property but they all had their roles to play and an occupation to put on the tax form. Lily got out of the house everyday to go to school and to friend's places. Even the twins made regular visits to the Anderson's next door but except for errands, Mac was always in or around house. That hadn't been so much of an issue when Grams was around, there had been someone to talk to, to discuss current affairs with, to ask advice of, to listen to. There had been hours spent on the history of the farm and the Rabb family and of their town, discussions about life and politics and current affairs. Now, there were Wiggles, Dora the Explorer, pre-school lessons, housework and a nagging feeling of emptiness.

In the predawn hour of the following morning, Mac awoke to find Harm sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, his legs outstretched, hands clasped and his eyes heavy but focused on her.

Easing herself away from her daughter Mac slid from the bed before crouching in front of her husband. "What's wrong?" she whispered, her hand coming up to caress his tearstained face.  
"It's okay, it's okay, he said as she moved to straddle his lap. "I'm okay."  
"Harm, you're sitting on the floor of AJ's bedroom at 0517 crying, that's not okay to me," she said sliding her arms around his neck and resting her forehead on his. Wrapping his arms around her, Harm held her close and reminded himself to breathe as the situation threatened to overwhelm him.

The evening before, Mac, Harm and Rosie had headed down the stairs for dinner and a night of catching up with Bud and the twins. Once the twins had gone to bed, Harm asked Bud about the Commander looking to rent the in the area and it didn't take long for them to arrange for Bud to speak to Commander Taylor and, if they were interested, to show him the house before putting them in touch with Harm and Mac.  
There were a few more hours of friendly chatter before all had headed to bed and despite her nerves at what the following day would bring, especially for her daughter, Mac had fallen asleep easily.

Now it seemed that things hadn't been as easy for her husband. Between his long afternoon nap and his anxiety about the following day, Harm hadn't slept at all and without sleep all that was left for him is to think about everything that had happened that day and could happen the following one and it had brought him nothing but distress.  
"Harm, I told you I..." she began but he shook his head.  
"This isn't about you...or me...or the farm...or..." his voice trailed as his eyes drifted back to the small bundle in the bed.  
"Rosie?" she said, following the direction of his gaze.  
"Aha," he said. "I just can't contemplate there being anything more wrong than just an ear infection."

Slowly, Mac repositioned herself so her back was against his chest and she was sitting between his legs, with his arms wrapped around her, they both sat in silence watching their precious daughter sleep. Wondering how the day would turn out for her, for them all. Wondering what a negative diagnosis would mean. Wondering how she'd cope, how they'd cope. Wondering why they had to experience so much angst in their lives.


	42. Chapter 42

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless New Zealand. Thoughts and prayers are with all in Christchurch xox**_

_**-**_  
Iron - extremely low  
Estrogen - low  
Blood pressure - very low  
Weight loss - rapid and a concern  
Fatigue - family and physiological factors.  
Depression - still to be determined.

Mac and Harm sat and listened to Dr Mollison as she explained the outcome of the previous day's tests. Even though they knew these things were the likely outcomes, it sounded so clinical to hear it from the doctor herself.  
"So I'm right, I am a mess," Mac said as Harm held her hand.  
"You might feel a mess, Sarah," Dr Mollison said, "But as I said yesterday, there's nothing here that can't be fixed."

Over the next thirty minutes, Dr Mollison outlined a treatment plan which included a combination of natural remedies and pharmaceutical interventions. She spoke of Mac needing to recognise what her body is telling her and, more importantly, to act upon it immediately and not to wait until she felt everything was spinning out of control.

She recommended Mac find a counsellor or therapist closer to home that she could talk matters through with.  
"Are you saying I'm clinically depressed?" she asked, not wanting that diagnosis at all.  
"No, I'm not," Dr Mollison replied. "Until we deal with the physiological aspect of things we won't know. The low iron can cause fatigue as too can the low estrogen levels, as too can depression, so it's important we find out what's causing what before I give a definitive diagnosis."

Mac nodded, it all made sense.  
"I want you to follow this treatment plan immediately and email me in a week or so and let me know how you're doing. Now, I know you are anxious to get to Rose's appointment so I'll let you go. I hope everything's okay with your little girl," she said, standing and walking them to her door. "I do want to see you again in about a month, so when Rose has been seen and you know if or when you have to come back for her, contact my receptionist and make a time."

As she opened the door for them, Mac and Harm both thanked her profusely for her care and concern, many people criticised their doctors but they had never found fault with Dr Mollison and knew they had been blessed to have her as Mac's OBGYN.

Harriet, who'd come along to sit with Rosie while they were in with the doctor, stood to greet them.  
"Well?" she said, eager to know the results.  
"It's all good," Mac said with a relieved sigh. "Well, at least it will be," she said, waving the papers with the treatment plan outlined.  
"Great news," Harriet said hugging her as Rosie stretched her arms out for Harm to pick her up.  
"Well, let's hope the next appointment gives us even better news," Mac said, wanting to focus all her energy on her daughter.

Dr Geoff Jacobs' consultation room was decorated differently to Dr Mollison's and bore the signs it was definitely a paediatric room. Large cartoon animals adorned the walls and a box of toys sat in the corner. Rosie wasn't interested in any of it; instead she sat on Harm's lap, facing him, her right ear against his chest and her eyes staying on her mommy.

After reading the referral letter and getting a rundown from Harm and Mac about Rose's development, general health, history of ear infections and language development, Dr Jacobs came around his desk with an otoscope to check Rosie's ears. Expecting his daughter to protest, Harm held her tighter but Rosie barely made a sound, instead just letting big tears run down her cheeks. Mac reached out to dry her tears but Rose just turned her face into Harm's chest, she'd had enough of it all already.

After a thorough examination, Dr Jacobs returned to his chair and made a few quick notes before dropping his pen and joining his hands.  
"Young Rosie seems to be having a very difficult time of late," he started, looking at the child who was eying him suspiciously. "And I can see why..."

Turning around a chart of the ear, he explained the current condition of both inner ears and ended with the news that a trip to the OR was on the cards, and sooner rather than later. Mac swallowed hard, surgery!

Looking at the panicked expression on Mac's face, Dr Jacobs rounded his desk once more.  
"I can see you're concerned, Mrs Rabb," he said gently, "But both procedures are relatively minor. In the right ear we will fix the perforation as it doesn't seem to be healing by itself, and in the left ear we will remove the mass to prevent it from causing any further damage to the canal or her hearing..."  
"Is it a tumour?" Harm asked, rubbing his daughter's back.  
"Until it's removed and we send it to pathology we won't know for certain, but in children of Rose's age, masses like this are usually cholesteatomas and while they can be painful and can cause permanent hearing loss, they are usually very treatable and benign," he explained, knowing it wouldn't give the parents much comfort at this stage.  
"Will she lose her hearing?" Mac asked her heart palpitating at the thought.  
"With her current condition treated, no," he said, "That doesn't mean further infections won't be detrimental but I think we are getting ahead of ourselves. Two weeks after Rose has had the procedures performed, I will re-examine her and we'll have a better picture of what's going on for her. The priority now is to book her in and get things underway. Now, when Linda Mollison phoned me to organise an appointment for Rose, she did explain where you live and the distance you had to travel to be here..."  
"Distance doesn't matter," Harm interjected, prepared to take Rose to the other side of the country if that's what was necessary.  
"I know," he replied. "Now, Mondays and Fridays are my surgery days and I am booked out for this Friday..."  
Harm nodded; he knew this was an emergency appointment as it was and was grateful the doctor had agreed to see them.

Flicking through his diary, the doctor read a couple of notes.  
"With a couple of changes, I can fit Rose in next Monday..." he said, scribbling a note. "I generally like to do the older children first as they're more aware of what's happening and do tend to get anxious, so Rose may be the last of the day but if we can't do it then it won't be for another couple of weeks as I'm on leave."  
"Monday's fine," Mac said, not wanting to leave Rose in pain for any longer than she had to be.  
"Okay, usually we mail out all the consent forms and patient information but given the timeline I'll have my receptionist email them to you," Dr Jacobs said.

Soon after, they departed with instructions on how to care for Rose's ears and what to do for Rose in preparation for the surgery the following week.

Once the door was shut behind them, Harm wrapped his free arm around Mac, pulling her close before kissing her forehead.  
"You okay?" he whispered as Rosie watched the interaction.  
Mac nodded; she wasn't okay, she was still scared about her daughter's health and she wanted nothing short of an ironclad guarantee everything would be perfect after her surgery. "You?"  
Harm nodded; he wasn't okay either but it was a game they would have to play for the time being.  
"Well?" Harriet asked as she got to her feet, the waiting had been killing her.

Harm gave her a quick rundown as Rosie put her arms out to Mac. Taking her daughter, Mac kissed her head and whispered her love to her as Rosie settled her head in the crook of Mac's neck. With a guiding arm around his wife, Harm walked them to towards the elevator as Harriet moved ahead and pressed the button.

A quick cup of coffee and morning tea at Harriet's with arrangements made for the following week and they were back on the road home. Stopping for lunch an hour from home, Mac sat with Rosie at a table for four as Harm went to get the food. Looking out the large window, Rosie watched a couple of toddlers playing on the undercover playground equipment.  
"Do you want to play?" Mac asked, hoping her daughter would show interest in something. Rosie shook her head. "Mommy will take you." Rosie shook her head again and Mac sighed, Lily used to love this playground when they stopped here with her.

Returning to his family, Harm placed the laden tray on the table.  
"Chicken nuggets and fries for Miss Rosie," Harm said placing the plate in front of her. "Hamburger and fries for mommy," he continued. "Tuna salad wrap for daddy and drinks all around." Rosie and Mac looked equally unimpressed at the offerings and Harm knew it wasn't the food it was the lack of appetite. "Now," he said, looking at his daughter but addressing his wife as well, "Daddy knows you're not hungry but you have to eat something to help you get better," he said, lifting up a chicken nugget and handing it to his daughter.

When Rosie took it, he glanced at Mac and then at her meal.  
"I got it without onions and extra cheese," he said, sliding in beside her.  
"Just the way I like it," she said with false enthusiasm.  
"I know," he said, kissing her head. "So please eat something."

Meanwhile at the farm, Mattie was busy cleaning up all evidence of the night before knowing Harm and Mac would be returning by midafternoon. It had been a wonderful evening for Lily and Jessie but while she was helping Jessie in the bathroom, Harry had gotten into the paints Mac used with him and Rosie and had decorated the walls, the furniture and his baby brother. While she had gotten Frankie cleaned up immediately, Lily and Jessie's attempts to help her clean the mess had resulted in it getting spread further and further. Colin had spent the night cleaning the walls and furniture while Mattie had tried to soothe Frankie who was missing his mommy desperately and letting them know all about it.

By the time Lily had gone to school, Mattie thought she could sit down for five minutes but then discovered Harry's artistry had extended to the living room rug and to the coffee table. With Frankie asleep and Harry under explicit instruction not to move from the armchair while he watched Thomas the Tank on DVD, Mattie tried to clean up the rest of the mess, wondering how one three and a half year old left alone for five minutes could create so much havoc? She didn't know how Mac did it...having the three kids with her everyday and not once had Harry redecorated the house.

By the time Harm pulled the car up in the driveway, Mattie was exhausted but at least the house looked somewhat similar to the way it had been the morning before when they had left. Eager to greet them and hand over responsibility for young Harry, Mattie raced out to see them. "So glad you're home," Mattie said, throwing one arm around Mac as the other held firmly onto Harry. "How did it all go?"  
"Glad to be home," Mac replied, kissing Mattie's cheek before scooping up her little boy. "Hey, baby," she said, kissing her son. "Have you been good for Mattie?"  
Harry shook his head sadly and the truth was out.

Rather than lie and knowing she'd be found out, Mattie gave the basic details and Harry knew he was in trouble.  
"Sorry, mommy," he said, dropping his head onto her shoulder. He didn't want his mommy cross with him.  
"I think it's Mattie you should say sorry to," she said, turning him to face his eldest sister.  
"Sorry, Mattie," he said sheepishly.  
"It's all clean now," Mattie said, not wanting to create more of a fuss than necessary given where they'd been.

All three children were napping when Colin pulled up on his motorbike and dropped Lily off. Racing into the house, Lily ran straight to her mother.  
"What did Dr Mollison say?" she asked eagerly, her fingers crossed in the hope the nice doctor had fixed everything.  
"Well, hello to you, Lily," Mac said, pulling the child onto her knee and hugging her.  
"Hi mommy," she said with a grin. "I missed you."  
"Missed you too," Mac replied kissing her head. Lily looked up at her expectantly. "Dr Mollison said that I am having a few problems with my hormones..."  
"I could have told her that," Lily interjected.  
"I know," Mac said, kissing her head once more. "You're a very clever girl. Anyway, she has given me some things to do and medicines to take and said I should feel a lot better very soon."  
"Yay!" Lily exclaimed hugging her tightly. "Dr Mollison rules!" Mac laughed, then Lily pulled back. "What about Rosie? What did her doctor say?" Lily asked concern filling her deep chocolate eyes.  
"Well, Rosie's doctor said that she is having problems with both of her ears and that she needs to have a little operation on them next Monday," Mac said as Harm sat down beside them.  
"An operation?" Lily asked, her eyes widening. Mac nodded. "Oh, poor Rosie Rose...will that fix everything?"  
"We hope so," Harm said, kissing her cheek. Then to change the topic, he asked about Jessie's visit.

Over the next ten minutes Lily chatted about how absolutely fantastic it was to have Jessie come visit. She explained how they'd played games, coloured in, had the best dinner and how the two bad things were Harry and his painting and the fact Mattie had made them both do their homework before they got to play.  
"Sounds like you had the best time," Harm said, as Lily climbed down from Mac's lap.  
"Oh, we did and Mattie said Jessie can come over anytime ... well, so long as Harry is under strict supervision and when Ms Murphy came over she said Jessie was happier than she had been in forever and she was happy, but she was crying..." Lily rambled.  
"Well, we can't wait to meet Jessie and her mom," Mac said, standing up. "Do you have homework tonight?" Lily nodded reluctantly. "How about you get it out and mommy will help you?"  
"Really?" she questioned, mommy was usually too busy with the others.  
"Really," Mac said, patting her butt to move her along.

By the time Lily's bedtime came around the twins were already asleep in their own beds and Frankie was being nursed by his mother. Padding across the living room, she climbed into Harm's lap before tugging on his head.  
"Can I sleep with Rosie in her bed?" Lily whispered, not wanting her mother to hear.  
"Why?" he whispered in reply.  
"Because I love her and I missed her and I'm sad she has to have an operation and I don't want her to be alone," Lily replied and Harm kissed her head.  
"I'm sure Rosie would love to have you sleep with her," he replied, changing his plans. While Rosie had been feeling better and put into her own bed, Harm had planned to put her in with them when they went to bed.  
"Do you think mom will say it's okay?" she whispered, looking over at her mother.  
"Ask her," Harm prompted but Lily shook her head.  
"You ask for me," she whispered. "She doesn't say no to you."  
Harm laughed, Mac said no to him more than she said yes lately.


	43. Chapter 43

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless New Zealand. Thoughts and prayers are with all in Christchurch xox**_

_**-**_  
The next few days were relatively quiet ones. Harry was thrilled to have Rosie home and never left her side. While he wasn't aware of what was on the cards for his twin, he knew something was amiss and was overly protective of her and tried to share everything he had with her, not that Rosie was interested in much.

Early Friday afternoon when Rosie had had enough of the sofa, she climbed down and with her head still a little foggy and sense of balance a little off she tumbled into the coffee table and bumped her arm. Rather than yelling in pain, Rosie just sat in a crumpled heap rubbing her arm and letting the tears trickle down her cheeks. It was Harry who decided to act.

Padding over to her, he tried to rub her head. "Ooh, poor baby," he said. "It's okay, Harry will fix it." Rosie just cried more so he knelt down and patted her back. "It's okay, honey." But it didn't work either and Harry didn't know why, it always worked when mommy or daddy did it.

Racing into the dining room, Harry was in tears as he ran into his mother's legs, grabbing hold to get her attention. Mac was just about to reprimand him but looking at his face she knew something was amiss.  
"What's wrong, Harry?" she asked scooping him up.  
"Hurt arm," he said, patting his arm before wiping at his tears.  
"Ooh, poor baby," she said kissing his arm before caressing his face. "Mommy will fix it."  
"No," he said struggling to get down. "Rosie!"

Tugging Mac's hand, Harry took her to the living room where she found her daughter just where Harry had left her.  
"Rosie fall and hurt arm," he said pointing at his sister.  
Quickly, Mac let go of his hand and picked up the tearful bundle. "Oh, Rosie Rose," she said, kissing her head. "You're okay, baby."

Sitting down in the armchair, Mac cradled her daughter to her rubbing the red mark on her arm and trying to comfort her. Climbing up on the arm of the chair, Harry leant down and kissed his sister's head.  
"Mommy, fix," he said looking up her mother.  
"Rosie's fine, Harry," she said, wrapping an arm around him. "She's just a little sad."  
"Love you, Rosie," he said, kissing his sister.

The trio sat there a while longer before Harm came in from his trip to Charlesville.  
"How are my favourite people?" he asked coming into the living room to find them curled up together.  
"Rosie sad and hurt her arm," Harry said tearfully.  
"But she's better now," Mac added when she saw the concern on her husband's face. "It was only a little bump."  
"But she cried and cried and cried," Harry said, reaching out for his dad.  
"Aw, poor Rosie Rose," Harm said, kissing her head before kissing Harry's. "But I'm sure mommy made it all better."

Harry nodded before looping his hands around his daddy's neck.  
"Ice cream make her better," he said, knowing it always worked for him.  
"Would you like some ice cream, baby?" he asked Rosie  
Rosie wasn't fussed either way but Harm went and got some for her and her brother anyway. When he had it set out on the table, with Harry's help, he went in to get Rose. Not wanting to let go of her mom, Mac carried Rosie to the dining room and sat on the chair, propping Rosie on her knee facing the table.

Harry had downed two spoonfuls before he realised his sister hadn't started. Taking up his third scoop he offered it to her.  
"It's yummy, Rosie," he said, trying to spoon-feed her. When Rosie turned her head, Harry put the spoon to his lips. "Look, Rosie," he said before eating the ice cream. "Yum."  
Mac could only giggle; that's exactly how she and Harm tried to coerce the children into eating. When Mac lifted up the spoon, Rosie allowed her mother to feed her. A huge grin spread across Harry's face when he realised she was actually eating it, he knew it would make her feel better.

Later that night, with everyone tucked up in bed and sleeping peacefully, Mac lay in bed looking at the ceiling in the ambient lighting.  
"What's up?" Harm asked, opening one eye.  
"Go back to sleep," she said, reaching over to pat his arm.  
"Mac," he drawled. "What's going on?"

Rolling towards him, Mac threaded her arms around him and snuggled in close before nuzzling into his neck. Slowly, Harm rubbed her back before slipping his leg over hers and locking their bodies together.  
"Missed you," she whispered and Harm knew what she meant.  
"I've missed you too," he said as his hand slipped under her tee, delighting in the feel of her bare skin.  
"I...I...um..." she started but couldn't find the right way to phrase the things which were on her mind.  
"What is it?" he said, ducking his head to get eye contact with her.  
"I'm embarrassed," she said sheepishly.  
"About what?" he questioned, pulling back to look at her.  
"Sex," she whispered, ducking her head once more to break eye contact.  
"I don't understand," he said, pulling her closer. Mac drew a deep breath and prayed she was doing the right thing opening up on such matters. "Come on, Mac," he continued when she didn't. "You know we can talk honestly about anything."  
"Not this," she finally said.  
"Sure we can talk about sex," he said. "We've done it before."  
"This is different," she said, still not prepared to look at him.  
"How is it different?" he asked, a little confused about the conversation.  
"All our other sex talks have been positive ones; what we like, what's good, what we want to try," she said, running her finger over his chest.  
"And is this talk going to be negative?" he asked, already knowing the answer by her demeanour.  
"Sorry," she replied nodding her head.  
"Don't be sorry," he replied automatically. "Just talk to me."  
"I want to have sex with you," she said in a rush, "I do...it's just that things aren't happening for me the way they used to and I was really embarrassed to mention it because I didn't want you thinking it was you because it's not, it's me and although I know how to fix it, at least I think I know, I didn't want to bring it up because I was afraid you'd think you weren't turning me on because you do ... you always have... it's just that I can't ... well ..."  
"Mac, honey," he whispered, kissing her forehead. "You're going to need to slow down and try again because all I got out of that is a lot of becauses and a lot of double talk."

Mac drew a deep breath and decided to forge ahead. "Menopause has caused things to become dry...down there... and I'm sure a lubricant would help but we've never had to use one before and I was scared you'd think it was you not turning me on...but it's not that...it could never be that," she whispered nervously.  
"Is this why you've not responded to me when I've initiated things?" he said, cupping her face with his hand so he could maintain eye contact.  
"Yeah," she said with a nod. "I've wanted to have this conversation with you for a while but I just couldn't work up the nerve to do it."  
"What are you so scared of, gorgeous?" he questioned, brushing his thumb over the swell of her cheek.  
"That..." she started before her eyes welled up. "That...you'll realise I'm getting old and won't want me anymore."  
"That's never going to happen," he said, brushing his lips across hers. "I love you more and more everyday ...I want you more and more everyday... but, Mac, do you want to know a secret?"  
Mac nodded, her eyes still filled with concern and uncertainty.  
"You are getting old," he said, locking eyes with her. "And so am I," he added. "And while I wish we could stop time, we can't. So, as the years pass we'll have to make adjustments and I'm really okay with that. So long as I get to share my life with you I don't care how many changes we have to make."  
"Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that," she said, smiling at his words.  
"And tomorrow when we go to town, we can stop at the grocery store or the drug store and buy as many different tubes of lubricants or moisturisers or whatever it is we want or need and we'll keep trying them until we find something that's us, okay?"  
"Yeah, okay," Mac said letting out a breath. "Wish we had something tonight ...I wouldn't mind making love with you right now."  
"Would you settle for a make out session with some pretty heavy petting?" he asked as he slid his hand under her shirt once more.  
"Sure would," she replied, wrapping her arm around his neck and pulling him onto her as his lips collided with hers.

They both knew this little interlude wouldn't cure anything but it sure felt good to be demonstrating their love in a more physical manner.

Saturday dawned and Mac was feeling better than she had in a while but, as she showered and dressed, she still knew there was a long way to go. Getting more sleep, knowing her husband still desired her and with the medications starting to play their part, Mac had a better mindset as she faced the day. Meanwhile, Harm was feeling a little better about things himself too.

With his youngest daughter a little brighter than she had been, Harm had her on his hip as he prepared breakfast for them all; pancakes...and lots of them.  
"Mmmm, pancakes," Mac said, coming down the stairs and kissing Lily and Frankie who were at the table. "Good morning, baby boy."  
"Mama," he said and Mac just stared at him, then at Lily. "Mama," he repeated and Mac grinned. Her baby boy had said his first word. Scooping him up, Mac plastered kisses over his face and Frankie could only giggle.  
"He's talking," Lily said excitedly as she watched the scene play out.  
"Who's talking?" asked Harm coming in with Rosie and a plate of pancakes.  
"Frankie is," she said gesturing eagerly. "He said 'mama'."

All it took was one look at Mac's face for Harm to know it was the truth. At seven months of age, the baby boy who had been a great shock to them, the one who fought hard to be with them, the one whose birth had preceded one of the most traumatic moments in his parents' lives, had spoken his first word and Harm was delighted it was 'mama' – after all, it was Mac who had endured so much with his pregnancy.

"Wow, what a clever little boy!" Harm said, padding over and kissing the child's head.  
"Mama!" he repeated, thrilled with the attention.  
"You're right," Harm said, "This beautiful woman is your amazing mama." Harm kissed her head.  
"Mama!" he said with a laugh.  
"Would my clever boy like a pancake?" he asked, and Frankie reached out for the whole plate. "Whoa, baby, one at a time..."

Now, it was two all; Lily and Rosie's first words had been 'dada', Harry and Frankie's were 'mama'. All was even; each parent seeming to have a deep affinity with their children of the opposite gender. Lily's first word was uttered the when she was nearly nine months old. It happened when Harm had been away for ten days and Mac had spent time every day showing Lily her dad's picture and reminding her it was 'daddy'.

The night Harm returned home, fatigued and disillusioned after losing a seemingly unlosable case, Lily had put her arms up the moment he was in the door. "Dada! Dada!" she called and instantly Harm's negativity had evaporated and the only world that existed was in their little home. He had grinned so broadly, Mac wasn't sure his face wouldn't break in two. "Dada," she called again and as Harm smothered his daughter in kisses and declared his love for her, he couldn't help the tears which trickled down his cheeks.

Harry had spoken a week before Rosie. He had just turned eight months and had spent a week with a nasty winter cold. Loving the fact he got to spend time resting on his mother's chest, he had looked up at her with the same blue eyes as his daddy and said 'momma'. Instantly, Mac was in tears as she kissed and caressed the child. 'Momma' he repeated and by the time Harm came in to say hello, Mac was in floods of tears and Harm didn't know what to think. When Harry said 'momma' again, Harm knew and he was delighted.

After a week of trying to get Rosie to copy her brother, Mac was home with the twins when Rosie said 'dada'. Disappointed Harm was not there to hear it, Mac grabbed her cell and, after considerable prompting, videoed her saying it before sending it to his cell. In the middle of listening to a boring lecture at the Pentagon, Harm surreptitiously answered his cell and pressed play.

Smiling broadly he replayed it several times before turning his attention back to the matter at hand; data analysis of the trends in crime in the military. Facts and figures had never sounded so good to him.


	44. Chapter 44

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless New Zealand. Thoughts and prayers are with all in Christchurch xox**_

_I know there's dwidling support for this story, but I will see it through._

_**-**_  
What to do! What to do! What to do!

The arrangements with the hospital were fairly straightforward; Rosie would be required to be there by midday Monday for her pre-op review. It wasn't necessary to have her there overnight Sunday but her parents needed to ensure she didn't eat and drink Monday morning. Given the late time of her procedures, it was most likely Rosie would have to stay overnight and one parent would stay with her – both if they could arrange it.

Knowing how distressed Frankie was when they left him home last time, Mac wanted to take him with them, knowing it would mean only one of them could stay at the hospital but believing it was best for Frankie, and for Mattie and Colin. The other issue was Harry. He hadn't left his twin's side since her last visit to DC and he knew there was something going on. For all of Sunday afternoon he had remained by her side, Sunday night, after both were put into their own beds, Harry had gotten into his sister's and was holding her hand when Mac went to check on them.  
"What do you think?" Harm asked coming from behind her as she stood leaning on the doorjamb watching them sleep.  
"About?" she questioned, although she had a fair idea.  
"Taking Harry to DC with us too," he said, sliding an arm around her waist.

Mac gave a small laugh, that's exactly what she'd been thinking of.  
"If we take Harry and Frankie," Mac started quietly, "Then Lily will be upset that we're leaving her behind ... and if we take them it means we can't devoted our time to Rosie ... and if we take them Harriet will have to look after them for a while..."  
"We're taking them, aren't we?" Harm said, knowing just by his wife's speech patterns that she wasn't even convincing herself it was a bad idea.  
"We are," she said, leaning into him. "I think Harry will fret too much for her, as she will for him, if we don't at least take him to DC," Mac said with a sigh. "Depending on how it goes, maybe he can see her after the surgery for a minute..."  
"And Frankie too," Harm said, kissing her head. "I think mommy was fretting as much as baby last week."  
"Yeah," she admitted. "It was harder to leave him home than I expected."  
"Well, I'm sure Auntie Harriet would love to have them visit," Harm said, gently guiding her away from the twins' bedroom. "And we'll just have to explain to Lily that she needs to stay to go to school and because Jessie's coming over tomorrow night."  
"Maybe next week we'll be able to meet Jessie," Mac said, climbing into her bed. "Lily and Mattie just love her."  
"Well, I love you," Harm said, climbing in beside her and wrapping his arms around her.  
"Please tell me it's going to all go alright tomorrow," Mac said resting her head on his chest.

For the next hour, Harm and Mac lay entwined in their bed discussing the possibilities of the following day's procedures. In the end they both conceded they needed to pray for the best, and wait for the results ... there was nothing they could say or do now that would make a difference for their daughter.

Overhearing an early morning discussion between her parents and Mattie and Colin about the kids going to DC with them, Lily retreated up the stairs and quickly packed a bag. Excited, she danced back down the stairs all ready for a big breakfast before they hit the road. Her excitement lasted until Mac reminded her she needed to go and dress for school.  
"But I'm going to DC with you," she said, hands on her hips.  
"Who said?" Harm asked, turning in his chair to watch her.  
"You did," she replied. "I heard you telling Mattie and Colin you were taking the kids with you...and I'm a kid."  
Harm laughed; "Yes, you are," Harm said tugging at her arm to bring her to him. "But I had already explained to them that we were taking the little kids and leaving you here."  
Lily's eyes widened. "Why? What did I do wrong?"  
"Nothing, honey," he said gently. "But you have school and you have Jessie coming over tonight."  
"But I can catch up with school and Jessie can come over later in the week," she said, not understanding why she was the only one to remain behind.  
"No," Mac said firmly. "I'm really sorry, Lily, but school's too important to miss when you don't have to."  
"But seeing Rosie's okay is important too," Lily replied. "Isn't it?"  
"Of course it is," she said, rubbing the child's back. "But it's only overnight and you'll get to see Rosie tomorrow."  
"Well, how come the boys get to go?" she questioned, not liking this at all.

Mac didn't feel she needed to justify her decision to her nine year old but she knew that if she didn't explain it properly then there'd be upset people all around, namely herself.  
"Come here for a minute," she said and Lily climbed onto her lap. "You know daddy and I love you very much, don't you?" Lily nodded. "Now, when you broke your ankles daddy and I spent lots of time with you when you had your appointments and took special care of you, didn't we?" Lily nodded again. "So, this time it has to be about Rosie and we need to take special care of her."  
"I get that," she said. "But why do the boys get to go? They never came with me."  
"What happened last week when we left them here?" Mac asked quietly, pulling Lily closer.  
"Harry wrecked everything by painting it and Frankie cried all night," she said in exaggerated tones.  
"That's right, and we don't want that happening again," she said, "It's not fair on Mattie, it's not fair on you and Jessie, and it's not fair on the boys to have them so upset, now is it?"

After the way her mother had phrased it, Lily could hardly say yes. Realising the boys were going for all their benefits, she rested her head against her mom's.  
"They were a bit of a handful," she whispered, "I guess it's best they go ... but I'm going to be worried the whole time you're gone."  
Mac kissed her head; "I know, Lil, but how about you only let yourself worry after Jessie goes home?"  
"Okay," she agreed, she could do that.

The boys happily stayed with Harriet while Harm and Mac took Rosie to the hospital, they were delighted to have her home cooked treats and undivided attention and Harriet was more than delighted to have them visit. Rosie was oblivious to what was going to happen at the hospital and aside from being a bit restless waiting in the pre-op ward, she was calm and settled, and that was more than could be said for her dad.

Calm and composed until the time drew near, Harm began to pace nervously. Yes, he liked the doctor. Yes, he knew it was all relatively minor, but this was his baby girl and he was putting her in the hands of someone he didn't really know and they were going to put her under a general anaesthetic and operate on her. Calling it a procedure didn't fool him, this was surgery, there would be needles and drips and a scalpel and they would be used on his three and a half year old beautiful little girl; and that frightened him.

Taking his hand, Mac sat him down in the chair beside Rosie's bed. Bending down she kissed his head before gently raking her fingers through his short locks.  
"You need to breathe and relax, honey," she whispered, "You've gone paler than the hospital linen."  
"I'm okay," he said, looking from his wife to his daughter.  
"She's going to be fine," Mac said, squeezing his hand. "But you look like you're going to pass out."  
"No," he said with a quick shake of his head. "I'm doing okay." He smiled weakly and he knew he hadn't convinced his wife. "Well, maybe I'm not doing as okay as I'd like but I promise I'll try harder."

Sensing her daddy's distress, Rosie began to fuss. If daddy was scared then there was something to be fearful of. Standing, Harm leant over his daughter and kissed and caressed her until the anaesthetist entered the room and prepared the drip to put her to sleep. Whimpering as the needle stuck her, Rosie looked up at her daddy with big sad eyes and he carefully scooped her up and held her against his chest until she fell asleep. The last thing Rosie felt before drifting into oblivion was her father's lips on her forehead.

Knowing they had at least 45 minutes and knowing she was finding the hospital waiting room suffocating, Mac informed the nurse they were heading outside for some fresh air and ensured she had their cell numbers in case they were needed. Knowing he couldn't do much for his daughter for the time being, Harm took hold of his wife's hand and escorted her down to the lobby. Both picked up coffee from the cafeteria before sitting outside in the wintry sun.

While it was a bit uncomfortable to be sitting outside on a cold October afternoon, the fresh air was far better than the stifling atmosphere of the paediatric OR waiting room. Little was said, little needed to be, their thoughts filled with the goings-on five floors above them. The hospital coffee was barely drinkable but both went through the pretence of drinking it, more for something to do that anything else.

After the first thirty minutes passed, Harm could wait no longer and, standing, he picked up their half full cups and tossed them into the trash. The elevator ride up to the fifth floor was done in silence, their hands joined in unity and love as they entered the waiting room once more.

It was another painstaking twenty seven minutes before Dr Jacobs emerged from the blue OR doors which had been their sole focus for their entire time in the waiting room. Immediately, they were on their feet.  
"She's fine, she's fine," were the first words from his mouth when he looked at their concerned faces. Being a paediatric surgeon, he was used to the deep concerns of parents even when it was the most innocuous of procedures. Being a father himself, he fully understood where they were coming from. "They're moving her into recovery and you'll be able to see her in a few minutes."  
"What did you find?" Harm asked, bracing himself for whatever news may follow.  
"The right ear has been severely affected by this last infection and perforation," he explained quietly, mindful there were other people about. "I've cleaned it and repaired the tear and I'm hopeful it will heal completely."  
"Will her hearing be affected?" Mac asked, her hand tightly gripping her husband's.  
"It's too early to tell," he replied honestly. "I know her hearing levels were reduced when I saw her in clinic last week, whether that was temporary or permanent only time will tell."  
"What about the mass?" Mac asked, feeling sick at the thought of her daughter having a mass of anything.  
"I've removed it in its entirety," Dr Jacobs said. "Aside from the obstruction and discomfort it was causing to the ear canal, it all seems quite benign."  
Mac closed her eyes in relief.  
"When will we know for sure?" Harm questioned, needing to know the results were surgically and pathologically sound.  
"A couple of days," Dr Jacobs said. "I know you want to know now but all these things take time."  
"Okay," he said in a sigh. He could wait a couple of days; after all, the doctor seemed unfazed about it all.

Guiding the anxious parents in through the OR doors; Dr Jacobs led them to the recovery room and left them with their sleeping daughter. Harm couldn't help the tears which fell at the sight of his beautiful daughter sleeping peacefully in the bed.  
"She's fine, she's fine," Mac whispered before kissing him.  
"I know," he replied, wrapping Mac in his arms. "Just feeling a little anxious."  
"I know," she said, resting her head against his chest. "She's such a daddy's girl."  
Harm grinned widely; yes, she was daddy's girl and nothing would ever change that.

Kisses, caresses and declarations of love ensued and while young Rosie slept through it all, it made Harm and Mac feel much better. An hour later when she was settled in her ward and had opened her eyes enough to know mommy and daddy were there, Harm pulled Mac aside so they could work out their plans for the evening. The truth was that they both knew what needed to happen; Mac needed to be with Frankie and Harm needed to be with Rosie, so that was a given. Not having thought about the situation with the car and car seats, Harm would return to the Roberts' pick up Harriet and the boys and bring them back for a quick visit. After which Mac would go home with them and Harm would spend the night at his daughter's side.

In the morning, Mac would come in about eight and when Rosie was discharged they would return to the Roberts', pick up the boys and head home. That was the plan.

And it was fine, until Harm realised he needed to leave to get the boys and was decidedly uneasy about it.  
"I'll be here," Mac said gently as she looked at his worried expression.  
"I know," he said with a nod.  
"What are you worried about?" she questioned when he made no move to leave.  
"Nothing...no...I'm not worried," he said quickly, giving away the fact he was indeed worried.  
"Sweetheart," Mac said rubbing his arm. "You'll be gone all of twenty five minutes, she's awake and doing well and there's nothing to worry about."

Taking a deep breath, Harm nodded before kissing his wife and daughter and leaving. He loved his wife but she was wrong on this occasion, there wasn't nothing to worry about, there was something to worry about, something big! And that was the fact he was hopelessly in love with his children and couldn't bear to leave one in such a state. Call him a sook. Call him anything you want but he'd spent most of his life in a cocoon of loneliness, never letting anyone in and it had taken all his courage to open up his life and heart to Mac. Now, he couldn't live without her. His children had been in his heart from the moment they were conceived and he couldn't live without them either, he couldn't bear to see them sick or hurt and he couldn't bear the thought of leaving without his daughter. Still, he sucked it up, wiped at his eyes as he exited the elevator, and headed out to get his precious boys.


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

With some precious mommy – daughter time to be had, Mac kicked off her shoes and slid into Rosie's bed as she began to stir. Knowing the child was meant to stay on her left hand side to aid in the drainage of the wound in the left ear, Mac tried to keep her that way. Rosie, however, was awake enough to know she was uncomfortable and after a few minutes of whimpering and shuffling, she ended up just where she wanted to be, on her mother's lap, cradled in loving arms.

With her head resting on Mac's breast and one little hand snaked under her shirt, Rosie's eyes fluttered closed once more as Mac leant down and kissed her daughter's head several times, declaring her love each time she did. There wasn't much to be said but both gained immense comfort from the proximity of the other.

Feeling the fatigue she'd been fighting all day, Mac rested her head back against the bed head and closed her eyes. Gently, Rosie reached up and patted Mac's face.  
"Hey, baby," Mac said, smiling as her eyes opened once more.  
"Hi, mama," she said, playing with Mac's hair.  
"Are you okay?" Mac asked, her finger gently caressing her daughter's face.  
"Tired, mama," she said with a yawn.  
"I know, Rosie," she said leaning down and kissing her forehead. "You go to sleep, mommy's here."  
"Dada?" she said, turning her head to try and see him.  
"Daddy will be back soon," she replied, trying to keep her head still. "He's gone to get Frankie and Harry."  
"Harry," she said and smiled. Mac grinned; it was her daughter's first genuine smile in days.  
"Yes, baby, Harry will be here soon," she whispered, raking her fingers through the child's hair.  
"Love Harry," she said, her eyes fluttering closed.  
"And Harry loves you too," Mac said, tears filling her eyes. "And so does mommy."

Drawing in a deep breath, Mac ignored the tears trickling down her cheeks and focused on the girl in her arms. She was so beautiful and so precious, Mac knew she was biased but didn't care, this was one gorgeous child.

Interrupting their serenity, a nurse entered the room to do Rosie's observations and Mac could instantly tell she wasn't impressed with the scenario she found.  
"Your daughter is fine, ma'am," she said in a rather displeased tone. "No need for all this fuss and tears." She gestured towards the bed and Mac knew she was referring to her being in the bed and the tears on her face.  
"Excuse me?" Mac hissed in the most marine voice she could use with her daughter asleep in her arms.  
"Your daughter had minor procedures on her ears, not really end of the world stuff," she said, recording notes on Rosie's chart.  
"How many children do you have?" Mac asked, placing one hand carefully over Rosie's ear to stop her waking.  
"I don't see how that is relevant," she said as she took Rosie's pulse.  
"It's very relevant," snapped Mac. "How many children do you have, Lieutenant?"  
"I don't have children," she replied, jotting down the results.  
"Well, then I wouldn't expect you to understand," she said, returning her focus to her daughter.  
"Oh, I understand, ma'am, but ..." she began and Mac could tell that whether it was the woman's personality or whether she was just having a bad day that this nurse was about to say something that Mac really didn't want to hear.  
"But nothing, Lieutenant," Mac interrupted harshly. "And for future reference, you may address me as Colonel MacKenzie, my husband, Commander Rabb, will be back shortly and I'm sure he'd love to hear your opinion on the best thing for our children."

The nurse froze momentarily before recovering to make some mumbled excuse and disappearing.  
"Watch out, boys, mommy's in marine mode," Harm said after watching the final scene play out from the doorway. Mac smiled at him. "Anything wrong?"  
"Nope," Mac replied. "Everything's just perfect."

Rosie's first notion that she had a room full of visitors was when her brother's lips planted a big three-year-old kiss on her forehead.  
"Harry?" she said, her eyes opening and a smile spreading across her face.  
"Rosie, Rose," he said grinning as he patted her face. "Miss you."

Harry wriggled from his father's arms to perch himself on his mother so he could remain close to his sister. Wrapping an arm around him, Mac kissed his head and helped him snuggle into them both. Harriet moved across with Frankie in her arms so they could both say hello to the girl of the moment. There were lots of cuddles and kisses and good wishes and then Aunty Harriet produced a golden brown teddy bear from her bag. Rosie smiled as she reached for the bear.  
"Ta," she said, with a smile. Mac closed her eyes and prayed her daughter's language had not been permanently impaired.

Twenty minutes later, the same nurse returned, clearly not impressed that the room was now full. One look at Mac though and any comment she was about to say disappeared. Perhaps taking on superior officers in both the Navy and the Marine Corps just wasn't the career move she was looking for.  
"What's her problem?" Harm whispered as he sat by Mac's side, holding onto Harry who was intrigued by his sister's hospital bracelet.  
"Us," Mac replied, resting her head on his shoulder. "She doesn't think Rosie warrants all this fuss."  
"Is that so?" Harm said, and Mac could feel the tension rising in him. "Power down, sailor, I don't think she's going to have anything else to say on the matter."  
"And how do you know that?" asked Harm, moving Harry's hand as it got a little too close to Rosie's right ear.  
"Just want to look," Harry said, pointing at it.

Tentatively, Harm tilted him over so he could get a quick look at it. The last thing Rose needed was little fingers with little germs anywhere near her fragile ears.  
"Okay?" Harm asked, and Harry nodded.  
"It's all better," he declared. "Rosie can come home now."  
"Thank you for your opinion, Dr Harry," Harm said, kissing his head. "But Rosie has to stay one night and we can all go home tomorrow."  
"Me stay too," he said, trying to wriggle across so he could be next to her.  
"No, honey," Harm said quietly. "Just daddy is staying with Rosie. Mommy and Aunty Harriet are going to take you and Frankie home."  
"No," he insisted. "Me and Rosie are twins, we stay, pods in peas mommy says."  
Harm chuckled; "Mommy does say that but the nurse says no little boys are allowed to stay with Rosie."  
"Just big boys?" he asked with a frown.  
"Just big boys," Harm confirmed and Harry looked at his mother.  
"Just big boys," Mac agreed and Harry sighed, he wasn't going to win this one.

Not long after, everyone had disappeared and only Harm remained in the room with Rosie. Dinner came around and the child was not at all interested in the fish sticks and vegetables they were offering her. She did, however, agree to eat the ice cream and jello for dinner and, for once, Harm didn't care; he was just happy to see her eating something.  
"You're just like your mommy," he said, helping her feed herself. "Mommy would eat dessert for dinner if I let her."

Realising what he said, Harm laughed. He'd like to think his influence meant his wife was eating better than prior to their marriage but it had nothing to do with whether he let her or not. Mac had always been her own person and no squid, not even one of the husband variety, was ever going to be allowed to give her permission to do anything. Still, Mac wasn't there to hear it and Rosie wouldn't repeat it so he figured he was safe, no one would reveal his slip.

Harm was surprised he actually managed to sleep during the night. Out of pain and exhausted by the events of recent times, Rosie slept soundly tucked up in her daddy's arms. With her daddy's arms around her nothing else mattered, not the strange lights from the machine beside her, not the echo-y sounds from the strange long hallways, not the funny smells that came out of the bottle the cleaner was spraying.

A little after six, when noise started rising from the hospital waking up for the day, Harm opened his eyes and smiled sleepily when he saw Mac coming through the door with Frankie in his stroller. He knew she couldn't wait until eight, like they'd agreed upon.  
"Morning, gorgeous," he whispered as she made her way over.  
"Morning, honey," she replied, leaning over to kiss him before kissing her daughter's head. "How's Rosie?"  
"Slept like a baby all night," he said with a proud grin. "Ate jello and ice cream for dinner and then crashed."  
"Jello and ice cream for dinner?" Mac questioned and Harm nodded. "She's just like me."  
"Yes, she is," Harm agreed. "And just as beautiful."  
"You're biased, Harm," she said, kissing him once more.  
"Yes, I am," he said, caressing her face. "But it's still true." His attention then moved to the sleeping baby in the stroller.  
"I wasn't expecting to see Frankie here this morning," he said, watching the boy sleep.  
"Well, I made a call to Dr Mollison last night and asked if I could have a quick chat with her before clinic started this morning and she agreed. So, I thought I'd bring Frankie in and show him off..." She smiled proudly. "After all, it was a lot of her hard work which got him here safe and sound."  
"Can I ask why you need to see Dr Mollison?" he asked, studying her for any reaction.  
"She wanted me to email her a week after the last appointment, I figured given we're here, I'd take the opportunity to see her in person," Mac said, caressing his face when she saw his concern. "It's all good, honey. I know there's still a long way to go but things have definitely improved this week."  
"I'm very glad to hear that, Mac, very glad."

Harm would have given anything to be able to upstairs with his wife and son. While he was sure Mac wasn't lying to him, he just wanted to be sure she was telling the whole truth but Dr Jacobs had thrown a spanner in the works by running late. Five minutes was all it took for Dr Jacobs to declare the child fit to go, but it was fifty three minutes before the nurse had finalised the discharge forms, medication and follow up appointments.

With Rosie settled on one hip, her teddy tucked between them and her bag in the other hand, Harm had taken three steps into the corridor before he spied Mac wheeling Frankie along. The smile on her face told him all had gone well and for the first time, in what felt like forever, he felt he could start breathing again.  
"All ready to go home?" Mac asked as Rosie put her arms out for her.  
"All ready, mommy," she said settling her head against Mac's shoulder.  
Mac's smile widened – finally, there was the word she was waiting for 'mommy'.  
"What did Dr Mollison have to say?" Harm asked, hooking the bag on the back of the stroller and tucking the teddy under his arm.  
"She said young Frankie is absolutely gorgeous and was doing extremely well," Mac boasted as Harm guided her towards the elevator.  
"She's a very astute woman," Harm remarked, pressing the down button. "And what did she have to say about young Frankie's mommy?"  
"She said I looked like I was doing better and she was glad things were on the up," Mac said, leaning in and stealing a kiss from her husband. "I have to keep doing the things we discussed last week and she'll see me in a month."  
"Love you," he said, kissing her back.

Exiting the hospital, Harm inhaled deeply. It sure felt good to be breathing once again.

A quick detour to pick up Harry, who wasn't impressed that Frankie had been allowed to go and pick up Rosie and not him, and they were on the road home. With the necessity of having three children in child seats, they needed to be on two different rows of seating in the back of the SVU. Mac and Harm always had Frankie's seat directly behind them, with one of the twins and behind them the other twin and Lily. It had worked since the day Frankie came home from the hospital.

Today was different and Harry protested so loudly and insistently for the first ten minutes of the trip that Harm gave up and pulled into a grocery store car park. Climbing out of the vehicle, he opened the back door and looked at the young protester who was currently in the last row.  
"What on earth is the matter, Harry?" he asked, clearly not impressed by this delay.  
"Me sit next to Rosie," he said tearfully. "Missed Rosie. Want to see her."

Harm's heart melted; how could he deny his eldest son the simple wish of being next to his twin? This whole ear drama had taken its toll on everyone and Harry was no exception.  
"Okay, okay," he soothed, unbuckling Harry and lifting him out. "Shhh, stop crying, daddy will fix it."  
"Thank you, daddy," Harry said with a sniffle as Harm handed the boy to his mother.  
"You're welcome, baby," he said, leaning in and kissing the boy's head.

It took ten minutes for Harm to remove and switch his boys' car seats. Frankie wasn't fussed by any of it and Harry chatted happily to his mother as Harm got the second seat firmly buckled into place.  
"Now, son," he said, taking the boy once more. "You are sitting right next to Rosie. Are you happy now?"

Harry's smile, when he realised he could touch his sleeping sister from his new seat, indicated he was more than happy with this new arrangement. Within the next twenty minutes of the journey home, all three children were fast asleep.  
"All that fuss and he's asleep," Harm commented as he checked in the rear view mirror.  
"He loves his sister," Mac said, craning her head around to look at the pair. "It's cute, really."  
"Yeah, it is," Harm said, hoping that their unique bond would be a lifelong thing.

As Harm neared the gas station they normally stopped at to break their trip, he took a quick inventory; he was the only one awake. With this outcome, he figured he'd just keep driving knowing the sooner they were home the sooner all this could be put behind them.

When Mac eventually stirred, she yawned and stretched.  
"We going to stop soon?" she asked, her eyes still closed but her stomach telling her it was time for food.  
"As soon as we're home," he said, glancing in the mirror and seeing Frankie playing happily with his rattle.  
"Home?" Mac said focusing on where she was. "We're nearly home!"  
"Ten minutes," Harm said, taking their turn off.  
"I slept the last two hours," she stated, not believing she had. "I didn't think I was that tired. I'm sorry I wasn't good company."  
"That's okay," Harm replied, reaching across and taking hold of her hand. "It was just nice to be heading home and for everything to have gone so well."  
"Your girls have put you through a lot in recent years, haven't we?" Mac said, squeezing his hand.  
"Yes," he agreed. "But I love you all and I would do anything for you."  
"We love you too," she said as she raised his hand and kissed it.  
"Good," he replied with a smile.

This was all he ever wanted; a happy and healthy life on the farm with his gorgeous wife and beautiful children. Smiling to himself as he took the turn off to their road, Harm truly felt that this was the beginning of that dream – no more angst, drama or troubles, just happy times ahead.


	46. Chapter 46

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

Still tired from the anaesthetic and everything else she had endured lately, Rosie wasn't interested in much when she returned home and preferred to spend the afternoon dozing in her daddy's arms. The few times he'd tried to put her down she protested, so Harm was still on the sofa with her when Lily arrived home from school.  
"How's Rosie?" she said, running into the room before stopping suddenly when she realised her sister's and dad's eyes were both closed.  
"Rosie's good," Harm said with a yawn. "Very tired but it all went well."  
"Good," Lily said, tiptoeing over and kissing her dad then her sister. "You're tired too, daddy."  
"I know," he said, there was no point denying it. "Hospital beds aren't the best place to sleep."  
"So, is Rosie all fixed now?" she asked, brushing her sister's hair from her face.  
"Well, we have some test results to get and have to go back in two weeks for a check up," he said, holding Lily's hand. "But the doctor seems to think everything will be okay." He decided to keep the news of the toddler's hearing impairment to himself - after all, it may all be fixed by the next appointment.

Aware of voices, Rosie's eyes fluttered opened and she smiled sleepily when she saw her sister standing there.  
"Hi, Rosie," said Lily, touching her face. "Welcome home."  
"Lily," Rosie said, reaching out one arm for a hug which she quickly received.

Needing the bathroom and needing to work out the kink in his neck, Harm sat himself and his youngest daughter up.  
"Rosie," he said, making sure she was looking at him. "Can Lily sit with you while daddy gets you a snack?"  
Rosie nodded; all she'd really understood was Lily, daddy and snack.

Swapping places, Lily curled up with her sister and Rosie happily lay down in her arms.  
"Dada, Wiggles," Rosie said, pointing to the TV.  
"Okay," he said, turning on the requested DVD, and ignoring the lack of the word 'please'; all that would come.

While Harm sorted himself out, Mac appeared with cookies and milk for her daughters and helped Rosie sit up and drink so Lily could do the same. It wasn't long before they were curled up together once more.

Later that night, Harm sat on the side of his bed, dressed in red and white striped boxers and a white tee, rolling his head from side to side to try and loosen a knot in his neck.  
"Still sore?" Mac asked, coming into the room and closing the door.  
"Yeah," he said, rubbing the spot.

Mac crawled across the bed and knelt behind him with a tube of vitamin e cream in her hand. Dropping the tube beside her, she took hold of the hem of the tee.  
"Arms up," she said, and Harm cooperated in taking off his tee.

Placing a dollop of the cream in her hands, Mac began to massage his neck and shoulders, allowing her skilled fingers to knead his flesh and work out the knots which were there. The knots were hard and resistant and Mac's efforts resulted in winces and gasps of pain.  
"Sorry, honey," Mac said, kissing his neck.  
"It's okay," he replied, knowing it was for the best.  
"It's all knotted up," she remarked, rubbing a particularly nasty spot.  
"Yeah," he said with a sigh. "Been a bit tense in recent times."  
"Guess I don't have to ask you why?" she said, feeling rather sorry for her husband.  
"Well, I'm sure that's all behind us," he said, reaching back to take her hand and kiss it.  
"Maybe you should lie down," Mac commented. "Might make it easier."  
"Might it lead to something else?" he questioned, turning around to gauge her reaction.  
"Oooh, I think it might," she said with a wink. The vitamin e cream wasn't the only tube she had purchased recently.  
"I think I'll lie down then," he said, turning to lie on his back.  
"That's not really going to help me," she said, looking at his cheeky grin.  
"No, but I'm sure it will help me," he said, placing his hands on her hips and encouraging her to straddle him.  
"Do you think this is the best way to relieve all that tension in ..." she began, adding more cream to her hands.  
"Perfect way to relieve tension..." he said, closing his eyes as Mac's hands drifted across his chest.  
"I meant the tension in your back," she said, making circular motions as she went.  
"Yeah, it relieves that too," he chuckled, linking his hands behind her back and pulling her forward. "Have I told you how much I love you?"  
"Not this evening," she replied, coming to lie on top of him.  
"Well, Sarah MacKenzie Rabb, I love you very, very, very much," he said, pushing up to kiss her.  
"Love you too, honey," she replied before her lips met his for a searing kiss.

The kisses, caresses and declarations of love were beautiful and much anticipated but it soon became clear the situation wasn't progressing the way either expected. Rolling them on to their sides, Harm caressed Mac's face before kissing her forehead.  
"What's happening here?" he whispered, stroking her face.  
"Not a lot," she said with a sigh.  
"You nervous?" he asked, kissing her nose.  
"Guess a little. You?" she asked, finally looking at him.  
"Yeah, I guess I am too. Don't want to hurt you," he said, his eyes welling up.  
"You won't," she replied. "Not with the lubricant."  
"So why the hesitation?" he asked, almost rhetorically.  
Mac shrugged and then there was silence.  
"Do you still want to make love?" he questioned quietly and Mac nodded. "Okay then."

Slipping out of bed, to Mac's concern, Harm locked their bedroom door and removed his boxers. Mac couldn't help but smile in appreciation of her husband's naked body, she had definitely missed him.  
"Now, your turn," he said, pulling back the covers and helping her out of bed and then to strip off.

When both were equally naked, Harm pulled her against him and kissed her deeply before reaching over and turning the music.  
"Come dance with me," he said, taking her hand and twirling her around.

The low, soft music was a match for their slow, sensual movements, body against body, causing heat and friction in the most gratifying of ways. When the dance movements stopped in favour of focussing their efforts of their heated exchanges, Mac reached behind her and pulled out her top drawer before slowing pulling back from her husband.

Reaching in, she grabbed the recently purchased tube of lubricant and held it up.  
"This is the magical formula, apparently," said Mac chewing her bottom lip.  
"K-Y Jelly Silk-e," he said, reading the label. "How do we...?"  
"I use it...or you can use it..." she said, tilting her head.  
"Or we can use it," he said, leading her to the bed.

With the formula living up to its name, Mac found making love to her husband an incredible experience, better than it had been in a very long time; far better than she had expected. So, it was no surprise that they made love three times before sleep finally took them both into an ecstasy-induced oblivion.

Stirring the following morning, Mac grinned when she saw Harm's dreamy expression as he watched her sleep. With their naked bodies still entwined from the night before they were now literally stuck on each other. Rather than peel herself away, Mac used her position to initiate another round.

After a deep and thoroughly satisfying kiss, Mac pushed Harm back so she was on top of him.  
"Are you up to a little morning interlude before we have to get up?" Mac whispered, before running a hot trail of kisses down the column of his throat.  
"Aha," he groaned as body sprung into action.  
"Was that yes?" she asked with a smirk, pleased she still had this effect on him.  
"Definitely yes," he replied, searching blindly for the tube of lubricant.

Suitably prepared, Mac straddled her husband and delighted in the slick, quick motion of him entering her. Gone was the hesitation, gone was the discomfort and pain, gone was every doubt that she could spend her life not making love with this man.

Quickening the pace, Mac moaned with pleasure as Harm's lips travelled down her breast, pausing to caress her nipple with his tongue before paying equal attention to the other one. With one strong hand on her butt and the other behind her neck, Harm rolled them over and continued his ministrations of her exquisite body.

Each touch, caress, kiss and thrust were met and reciprocated, each was sensual and delightful and incredibly arousing but they both knew there was an impending dilemma. Lily would be up as soon as the alarm went, which was only minutes away, and yet this encounter had the potential to go a whole lot longer...not only that, even after breaking the drought the night before both still needed this encounter to go a whole lot further.

Mac came to the realisation of how to fix this problem first and she rolled over Harm to pull the alarm clock cord from the wall a minute before it was due to go off.  
"Good move," he said, rolling her back and taking up where he'd left off moments before.

The lack of interruption meant they got another fifteen precious minutes of undeniable pleasure, and although both were still coming down from their orgasmic bliss, they were still keen to make the most of these early morning minutes. Running one hand down her side, before bringing it up and cupping her breast, Harm kissed her deeply and swallowed her deep moan as he did.

Thumbing her nipple, Harm grinned as she arched up into him once more, it was definitely clear he hadn't lost his touch; something that he was seriously beginning to think was a strong possibility.  
"Can we stay here all day?" she whimpered as she felt herself rising to the crest once more.  
"Wish we could," he replied, startling as Mac's long fingers wrapped around his hardened length.  
"Then I guess we should wrap things up," she said with a sigh.  
"Guess so," he said and then proceeded to do so.

For the first time since they arrived on the farm, Lily was driven to school by her father after being up too late to be organised in time for the bus.  
"I don't understand why the alarm didn't ring," she said, as she buckled her seatbelt.  
"Just one of those things, Lil," he said, his eyes firmly on the road.  
"But you and mom are always awake earlier and that didn't happen either," she said, looking at him.  
"Mom and I were both very tired," he said, and there was an element of truth.  
"You should go to bed early tonight," she said, that was always their answer to her when she said she was tired.  
"I think we will," he said, pleased to know that being in bed no longer meant just sleeping.

Meanwhile, Mac showered and dressed as Mattie gave the younger children their breakfast and then returned to find her washing the dishes.  
"You're looking much happier this morning," Mattie observed, drying her hands.  
"Feeling it too," Mac said, picking up the tea towel.  
"Having Rosie sorted out must be a load off your mind," Mattie said and Mac nodded.  
"We've still got the pathology results to get and then the review to see if her hearing has returned but the fact it's all manageable is a huge relief," she said with a genuine smile.  
"And the fact you're doing better," Mattie added and Mac grinned, she was doing much better...much, much better. "And what's that smile for?" she asked before the possibility of the answer came to her. "Ohhh, maybe it's best I don't know."  
"Maybe it's best," Mac replied, patting her back.  
"Changing topics," Mattie said quickly. "Are you up to an afternoon of wedding plans?"  
"Anytime," Mac said happily. "What do you want to work on?"  
"I've got a whole lot of bridal magazines and found a few great websites and want your opinion before I make some decisions," she said, emptying the sink. "I really need to start ordering things."  
"Well, after lunch, I'll put all three kids down for a nap and you and I can do some wedding planning," Mac said excitedly.  
"Great," Mattie replied before pausing. "Um...Mac..."  
"Yes," she replied, turning around when she caught Mattie's hesitation.

Mattie looked at her for a few moments, trying to choose her words; this wasn't as easy as she'd expected it to be.  
"What is it, honey?" Mac prompted when Mattie failed to speak.  
"Well, you know we want you and Harm to be our witnesses ..." she said slowly and Mac nodded.  
"If you've changed your mind..." Mac interjected when Mattie had paused too long.  
"Oh no, nothing like that, we still want you..." she said quickly.  
"Then what is it?" Mac asked, a little confused about Mattie's uneasiness.

Walking across to the kitchen bench, Mattie opened a box and pulled out a folded magazine page revealing the headline; Brides and their mothers: 10 top tips for that special occasion. The article went on to detail special mother / daughter events to take place in the lead up to the wedding – lunches, shopping sprees, scrapbooking memories, personal discussions and the like.  
"I know we're friends and good ones," Mattie said nervously. "But for all intents and purposes you're my mom too and I'd like to do some of these things with you... if you..."

Immediately, Mac wrapped her arms around the younger woman as tears rolled down her cheeks. When Mac married Harm she had Trish as a mother figure but it was nowhere near the same relationship as they had now and it was one of the few times, since being abandoned, that she had felt a deep ache at not having a mother in her life.  
"I'd be honoured, Mattie," she said, kissing her head. "Absolutely honoured."

Coming in for a late lunch after a flying lesson went into overtime, Harm smiled to himself when he realised all three children were napping. If he wasn't mistaken, this could mean that he could curl up with his wife for a bit and maybe at least get to second base. One look at the kitchen table covered in wedding paraphernalia told him his thinking was way off.  
"Your lunch is in the oven," Mac called out as she thumbed through Bride To Be. With a slight frown, Harm backtracked into the kitchen and retrieved his vegetarian lasagne from the oven.  
"There's some salad in the fridge," Mattie called and Harm moved cross to the fridge, still frowning.

While he didn't expect to be waited on, his return to the house had always elicited some form of welcome, something more than distracted calls from the dining area. Sorting out his lunch and a drink, he carried them into the dining room and looked for a place to put them.  
"You can sit here, Harm," Mattie said, "But please don't spill anything."  
"I'm sure I can be trusted," he said, nearly toppling his drink as he placed it down. "Oops," he said glancing at them both. "Maybe I'll sit at the bench."  
"May be for the best," Mac said, finally lifting her gaze from the page.  
"What is it that has you two so preoccupied?" he asked, although it wouldn't have been hard to guess.  
"This is our first official mother – daughter wedding planning session," Mac said proudly and Harm couldn't help but grin at her excitement.  
"Well, don't let me interrupt then," he said, turning his attention to his food.  
"We won't," chided Mattie as she pushed a picture in front of Mac and tapped it. "What do you think of this?"

And so began a long afternoon of discussions and debates.  
"Don't I get a say?" asked Colin as he brought Lily in from the bus.  
"Of course," she said, kissing him. "You get a say on what you wear..." she said with a grin.  
"Hey, Lily," Mac said before the time registered. Was it possible the youngest three were all still asleep?  
"Hey, mom," Lily replied. "You still look tired," she observed. "You and daddy have to spend more time in bed."  
Mac turned three shades of red as Mattie broke into giggles beside her. "Aha," was all Mac could manage, disappearing up the stairs as fast as she could.

It was two days later when the phone rang and Mattie answered it. "It's Dr Jacobs office," she said, holding out the receiver for either Mac or Harm. "Asked for either of you."

Mac looked at Harm and Harm looked at Mac neither sure who wanted to take the call, but Harry running to his mom and wanting a hug, made the decision for them.  
"We'll just go out here," Mac said, carrying Harry into the living room as Mattie trailed behind them.  
"Who's Dr Jacobs?" she asked the name not familiar to her.  
"Rosie's ENT surgeon," Mac said, handing Harry to Mattie and picking up her daughter, her stomach suddenly flooded with butterflies.  
"I'm sure it will all be good," Mattie said, rubbing Mac's back with her free hand, instantly understanding Mac's change in demeanour.  
"God, I hope so," Mac said, burying her face in her daughter's hair and praying hard.  
"Mommy squash me," Rosie said, not sure what had warranted the current bear hug she appeared to be in.  
"Sorry, baby," Mac replied, relaxing her grip, but only marginally.

Four minutes and thirty one seconds had elapsed between the telephone ringing and Harm entering the living room. Mac felt physically ill as she finally let her eyes drift up to his face.  
"It's all good," he said as he crossed the room to her, encircling his wife and daughter in a tight embrace. "Pathology shows nothing remarkable and it's definitely a cholesteatoma – it was completely removed and no reason to think it will return."  
"Oh, thank god," Mac muttered into his shirt, unable to help the tears which stung her eyes. This was the outcome she had hoped and prayed for, they both had. Somehow, with everything that had managed to go wrong for them, there had always been a nagging doubt that there wouldn't be happy outcome this time.  
"Shh," he whispered, kissing Mac's head when he realised she was crying. "It's all good. It's all good."  
"I know," she replied, hooking an arm around his neck and holding him close. "I know."  
"We've still got the review in a week and a half with the hearing test and then we'll see what's what," he continued as his lips drifted south and brushed against hers before kissing her tears away.


	47. Chapter 47

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

If relief was tangible, Harm was sure his would be the size of Mt McKinley. The outcome of Rosie's pathology tests took a huge weight off his mind and although he knew Mac was still concerned about her hearing loss and language development, Harm knew they could overcome that. He reasoned, to himself, that he could accept a hearing impaired child and at one stage had even made a deal with God that if the outcome was a choice between a deaf child and one with a cancerous mass, he'd take the deafness.

On the Friday morning, Harm watched from the doorway as Mac resumed her lessons with Harry and Rosie. The difference between the pair was marked and he could now see why his wife was so concerned, he hadn't noticed it as much in day to day life. Whereas Rosie had been the highflier between the two where speech and language development had been concerned, she was now much weaker; the recent months of earaches, infections and diminished hearing now clearly evident.

Moving away from the door, he turned around and stared at the door to Grams' room for several moments until he crossed the dining room and opened it. Fighting hard to keep his emotions at bay, he contemplated what needed to be done. While it was great to preserve the memories of his Grams it was clear the twins, especially Rosie, needed a separate room where they could display the alphabet, picture charts and whatever else was educationally necessary to help their little girl bridge the gap; it wouldn't hurt the others either.

"What's up?" Mattie asked from behind startling him.  
"Oh, hi, nothing," he said quickly. "Just thinking."  
"About?" she prompted as she wrapped an arm around his waist.  
"That we should be using this room as the twins' school room," he said, sliding his arm around her waist. "Grams would want it."  
"Yes, she would," Mattie agreed. "Actually, she'd wonder why you hadn't done it way before now."  
"I couldn't," he said honestly, resting his head on hers.  
"I understand that," Mattie replied. "Mom was dead three months before I could even open the door to her bedroom and even then I couldn't step into the room."  
Harm kissed her head and squeezed her tight as he remembered just how much this particular young woman had been through. "Think Mac will understand?"  
"Definitely," Mac replied, surprising them both.

As there is no time like the present, Harm and Mac decided to start on the task of Grams' room Saturday morning. Their first mission was to empty the room of everything they didn't need in there, the next task would be to repaint it and then to set up the room for the twins. The second and third tasks required a trip to Charlesville for paint and furniture and Harm suggested they do it on Monday, when the room was ready.

Thinking that going through his grandmother's things might be a little too hard for her husband, Mac suggested he go now and that she, Mattie and Colin would tackle the room. Lily had wanted to help too but a phone call from Jessie inviting her over changed her mind about that. Harry had disappeared next door with Colin earlier that morning to see the new litter of puppies and had invited himself to stay longer when Colin needed to return to the farm.

"You could take Rosie and make it a daddy and daughter trip," Mac said when Harm hesitated a little. "She can help you pick out the colours and furniture."  
"She's three," Harm said with a laugh.  
"And a half," added Mac, "Besides, she's really the one who will benefit most and so I think she should go."

Knowing his wife wouldn't be packing up the room alone, and knowing he really couldn't face doing it himself, Harm agreed and soon departed, dropping Lily off at Jessie's as he went.  
"Where are you going?" Lily asked as Harm unbuckled his belt when he'd parked in Jessie's driveway.  
"To meet Jessie and her mom," he replied, sliding out of the car before getting Rosie.  
"Oh," she said, "I guess that's okay," she added, running up to the door.  
"Where's Jessie's ramp?" Harm asked climbing the stairs.  
"She doesn't have one," Lily informed him. "Her mom bounces her wheelchair up and down the stairs."  
"That can't be good..." he said as the front door opened.  
"What can't be good?" asked Jessie before taking in Harm's height. "Boy! Are you a giant, Mr Rabb?"  
"No, I'm not," he replied, putting out his hand. "You must be Jessie."  
"Yes, sir," she said brightly, shaking his hand. "Mom! Mom! Mr Rabb's here."

Veronica came into the room wiping her hands on a tea towel.  
"Mr Rabb, it's nice to meet you," she said, offering him her hand. "And is this Rosie?"  
"Yes, it is," Harm said as Rosie shyly buried her head in Harm's shoulder.  
"I'm sorry to hear she's been so unwell," Veronica said. "It's always worrisome," she added tilting her head towards her own daughter.  
"Thank you," he replied. "It has been a bit difficult but she's getting a lot better."  
"Can I offer you or Rosie a drink or something to eat, Mr Rabb?" she asked but Harm shook his head.  
"No, thank you. We can't stay," he said "And please call me Harm."  
"Harm? That's unusual," Veronica replied.  
"It's actually Harmon," Lily announced "But everyone calls him Harm – well, except mom when she's mad at him."  
Veronica laughed; kids always had a way of telling the family tales.

As Harm went to leave he remembered the lack of ramp.  
"Veronica, if you don't mind me asking, why don't you have a ramp?" he asked, turning with Rosie still firmly attached to him.  
"We're renting this place and the owner said he'd put one in before we moved in, then it was going to be a week... now it's been more than a month and nothing's happened," she explained. "I've put in a request with disability services for some home modifications and they say they'll come and do it, put in some safety rails in the bathroom, make some changes around the toilet so Jessie has more independence but given our location and low priority, it could still be months."  
"That must be hard on you, physically," he said, knowing how difficult life was with Mattie in a chair.  
"We get by," she said with a practised smile. "If I had the money I'd do it myself but..."

Harm nodded and smiled to himself as a plan formed. It wouldn't be that hard to make the necessary modifications and not that expensive.  
"Did the owner give permission for the other changes to be made?" Harm asked, adjusting Rosie in his arms.  
"He said I could do as I pleased, within reason," Veronica said. "This place had been empty a while before we moved in so I think he's just happy for some regular rent."  
"Can we use the bathroom before we go?" he said, tilting his head towards Rosie.  
"Certainly," she said, "Down the hall to the left."

Neither Harm nor Rosie needed to go but it gave him a chance to do a bit of reconnaissance and he was right, quite a quick and easy job.

After stripping the bed, Mattie and Colin had carried out the mattress to the barn before Colin began the task of dismantling the bed. It was a lovely double bed, a mahogany, hand carved head and matching foot which would look wonderful in their house.  
"Mac, do you think Harm would mind us having Grams' bed for our guest room?" he asked before looking at Mattie.  
"I think he'd be very pleased to see it being used," she said. "Ask him when he gets back."  
"Okay," Colin said with a nod. "We should get a new mattress though," he added. While the mattress was relatively new and clean, it was still where Grams had died and he didn't feel people would be comfortable lying in that exact spot.  
"You should," Mac said in agreement.

Once the wooden slated base had been removed, Grams' glory box was revealed. Mac had known it was there all along, had known it was hers, as stipulated in the will, but had not been up to opening it.  
"I wonder what's in it?" Mattie said as Colin lifted the suitcase sized wooden box from the floor and placed it on top of the set of drawers.  
"Want me to open it?" he asked, his hands poised over the sides of the lid.  
"Um, no, I don't think so," Mac said slowly. "I think I might wait for Harm."

While Mattie was eager to see the contents, she respected Mac's decision and thought it was only right Harm was there and so she turned her attention back to the rest of the packing. From the wardrobe, Mattie removed Grams' clothing and placed it into heavy duty bags which were headed to Goodwill. Colin set about dismantling the mahogany dresser to make it easy to cart out of the house.  
"Don't forget to put that in your guest room too," Mac said as he carried out the drawers.  
"Are you sure Harm won't mind?" he asked, pausing at the door.  
"Positive," Mac replied. "He'll be glad it's staying in the family.

The set of drawers was staying and the inbuilt shelving was a bonus and soon they were both cleared of Grams' belongings. There were now three cardboard boxes in the room. One, the items which were staying in the house and just needed to be redistributed; this box contained photos, papers, sentimental artefacts and things which were essentially Grams. Box number two contained items that weren't staying in this house but going into Mattie and Colin's house; this box contained duplicate photos, candlestick holders, a few jewellery pieces and other assorted items. The third box, the one which was still fairly empty, was the Goodwill box; in it were assorted items which had no definite origin. Most were gifts from people, items Grams had hidden away rather than throw out, something she could afford to do when she was living there on her own.

By the time Harm and Rosie returned, the room was empty as the drawers were currently in the corner of the dining room so they wouldn't be in the way of painting and the room had been thoroughly cleaned. Glad that he didn't have to do it, Harm was still saddened that the room was now completely devoid of anything Grams.  
"Gone but never forgotten," Mac said, wrapping her arms around him as he stared into the empty room.  
"Yeah, I know," he said with a nod. "And I know this was only her room for a little while, so my stronger memories of it are still as a study rather than her room..."  
"Still sad though, isn't it?" she said, providing the words for her husband's emotions.  
"Yeah," he agreed kissing her head.

With Harry back from next door, the family sat down for a late lunch and Harm explained his visit to the Murphy's that morning.  
"Well, we have to do something," Mac said straight away. "And now."  
"I knew you were going to say that," he said with a smile. "I have the paint for that room," he said pointing to the now empty room, not too sure what to call it. "And have some things being delivered Tuesday...but I also picked up some supplies for Jessie's house and figured that if Colin and I can put the ramp together here this afternoon, that maybe we can all take a trip to Jessie's tomorrow...a short working bee will get it all done and make life easier for them both."  
"You're amazing," Mattie said, coming around the table to hug him, remembering just how much he had done for her in her times of need.  
"I wouldn't go that far," he said with an embarrassed smile.  
"I would," Mac agreed, kissing his cheek. "It's one of the reasons I love you."

It was Mattie who volunteered to go had pick Lily up at the designated time, she wanted to make sure Veronica and Jessie would be home the following day and to make sure they had no plans which would impact on the surprise working bee. Over coffee with Veronica as the girls packed up the toys, Mattie mentioned how difficult it had been for her returning home when she was in the chair and explaining it wasn't always obvious issues, like the stairs, but other ones, like having to call Harm the first time she wanted to roll over in bed and Jen wasn't home. Or when she got into an elevator and couldn't press the buttons for the higher floors. Or when there was a rise or fall in the floor or sidewalk and she found herself rolling before she knew it.  
"Or when Jessie has to sit in the bath because I can't get the shower chair she has into the cubicle. Or when the light switches are too high that she can't operate them herself," Veronica added.  
"Or when I can't go to friend's places because they don't know what to do with me," Jessie said, wheeling herself to the table.  
"But we're different, aren't we, Jessie?" Lily said, following behind.  
"Yeah, you guys are so cool," she said appreciatively. "Although I still think your dad is a giant." Everyone laughed but from the perspective of a nine year old in a wheelchair, Harm was extraordinarily tall.

On the trip home, Mattie explained to Lily what they'd arranged to do the following day and Lily's face lit up.  
"Really?" she questioned, turning in her seat. "Can I be there too?"  
"Definitely," Mattie replied. "We'll do some baking tonight and pack the picnic hamper with all sorts of goodies and, by tomorrow afternoon, Jessie will have lots of the things she needs.  
"Jessie's right, we are cool," Lily said, very proud of her wonderful family.


	48. Chapter 48

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

It had just gone eleven when Harm pulled their SVU up into the Murphy's driveway and Colin pulled up the utility vehicle behind him. Mattie climbed out and headed to the front door and Lily sprung from her seat and did the same.  
"I wasn't expecting visitors," Veronica said, opening the door and looking at the people around the cars, big and little alike.  
"Well, Veronica," Mattie said, linking their arms together, "Where's Jessie?"  
"Doing homework," she replied, gesturing to the house.  
"I'll get her," Lily shouted before dashing into the house and wheeling her friend back to the door. "We've got a surprise for you."

Walking Veronica down the steps, Mattie introduced her to Mac, Colin and the boys before she turned to face Jessie who was at the top of the steps with Lily.  
"Now, today, we are here to fix things for Jessie," Mattie announced. "Harm and Colin have made a ramp for the front door, we have rails and a few other things, so with your permission, we'd like to get to work."  
"You've got a ramp?" Veronica asked, still not too sure what was happening.  
"It's only a wooden one," Harm said, coming over to them and sliding his arm around Mattie. "It won't be perfect but it will be safe and you'll be able to use it this afternoon. It will give you time until disability services can do it properly and, if they can't, then we'll replace it with something better."

Veronica could only nod through her tears. How was it that she had lived in a city of millions and not one person had ever held out a helping hand? Now, in a town of a few thousand, these amazing people had materialised out of nowhere.

As the men worked outside, the women and children stayed in the house, the girls and Harry playing on the Wii, while Frankie lay on the floor with his baby gym and Rosie, who was still a little clingy, sat in her mother's lap, leaning against her chest. Hoisting Rosie onto her hip, Mac went to find Mattie and Veronica and found them cleaning down the bathroom walls, having removed a door that separated the toilet from the bathroom and really didn't need to be there.  
"You girls have done well," she said, as Rosie turned to look at the pair in question.  
"Thanks," Mattie said. "Wasn't too hard."  
"Always easier when there's someone to help," Veronica said, she didn't want them to think that she hadn't even tried to clean the place.  
"I know," Mac agreed. "Now, Harry's asking for lunch and..."  
"Oh, sorry," Veronica said, wiping her hands. "I haven't been a great host. Um...I'm not too sure what I have..."  
"Don't stress, honey," Mac said, patting her arm. "We have a huge hamper in the car with enough food to feed a small army."  
"Which is good, because that's what we are," Mattie said with a laugh.

Mac wasn't wrong with her estimation as to the amount of food they had brought with them but she knew that all those she lived with had healthy appetites and it wouldn't hurt to have some leftovers they could leave with Veronica and Jessie.  
"This looks amazing," Jessie said, coming into the kitchen and seeing the feast spread on the table. "Your mom must be a great cook."  
"She is getting better," Lily replied bluntly. "Grams taught her a lot."  
Mac could only laugh at the comment; after all, it was fairly accurate.

By midafternoon with all the modifications successfully completed and with a tired baby and a couple of grizzly toddlers, Mac decided it was time to head home. Trying to pack up the children's belongings with Rosie clinging to her, Mac was finding it a little hard.  
"Let me do it," Veronica said, stooping down to pick up Harry's cars.  
"No, it's alright," Mac said, straightening up and adjusting Rosie. "We demolished your living room it's only fair we fix it."  
"Well, let me take Rosie for you," she offered holding her arms out.

Mac was about to decline the offer as Rosie hadn't willingly gone to anyone in recent weeks and she knew it wasn't the time to upset the child but, to her surprise, Rosie stuck her arms out and slid straight into Veronica's waiting arms.  
"That's a first," Mac commented, handing her child over. "She's been very clingy lately."  
"Well, she must be feeling better," Veronica said, softly bouncing the child. "Aren't you, sweetie?"

Rosie smiled and rested her head on Veronica's shoulder and Mac couldn't help but smile at the plan forming in her head. Was it possible she'd just found the best person to watch her children while she did something for herself?

Harm had said they'd make any arrangement necessary but if Mac was out during the day then it meant someone would have to stay home and watch the kids and that wasn't conducive to getting a business off the ground.

It was later that night, as Mac was changing for bed, she brought up her idea. Harm had listened intently and then nodded.  
"When we get to know her better, and if she's willing, then I think it's a great idea," he said sliding into bed. "What will you do?"  
"I haven't thought that far yet," she said. "But now that I know you won't have to stay home to watch them or take them with you then I'm happier about looking for something."  
"I don't want to rush you or anything," he said, prefacing what he was going to say, "But I think the sooner you start looking the better."  
"You trying to get rid of me, sailor?" she asked sliding into bed and resting on top of him.  
"Never," he said, grinning at the position she was now in. "But I think it is something you've been distressed about for some time and I don't want you to be distressed any longer than you have to be."  
"I don't think 'distressed' is the right word," she said, caressing his face.  
"What is the right word?" he asked, not knowing what it was himself.  
"I don't know," she admitted. "Perhaps a hankering, a yearning, a... a..."  
"You should have anything your heart desires," he said, pushing up and kissing her.  
"Does that include you?" she questioned, kissing him back.  
"Anytime...any place," he replied before her tongue slid into his mouth and talking was no longer possible.

By Thursday morning the new school room at the farm had been painted and the furniture, delivered the day before, had been assembled and moved into place. Standing at the door looking at their handiwork, Harm sighed; it looked great but bore no resemblance to what it was beforehand.  
"Grams would approve," Mac said sliding her arm around him and snuggling into him.  
"I think so too," he said, kissing her head.  
"You're just missing her a little more today than usual," Mac commented, holding him closer.  
"Yes, I am," he admitted, there was no point hiding the truth.  
"Anything I can do?" Mac asked, moving in front of her husband and linking her arms around his waist.  
"You're doing it," Harm said, resting his forehead on hers.

With the smell of paint still a little too strong for the twins liking, the room wasn't used until the following Monday. The first time they entered the room, both twins stopped and looked at the photo of Grams still sitting on top of the shelves.  
"Love you, Grams," Harry said touching the frame.  
"Love too," said Rosie, copying her brother.

Harm couldn't help the tears which filled his eyes. He was sure the twins would forget her quickly but it seemed she was still a strong memory for them, something he wanted to keep alive.

Through the morning lesson, Harry once again showed just how clever a boy he was, something which always brought Mac much joy. Every day, every skill he developed, he seemed more and more like his daddy and that thrilled Mac. Through her son, she could see how her husband could have been as a toddler – the same determination, the same cheeky smile, the same laugh.

It was a stark comparison when she looked at her little girl. Instead of the longer, more fluent sentences, Rosie had reverted back to using a couple of words to get her point across. While she could still name the colours and letters of the alphabet she'd known, she found it hard to follow instructions and Mac nearly cried when Harry toppled over his crayon tub and laughed and laughed and Rosie looked at him with a look of pure confusion not too sure what to do.

Usually, if Harry laughed, she'd laugh and vice versa, they didn't need to know the cause, just the fact the other was laughing was enough but not anymore. Looking at Rosie, Mac realised that her baby girl just wasn't the same.  
"What's got you so preoccupied?" Harm asked, wrapping his arms around Mac's waist as she stood at the bench preparing sandwiches and vegetable soup for lunch.  
"Nothing," she said, maintaining her focus on the bread she was buttering.  
"Want to try again?" he questioned, kissing her shoulder.  
Mac sighed deeply. "Just thinking about Rosie," she said as she sliced the tomatoes.  
"And what exactly are you thinking?" he said, turning her around and looping his arms around her neck.  
"She's just lost so many skills in the past month or so," Mac said tearfully. "It's just so hard to see the difference between her and Harry."  
"I know," he said, kissing her nose. "But you have to remember that if she could learn them once she'll learn it again."  
"I know," she said nodding. "I just want her to be happy and healthy and hearing."  
"Me too," he agreed, pulling her closer and brushing his lips against hers. "It will happen... we just need to be patient."  
"And if it doesn't?" she questioned, one that had been playing on her mind all week.  
"Then we'll see what else we can do to help her," he said, holding her close until the soup was ready.

Sunday morning, Harm and Colin volunteered to take the kids with them for the trip to Flemington so Colin could pick up the last of the cornices and architraves needed to finish off their house. Planning to have lunch in the town an hour and a half away, and make a day of it for the kids, and to give Mac some quiet time, Harm wanted to take all the kids but Rosie wasn't thrilled about leaving her mommy behind.

With everything she'd been through and the cold day outside, Mac shook her head and stopped Harm trying to bribe the child to get her to go.  
"She can stay with mommy and Mattie," Mac said, picking up the little girl who was clambering at her legs.  
"Are you sure?" he asked, still holding his arms out for his daughter.  
"I'm sure," she replied. "We'll have a nice, quiet day with lots of naps and some mommy and me time, won't we, baby." Rosie rested her head on Mac's shoulder in agreement.

Before Harm could say anything else the phone rang and so he answered it. It was Jessie asking if Lily could come and play. Thinking that Veronica might enjoy some peace and quiet too, he asked to speak to her and offered her the option of Jessie coming with him for the day.

After some deliberation, Veronica asked Jessie if she wanted to go and Jessie's answer was a definite 'YES'. No one had ever asked her to go out for the day, this was something special. Knowing, from Mattie, that Harm was more than capable at dealing with a child in a wheelchair, she agreed.

Hearing the plans being made, Mattie put her hand out for the receiver and soon Harm handed it over.  
"Veronica, Mac, Rosie and I were going to have a quiet afternoon in. Why don't you come over for lunch? It will be nice to just relax and chat."  
"Sounds great," Veronica said enthusiastically, just like her daughter it had been a while since she'd had a lunch invitation.

As Rosie played quietly with her dolls in her room, Mac carried the chest bequeathed to her from Grams to the kitchen table and placed it in the centre.  
"Want some company?" Mattie asked, coming in from the living room. "Or do you want to be alone?"  
"Company would be good," Mac said, still looking at the box. She couldn't explain why she needed to open the box now, only that she did.

Slowly, Mac placed her hands on the edge of the lid and eased it up. Pulling off the lid she placed it to the side and carefully removed the tissue paper which was resting on top of the contents.  
"What do you think is in it?" Mattie asked with reverence.  
"We'll soon find out," Mac said as she picked up a carefully wrapped package. Resting it on the table, she took care in unfolding the paper and she smiled when she recognised the contents. "I think this is more for you..." Mac said, holding up the seventy year old ivory lace dress.  
"Was that Grams' wedding dress?" Mattie asked, her fingers gently touching the sleeve.  
"Yes, it was," Mac said, her eyes filling with tears.  
"It's just so beautiful, and so well preserved," Mattie said, her fingers dancing over the collar.  
"It would fit you...if you wanted to wear it," Mac said, rubbing Mattie's back.  
"You'd let me?" she asked, eyes widening.  
"Of course, it's a family heirloom," she replied, holding it up in front of Mattie. "And you're family..."  
"Can I try it on?" she said taking the dress from Mac.  
"Go right ahead," Mac said and Mattie disappeared out into her mobile home, the only room with a full length mirror.

With Mattie gone, Mac pulled out the next item, a cardboard box also lined with tissue paper. Lifting the lid she smiled tearfully, inside were letters written to Grams by Georg whenever he was away. Opening the first letter, Mac looked at the beautiful penmanship and caught the final salutation of 'love you for eternity'. After that, she wasn't capable of reading due to her tears and thought perhaps it's something she could do with Harm.

Veronica knocked hesitantly on the back door before Mac could take more from the box.  
"It's me, Veronica," she called from the doorway.  
"Come on in," Mac called back as she turned to face the doorway. "Welcome, honey," she said gesturing for her to come in. "Can I get you something to drink?"  
"No, thank you, Mac," she replied. "I'm fine."  
"Mac?" Mattie called. "Are you ready to see it?"  
"Come on out, Mattie," she replied. "Veronica's here too," she added before turning to the newcomer. "I opened the box Grams left me and in it was her wedding dress and Mattie's trying on..." she said, catching Veronica up on what was happening.

Slowly Mattie came through the door, the dress just as gorgeous now as it had been seven decades previous. The waist was a little loose and the bust a little tight but other than that it fit perfectly.  
"What do you think?" Mattie asked quietly.  
"Oh, Mattie," Mac said tearfully. "It's just beautiful, you're so beautiful."  
"It's a gorgeous dress," Veronica added. "How does it feel on?"  
"A little loose here, a little tight here," she said, pointing to the affected places. "I don't know if that's fixable with a dress of this age."

Veronica walked over to her and carefully tugged at the fabric. "The waist will be easy to adjust with a few darts and the bust ... I think a good minimiser bra would solve the problem."  
"You sound like you know what you're talking about," Mac observed.  
"I have made my fair share of clothes, not to mention repairs," she said, smoothing down the fabric.  
"It's just perfect, isn't it?" she asked twirling around. "Do you really think I'd be allowed to wear it?" Mattie asked stopping in front of Mac.  
"Of course you're allowed," Mac said taking her hand. "It's now my dress and I'm giving it to you to wear."

Carefully, Mattie hugged Mac being careful not to damage the dress. "What do you think Harm will say?"  
"I think he'll be delighted," Mac replied, raking her fingers through Mattie's hair. "Now, there's no veil, did you want to get one or go for the spray of flowers like Grams' had?"  
"It will be midwinter ... not to mention the height of the holiday season, so fresh flowers may be a bit hard..." Mattie started before pausing to think.  
"You could get a pillbox hat," Veronica suggested, "It would work perfectly with this style of dress."  
"Oh, that would look good," she enthused, twirling around once more. "I'm so excited."  
"Me too," said Mac with a huge grin.  
"You will come, won't you, Veronica, you and Jessie?" Mattie asked turning to face her new friend. "It's New Year's Eve, right here on the farm."  
"Oh, wow!" Veronica replied. "That would be amazing. We will be there, thank you so much."  
"You're welcome," Mattie said with another twirl. Things were coming together.


	49. Chapter 49

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

I didn't get the notification of the last chapter being updated nor those for the reviews - no idea why - so if I have missed someone, thanks!

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

By the end of the weekend it was time to plan for a return trip to DC. With a set of appointments to test Rosie's hearing and her review with Dr Jacobs just after lunch on Tuesday, Harm and Mac had planned to head off that morning, have lunch with Harriet, go to Bethesda, catch up with Commander Taylor who was very interested in renting the house and then be home by dinner time.

Happy with the plans, Harm switched off his bedside lamp and slithered down into the bed, waiting for Mac to climb in. Mac moved from her dresser and sat on the end of the bed, her eyes still fixed on the dresser.  
"What's up?" he asked, propping himself up on one elbow.  
"How tired are you?" she asked, turning to face him.  
"Depends on what you have in mind," he said with a seductive air.  
"Wasn't thinking that," she said with a slight smirk. "Well, not yet anyway."  
"Then what?" he replied, reaching out for her arm.

Standing, Mac went to the dresser and pulled out the box. Turning, she padded back to the bed and placed the box gently in the middle of the bed.  
"What's this?" he asked, easing the lid off.  
"Letters from your grandad to Grams while he was away," Mac said, removing the lid and placing it beside her. "I wanted to read them but thought maybe it's something we can do together."  
"Sounds like a wonderful idea," he said, pushing himself into a seated position. "Why don't you climb in with me and we can get started?"

Slipping in beside her husband, Mac nestled herself in his arms and carefully took the letters out of the box. Flicking through the postmarks, she found they were already in chronological order and all she had to do was flip the pile over so they could start from the beginning.  
"Ready?" she asked, looking up at Harm.  
"Sure," he replied kissing her head.

With due care, Mac pulled the letter from the envelope and carefully unfolded it. These missives were nearly as old as the wedding dress and more fragile.  
"My darling, Sarah," Mac started to read in a voice just above a whisper.  
"I am missing you very much. They say we'll only be here another month or two, but you know the Navy, it could still be six months. I've recovered well from the bout of influenza I had last time I wrote and am keeping myself out of trouble, just like you said.  
I hope the wheat crop harvested well and that Bill Anderson was able to organise it for you. He's a good man, Bill. Make sure mother pays him, he will argue and not want to take her money but times are tough all around and he has a large family to feed.  
The supper bell is sounding so it's time to go.  
My darling, I will love you for eternity.  
Forever,  
Your Georg"

Mac sniffled before she craned her head to look at her husband, his silence demonstrating his emotions.  
"You okay?" she asked, kissing his cheek.  
"Yeah," he replied, kissing her back. "He loved her so much."  
"He did," Mac agreed. "For eternity," she added.  
"Just like us," Harm commented, holding her a bit tighter.  
"Just like us," Mac concurred. "Grams always said we reminded her of herself and Georg, I guess we were more alike than we realised," she explained, knowing how precious the use of the word 'eternity' was to them too, ever since Sydney.  
"They didn't get eternity together though," he said subduedly.  
"No, but their love did," she reminded him. Feeling her husband nod his head, Mac placed the letter back into the envelope and laid it in the bottom of the box. "Would you like to read the next one?" He nodded again.  
"My darling, Sarah," Harm read, his voice was higher than normal indicating his emotion.  
"Once again, I find myself missing you very much. I think about you every day but with it being your birthday today I am missing you all the more, especially as it's your first birthday since we married. I will be home next month and we will celebrate then.  
Things here are as they always are and you know I can't be too specific. Needless to say I am keen for a hot bath and some home cooking. Sometimes, I think I miss your cookies as much as I miss you.  
Tell mother I was asking after her. I have included her letter in this envelope, so she doesn't feel neglected. Please pass it to her.  
I met Reginald Burns last week and we spent an hour catching up on all the news from home. His mother passed last spring and his father is ailing. If you or mother are out their way, please call in and pay my respects. Mr and Mrs Burns were always so kind to my parents.  
My darling, I will love you for eternity.  
Forever,  
Your Georg"

"I don't know any Burns in the area," Mac said, taking the letter from her husband and returning it to the envelope.  
"Me neither," Harm said. "But Bill Anderson mentioned in the first letter was Mrs Anderson's father-in-law, Dave's grandfather."  
"I thought as much," Mac replied. "They've been very good neighbours to the Rabb's over the generations."  
"And vice versa, or so I'd like to think," Harm added, closing his eyes, contemplating what life on the farm would have been like that many years ago. Harder still was to contemplate how hard it would have been for his grandmother left alone, as a newlywed, with her mother-in-law while he was away.

Knowing just how emotional a journey this would be, Mac placed the dozen or so remaining letters into the box and replaced the lid before putting it on the floor beside the bed. Turning off her lamp, she rolled over to her husband and caressed his face before trailing kisses from his cheek down the column of his throat.  
"Not too tired?" she asked as she glanced up to find his eyes closed.  
"Definitely not," he replied, opening his eyes. "Just enjoying the moment."  
"Well, let's see if we can extend it into minutes ... hours..." she said, pushing his tee up.  
"Hours, hey?" he said sitting up to remove his shirt, then hers.  
"Well, maybe not hours, but ..." her words trailed when his tongue darted into her mouth.

And it wasn't hours either; by Mac's calculations it was thirty seven well spent minutes as she and Harm demonstrated their love in a deeply physical manner.

Surfacing for a few recovery minutes after Mac's first orgasm, Harm barely let her catch her breath before entering her and thrusting deeply once more. This caused her to bite deeply into his shoulder as the second orgasm hit, and Harm groaned in a combination of pleasure and pain as he too fell over the edge.  
"You're amazing," he panted sprawled back on his side of the bed. "Absolutely amazing."  
"You're pretty damn good yourself," she replied rolling into him and kissing his chest.  
"So glad we figured out a remedy to our problems," he said, kissing her head.  
"Me too," she said, hooking a leg over his. "Sorry it took so long."  
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," he said his eyelids dropping.  
"Absence also has an impact on other parts of the anatomy," she said with a yawn.  
"And what parts would they be?" he questioned wearily as sleep tried to claim him. Mac's hand slid down his body to the sensitive part of his anatomy she had in mind and Harm groaned once more. "That would be one," he muttered.

Monday was a busy day on the farm. There was school for Lily, lessons for the twins, flying lessons which had been booked in with Mattie, paperwork for Harm and the finishing touches being put on the new house by Colin. Mac kept herself fully occupied all day so as not to think about what the following day would bring. She had the children so busy and so exhausted that all three were asleep before lunch.  
"What went on here this morning?" Harm said coming from the living room where all three youngsters were asleep where they'd been sitting.  
"Nothing, why?" she asked, checking on the quiche she had heating in the oven.  
"They're all asleep in there," he said, gesturing to the other room.  
"Really?" she questioned. "We didn't do anything out of the ordinary."

Padding to the living room, Mac stood at the door and looked at Frankie asleep on the floor of the play pen, Harry asleep over the arm of the sofa and Rosie asleep in the armchair.  
"So, what did you get up to?" he asked, looking at the heaviness of his wife's eyes.  
"Um..." she paused to think. "Colouring, blocks, the alphabet, read a few stories...went out to the chickens, did those brain gym exercises Harriet had mentioned, played a few games, did some counting...oh, and walked next door to give Mrs Anderson the mail which came here by mistake."  
"All in the last three hours?" he asked, sliding his arm around her back. "No wonder they're exhausted."  
"I was just trying to keep busy," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.  
"You're tired too," he observed, kissing her head.  
"That's more you than them," she said with a sly grin.  
Harm kissed her once more. "Why don't you go rest a bit, lunch can wait?"  
"But..." she started before trying to consider what else to say.  
"But you don't want to rest because it'll give you time to think about tomorrow," he said for her.  
"Am I that transparent?" she asked, linking her hands around his body.  
"Just to me," he replied, pulling her closer. "How about we turn off the oven and go sit on the porch just until the kids wake up?"  
"Sounds like a plan," she said, walking with him to the kitchen.

With Harm sitting on the outdoor sofa and Mac lying with her head on his lap, his fingers softly raking through her locks, Mac's eyes closed as she inhaled deeply.  
"Tomorrow, everything will be alright," Harm said in a gentle lilting voice. "Whatever the outcome, whatever the prognosis, it will all turn out fine."  
"But ..." she started before Harm leant down and kissed her head.  
"But nothing, gorgeous," he said softly. "If Rosie has a permanent hearing impairment there is nothing we can do to change that...nothing. You and I will find out the best way to help her, engage any professional we need and she will be fine. You and I have overcome bigger obstacles."  
"I know," Mac said tearfully. "I just don't want any of our babies having to overcome anything."  
"Sweetheart, whatever Rosie's hearing, it will only be a disability if we allow it to be," he said, trying to ease his wife's concern. "She's strong, determined and has a hell of a lot of you in her. She will do whatever she wants and a hearing loss, if that's what it turns out to be, is not going to stop her."  
"That's one of the reasons I love you," Mac said with a yawn.  
"What is?" Harm asked, kissing her head.  
"You always make me feel safe," she mumbled before sleep claimed her.

While Harm wasn't sure about the use of the word 'safe', he equated it to the fact that his words must have given her comfort that everything would be alright, regardless of tomorrow's news. The fact he could do that for her filled his heart with pride, that's all he really wanted – for Mac to feel loved and safe for eternity.

With it only being a day trip to DC, and Lily at school, Harry was left with Mattie and Colin with a strong reminder to behave himself. While he was a little tearful about Frankie getting to go, Colin asked him to help with the horses and all was quickly forgotten. Surprising herself, Mac was fine about the trip to Bethesda and her concern only deepened when she noticed her husband's change in demeanour.

Rather than talk in front of Rosie about his fears, Mac rested her hand on his thigh and squeezed.  
"You doing okay?" she asked, squeezing his leg once more.  
"Yeah," he replied distracted.  
"Harmon," she said, and he turned to look at her, she rarely used his full name.  
"I'm okay," he said, looking back at the road. "It will all be okay."

Knowing he was trying to convince himself rather than her, Mac smiled.  
"Of course it will," she said. "And then we can put all of this behind us."

With Frankie napping after lunch he was left with Harriet while the others went to Bethesda. The tests for Rosie didn't thrill her but at least there were no tears this time, Harm took that as a good sign. By the time they were called into Dr Jacobs' room, Harm was confident all would be fine. That confidence lasted until Dr Jacobs' shared the results.


	50. Chapter 50

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

Still having trouble with notifications of chapter updates and reviews - no idea why - so if I have missed someone, thanks!

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

In clinical terms, Dr Jacobs explained that Rose Sarah MacKenzie Rabb had a conductive hearing loss resulting in a bilateral mild / moderate hearing impairment. He went on to break down the diagnosis, explaining each part and what it meant for the young girl watching him intently. Harm and Mac nodded in the right places, responded when it was required and followed the pointer around the chart as Dr Jacobs explained things.

When he finished he sat back in his chair and asked for questions.  
"So, when will it clear up?" Harm asked, after all, that was the most logical question. Everything had been explained clearly enough, except that part.  
"Well, as I explained, this is a mild to moderate hearing impairment..." Dr Jacobs said, with the patience twenty years in medicine had taught him.  
"I understand that," Harm interrupted. "But on the last test it was a mild hearing loss in the right ear, moderate in the left. Now, it's still mild in the right and mild to moderate in the left ..."  
"So, how soon before it returns to normal?" Mac asked, finishing her husband's thought.  
"While there may be some changes in Rose's hearing levels, which we'll monitor through regular audiograms, I believe that Rose's hearing is permanently impaired."

While the doctor spoke in plain language and in a gentle manner, Harm felt as if he'd just been hit by a sledgehammer and his words deserted him.

Realising this, Mac rested her hand on his arm as he cradled Rosie to him. "Will it deteriorate?" she asked, feeling ill about the way this consultation had gone.  
"I don't believe so," he said, rounding his desk. "However, it's really important to keep on top of any future ear infections."  
"How do we prevent them?" she asked, rubbing Harm's arm.  
"At this age," Dr Jacobs said, tousling Rosie's hair. "You can't. It's a matter of seeking medical treatment at the earliest stage possible."  
"What do we do now?" she questioned, her head spinning.  
"I'm going to give you this folder," he said, picking up the bright green folder from his desk. "In it there are many strategies for helping children with mild to moderate hearing impairments, there's a flyer from the Deafness Association. There's also a list of professionals that can help you and how to access these services."  
"Services like?" Mac asked, concerned her husband wasn't speaking at all.  
"Speech Therapy, audiology, a paediatrician, schools..." he said, knowing it all by heart.  
"Rosie's too young for school," Mac interrupted.  
"I know," he agreed. "But it's something that will be helpful in the coming years. Now, I know it's not the news you wanted and that it all seems very daunting but, believe me, there is nothing stopping Rose having a rich and fulfilling life. For her, this is a little hiccup in her life, she won't know any differently and will bounce back to be the child you always knew..."  
"But with a hearing impairment," Mac said. "She didn't have that before all of this."  
"Rose has had a number of ear infections but no audiograms prior to the one two weeks ago," Dr Jacobs said patiently. "There is no way of knowing what has caused the impairment. The moderate loss result in her left ear last time was due to the cholesteatoma, and that has repaired itself nicely, the hearing results in her left ear has improved which is a good result." Mac nodded while Harm's attention never moved from his daughter's face.  
"Now, I will see her again in six months and we'll see where things stand," Dr Jacobs said, moving towards them. "I can see you're still a little shocked but you need to remember you are taking home a happy, healthy, gorgeous little girl."  
"Yes, we are," said Mac, nodding before thanking him for his time and care.

Standing next to the elevator, Harm was still silent. However, Rosie decided to speak.  
"Mommy," she said looking over Harm's shoulder at her mother. "Daddy squash me."  
"He doesn't mean it, baby," Mac said, moving in front of the pair and gently pulling at Harm's arm. "Daddy's just showing you how much he loves you."  
"Still squash," she said, wriggling to get free.  
"Okay, come to mommy," she said, holding out her arms and reluctantly Harm released his little girl just as the elevator doors opened.

Once they were all inside the cabin, Mac wrapped her free arm around her husband's neck.  
"It's alright, honey," she soothed. "Daddy's little girl will be fine. We'll make sure of it."

Harm nodded into her hair, still finding it hard to comprehend what had actually transpired. He had thoroughly convinced himself that this would all be temporary; that after today it would all be over and what he got was news his precious angel had a lifelong impairment. How the hell had that happened?

Harriet didn't need to be a genius to figure out things hadn't gone as well as Harm had convinced her they would. The totally lost look on his face spoke for itself. Busying himself with Frankie, it was left to Mac to explain the diagnosis and Harriet quickly hugged her.  
"I'm so sorry," she said, still holding Mac.  
"Yeah, me too," she said with a sigh. "But thankfully it's only mild in one and mild to moderate in the other and we can put things in place to help her."  
"Bit of a shock though," she replied, knowing she was quite stunned herself by the news.  
"Oh, yeah," Mac said. "But..."  
"Could be worse," Harriet said for her and Mac nodded. "How's..." she asked, tilting her head towards Harm who was sitting with the two children still very quiet.  
"Not too good," she replied honestly.  
"Anything I can do?" Harriet asked, rubbing her arm.  
"A strong coffee would be a start," Mac said with a sad smile.

Despite all of Mac's efforts, she couldn't get Harm to open up and that concerned her. He wanted nothing to eat or drink and when the time came to go and meet Commander Taylor at their old house he wasn't interested in that either. Rather than fight him on it, Mac took Harriet with her and left Harm with the kids.

The moment Mac met Brad Taylor and his wife, Grace, she felt a connection. These were good people to have living in her home. Wanting to wrap it all up as quickly as possible and get back to her husband, Mac was fairly straightforward in her approach; there'd be no beating around the bush.  
"What are the conditions?" Grace asked, running her hand along the bench top.  
"A bond, first and last month's rent, money to be direct deposited on the first of the month and the house to be treated with care," she said, a lifetime of renting paying off.  
"Perfect," Grace said with a broad smile. "I was alright with military housing until Jackson, our son, came along, now with him and Holly, I just want our own space."  
"I understand that," Mac said knowingly. "We bought this place when we were pregnant with our eldest daughter."  
"What's the rent per week?" Brad asked, looking out the kitchen window.

Wanting to be fair but to make things work all around, Mac decided now was the time to negotiate.  
"What's your budget?" she asked. When she'd looked into renting it out when they first decided to move to farm, a realtor had told her they could get $3000 a month minimum such was the quality of the house and the area they were in.  
"Probably not enough for this place," Grace said sadly. "We love it but a lot of our savings were used for Brad's mother's cancer treatment last year in Florida," she added in a whisper as Brad opened the back door. "She didn't make it...which is why we moved here ... for a fresh start."  
"What were you hoping to pay?" Mac asked sympathetically.  
"We could do $500 a week...maybe stretch to $600 at a push, but all the houses in this area are between six and eight hundred a week," she said with a shrug.  
"Well," Mac said with a pause. "How about $500 a week and you and Brad take care of all utilities and maintenance, and anything else that comes up?"  
"Really?" she questioned, eyes widening.  
"We can't do much being three hours away and I don't want to leave the responsibility with Bud and Harriet," Mac said quietly. "And we don't want to keep leaving it empty...so, we'll be helping each other out."  
"That's a generous offer, Mac," Grace said, "Are you sure?"  
"I am," Mac said with a nod, "How about you go and speak to Brad about it?"

As Grace went through the backdoor and out to speak to her husband, Harriet stood beside Mac. "You do know you can get at least $3000 a month for this place?"  
"I know," Mac said nodding. "But it's not about money...they seem nice and they'll care for the place and just give us some time to think about what we'll do with it. Now, let's hope we can wrap this up...I want to get back to Harm."  
"He's not taking it well at all," Harriet commented.  
"No, he's not," Mac agreed. "I know it wasn't what we expected or hoped for but it is only a mild & mild - moderate impairment. Harm's reaction would make you think it was profound."  
"Then, there's something more at play," she said, "Something more than just Rosie."  
"Yeah, but what?" she asked, looking out at the couple talking in the backyard.  
"Do you really have to return to the farm tonight?" Harriet asked, leaning on the counter.  
"Well, we have two kids there, why?" she asked turning to face her friend.  
"I'm thinking that you and Harm might want to take some time out this evening to talk where you won't be interrupted by munchkins. Go out for dinner or go for a walk...just the two of you," she suggested, patting Mac's arm.  
"Yeah, but what about Rosie and Frankie?" she asked running her hand across her face.  
"What am I? Chopped liver," Harriet said with a laugh. "I'll look after them."  
Considering Harriet's offer, Mac nodded, it seemed the way to go. She needed to find out what was going on with her husband and the best way was to do it tonight without interruption.  
"We'll take it," Grace said, walking back into the house holding her husband's hand. "Only if you're sure."  
"I am," Mac said. "We'll agree to six months and renegotiate then."  
"It's a deal," Brad said, stretching out his hand to shake hers. "When can we move in?"  
"Anytime you like," Mac replied. "It's a beautiful house; it deserves to have a family in it."  
"What about the furniture?" he asked, gesturing to the table and chairs.  
"If you need them they can stay," Mac said, pointing to the same items. "If you don't we'll remove them."  
"Can we let you know?" Grace asked, "We've got things here, things still in storage in Florida..."  
"There's no rush," said Mac patting her arm.

As Harriet drove them home, Mac phoned the farm and informed Mattie of the outcome and checked everything was okay for them to stay an extra night. Then, disconnecting that call, she called La Jolla and took a deep breath. The bright happy chitchat changed when Mac informed Trish as to the reason for her call.  
"Oh, my poor baby girl," she said tearfully, the news totally unexpected given Harm's reports to her.  
"She'll be fine, mom," Mac soothed. "She's pretty resilient and very clever and it won't be more than a hiccup for her," she said paraphrasing the doctor.  
"I know, but Harm had me convinced all would be okay, that it was just another infection," she said, her voice still full of emotion.  
"He convinced himself of that too," she replied sadly before taking a deep breath. "He's not doing too well at all today."  
"Can I talk to him?" Trish asked but Mac declined, explaining where they were and why Harm wasn't with her. "Oh, my poor boy," she said with a sigh. "Will it help if I called him?"  
"I honestly don't know, mom," Mac admitted. "His response seems out of proportion to the news and I don't know what to make of that."  
"Did Harm ever tell you about Hank Martin?" she asked and when Mac said no, Trish went on to explain that Hank was a childhood friend of Harm's who wore hearing aids and glasses. Hank was a neighbour and he and Harm spent many hours together, especially on the weekends and holidays. In their early teens they seemed to drift apart and one day, while Hank was riding his bike, he was hit and killed by a train; he hadn't been wearing his hearing aids. Since then, Harm had been overly sensitive to those with hearing losses, and Trish believed that he still blamed himself for not being with Hank on the day he died.

Wiping at her tears, Mac took a steadying breath; that explained things. She'd been thinking of how fortunate they were it was only mild to moderate and all Harm could think was a hearing impairment killed his friend. She definitely needed to spend some one on one time with her husband.

Relating the story to Harriet after she'd disconnected the call, Mac took a tissue from her pocket.  
"Harm will be okay," Harriet said, patting her arm. "He'll just need a little TLC and time."  
"I know, I know," Mac replied, blowing her nose. "I ... Can't it ever be easy?"  
Harriet had no response.

Rather than tell Harm she had spoken to his mother and now knew about Hank, Mac explained that they were staying another night and Harriet would have the two children while they took some time out, Harm declined. He declined again when she rephrased it and declined a third time when she suggested just going out for dinner.

Incredibly frustrated and now upset herself, Mac decided to change tack.  
"Harriet, I'm going out," she said, well within earshot of Harm. "I'll have my cell so call if you need me," she added before moving to kiss her children.

Stopping by the car, Mac decided she needed physical exercise so she zipped up her jacket and shoved her hands in the pockets and set off at a brisk pace. By the time she'd rounded the first corner Harm was by her side.  
"Why didn't you wait for me?" he said, matching her stride for stride. Mac didn't answer. "Mac?" he said, pulling on her arm. "Why didn't you wait?"  
"You said no," she snapped. "I asked you three times and you said no each time. What did you expect me to do?" she asked, fighting her tears.  
"Hey," he said, stopping and pulling her arm to get her to stop too. "Mac, stop."  
"What?" she growled, shrugging off his touch. Quickly, Harm retracted his hand and stood facing her.  
"I'm sorry," he said, the pain in her eyes causing his heart to ache. Cautiously, he raised his hand to caress her face. "I'm really sorry."  
"What for?" she challenged and Harm was taken aback. "What are you apologising for?"  
"For making you cry," he said sincerely. "I haven't been there for you at all today."  
"I just wanted to take some time out with you to get our heads around it all before we go back to the farm," she said starting to walk once more. "I wanted to help you deal with it all as your reaction worried me today. I wanted you to hold me while we figure out our next step."  
"I'm here now, we can do all that right now," he said easily catching up with her.  
"Right now, I want some time to myself," she said, knowing she was still wound up and it wasn't conducive to her being calm or sympathetic towards anyone but her daughter.  
"If I promise not to annoy you, can I come too?" he questioned and when Mac didn't say no, he took it as a yes and continued to walk with her.  
_**  
**_


	51. Chapter 51

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

Still having trouble with notifications of chapter updates and reviews - no idea why - so if I have missed someone, thanks!

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

It was twenty minutes before either spoke and it occurred when Mac sat on the swing at a local park and Harm asked if she wanted to be pushed. Biting her tongue at her first response, which was that he had already pushed her to her limit, Mac nodded and Harm moved behind the swing and pushed her. When she'd picked up enough momentum, he sat in the swing beside her and propelled himself.

While the wind was cold, both ignored it in favour of just having this time out from everything else. Eventually, Mac slowed down and trailed her feet on the ground; not talking about things wasn't going to help.  
"I'm sorry for taking my frustrations out on you," she said as Harm came to a stop beside her. "I had just had enough and needed to vent."  
"I'm sorry I was the cause of those frustrations," he said, stretching out his hand in the hope she'd hold it; she did.  
"I'm sorry I wasn't more patient with you. I know you've taken this very hard," she said, leaning her head against the chain of the swing.  
"I'm sorry I was a basket case," he replied, tugging her arm, hoping she'd come over to him; she did.

Willingly she sat across his legs, one arm around him and holding onto the chain, the other caressing his face.  
"I love you so much," she whispered, kissing his forehead.  
"And I you," he replied brushing a kiss across her lips.  
"What now?" she asked, resting her head on his. "Do you want to talk to me? Do you want to walk some more? Do you want to go eat?"  
"How about we just stay here for a bit?" he suggested, gently rocking them on the swing.

When the night air became too cold, Mac stood and took Harm's hand and helped him stand. Together they walked towards a diner three blocks away. Sitting on the same side of the booth, Mac looped Harm's arm around her and nestled close, drained by everything that had happened today.  
"Can I take your order?" asked a waitress named Kiki.  
"Double BLT with cheese - toasted, fries and a coke," Mac said, not bothering with the menu.  
"Sir?" she asked, turning to Harm.  
"Can I get a veggie burger with onion rings and I'll take a coke too," he said, handing her the unread menus.  
"Any dessert?" she questioned, picking up the folders.  
"We'll wait and see," he said, holding Mac a little closer.

When silence had filled the air, Harm decided he should be the one to broach the topic at hand.  
"I thought if I prayed hard enough and wished hard enough then Jacobs would have said everything was fine and we'd go back to normal," he said quietly, his fingers raking through her hair. "Every other time something has happened to you or one of the kids I've done the same thing and every time things have worked out."  
"But not today," she said and he nodded before kissing her head.  
"No, not today," he concurred. "I was sitting in his office listening to him telling us our daughter has a hearing impairment and I just kept thinking he couldn't be right. I'd done everything right. I'd prayed, I'd bargained with God, I'd done charitable deeds and our daughter wasn't alright."  
"It's just an impairment, Harm," Mac said, turning to face him. "I know it's not what we wanted but when you think of what it could have been we are very lucky."  
"I know, I know," he said quickly. "I had reasoned with God that I'd rather have a deaf child than one with cancer but..."  
"But the reality is harder to accept?" she asked and Harm nodded.  
"I just kept thinking that I didn't do enough this time," he admitted, dropping his head.  
"There was nothing you could or couldn't do to make a difference, Harm," she said, caressing his face.

And that was indeed Harm's problem. It wasn't just the hearing impairment but the thought that he hadn't had any control over it and he couldn't help but think about what would have happened if he had lost Mac seven months ago when she'd had Frankie. He was sure it was his praying and begging and pleading with God which had made the difference, it hadn't. Whatever happened was going to happen.

It was the lesson he learnt in Dr Jacobs' room and it had floored him. It had nothing to do with his friend, Hank, at all.  
"I thought I could," he said tearfully. "I thought I made a difference."  
"You did and you do, sweetheart," she said, holding his face in her hands. "You make a difference to my life every minute of every day. You do the same for the kids and for Mattie and Colin."  
"But our daughter still has a hearing impairment," he said as she wiped his tears away.  
"You told me recently that I wasn't superwoman. Well, hon, you're not superman," she soothed, stroking his face. "But you are my superman."

Kiki delivered their meals and drinks before retreating quickly. She could tell that something very emotional was in play with her customers and didn't want to intrude.

Both picked at their meals for a bit before Mac turned around to face him.  
"Fact one, our daughter has a hearing impairment," she said, sounding very much a lawyer. Harm nodded. "Fact two, she is still the same little girl we had this morning and nothing will change." Harm nodded again. "Fact three, we work better as a team and we'll do everything to ensure that Rosie is not disadvantaged by this condition." Harm nodded. "Fact four, we're both going to eat all of our food and have dessert because we haven't eaten much since breakfast, we both need our strength and this is the best diner in Alexandria." Harm nodded once more.

"Fact one," he replied, cupping her face. "I concur with your facts. Fact two, you never fail to amaze me," he continued. Mac had been the one stressed out about it all prior to the appointment but since they had received the news she'd been a tower of strength. "Fact three, I love you more this minute than I have ever done in our lives and fact four, I think dessert should be death by chocolate."  
"I concur," she said, kissing him. "Death by chocolate is my favourite."  
"And you, gorgeous, are my favourite."

By the time they arrived home by midday the following day, Harm and Mac were both in a better place emotionally. There had been no miracle but they had taken a deep breath the night before and decided to do whatever it took and to do it together. Both knew together they could get through anything and it took little to decide to put on a positive, brave face in front of the others and to discuss the negatives only with each other.

Colin and Mattie were sympathetic and understanding and Mattie pointed out to them that, from her reading the night before, was that if her left ear continued to improve and it was a mild impairment in both that in reality, all it really meant was that Rosie couldn't hear whispers or softer sounds or maybe things like being called from another room. She would still be able to hear normal conversation and she may need to have the volume higher on things and be seated near the front of the classroom and such.

"When you put it like that there's nothing to worry about," Mac said with a weary smile, leaning into her husband. "I think we were a bit shocked with the diagnosis to think about the intricacies of it."  
"When is her next review?" Colin asked, placing mugs of coffee in front of Harm and Mac.  
"Six months," Harm replied, playing with Mac's hair.  
"Well, we do what we can to help her and see in six months if her condition has stabilised or improved," he said before returning to get the coffee for Mattie and himself.  
"Or deteriorated," Harm added quietly. Yes, they said they'd be positive but he also needed to be realistic as well.  
"Harmon Rabb," Mattie scolded. "That thinking isn't helpful. Of everything we've been through this is relatively minor in the scheme of things. Rosie will be just fine ... she'd be fine if she became profoundly hearing impaired and that's because she is tough just like her mommy and daddy and surrounded by love."  
Standing, Harm leant over the table and kissed her head. She sounded just like he did when Mattie was recovering from her accident.

Lily, however, was a different story. In simple terms, Harm and Mac told her the truth about her sister's diagnosis and, when Lily had no questions, they felt like they'd done a good job. That night when Lily had a bad dream and crawled in with them, they didn't relate the two things together, nor did they think about it on the second night.

After midnight on Thursday night, Lily crawled in with Mac while Harm was up trying to resettle Frankie.  
"Another bad dream?" Mac asked as Lily snuggled under the covers.  
"Aha," she replied, closing her eyes.  
"Tell me about it," Mac said, caressing her face but Lily shook her head. "Lily Patricia, open your eyes..." Lily did so. "I know you don't want to talk about it but you need to tell me...it will help..."  
"I don't want to upset you," she whispered, afraid her daddy would hear.  
"You won't," she replied. "Just tell me what the dreams are about."  
"They're about Rosie," she said with a sigh.  
"And what happens with Rosie?" Mac questioned, playing with Lily's hair.  
"She loses her ears and she looks strange and everyone teases her and she's sad and she can't find them," Lily said quickly.  
Mac nodded.  
"It's not fair she's losing her ears," Lily continued. "She's only a baby...she shouldn't lose her ears," she said tearfully.  
"Is that what you think will happen?" Mac asked, fighting her own emotions.  
"Yes," Lily said with a nod.  
"Why do you think Rosie will lose her ears?" she questioned, aware Harm was now standing in the doorway.  
"You and daddy told me she would," the child explained.  
"No, we didn't," Mac corrected.  
"Yes, you did," she insisted. "When I got home from school you said she lost her hearing."  
"Oh," Mac said slowly before explaining things a little more clearly.  
"So, she won't lose her ears?" Lily asked and Mac shook her head. "That's a relief because you lost your uterus when it was sick and I lost my tooth when it was wobbly, I just thought she'd lose her ears."

A few more reassuring words, kisses and caresses and Lily was ready for sleep.  
"How about I take you back to bed?" Harm asked, coming into the room.  
"Will you sing to me?" she asked as he scooped her up.  
"Of course," he replied. "What would you like me to sing?"  
It didn't really matter what he was to sing, Lily was asleep before he got her tucked into bed.

Returning to his bedroom, he slid in next to his wife.  
"That was quick," Mac observed.  
"Sound asleep," he replied, wrapping his arms around her.  
"Maybe you could sing for me," she said, snuggling into him.  
"Sure, gorgeous," he said, kissing her head before softly crooning:  
_The first time ever I saw your face_  
_I thought the sun rose in your eyes_  
_And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave_  
_To the dark and the empty skies, my love,_  
_To the dark and the empty skies..._  
And Mac was asleep.

Friday morning, Lily went to school while Harm and Mattie set off for a day in Charlesville; they had appointments with their financial consultant, the lawyer and small business bureau. Colin had overseen the connection of the utilities to his new house and had organised for Dave and his sons to come over and help him move the bigger, heavier furniture from the barn into the house.

Meanwhile, Mac was in the house with the three youngest members of the household. With the morning lesson completed and a little extra time spent with Rosie, Mac was sorting through the laundry while debating what to do for lunch.  
"Penny for your thoughts?" came Trish's voice, startling her from her musings.  
"Mom!" she exclaimed, dropping the pile of towels and hugging her mother-in-law. "What on earth are you doing here?"  
"Thought you could use a friendly face," she said, caressing Mac's face. "Things haven't been easy in recent weeks."

While things were a whole lot better and Mac hadn't been overly emotional in days, Trish's presence and concern reduced her to tears; just like a child who falls and is fine until they see their mommy.  
"Hey, hey," she soothed, hugging her tightly. "It's all okay."  
"I know," Mac said with a sniffle as she wiped her eyes. "I shouldn't be crying ... things are improving."  
"Then why are you, sweetie?" she asked quietly.  
"Guess I just needed my mom," she said before Trish kissed her head.  
"Well, mom's here ... and so is dad," she said, leading Mac from the laundry. "Frank made a beeline to the living room to see the kids. He couldn't wait to see his namesake."  
"Mommy, mommy, grandpa's here," Harry yelled spying her in the doorway.  
"I can see," Mac said, moving across to hug him. "Hi dad, great to see you."  
"You too, dear," he replied, kissing her cheek. "Sorry to drop in unannounced but we didn't want you to fuss."  
"You're always welcome," she replied. "Now, it's almost lunchtime, so let me get you something to eat and drink."  
"I'll help you, Sarah," Trish replied and the two set off for the kitchen.

In no time at all, the two had whipped up chicken noodle soup and toasted cheese sandwiches to ward of the chill of the wet, cold day and the six sat down to eat. Colin joined them soon after and caught the new arrivals up with the happenings at the house and invited them both over to see it after lunch.

And that's where everybody was when Harm and Mattie returned home just after two. Finding no one in the farmhouse and knowing Colin was moving things into the house, it seemed logical that they'd be there. Plus, there was an unknown car outside which Harm suspected was the rental car his parents would have needed. He'd known they were coming, actually, he had asked them to come when he called to tell them about Rosie. It was asking a lot, he knew, after all they would be there for Thanksgiving and were staying on until mid-January, but he just felt Mac could benefit from some time with his mom, even for just a little bit. And, as Frank was already heading to the east coast on business, it wouldn't be too far out of their way to spend a long weekend on the farm.  
"How's everyone?" Harm asked, coming in behind his family.

Greetings were exchanged with hugs and kisses before Harm slipped his arm around his wife.  
"Surprise," he whispered before kissing her head.  
Mac turned to face him. "You knew they were coming?"  
"Ah, yeah," he said with a nod. "Actually, I asked them to," he admitted. When Mac's eyebrows furrowed he continued. "I called the night we got back from DC to tell them about Rosie and Frank said he had business in Maine..."  
Mac smiled; "Did you corroborate that fact, counsellor?"  
"What do you mean?" he questioned, looping his arms around her.  
"I called them from DC and told them and they had no plans for Maine...I think they said it to you to make it easier for you to ask them here?" she said and Harm laughed. His parents had played him.


	52. Chapter 52

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

I have the final chapter to post on the other site and am doubling up the remaining chapters on this site, so we can get there quicker. Thanks to those dedicated few who have been there for this journey. I deeply appreciate it.

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

Saturday saw everyone busy at the new house. There were beds to be made up, boxes to be emptied and pictures to be hung. Veronica and Jessie had come to visit and while the kids were occupied in what Mattie had called the 'games room' which essentially was the spare room which currently had a television and Playstation3 along with a box of old toys from the farmhouse, the adults busied themselves.

In only a few hours the house was a home and Trish and Mac had returned to the farmhouse with the children to prepare a late lunch. Lunch was a buffet of sandwiches, assorted party pies and sausage rolls, garden salad and leftovers of Harm's meatless meatloaf. It was devoured in next to no time by the seven adults and five children and soon it was only the meatloaf which remained on the table.  
"Still can't bribe the kids to eat that stuff?" Frank asked, pointed at the foodstuff he struggled to call food.  
"Nope, it looks like the famous Rabb meatless meatloaf recipe will die with me," he said with a shrug.  
"Thank goodness," Mac said with a laugh as she set about clearing the table.

When Harm pouted Mac padded across and kissed him soundly. "Better?" she asked and he nodded, pleased his pouting still elicited this response.

When night time came and the new house was ready for occupation, Mattie stood nervously in the kitchen while Mac was making coffee.  
"What's up?" she asked when Mattie failed to speak.  
"Um...nothing," she said hesitantly.  
"Um...try again," Mac said turning to face the younger woman. "What are you nervous about?"  
"No, no, not nervous," she said quickly; after all, she and Colin had effectively been living together since they had moved to the farm. Sure, it was the old study and then the mobile home but it wasn't moving in with him that had her nervous.  
"Then what is it, honey?" she questioned, taking Mattie's hand.  
"It's ...well, when Harm entered my life he changed it completely," Mattie said as the first tears trickled down her face.  
"He changed mine too," Mac said, wiping away Mattie's tears.  
"And it felt good to have someone who loved me ... who wanted me as part of a family," she continued and Mac nodded, she knew that feeling all too well. "And then with the accident you were both fantastic and then I went to college and started working and while I had friends...and met Colin... I guess I was lonelier than I thought. Then when we visited here and you said we could move here too that feeling of belonging to a family grew so strong. Now, we're moving into our own house and I guess I'm feeling a little scared that I'll lose it again."  
"That's not possible," Mac said, wrapping her arms around Mattie. "You are as much a part of this family as anyone else."  
"I know," she cried. "But last time ..."  
"Mattie, last time you moved across the country but you were always in our thoughts and hearts...it was just the distance which got in the way. This time you are moving two – three hundred feet..." she explained.  
"Two hundred and thirty nine," Mattie corrected, she'd counted it, several times. "So, will I still be able to come over all the time?"  
"Definitely," Mac said, hugging her. "You can spend as much time here as you like. You can have dinner here each night with us. And remember, you'll be doing your laundry here until you get your own washer and dryer."  
"Okay," she said with a sniffle. "Just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to lose you guys again."  
"You never lost us before, sweetheart," Mac said, cradling Mattie's head to hers. "We're family, always and forever," she whispered kissing Mattie's head. She too knew what it felt like finally having something you had craved for so long and the innate fear that any change may mean losing that.  
"Mac, we might skip the coffee," started Colin before catching the scene in front of him. "What's wrong?"  
"Nothing," Mac said patting his shoulder. "Mattie was just feeling a little anxious about the move."  
"Really? Why?" he questioned, facing her. They'd spent a long time working hard on the house and she'd never seemed anxious. They'd spent all day setting it up and, if he had to pick an adjective, he'd describe her as excited; he had no idea where the anxiety had come from.

Mattie's response was to wrap her arms around his neck and hold tight. With his arms surrounding her, Colin kissed her head and spoke soothing words until her tears stopped.  
"Can you tell me?" he questioned, pulling back and resting his head on hers. Mac quietly slipped out of the room.  
"Just got a little worried that things would change between me and Harm and Mac now that we won't be living here," she said quietly.  
"Why would you think that?" he questioned surprised.  
"Because last time I left I missed them so much and then they had the kids, their own family, and I guess I felt left out," she said wiping her tears. "I know we're only next door... I love the house...I love you... and I know it will be wonderful and all work out but..."  
"But you remember the young girl who had a family and lost it, then got another one and thought she'd lost them too," he said for her and she nodded. "Babe, you'll always have Harm and Mac, whether we're living in the next house or the next state... and you'll always have me...I'm your family too. And hopefully, it won't be long before we have our own kids and you'll never have to worry about being alone again."  
"God, I love you," she whispered, kissing him. "Thank you."

Knowing there was something going on that he wasn't privy too, Harm stood in front of Mac as she blocked the doorway.  
"Any reason you're standing guard?" he asked, looping his arms around her neck.  
"Just giving them some time," she whispered, kissing his lips.  
"What's the problem?" he replied, looking over her shoulder.  
"Mattie's just a little upset," she admitted. "A bit worried about us not being as close once she moves."  
"She's only going next door," Harm pointed out and Mac nodded.  
"I know," Mac agreed. "But she's been through a lot in her life and this is a momentous step and I think it just all caught up with her."

Ignoring his wife's request, Harm skirted around her and headed towards the kitchen to find Colin and Mattie walking towards him. Without speaking, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head.  
"Never forget I love you so very much, Matilda," he said, cradling her head in his hand. "Always have, always will. You will always be my eldest child and that won't change because there is a different roof over your head. Do you understand me?"  
"I do," she replied, fighting her tears once more.  
"And as I will be working with you every day and seeing you over here most nights, I don't think you'll see less of me than you do now," he declared, brushing his thumb over her cheek.  
Nodding, Mattie pulled him closer. "I love you, Harm. Thank you for everything you've given me...a family, a home, a career..."  
"You're more than welcome, sweetheart," he said. "I'm just so glad you chose to be here with us."  
"Me too," said Colin, hoping to go home before his wife-to-be broke down once more.

And after a few more hugs and kisses and reassurances they left to start their life together in their new home.  
Seeing the tears in her husband's eyes, Mac looped her arms around his neck and drew his head down towards her before kissing him tenderly.  
"You changed that girl's life," she said looking up at him. "You've given her everything she ever wanted... and you've done the same for me," she added before kissing him once more. "And we both feel incredibly blessed you came into our lives."  
"I'm the one who has been blessed," he said, caressing her face. "I never thought I'd have what we have now. I never thought I would find anyone who would love me like you do ... wasn't even sure if I deserved that kind of love..."  
"Why?" she asked tearfully.  
"I don't know," he admitted. "I was never the loving kind ... I know mom and dad loved me but I tried my hardest not to reciprocate, I loved Grams but what kid wouldn't..."  
"You were the loving kind," Trish said, coming into the kitchen. "Up until your daddy went missing you were very affectionate and demonstrative of your love. Then things started to change and by the time I made the move to have him declared dead we were like strangers."  
"I'm so sorry, mom," he said, leaving his wife's arms to embrace his mother. "I never, ever meant to hurt you so much."  
"I know, sweetheart," she replied rubbing his back. "You were just in so much pain and I was the easiest target, but, it's all in the past and I'm just so glad we get to be a part of your life now."  
"Me too, mom," he said, holding her close and kissing her head. "Me too."

Just after midnight, Harm rolled back onto his side of the bed after thoroughly satisfying his wife, and himself, Mac rolled with him and rested her head on his chest.  
"You're like a fine wine, Harmon," she said as her finger trailed over his chest. "You get better with age."  
"Thank you," he said with a slight blush. "But I wouldn't have expected an analogy like that from you."  
"Just because I'm a recovering alcoholic doesn't mean I can't use the idiom," she said, propping herself up on an elbow to look at him.  
"Not what I meant," he said caressing her face. "I meant it as in you wouldn't be touching fine wine, no matter how much better it got and you've just spent a lot of time touching me..." He raised an eyebrow and she got the point.  
"Okay, you're right. I'll have to think of another way to phrase it," she said, rolling on top of him. "Or maybe I'll just show you."  
"Show me..." he said before Mac did exactly that.

Meanwhile, Colin and Mattie had just finished christening their new bedroom, and were lying hot and sweaty across their bed.  
"Kitchen – check, bathroom – check, bedroom – check," Colin reported glad to have their own space and the freedom to do as they please. Sure, they had had sex in the mobile home but he always felt a little stifled because he thought the noise would carry through the house.  
"We've had a busy night," agreed Mattie. "But a great one," she added with a yawn. "I think I'm going to love living here with you."  
"No regrets about moving from next door?" he questioned, kissing her head.  
"No, never had any regrets," she said wriggling around to rest her head on a pillow. "Just a few old insecurities raising their head."  
"And now?" he questioned turning around to lie beside her.  
"Now, I'm fine," she said, "Now I'm better than fine...I'm home."  
Colin grinned before rolling on top of her and showing her how fine home could be.

Needless to say, both couples were a little on the tired side the following morning and struggled to get up for the morning service. Rosie made her parents give up any thoughts of a Sunday morning sleep in by crying out and instantly they were up to make sure she wasn't unwell. Lily made Mattie and Colin give up their morning plans by sprinting across the yard and asking if she could go to church with them so her grandparents could travel with the others.

Arriving home after the service, Harm yawned and stretched and Mattie followed.  
"Why's everyone so tired?" Lily asked her grandmother as they headed to the kitchen.  
"I don't know," Trish replied. "Perhaps they were up too late last night."  
"Hmmm," she said, getting the juice from the fridge.  
"Maybe they just need an early night," she continued, getting the glasses out for Lily.  
"I don't think that's it, grandma," Lily said carefully placing the glasses on the tray. "Mom and dad have been going to bed early all week and they looked tireder than ever!"

Trish laughed. It didn't take a genius to figure out what  
the cause was.

As Lily set the table for brunch, Frank entertained the children, or at least kept them occupied and Trish made herself at home in the kitchen preparing bacon, eggs, toast and fruit salad for all. A few times the others had offered to help but Trish had insisted on doing it alone, after all, it had been months and months since been able to cook for her family.

After brunch was enjoyed over idle chatter and family news, Trish and Frank offered to take the children on a drive. When Harm declined, saying it would be too much; Frank reassured him that they wouldn't let the kids out of the car, except for the playground, so there wouldn't be too much stress. Plus, he added, he planned on bribing them with ice cream.

Laughing, Harm agreed.

"Just think," Trish said within earshot of both couples. "You may be able to go to bed for a few hours and actually sleep."

No one dared comment.

Enjoying the opportunity to take a late morning nap, both couples returned to their respective bedrooms for some much needed rest, and, this time, they got it.

Later that evening, when all the children were fast asleep, including Mattie and Colin next door, Frank brought up the issues with Rosie and her hearing. Calm and less emotional that they had been earlier in the week, Mac and Harm discussed what it all meant for Rosie. They explained they were looking into speech – language therapist for some therapy sessions to see if they could catch her up on what she'd lost in recent months.  
"And how's that going?" Trish asked, picking up her coffee.  
"We've found a couple," Mac replied. "There's a one who has an office in Charlesville who seems alright but her experience is with older children and adults..."  
"There's a great one who specialises in pre-schoolers..." Harm began.  
"That's good," Trish interjected.  
"Yeah, but she's ninety minutes away which might be a bit tough on Rosie..." Mac continued. "She'll probably be exhausted just getting there."  
"Does she make house calls?" Frank asked, trying to work something out.  
"Yes, but we'd have to pay travel expenses at the same rate as the therapy, meaning it will be about $600 per session rather than the $150," Harm explained. "It's not that we begrudge paying it, but realistically there's a limit on what we can do. We've booked in for a full assessment at the start of December and then we'll see what the best plan of attack is."  
"What's her name?" Trish asked, thinking along similar lines to her husband.  
"Eliza Pickering," Mac answered. "She worked at St Jude's Research Hospital for 25 years and has been in private practice in Harver for five years. She did her thesis on Speech in the Hearing Impaired Pre School Child."  
"Well, be sure to let us know how it goes," Trish said, more than happy she had all the information she needed to ensure young Rosie got every minute of speech – language therapy she needed.  
_**  
*****_

Life on the farm moved on, Trish and Frank left and returned for the festive season, starting with Thanksgiving which came and went successfully. Rosie had maintained good health but her parents were on high alert with winter about and did everything to ensure she wasn't subjected to the colds and flu of others.

Then the day for Rosie's trip to Harver for her speech-language therapy assessment was upon them. Harm and Mac set off with the twins, leaving Lily in school and Frankie home with his grandparents. Planning their trip so they could break for lunch at the halfway mark, Harm pulled into the Burger King car park as that was Rosie's choice.

While Harm supervised a well rugged up Rosie and Harry on the indoor playground, Mac went and ordered, glad their special of the month was a vegie burger so Harm would have something to eat. Mac ordered big, hoping to get Rosie to eat more than the meagre amount she had at breakfast. She knew Harry would devour anything she put in front of him such was his ravenous appetite at the moment due to the growth spurt he was experiencing.

With hamburgers and fries for the twins, Mac chose the Steakhouse XT burger for herself with a large fries and onion rings to go with Harm's vegie burger. With water for everyone, she carried the tray back to the table and set out the food while Harm rounded up the twins and brought them back. Using booster seats raise the kids to make eating an easier experience, Harm made sure they were set before sliding in beside his wife and pinching one of her fries.

"Did you want fries?" Mac asked, tipping some of hers on a napkin closer to him.  
"No, I'm fine," he said, keeping the fries near him and tipping some onion rings to her.

Harry had consumed his burger before Mac had even started hers and being a little preoccupied didn't catch the little hand dart out to claim hers too until her burger was moving across the table.  
"Hey!" she said putting her hand out. "That's mommy's burger."  
"I'm hungry," he said, lifting it to his mouth.  
"Harrison MacKenzie Rabb," Harm said sternly and Harry froze, no one ever called him Harrison. "Give that burger back to mommy and say sorry."  
"Sorry, mommy," he said handing it back. "But I'm hungry."  
"Eat your fries and drink your water and then we'll talk," Mac said, and obediently Harry did as instructed.

Rosie, on the other hand, played with her fries and barely looked at her burger.  
"Eat your hamburger, Rosie," Mac said but with her head down and being busy with her fries, she failed to respond. "Rosie..." Mac said a little louder. "Rosie," she said louder still and Rosie looked up and smiled at her mommy. Mac bit down on her bottom lip to control her emotions.

Silently, Harm slid his hand over hers and squeezed it. It would take some adjustment to get used to the new world they were in with Rosie.  
"Mommy, don't like ham-ger," she said pushing it towards her brother. "Harry have."  
Harry didn't need to be asked twice.  
"Would you like some of mommy's or daddy's?" Mac offered but Rosie shook her head.  
"Would you like some ice cream or..." Harm started.  
"Ice cream!" Harry said with a mouthful of food.  
"You, just eat the burger," Mac said not worrying about wrestling Rosie's burger from him. After all, there were bigger issues at play today.

Rosie shook her head, she didn't want ice cream or burgers or anything. What she wanted was a hug from her daddy and she put her arms out.  
"Hug, daddy," she said and Harm's heart melted.  
"Sure, baby," he said, sliding from his seat and cleaning his daughter's hands before picking her up.  
"No doctor, daddy," she said, resting her head on Harm's shoulder and he took a deep breath. They hadn't told the twins where they were headed but his little girl had guessed anyway.  
"Eliza's not a doctor," Harm said after pulling back so she could see him speak. "She's a speech – language therapist." He may as well have spoken in Greek for what Rosie could understand.  
"No doctor, daddy," she repeated, hugging him tighter.  
"Eliza will play games and you'll have fun," he said but it meant nothing, it was just someone else who was going to look at her and poke her and make her sad.

Once they arrived in Harver, the family entered Eliza's office and checked in with her receptionist. It wasn't long before they were called in and Harm watched his daughter's reaction as a bright, happy room came into view. Rosie walked in willingly, which was a bonus, and Harry went to dive into the toy box but Harm caught his hand, this wasn't the time for playing.

After fifteen minutes of preliminary discussions, Harm and Harry left so the assessment phase could start. The plan was for Eliza to assess Rosie and speak with Mac to get a full history. She would then have the family go for coffee for an hour while she analysed the results and then come back to discuss the findings and recommendations. Usually, the process was split between two sessions but she was mindful of the trek they had made to be there, so she was doing it this way.

Kissing his wife and daughter, Harm and Harry left, much to Harry's dismay. He wanted to stay with his sister, he wanted to stay with the toys, but Harm had other plans.  
"Come on, Harry," he encouraged, setting the boy on his hip so they could get out without too much of a scene. "How about we go buy our favourite girls a present?"  
"For me too?" he asked eager.  
"Yes, for you too," he agreed. "But, only if you're a good boy."  
"I'll be good," he promised, wriggling from his father's arms and taking hold of his hand so they could go shopping. "Come on, daddy."

Walking into a department store, Harm stopped near a directory, trying to decide where they should head.  
"What should we buy mommy and Rosie?" he asked, picking Harry up so he could reach the map.  
"Candy!" he said excitedly. "And books and toys and ...and...and..."  
"What about mommy?" he asked, leading the way to the book department.  
"Candy and chocolate and burgers..." Harry reeled off as he danced along.  
"Your mom needs to change her eating habits," Harm grumbled, holding onto Harry's hand as the escalator came into view.

In the book department, Harry chose 'Where the wild things are' for Rosie and 'The Gruffalo' for himself. Harm picked up 'We're going on a bear hunt' for Frankie and 'Tales of a fourth grade nothing' for Lily. Moving onto the toy department, Harry picked nine different items 'for Rosie' he would say handing it to his father, but Harm would shake his head. His little girl wouldn't want nine different Thomas the Tank engines. In the end, Harry settled on Candyland for the whole family and while Harm wasn't keen on the idea, he figured non-edible candy was preferable to the real thing.

Taking a walk through toddler apparel, Harm got Harry to try on some different boots and trainers; he had quickly grown out of the last lot. Five different pairs of shoes later and they went with the original choice of brown slip on boots 'just like Colin's' Harry had declared.

Next, Harry tried on eight different winter coats. To Harm's discerning eye, one was too big, one too small, one too short, one too long, one a bit bulky, one not bulky enough...he felt like Goldilocks and was desperate for the 'just right' one. This was why he hated shopping. Mac picked up one, maybe two items and that was it. She knew by sight the exact sizes she needed and he willingly let her shop, alone where possible.

With a jacket for each twin, the shoes, the books, and the game, Harm was quite pleased with their purchases but realised there was not only one child missing, but also his wife.  
"What will we get for Mattie and Colin?" Harm asked, walking through the kitchenware area.  
"Bowl," Harry said pointing at the first item he saw. Bowl was followed by plate, glass, oven and clock.  
"Hmmm, clock," he said, backtracking to display of wall clocks.

Quickly, he spied the perfect kitchen clock for them. It was a 22 inch brown hanging scroll wall clock and would look great on the end wall of the kitchen. After making the purchase, the Rabb men still had one more person to buy for – Mac.  
"Now, what will we buy for mommy?" he asked, scanning the home wares and realising she'd probably kick his six if he bought her a kitchen gadget as a gift.  
"Candy and chocolates," Harry said, tugging his dad along to the chocolates he could see.  
"No, Harry, let's think of something else," Harm said knowing if he bought it Harry would have them devoured before they got back to the farm.  
"PJs," Harry said, tugging on the display model in the women's wear section.  
"No, Harry," Harm said as he continued to walk.

Alas, Harry was insistent and tugged the display model's pyjamas so hard the leg came off.  
"Oops, daddy!" he squealed, not too sure what had happened.  
"Harry!" Harm reprimanded. "That's naughty."  
"Sorry, daddy," he said sheepishly, hiding behind his father's long legs as a sales associate came to survey the damage.  
"I'm so sorry," Harm apologised. "Just an over enthusiastic three-year-old wanting to buy pyjamas for his mother."  
"That's alright," said the woman sweetly. "No real damage done. What would you like to buy your momma, honey?" she asked, looking around Harm to Harry.  
"Marine pj's," Harry said, pointing to the dark green pyjamas on the model. "My mommy's a marine."  
"Well then, let's see what we can find. Our marines deserve the best," she said straightening up. "My son's a marine."  
"Oohrah," Harry said proudly.

The woman led them to the stock of pyjamas and soon Harm found Mac's size and handed them to Harry and he was ecstatic with the flannelette items.  
"Now, sir, the woman continued, "I'm sure your wife will appreciate flannel from her son but I think she'd appreciate something a little more intimate from a good looking man like yourself."

Harm smiled; the woman certainly had a great sales technique. Not really wanting to shop for intimate apparel with his son, Harm asked the lady for her recommendation and took the first suggestion; a camisole and panty set in red.

Laden with their purchases and realising the time, they headed back to the car and loaded their goodies into the trunk before heading back to the speech-language therapist's office.  
"Where have you been?" Mac asked looking between her favourite guys.  
"Shopping, mommy," Harry said, running over and hugging her legs.  
"You expect me to believe you're late because you were shopping?" she challenged Harm, raising an eyebrow.  
"We were, mommy," he said quietly. "How did things go here?" he asked, picking up his daughter and kissing her.  
"Okay," Mac said slowly. "Eliza wants us to come back around three for the results."  
"I thought she only needed the hour?" Harm said, they were the plans when he'd left.  
"I know, but something came up and there's a slight delay," she said, taking hold of Harry's hand. "Anyway, let's go get a drink and you can tell me where you really were." Not believing her store-phobic husband had been voluntarily shopping.

Drinks all around and Rosie was actually hungry and wanted something to eat, but couldn't decide.  
"She wants fries," Harry said, after all, if Rosie got some he'd get some too.  
"No, she doesn't," Harm said, as Harry stood up on his chair. "Sit down." The boy obeyed.  
"Honey, what do you want to eat?" Mac asked, holding Rosie's hand. "A muffin? A cookie? Some pie?" Rosie shook her head.  
"Fruit salad? Jello? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" Harm offered and Rosie shook her head.  
"She wants fries," Harry insisted.  
"Do you want fries, Rosie?" Harm asked and his daughter nodded; fries it was.

Over the next thirty minutes, Harm and Mac discussed the tests and the shopping expedition.  
"Daddy bought lots and lots and lots," Harry said, picking up another fry.  
"Did he just?" Mac said, "What brought about this desire to shop?"  
"Well, I thought we'd buy you and Rosie a present and it just grew from there," he said, picking up his coffee. "I knew Harry needed new shoes and they both needed winter jackets..."  
"I'm impressed," she said. "I may have to send you out more often. So, what did you get me?"  
"It's a secret," said Harm with a wink, just as Harry announced "Pjs".  
"Oooh, pyjamas," Mac said looking at her son. "What type?"  
"Marine green," Harry said proudly.  
"I can't wait to see them," she said, ruffling his hair.  
"Daddy bought you sexy ones," he continued, picking up on the word the sales associate had used and Harm nearly choked on his coffee.  
"Definitely can't wait to see them."

Eliza Pickering was very efficient and straightforward and had the children in the playroom down the corridor being supervised by her receptionist so she didn't have to talk about Rosie in her presence. In effect, the results of the speech-therapy assessments showed that Rosie was performing at the age of a two year and eleven month old child.

As she was three years and eight months, this definitely wasn't the result Mac or Harm wanted to hear.  
"Now, as Rosie has just developed her hearing loss and has been quite unwell lately, her results today are probably not indicative of her true ability, however, it does give us a starting point to see what we can do for her," Eliza explained before giving a complete rundown of each subtest and the results.

To Mac, each result felt like a slap in the face. There were difficulties with many of the skills she knew her baby girl had mastered not all that long ago. As the therapist was talking, Mac couldn't help the tears which tumbled down her cheeks.

It was Eliza who noticed before Harm.  
"Sarah, it's not all bad," she said, handing her a Kleenex.  
"Hey?" Harm said, turning in his chair and taking her hand. "Rosie will be alright."  
Mac sniffled and nodded; sure, this was only a hiccup.  
"You have to understand, Eliza, before this, Rosie was progressing so well, much better than her twin," Harm explained, squeezing Mac's hand. "It's just a little hard to hear just how far she's regressed."  
"I do understand, Harm," she said softly. "You have a very special little girl and we are going to ensure this is nothing more than a bump in the road. Now, for Rosie, I would suggest weekly therapy sessions for ten weeks with additional work to be done through the week at home. I know there will be a break for Christmas and the New Year in there, but that's okay as it will allow us to see how much she will retain. How do Monday mornings suit?"  
Mac and Harm looked at each other; what do they do now?

Sensing their hesitation, Eliza decided to help them out.  
"Monday's is the best for me," she said, closing the file. "I know my practice is here but I have a house in Flemington and am there Friday through Sunday. I drive back Monday morning and stay in an apartment in town. I get the best of living in town and country and it's a bonus of semi retirement."  
"So, what are you saying?" Harm asked, not too sure what she was proposing.  
"I'm saying, that if it's suitable for you, I would be at your place at 9:00 am, for a one hour session," she explained. "I know you spoke of the distance and covering travel costs but as that's not an issue anymore, it shouldn't impact on your decision."  
"Why isn't it an issue?" Mac asked looking between the therapist and her husband, Harm shrugged.  
"The delay between the assessment and this feedback session was due to an urgent phone call," she said tapping her fingers on the desk. "It was Frank Burnett and while I didn't give him specific information, I did let him know regular sessions would be of benefit. Before I hung up the phone there was a deposit of $10,000 in my account to be held in trust for Rosie's therapy sessions. I thought you knew."

Harm could only chuckle; trust Frank.  
"Frank is my step dad," Harm explained. "And it's nothing but the best for his grandchildren."  
"That's exactly what he said," Eliza said with a laugh.  
"In that case," Mac said. "9:00 Mondays is perfect."


	53. Chapter 53

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

I have the final chapter to post on the other site and am doubling up the remaining chapters on this site, so we can get there quicker. Thanks to those dedicated few who have been there for this journey. I deeply appreciate it.

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

Between Christmas preparations and wedding plans, between children and in-laws, between school and speech lessons and everything else that constituted December, Mac crawled into bed just after 1900 hours on the 23rd of December absolutely exhausted. She hadn't even bothered to change from her sweats; she'd simply kicked off her shoes and burrowed deep under the covers; her head ending up near where Harm's knees usually were, her feet in the space usually occupied by her head.

It wasn't really a voluntary choice to go to bed; Trish had insisted and insisted vigorously. Trying to do everything and picking up a cold, Mac had been overdoing things and once the men had gone out for Colin's pre- bachelor party party, Trish had packed her off to bed. One weak protest was all Mac could manage before she realised if she didn't get some sleep and get better Christmas, the wedding and New Year's would be miserable for her.

While she slept, Mattie bathed the youngest children and settled them all into bed, while Trish and Lily did some more baking for Christmas.  
"Do you think we have enough, grandma?" Lily asked, surveying the bench filled with containers and racks of baked goods after a very productive night.  
"I think we have more than enough," Trish said as she finished washing up.  
"Do you think we will have some to give Ms Murphy and Jessie when they get back from New York?" she asked, glad Jessie was seeing her brother for Christmas, a bit sad they wouldn't have Christmas together.  
"Certainly," Trish replied, "And if there's not, we'll bake some more. Now, Miss Lily, it's already gone 9:30, way past your bedtime."  
"Good thing school's finished for Christmas vacation then," she said with a laugh.  
"How about you go up and change for bed and I'll make us some hot chocolate?" Mattie said, putting away the last of the dishes.

Lily was about to protest but Trish nodded her head and Lily knew her time was up – trust adults to notice these things.

Two steps up the stairs and Lily backed down and turned to Mattie.  
"Hey, Mats, how come Colin gets a party and you don't?" she questioned, hands on hips.  
"I get a party too," she said. "Two days before the wedding when everyone is here, Colin and I will have our bachelor and bachelorette parties."  
"But isn't he having one tonight too?" she asked, looking from her sister to her grandmother.  
"Well, tonight's a pre-party party," Mattie said, wiping down the bench.  
"What's a pre-party party?" she asked, climbing up on the stool to watch Mattie pour the hot chocolate.  
"It's a party you have before the actual party," Mattie said.  
"Actually, it's just your dad and grandpa taking Colin out to have a few drinks and a good night out," Trish said, dropping in the marshmallows.  
"And a few words of wisdom, no doubt," Mattie said with a laugh.  
"No doubt," Trish agreed. "Now, pyjamas, young lady."  
"But the hot chocolate's ready," she protested.  
"It's still too hot," Trish reminded her. "Pyjamas, now."  
Quickly, Lily disappeared up the stairs.

Once Lily was tucked up in bed asleep, Trish and Mattie made a start on wrapping the children's Santa gifts which had been stashed in the mobile home. With four big rolls of colourful Santa themed paper, each one a separate base colour for each of the different children, an endless supply of invisible tape, scissors, gift tags and pens, they spent the next three hours wrapping and chatting.

They covered the Rabb's Runways, Christmas menu, wedding plans, honeymoon, the kids, life on the farm before moving onto future plans.  
"So, when will we hear the pitter-patter of little feet?" Trish asked, pausing over Harry's Thomas the Tank puzzle.  
"Whenever Frankie starts walking," Mattie replied with a laugh.  
"Well, I guess that is technically correct," Trish said, getting back to work. "What I meant was..."  
"I know, when am I going to have children?" she said for Trish and Trish nodded. Mattie tried to come up with an answer but Trish was far more astute.  
"Is there something you're not sharing, Mattie?" she asked, reaching out for Mattie's hand.  
"Um, noooo," she said slowly.  
"Matilda?" she said is a whisper. "Are you pregnant now?"

Not knowing the exact answer to that question herself, Mattie shrugged.  
"I'm kinda thinking it's a possibility," she said, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. "My period is a little late..."  
"How late?" Trish asked, focusing all her attention on the bride to be.  
"A couple of days," she said, drawing a deep breath.  
"Well, a couple of days is nothing, especially not with the stress of the wedding and Christmas," Trish offered by way of explanation.  
"Well...it's a little more than a couple..." she said slowly.  
"How many exactly?" Trish asked.  
"Thirteen," she said with a grimace.  
"Thirteen?" Trish echoed and Mattie nodded... thirteen...thirteen very long and anxious days.  
"Have you told Colin yet?" Trish asked, getting Mattie to sit alongside her. "Or at least that it's a possibility."  
"No," she said quietly. "I wanted to be sure...actually, I didn't want it to be possible...Colin wants kids and as soon as possible and I'm sure he'll be absolutely elated."  
"But you're not?" Trish asked and Mattie shrugged. "Don't you want children?"  
"I do," she said. "I always imagined having two or three kids. I just wanted to be married and established in my own home before it happens."  
"Well, you're eight days from being married, you are in your own house, and by the time bubs comes along you'll be well and truly settled in your home," she said gently.  
"I guess I'm just finding the possibility of being a mommy a little overwhelming...getting married was supposed to be the life changing event these holidays," she said tearfully.  
"You'll be a fantastic mommy," Trish said, rising from her chair to embrace the young woman. "I've seen you with the little ones in this house and you're a natural."  
"Thanks, Trish," she said hugging her back. "I needed to hear that."

Without a pregnancy test kit, nothing was going to be determined, so the ladies decided on taking the children with them to Charlesville in the morning to give Mac more time to rest and to make the necessary purchase. They also decided to keep the possibility of this news to themselves.

Arriving home to a silent and darkened house, Harm and Frank entered quietly as Colin made the trek across the yard to his own home. Being the designated driver, Frank was sober, while Harm and Colin had enjoyed several celebratory beverages. While probably over the limit to drive, Harm didn't consider himself drunk, preferring the term merry...after all, it was Christmas.

His claim on sobriety was challenged when he had stripped off to his tee and boxers and had pulled back the covers off his wife's face only to have it reveal her feet. Confused, he shook his head. Peeling the covers back slowly, more of his wife's legs came into view. Before long he discovered her head over where his feet usually were and instantly he was relieved he hadn't sat on her head when he sat to take off his shoes and socks.

Blinking hard several times, Harm realised Mac was actually upside down in the bed and it wasn't just the Budweiser haze tricking him. Not too sure what it all meant, Harm carefully reached down and scooped her up before repositioning her on his side of the bed, which was the easiest place to leave her. Slipping into her side of the bed, Harm pulled the covers up around them both just as Mac rolled over and made herself comfortable using his chest as her pillow.

By morning, Mac was slumped over Harm still sound asleep. Needing to relieve himself, Harm slipped a pillow under her head before making his way out to the bathroom. Heading back to the bedroom, he found a note pinned to the door telling him they were the only ones left in the house. It was then he realised how unusually quiet the house actually was. Stepping back into the bedroom, Harm closed the door and glanced at the clock. The fact that it had just gone ten surprised and alarmed him; how was it that his wife was still asleep? He knew she'd been sent to bed at seven, Mattie had told him when he had phoned the night before after he'd gotten a text from a client; which meant she had now slept for fifteen hours.

Slipping back into bed, Harm realised his wife was now minus her sweat pants which meant she had awoken during the night, most likely to use the bathroom, or to see to a child. Swapping the pillow for himself, Harm sunk back into the bed and closed his eyes, recent times had taken their effect on him too. With the winter sun struggling to make an appearance and the house warm and cosy, thanks to Trish putting the heating on high, it wasn't long before Harm was asleep once more.

By the time Mac awoke, she was sprawled starfish style across her husband, not all too sure why her bed was lumpier than usual. As her eyes fluttered open she realised the cause, her husband's firm body was below her. Closing her eyes, she smiled happily until the time registered and she struggled to get up.

Instantly, Harm's strong arms surrounded her and pulled her closer.  
"Shh, sssh," he said soothingly, "It's okay, it's okay."  
"It's gone midday and we're still in bed," she said, the panic evident in her voice.  
"I know," he said, not releasing his hold. "But we're the only ones home, so there's no need to stress."

When this news sunk in, Mac relaxed into him once more before Harm told her of the note he'd found and the fact the others wouldn't be back until evening. When Mac went to protest about having so much to do, he told her that the kids presents had all been wrapped, the baking completed and the house cleaned thoroughly.  
"So, then it's really okay we're still in bed at noon on Christmas Eve," she said in a half-question, half-statement.  
"Yes, it is," he replied, kissing her head. "Now, more important than anything else..." he said, using his finger to raise her chin so he could look into her eyes, "...how are you feeling?"  
"I'm okay," she said slowly. "I guess mom was right about me needing an early night."  
"Yes, she was, and I'm glad she insisted," Harm said, kissing her nose.  
"Me too," she replied, taking a deep breath.  
"How's your cold?" he asked, swiping his thumb across the swell of her cheek.  
"I think it's gone," she said, gazing up at him.  
"You need to take things easy for the next few days," he said, knowing the chances of it happening wasn't great.  
"Take it easy, over Christmas?" she challenged. "And with the wedding a week away?"  
"I know it won't be easy," he said gently. "But, at least tell me you'll try."  
"I'll try," she promised him, knowing Trish would be overseeing such things as well and she was a much more formidable opponent than her husband when it came to such matters.  
"Can I get you something to eat or drink?" he asked as she snuggled down once more.  
"Not yet," she said, closing her eyes. "Maybe in a bit."  
"Okay," he agreed kissing her head.

For a while there was gentle silence before Harm spoke once more, not sure if Mac was still awake.  
"Do you remember our first Christmas together, gorgeous?" he asked, raking his fingers through her hair.  
"The first one we knew each other, or the first one after we were married?" she asked moving around so she could look at him.  
"I mean the first one we were together," he said, caressing her face.  
"Oh, yeah," she said with a grin. "It wasn't only the first time we were together for Christmas, it was the first time we were 'together'."  
"One of my fondest Christmas memories ever," he said, leaning down to kiss her.  
"Mine too," she replied, snaking an arm up and around his neck.

Flashback  
Christmas: 13 years previous.

_Having spent the best part of the last three months playing tag at JAG Headquarters, Harm and Mac hadn't seen much of each other. No sooner had one returned from a case, the other would be dispatched. Not wanting to complicate matters, Cresswell had ensured they were never partnered meaning the chance of nurturing any relationship was non-existent._

_It was during those lonely three months, both realised just how much they missed the other, how much they needed the other in their lives...for better or for worse. Rather than hide from the realisation, as his previous history had established should have been a given, Harm emailed Mac and took the first tentative step towards something more._

_'Hey, Mac,_  
_It's been so long since we've had the chance to talk...to hang out...I'm missing you...'_

_That was the entire message and Mac wasn't sure whether he had been interrupted or was just thinking aloud and sent it accidentally. Foregoing her initial inclination to ignore it and to see what he'd do next Mac replied with a simplistic honesty._

_'Hi Harm, I miss you too.'_

_So began brief personal emails, each one inching towards the something they both wanted._

_With Harm away before Christmas on a case and not expected back until New Year's, Mac took it upon herself to visit the wall on Harm's behalf. Standing in front of the name she knew as well as her own, she ignored the winter chill and steady snowfall to trace the engraved name._

_Closing her eyes, she thought of the day they found out the truth of Harm Snr's death and the pain she saw in his son's eyes; the pain born of a tragic outcome to a lifelong pursuit; the pain born of his desire for a happily ever after future shattered by the testimony of a stranger._  
_"Sorry I never got to meet you," she said quietly. "I know so much about you, sir, that I feel we're family... You'd be very proud of your son, he's a fine man ... he never stopped believing in you... never stopped searching for you ... until we found the truth. I'm so sorry you survived everything else to die that way... but it didn't surprise me that you died defending someone else, it's just what your son would do..."_

_Pausing, she took a breath. It felt surreal to be in this place, on this day, talking to Harm's dad, especially since she'd never gone to her own father's grave other than the day of the funeral._  
_"I'm sorry Harm couldn't be here tonight, he's off on an investigation," Mac continued. "I'm sure he's thinking of you though..."_  
_"I was...but I was thinking of you more," Harm said startling her._

_Spinning around, Mac turned straight into his arms and he wrapped her up quickly._  
_"Didn't expect to see you here," Mac said, sliding her arms under his jacket to keep herself warm._  
_"Ditto," he replied. "After stonewalling us for a week, the major capitulated and confessed everything. Wrapped it all up quickly."_  
_"So, you're home for Christmas," Mac said, even though it was obvious._  
_"I am," he replied, lifting a hand to brush the snow from her face. "And I was coming to see you, right after I said hello to dad."_  
_"Do you want me to give you some time alone?" she questioned, glancing at the wall._  
_"No," he replied. "I've had enough time alone ... besides, I caught a cab here; I'm going to need a ride, if that's okay?"_  
_"Sure is," she said. "Where will we be headed?"_  
_"Your place," he said, tilting his head. "I have nothing at my place, wasn't expecting to be there."_  
_Mac smiled; this was exactly what she'd asked Santa for._

_Turning in his arms, Mac traced the name once more. "Well, sir, as you can see, Harm's come home. I'll let him talk to you now."_  
_"Hey, dad," he said, pulling his jacket further around Mac to keep her warm. "It's a cold night here, snow is falling, just the way you like it. Great excuse for the open fire and marshmallows you'd always say. Sorry, you're not here with us, miss you all the time, miss you more this time of year though," he admitted quietly. Mac squeezed him a little._

_A few more quiet words and Harm decided it was too cold to have Mac stand here any longer. "Anyway, dad, Merry Christmas, love you."_

_As Harm took a hot shower, Mac prepared supper for them both, grilled cheese sandwiches to be followed by hot chocolate and some of Harriet's famous cookies. Coming out of her bedroom dressed in sweats, thanks to the contents of his seabag, Harm watched Mac cross the room with a tray of mugs and plates._

_"Smells good," he said, taking the tray from her and placing it on the coffee table._  
_"Hmm," Mac replied, thinking the same could be said about the freshly showered man next to her._

_Taking a plate, she handed it to Harm and once he settled on the end of the sofa, she sat beside him. Amiable chattered ensued as both caught the other up on recent events and finished their sandwiches._  
_"I think it's time for hot chocolate," she said._  
_As Mac went to stand, Harm took her wrist and took the plates from her, before placing them on the table. Standing in front of her, Harm slipped his arms around her waist and joined his hands._  
_"I think it's time for this," he said before brushing his lips across hers. When he realised she was reciprocating, he rested his lips on hers before deepening the kiss. With the kiss taking on a life of its own, both were quite aroused and a little dazed by the time air became an issue._  
_"Mmmm," Mac murmured, moistening her lips. "That was...ah, good ..." she said slowly._  
_"I think so too," he said, quite proud of the glazed eyes and swollen lips he saw in front of him. "Maybe we can have that hot chocolate now."_  
_"Damn the hot chocolate," she said before throwing her arms around his neck once more and initiating the kiss that ignited their physical passion and put their life together in motion._

"I think it's time you fed me," Mac mumbled, bringing Harm out of his reminisces.  
"Hmmm, hot chocolate," he muttered and Mac laughed, she'd obviously got to that part of the memory sooner than him.  
"What was that about hot chocolate?" she asked slyly.  
Harm shook his head embarrassed. "Umm..."  
"Damn the hot chocolate," she said before making the memory come to life.

Sated and very relaxed, Mac lay across her husband, ignoring the growling of her stomach. It had been a lovely day; sleep, sleep and sex.  
"I think I should feed you," Harm said, kissing her head. "I don't think you've ever gone this long without food."  
"Mmmha," she replied, hungry but not all that interested in moving.  
"How about I go prepare us something for breakfast in bed?" he said, hoping to entice her to eat something.  
"Promise you won't be gone long?" she said edging off him to let him get up.  
"I'll be as quick as I can," he said and true to his word he appeared at the door ten minutes later with a tray of coffee, fruit juice and a selection of baked goods he'd stolen from his mother's baking efforts the night before.  
"Oh, yummy," she said catching sight of the offerings.  
"I know I am," he chided with a wiggle as Mac sat up in bed pulling the covers around her.  
"What's in the envelope?" she asked, as he placed the tray on her lap.  
"Not sure," he said, "But as it's addressed to us both I thought we'd open it together."

Carefully, Harm slipped into bed and took the tray back as Mac picked up the envelope. Running her finger under the seam, she opened it and pulled out the paper it contained. It was a Christmas card.  
"Dearest Harm and Sarah," she began reading. "We've spent months trying to think of the best Christmas gift for you and came up with nothing you needed. Then we were struck with inspiration. The thing you two need most is time; time for the two of you to share some quiet, intimate moments away from the hustle and bustle of family life. Now, we know if we had given you a night away you would have declined, so we have taken the children away...just for the day. There are two scenarios, either it's Christmas Eve morning and you have the whole day in front of you or you've just got this card and it's midafternoon. Our bet is it's midafternoon – and that's the reason I put the preliminary note on your door.  
Anyway, we are having lunch in Charlesville before taking the children to see the matinee Christmas performance at the Windsor Theatre and following it up with dinner. You'll have to fend for yourselves, we're sure you'll manage.  
We hope you enjoy your day.  
Love Mom, Dad, Mattie and Colin."

"Wow," said Harm. "It's the perfect gift."  
"It certainly is," Mac replied, biting into a chocolate chip cookie.  
"You know what it means?" he asked taking a cookie for himself. "We have about four hours left of our Christmas present."  
"Well, eat up and we'll put it to good use," she replied, taking another cookie; after all, a girl needed her strength.

When their snack was finished, Harm placed the tray onto the floor before slipping down in the bed once more and drawing Mac to him.  
"Thirteen Christmases," he said, kissing her head.  
"Thirteen wonderful Christmases," Mac said, slowly rubbing his arm.  
"And we've been married for eleven of them," he said, kissing her head.  
"Eleven wonderful years," she said, rolling onto him and kissing him deeply.  
"Any regrets?" he asked, having to ask.  
"Nope," she said, "You?"  
"Sometimes I regret we didn't do this sooner," he said quietly. "But then I think that maybe things wouldn't have worked out like this if we had."  
"I've had those thoughts myself," Mac admitted. "I would have liked things to work out for us earlier ...it would have stopped a lot of hurt and angst," she said honestly. "But looking back I don't think either of us were ready for something this serious back then."  
"I don't think we were either," he agreed. "And we certainly wouldn't have retired to the farm ten years after we were married."  
"No, we wouldn't have," she agreed. "And that being the case, we would have missed out on that precious time with Grams. And I, for one, am extremely grateful for the opportunity to have that relationship."  
"So am I," he said, kissing her nose. "Do you think we'd have had four children?"  
"Who knows?" she said. "I do know that they wouldn't be the wonderful children we have now as we wouldn't have been the same people, the same parents."  
"True," he said, brushing his lips against hers.  
"I'm just glad we're here now," she said, kissing him back. "I'm very proud of us and what we've created."  
"I'm very proud of us too," he said, wrapping his arms around her tightly.  
"I am so very much in love with you, Harmon," she declared. "More today than ever before but not as much as I will be ten years from now," she added tearfully.  
"And I love you so very much, Sarah," he replied. "More than I thought possible, more than I knew I was capable of. You are by far the greatest thing which has ever happened to me. You are my life."

With ease they came to a joining once more, with tender and sensual expressions of their mutual love and desire. Coming down from their blissful high, Mac dozed in Harm's arms for a short while before she realised they should actually get up and dressed and have attempted something around the house before the others returned.

Sitting up slowly, Mac yawned and stretched before taking Harm's hand and encouraging him to get up and join her in the shower. After such an active day, she wasn't all that sure she had the energy to wash her own hair. She also wasn't all that sure she could bear to have Harm out of sight even for a little bit today, such was her overwhelming feeling of love and adoration towards him at the moment.

Standing in the kitchen half an hour later, waiting for a variety of leftovers to heat in the oven, Harm leant back on the bench and Mac leant against his body, her head resting on his chest as his fingers gently raked through her hair.  
"Okay?" he asked, kissing her head.  
"Exceptionally," she murmured, kissing his chest.  
"I think this is the best present mom has ever given me," he said softly, not wanting to disturb the peacefulness of the moment.  
"Me too," she replied. "It is exactly what we needed ... just some you and me time."  
"And something we would never give ourselves," he added, caressing her face.  
"I have something special for you," she said, looping her arms around his neck and gazing up at him.  
"You've already given me lots of special things today," he said, rubbing his nose against hers.  
"And you've given me lots too," she said with a smile. "But this is something that has a receipt. I was going to find a quiet time to give it to you tomorrow but I think today is the perfect time."  
"In that case, I'll give you yours too," he said with a grin before disappearing upstairs to retrieve her gift as Mac got hers from her secret place in the school room.

Meeting up again in the kitchen, Mac resumed her place in front of Harm, holding the brightly wrapped gift in one hand while she snaked her other one around his neck.  
"Merry Christmas, Harm, I love you so much," she said, pressing up on tiptoes to kiss him.  
"Do you want me to open it now or give you your gift first?" he questioned, one arm around her waist.  
"Open it," she said, stepping back to give him some room.

Putting the box on the bench, Harm pulled the green ribbon to undo the bow before running his finger under the tape and opening the shoebox sized gift.  
"Oh my," Harm said quietly as he pulled out a model deHavilland Tiger Moth biplane, the one and only model father and son had put together more than four decades ago. The one he'd thrown against the wall and shattered the day his mother sought to have his father declared dead.  
"I know this one is special," Mac said reaching up to brush his tears away. "I know how much it means to you."  
"It does," he said, his voice shaking. He'd tried for 25 years to find a replacement to no avail. "So very much."  
"Well, the model's not the only thing," she said as she pulled back the tissue paper to reveal a folded sheet of paper at the bottom of the box.  
"What's this?" he asked taking it from its resting place.  
"That, my darling husband," Mac began. "Is the proof of purchase for the real thing. It will be delivered on the 9th of next month. It needs a lot of TLC and restoration work but I figured it brought you joy working on the model as a young child and now you can work with your children on the real thing."  
"I can't believe it," he whispered. "But the cost?" he said shaking his head. "It must have cost a fortune."  
"Not as much as you'd think," she said, wrapping her arms around him. "And definitely worth every penny of it to see that smile."  
"Thank you so much," he said, kissing her deeply. "Love you."  
"Love you too," she said pulling back slightly. "My turn!"

Dipping his hand into his pocket he drew out a pale blue ring box.  
"I love you so very much and I am very, very happy we have our eternity," he said, opening the box to reveal a channel-set band eternity ring with diamonds in platinum.  
"Harm!" she exclaimed. "It's absolutely stunning!"  
"You are absolutely stunning," he said, kissing her cheek. "May I?" he asked.

Nodding, Mac let the tears tumble down her cheeks.  
"Sarah MacKenzie," he started, getting down on one knee. "You are the absolute love of my life. Would you do me the honour of being my wife until the end of time?"  
"I would," she said watching through her tears as he slipped the ring onto her left hand above her wedding bands, it matched perfectly.

Without another word, Harm stood and embraced her before kissing her deeply and endlessly.

It was in this position they were found when the others returned ten minutes later.  
"I think whatever's in the oven is done," Mattie said scurrying past them and turning off the oven and trying to fan away the smoke coming from it.  
"Oops," Mac said, still gazing at her husband.  
"Guess we'll have to find something else to eat now," he said, kissing her head before turning his attention to the burnt offerings.  
"No need to ask you two how your day was," Mattie said with a grin as she flicked on the fan.  
"No need at all," Mac replied. "But, how was your day?"  
"Excellent," she said, "But I'll let the kids tell you all about it."  
"How were they?" Harm asked, hoping they'd been kind to their grandparents.  
"Great, considering it was a very long day for them," she said, before heading off to the bathroom, the one place she had been desperate for before she'd spotted the smoke.

Mattie was followed by one very tired set of grandparents each carrying a sleeping twin, Colin carrying a sleeping baby and Lily yawning widely.  
"Wow!" Mac said as Lily wandered over for a big hug from her mom. "Looks like you all had a big day."  
"A very big but wonderful day," Trish said, kissing her son before kissing Mac. "The children were beautifully behaved all day and crashed the moment they were back in the car."  
"Did you have fun, baby?" Mac asked Lily as she still held tight to her.  
"Yeah, everything was so cool," she said, resting her head on Mac's breast. "We had the best lunch and then the play was good and funny, even Frankie laughed, and then we had dinner at Maxie's and that was so yummy and we also went to the park and the shops and everything..."  
"Well, it's no wonder you are so tired," she said kissing her head. "I think it will be an early night all around."  
"But it's not even seven," she protested quietly.  
"I'm not sending you to bed right now but you have to remember Santa comes tonight so the sooner you're asleep the sooner he gets here," she explained and Lily tilted her head in thought.  
"I guess I could use an early night," she conceded. The thought of a whole lot of presents more enticing than arguing to stay up.  
"How about you go up and change for bed while mommy and daddy organise the little ones and then you can curl up with us in front of the fire and the Christmas tree and have some milk and cookies?" Mac offered and Lily nodded, it sounded like the perfect way to finish off the perfect day.

Going up the stairs, Harm had his boys in his arms, while Mac carried Rosie. Going into the twins' room first, Harm left Frankie sleeping on Harry's bed as he took Harry to the bathroom before changing him. Once he'd returned, he swapped the boys and kissed his son. Allowing Mac to pass as she took Rosie to the bathroom, Harm soon exited the room before changing Frankie's diaper and clothes and tucked him into the crib.

Usually, he and Mac recited 'T'was the Night Before Christmas' to their children on Christmas Eve but with the youngest three exhausted it would have to be skipped this year. Once the baby was settled, he kissed him goodnight before returning to the twins' room and kissing his daughter goodnight. He couldn't help but smile when he thought about the joy he would see on their faces the following day.  
"You okay?" Harm asked as Mac stood alongside Harry's bed silently.  
"Yeah," she whispered, snaking her arm around his waist. "Just thinking about tomorrow."  
"Snap," he said, kissing her head. "I remember when Lily was their age and just how excited she was by everything on Christmas morning."  
"And now we get to experience double the joy at this age," she added, reaching up to kiss his cheek.  
"Yes, we do," he replied.

By the time they returned downstairs, supper was ready and Mac realised just how hungry she was.  
"Mommy, hot chocolate and cookies are ready," Lily called from the living room.  
"Okay, honey," she called back, still looking towards the kitchen.  
"Are you after something else to eat?" he asked, following her gaze.  
"Yeah," she said, "Something a bit more substantial."  
"Well, how about we go and curl up with Lily for a bit until she goes to bed and then I'll organise something tasty for us," he offered and Mac readily agreed.

When they entered the living room, the Christmas lights were twinkling and the fire was alight. Patting the seat beside her on the sofa, Lily waited for Mac to settle beside her before she climbed up on her lap and snuggled into her.  
"I had the best day, mom," she said with a yawn, "But I missed you and dad...wish you could have come with us. What did you do?"  
"We missed you too," she said, kissing her daughter's head. "I spent most of the day asleep."  
"Really? You went to bed early too," she said pulling back and looking at her mother. "Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine now, honey," she said, pulling her close once more. "I was exhausted and had a cold and just really tired, but a big, big sleep and I feel so much better," she added, ignoring the fact that a day in bed with her amazing husband, and a whole lot of loving, was a fantastic medicine too.  
"So what did you do all day, dad?" she asked looking around Mac to her dad.  
"Slept for a lot of it," he said honestly. "Mommy was using me as a pillow so I didn't want to move."  
Lily laughed; she liked using her parents as pillows too.  
"Can't believe Santa comes tonight," she said with a yawn. "It seemed to be forever away and now it's right here."  
"You're yawning a lot, Lil, do you want me to carry you up to bed?" Harm offered.  
"Not yet," she said, holding Mac tighter. "Just a few more minutes."  
"You haven't had any of your milk or cookies," Mac observed as Lily's eyes closed.  
"Not hungry," she mumbled. "Had sooo much today."  
Within minutes she was sound asleep.

The moment Harm tried to pick her up she protested but he quickly overcame that by holding her close and kissing her head. Happy she was still with her parents, she drifted off once more and was completely out of it by the time he tucked her into bed.  
"Sarah, I couldn't rescue anything from the oven," Trish said coming into the living room. "What else can I get for you?"  
"It's alright, mom," Harm said returning. "I'll organise something, but first, can I say thank you for your present. It is exactly what we needed."  
"I thought it might be," she said with a grin. "And we had a lovely day so it was a win-win situation." She looked over to her husband to gain his support to find Frank asleep in the armchair. "Very exhausting all around though."

It turned out to be an early night all around and after Santa had made his delivery and Harm and Mac had eaten all couples retreated to their respective bedrooms, knowing that Christmas morning came very early where little children were concerned.

"He's been! He's been!" screamed Lily throwing open her parents door. "Santa's been...I went downstairs and there's presents everywhere and the milk and cookies and carrots are gone and it's so exciting and ... and ...can I get the twins? Can we open presents?"

The only thing Mac could do at her daughter's babble was laugh.  
"Merry Christmas, baby girl," Harm said with a smile on his face. "How about you climb in with us for a few minutes and say hello..?" he said, trying to buy some time, after all it had barely gone five.  
"Dadddddy," she groaned. "But Santa's been."  
"I know, honey," he said, "But we'd really like to spend some quiet time with you. Wouldn't you, mommy?" he asked, looking at Mac.  
"I'd love that," she said pulling down the covers in between them. "Just for a little bit."

For a moment, Lily chewed her bottom lip as she contemplated her options; a living room filled with presents or some precious minutes with just her and her mommy and daddy, something which didn't happen too often these days.  
"Okay, just for a few minutes," she agreed, scampering across the bed and snuggling under the covers with her parents. "Merry Christmas, mommy," she said, hugging and kissing her mother before doing the same to her father.  
"Merry Christmas, Lily," they replied in unison.


	54. Chapter 54

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

I have the final chapter to post on the other site and am doubling up the remaining chapters on this site, so we can get there quicker. Thanks to those dedicated few who have been there for this journey. I deeply appreciate it.

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

As quietness descended on the room, Mac kissed Lily's forehead and caressed her face, hoping to lull the child into a little more sleep.  
"You know, Lily," she said in a soothing whisper. "I love spending this time with you and daddy on Christmas morning more than almost anything."  
"Why?" she asked as she snuggled in closer.  
"Well, we've been together for ten Christmases now and that's a long time," she said kissing her head once more.  
"But I'm only nine," Lily commented. "How can it be my tenth Christmas?"  
"You were born in August and had your first Christmas at four months old, so your second one was at one year and four months then two years and four months and..." Mac started to explain.  
"Then at three and four months and four and four months," Lily continued, counting on her fingers. "And five...and six...and seven...and eight ... and nine...Wow! That is ten. That's so cool."  
"I know," Mac said, "And ten is a special occasion and daddy and I just wanted to spend some extra time with you."

Loving the closeness of the moment, Lily took Harm's arm and wrapped it around her as she nestled into her mother. "Which one was your favourite Christmas, Lil?" Harm asked, kissing the back of her head.  
"When I was six," she said immediately and instantly Mac's eyes filled with tears, she knew exactly what had happened or could have happened that Christmas. Harm was a little slower.  
"Why was that?" he asked before looking at his wife and realising. "Oh, sorry," he mouthed. Mac just closed her eyes.  
"Because you came home, daddy!" she stated, turning around to face him. "Mommy was pregnant with the twins and you said you would be home by New Year's, and mom was sad all Christmas Eve and grandma and grandpa came over and we went to Aunty Harriet's and Uncle Bud's and then to church and then to the wall to see grandad..." she recited, the memory clear in her mind. "And then...then...we turned around and you were there too and mommy cried and cried and I was soooo happy to see you and the next day was Christmas and it was the best day because you were home."

Pulling his daughter close, Harm kissed her head repeatedly, coming home to his wife and child was a favourite memory of his too. Finding his wife is such distress when she saw him was something he'd tried to block out. Looking up, he saw the tears still rolling down Mac's cheeks, her eyes still closed in an effort to block out the pain. Slipping his hand around her neck, he drew her closer and kissed her head before swiping his thumb across her cheek to dry her tears.

"Don't cry," he whispered into her ear. "It's all in the past."

Reaching out, Mac wound her arm around him and pulled him as close as possible, mindful of the fact their daughter was between them. "I just..." she started but couldn't find the words to finish.  
"Sssh, sssh," he soothed, kissing her forehead. "It all worked out."  
"I'm getting squished!"Lily announced, wriggling to get some extra space.  
"Sorry, baby," Harm said pulling back a little. "You okay now?"  
"Yeah," she said resting her head on his chest. "But do you think we can go downstairs now, can we?"

Looking over at his wife, Harm realised she may need a little more time.  
"Okay, how about you wake up the twins, grandma and grandpa and call Mattie and Colin and then we can see what Santa's brought together?" Harm suggested, not wanting her to disturb Frankie just yet, and Lily sprung out of bed to start her mission.

Slipping into the gap left by his daughter's rapid departure, Harm wrapped his wife tightly in his arms before his lips trailed a path down to hers.  
"You okay?" he asked and Mac nodded before sniffling.

Pleased she was doing okay, Harm kissed her nose. "Are you ready to celebrate? It's been quite a year since last Christmas," he continued, pulling back the covers and sliding his legs out. "One hell of a year."

Slipping on his robe, Harm turned when he realised Mac wasn't getting out of bed. Instead of finding her watching him, as was a common hobby of hers, she had buried her head under his pillow and her trembling, shuddering body clearly told her that she was in utter distress.  
"Hey, hey," he said, climbing back in and dragging her into his arms. "What is it? What's wrong?"

The only reply was her anguished sobs and he pulled her closer still.  
"Mac, gorgeous, please talk to me," he begged. "Tell me something?" he asked, desperate for some indication as to the cause of this meltdown.  
"One... hell of ...a ...year," was all she could manage through her tears.  
"Oh, Mac, oh, Mac," he soothed, "Sssh, gorgeous, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said quickly, kicking himself for bringing about her distress. He should have realised that the past twelve months had been a huge rollercoaster ride for them all, especially Mac.  
"Can't ...breathe..." she said, breathing so rapidly he thought she was going to hyperventilate.  
"Ssh, shh," he soothed, "Just breathe slowly," he encouraged. "In...out...slowly does it...that's it."  
"Sorry," she panted, not sure where the overwhelming emotions had come from.  
"It's okay, it's okay," he whispered, kissing her head. "I should have realised..."  
"It's just...what Lily said...always...kills me...you know?" she gasped, Harm nodded as he rubbed her back. "And then...well...this year...oh god...can't breathe..."  
"Okay, okay," he said, sitting up and pulling her onto his lap so she was sitting more upright and able to breathe a bit easier. "Now, just concentrate on breathing for me, gorgeous," he encouraged, rubbing big circles on her back. "Just breathe with me."

While she couldn't find the words, Harm knew exactly what she meant. With her emotions already raw from Lily's trip down memory lane, Harm's reference to the year just experienced had triggered a flashback of the highs and lows; the issues associated with coping with civilian life, Frankie's early arrival, Mac's traumatic hysterectomy, the combination of post partum and menopausal symptoms, the frequent trips to Bethesda, Grams passing, hormonal imbalances, Rosie's ill health and diagnosis. All on top of the pressures of daily life living with three other adults, four children and starting a new business.

"Just breathe," he encouraged. "That's it...nice and slowly...that's it."

Caught up with his wife's distress he didn't hear the bedroom door open.  
"Everyone but Frankie..." Lily started before what she was seeing registered. "What's wrong with mommy?" she asked, now too scared to approach the bed.  
"It's okay, Lil, just go back downstairs," Harm said, pulling the covers over his still distressed wife.  
"But what's wrong?" she insisted.  
"Lily, go downstairs now," he said firmly, not wanting to yell and spoil Christmas for her.  
"But dad..." she went to protest.  
"Now," he said and Lily obeyed.

Taking a deep breath, Harm rested his head against the bed head and closed his eyes for a moment, knowing that as soon as Lily got downstairs his mother or Mattie would be up. It was his mother.  
"It's alright, mom," he said before she could speak. "We just need a few minutes."  
"What's wrong?" she asked, sitting behind Mac and rubbing her back.  
"Mom, please," he said as quietly as he could but realising it wasn't going to help, he went for the truth. "It's just been a hell of a year," he said, holding his wife tightly. "And it's all hitting home."  
"Oh, honey," Trish said standing before kissing Mac's head. "You poor thing, I was wondering when you were going to let it all out."  
"We're going to be fine," he reassured his mother. "We just need you to buy us some time."  
"I can do that," she said, leaning over her daughter-in-law to kiss her son. "You two just take your time."

Back downstairs, Trish wrapped her arms around Lily who had been sitting worrying at the bottom of the stairs.  
"Your mommy is okay," she said, kissing the girl's head. "She's a little bit emotional because of everything that's happened this year but she'll be just fine."  
"But she was so upset," Lily said, her big brown eyes filled with tears.  
"I know," Trish said, holding her closer. "Just think about everything your mommy's been through this year..."  
"What like with Frankie and her uterus and hormones and Rosie and Grams?" she asked and Trish nodded.  
"Exactly, sweetheart," she said, rubbing Lily's back as she led her to the kitchen.  
"So how long's she going to be sad for?" Lily asked, trying not to cry, she hated it when her mommy was upset.  
"Just for a little bit," Trish said, helping her sit up on the counter. "By the time she comes down this morning she'll be feeling much better and ready for a wonderful Christmas Day with us."  
"Are you sure, grandma?" she asked, not sure if she was ready to see her mommy just yet.  
"I'm positive, honey," she said, caressing the child's face. "And I know you are eager to open..."  
"Presents don't matter," she interjected. "I just want mommy to feel better."  
"Oh, angel, she will," Trish said, hugging her tightly.  
"Well, the twins are asleep again," Frank reported coming in from the living room. "So, presents will have to wait... everything okay?"  
"Fine, grandpa," Trish said, with a smile. "Mommy and daddy need some extra time this morning because mommy's a bit upset," she explained, knowing Mattie and Colin had just come in behind Frank. "And Lily's a bit upset because mommy is upset but everyone is going to be just fine as soon as we've had our special Christmas breakfast."

Knowing there was something more than 'a bit' of a problem; the adults said nothing as they didn't want to upset Lily further. Reading his wife-to-be's look, Colin moved closer to Lily.  
"Hey, kiddo," he said, taking Lily's hand. "We've still got some presents at our house. Can you come and help me get them?" he asked and when Lily nodded, he helped her jump down from the counter before getting her coat for her. Mattie kissed his cheek in thanks as he passed her by.

Once the backdoor was closed, Trish explained the situation and Frank nodded.  
"It was bound to happen sooner or later," Frank said, wrapping his arm around his wife. "She'll be fine though."  
"I know," Trish said. "It just breaks your heart that they have had to ensure so much."  
Mattie nodded; it was heartbreaking. "So, what do we do now?"  
"Well, the twins are asleep in the living room, Lily brought them down for Santa's presents before this all happened," Trish explained, "So, I think we cook up a storm for breakfast and buy them some more time," she said."After all, it's only just gone six."  
"Where do we start?" Mattie asked, ready to begin.  
"I think that's my signal," Frank said turning and heading for the stairs when he heard his youngest grandson cry.

With Mac having cried herself back to sleep, Harm covered her ear hoping Frankie's cries wouldn't wake her. Smiling in relief when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, Harm was grateful he wouldn't have to disturb his wife to see to his son. After changing the boy's diaper, Frank picked him up and slowly opened the master bedroom door, wondering whether having their precious boy with them would help or hinder the situation.  
"Hey, dad," Harm whispered. "Merry Christmas."  
"And to you too, son," he replied. "Is Sarah asleep?" Harm nodded and Frank smiled, "That's the best thing for her."  
"Yeah," he replied with a weary smile.  
"How are you doing?" he asked, knowing how hard it was to deal with a very distressed wife.  
"Okay, thanks," he said before smiling at his son's smiling face. "Is he here to join us?"  
"I wasn't sure," Frank replied. "I've changed him and he's hungry. I can feed him downstairs but just wanted to give Mac the option of nursing him for a bit this morning."  
"That's a good idea," he said with a nod. "How about you put him here with us and we'll see what happens?"  
Carefully, Frank slid the baby onto Harm's chest and Harm wrapped him in his free arm.  
"Thanks, dad."

It was about twenty minutes later when Mac stirred and smiled sleepily at her little boy who was patting her face.  
"Hey, baby boy," she said, reaching out to caress his face. "How did you get here?" she asked, aware that had Harm got up to him she would have woken.  
"Grandpa brought him in a few minutes ago for his breakfast," Harm said, glad his wife's eyes were dry. "That is, if you want to."  
"Yeah, that would be nice," she said, taking her son and easing herself down onto the bed between her husband's legs. "Merry Christmas, little man," she whispered, kissing his head before lifting her shirt. Harm pressed his lips against her head as he wrapped his arms around his wife to help support his son.  
"Merry Christmas to you too, gorgeous," he whispered, kissing her head once more.  
"Merry Christmas, Harm," she said, craning her head around to kiss him.

Fifteen minutes later, when Frankie had had enough to drink, Harm slipped out of bed to use the bathroom and wash his face, leaving Mac to hold their son for a bit longer.

Returning to the room, he watched as she gazed down at him, her finger trailing over Frankie's face.  
"You are so adorable," she whispered, leaning down to kiss his head. "And, as it's your first Christmas, you are going to be the centre of attention and make it so special for the rest of us. You were the missing piece to our family and I'm so glad you're here with us. Now, I know my little outburst earlier would indicate something else but you, my precious little angel, have made this year a wonderful one. Thank you for coming into our lives."

Torn between wanting mother and son to have their moment and knowing there would be an upset little girl downstairs desperate to see her mommy, Harm entered the room and sat facing Frankie.  
"Are you ready to get up and start the festivities?" he asked quietly, his eyes fixed on his son.  
"Frankie or me?" she asked, standing up.  
"Both of you," he said looking up at her.  
"Give me a couple of minutes to use the bathroom and I'll be right with you," she said, leaning across the bed to kiss him. "Thank you for earlier. Sorry about being a mess."  
"No apology necessary," he said, kissing her back.

True to her word, Mac was soon back in the bedroom with a freshly washed face and brushed hair, grabbing a new tee shirt from her drawer, she pulled off the one she was wearing and put on the new one, under the watchful gaze of father and son.  
"Told you she was gorgeous," he whispered to his boy as he cradled him in his arms and stood up. "Ready to go?"  
"Yeah," she said, wrapping her arm around his waist. "Let's go celebrate."

A few head tilts, winks and smiles and everyone knew Mac was doing just fine as they entered the living room.  
"Merry Christmas, everyone," she said, moving to hug and kiss all present before Harm did the same.  
"Grandma said breakfast is ready," Lily announced looking at her dad but not her mom.  
"Great!" he said, scooping up Harry. "Are you ready for breakfast, kiddo?" Harry nodded.

Frank brought Frankie in and Mattie walked in hand-in-hand with Rosie and all took their places around the brightly decorated table.  
"She won't look at me," Mac whispered to Harm as he pulled her chair out for her.  
"Give her some time," he replied. "She'll come around."  
"I didn't mean to scare her," she said, hugging him so she could continue this conversation.  
"You didn't, gorgeous," he said, kissing her head. "She's just a little unsure of what to do." Nodding, Mac released him and sat down at the table.

With two free seats on the other side and one beside Mac, Harm waited for his daughter to sit and was sure she was going to sit next to her mom, alas, she chose the seat beside her grandmother and Harm slipped in beside Mac and squeezed her hand.

Feeling a little disappointed about her daughter's choice and a little sad she had caused the problem on Christmas morning, Mac played with her scrambled eggs while the other adults chatted to compensate for the quiet.  
"You have to eat something," Harm said, leaning over and whispering to Mac before kissing her head.  
"Not really hungry," she said, offering him a sad smile.  
"I know," he agreed, not wanting to argue with her. "But you may notice a little girl is watching your every move," he added, kissing her again.  
"Okay," she said with a furtive glance to confirm his comment. "This is yummy, thanks, mom," she said, lifting the fork to her mouth. "Just perfect for Christmas."  
"Thank you, dear," Trish replied. "I had some great help in the kitchen this morning, didn't I, Lily?"  
"I helped," Lily said quietly looking over at Mac. "Do you really like it?"  
"Like it?" Mac repeated. "I love it. It has something different in it."  
"I added Greek seasoning," she said, pleased somebody had noticed.  
"Well, it tastes great," Mac said, all the while, Harm rubbed his hand up and down her leg in a show of support.

After breakfast, the family moved to the living room for the unwrapping of Santa's presents. Very quickly there was lots of noise, lots of paper being torn and squeals of delight as the children unwrapped their gifts and Colin took at least a hundred photos of them, their gifts and utter delight.

While Lily seemed to be genuinely happy with her gifts, she really hadn't had much to do with Mac since their eggs discussion at breakfast and Harm was trying to compensate for the gap. Harry had taken the opportunity to climb on Mac's lap and show her the Thomas the Tank engine and puzzle Santa had brought and Rosie was clambering at her leg to show Mac the latest Wiggles DVD for her collection and the cute white kitten puzzle she already loved.

Meanwhile, Frankie sat on the floor between Mattie's legs and played with the wrapping paper and boxes which he found far more interesting than the contents.  
"Dada!" he yelled, waving a blue ribbon and bow at him.  
Harm grinned widely; his son had called him dada for the first time and it was the best Christmas present he could have gotten.  
"What have you got, my little man?" he asked, picking up his son and kissing his head.  
"Dada," he repeated, still waving the bow and ribbon.  
"Very pretty," he said, touching the ribbon. "And an excellent choice of colour."  
Trish could only smile at father and son.

It took a lot of effort for the children to be removed from their new acquisitions to get dressed for church but it was done with the promise of the family presents being given out when they returned. Allowing the twins to take one new toy each with them in the car, Harry chose his engine while Rosie brought the jigsaw box and used it more as a rattle than anything else.

Lily chose to travel with Mattie and Colin and Mac agreed, knowing someone would have to travel in the other car anyway. As she watched Lily walk away holding Mattie's hand she couldn't help the tears which formed. Slowly, Harm's arms wound around her and he rested his chin on her shoulder as he too watched their daughter walk away.  
"Is there anything I can say that will help?" he asked, not too sure what to do.

Mac shook her head before turning in his arms and holding on tightly.  
"Are you okay?" he questioned kissing her head and she nodded against his chest.  
"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "Just wish it wasn't Christmas Day."  
"She'll come around," Harm said, caressing her cheek. "You know how in tune she is with you. She probably just needs to make sure you're really okay. She hates seeing you upset."  
"I know," she muttered tearfully, "I hate being seen so upset."  
"I know," he said, kissing her head. "But we'll all get through it and by bedtime it will all be a distant memory."  
"Hope so," she said pulling back and getting on with the business of getting her family to the church.

Neither Mattie nor Colin broached the subject of Mac with Lily as they drove to church as neither wanted to upset the child before the service, however when Lily barely acknowledged Mac's presence once they arrived and hurried back to the car for the return trip, Mattie figured it was about time.

Opting for the back seat with Lily, she slid in beside the young girl and put on her seatbelt.  
"Now, Lily," she said, taking hold of her hand. "We're going to have a sister to sister chat, okay?"  
"Okay," she said, nodding.  
"What's up between you and mom this morning?" she asked, although she already knew the answer.  
"Nothing," Lily replied, with a shrug.  
"Try again, honey," she said, running her fingers through her Lily's brown locks.  
"I made mommy cry this morning," she said sadly. "Dad asked me about my favourite Christmas and I told him it was the one when I was six and he came home."  
"Oh," said Mattie. Even though she wasn't there herself, she knew the details and it still brought a lump to her throat.  
"And then when I came back after getting everyone up mommy was crying and crying ... like she was that time I had to get dad home from work," she continued to explain."And I wanted to help but daddy told me to get out...he never talks to me like that."  
"Maybe he just wanted to give mom some privacy," Mattie said, wrapping her arm around the tearful child.  
"Grandma said it was because mom was thinking about everything that had happened since last Christmas," she said. "And there's so much hard stuff that's happened since then ... especially with mom and she's spent so much time crying this year and I hate seeing her cry."  
"I hate it too," Mattie agreed, kissing Lily's head. "But this morning wasn't your fault, honey."  
"That's what grandma said," she answered with a sniffle. "But now I'm scared to say or do anything in case I make her cry again."  
"You just have to be yourself, honey," she said, kissing her head once more. "Mom loves you very much and you not talking to her would make her sadder than anything you might say."  
"I guess you're right," she said, leaning into Mattie and closing her eyes. Christmas mornings were always so very draining.

Once they were back at the farm, Lily was still a little unsure of Mac as they sat in the living room ready to exchange the family presents. With the turkey and ham baking in the oven and the vegetables prepared the night before, Trish sat alongside her husband, Frankie joining them. Harry and Rosie sat on the floor and Harm sat with them while Mac sat in the armchair, with Mattie perched on the arm of it. Colin was standing, his camera at the ready, while Lily wasn't too sure what to do.  
"How about you give out the presents this year?" Harm said to her as she scanned the room.  
"Me? Really?" she questioned and Harm nodded, tossing her the Santa hat worn by the Acting Santa for years.

There were presents for everyone from Harm and Mac, and from Trish and Frank, who spent way more than Harm and Mac would have liked, there were presents from the kids to the adults and each was unwrapped and oohed and ahhed over. There were photos and scarves, toys and books, jewellery and power tools.

Then Lily handed out the presents from Mattie and Colin. Opening their joint box, Harm looked at the contents and closed it once more.  
"Lil, I think this one's for grandma and grandpa," he said, lifting it up.  
"No, it says 'Harm and Mac'," she said, tapping the box before looking to Mattie for confirmation.  
"It's the right box," she said with a grin, squeezing Colin's hand.  
"Are you serious?" Harm said, trying to get to his feet amongst the chaos of presents and the twins.  
"Aha," she replied.  
"Very," Colin added with an equally big smile.  
"What is it?" Mac asked and Harm handed her the box. Quickly, she was on her feet. "Really?"

Instantly the young couple were embraced by the pair who were showering them with hugs and kisses. While Trish and Frank knew what was going on, Lily confirmed it when she pulled out the contents of the box.  
"World's greatest grandad," she announced holding up the tee. "I don't get it," she said.  
"Open your present, Lil," Mattie said from Harm's arms.  
Quickly, she opened her box to pull out a tee which said 'I'm an aunty'. "An aunty?"  
"Colin and I are going to have a baby and you'll be its aunty," Mattie explained.  
"Wow! That's so cool!" she said, running to Mattie. "Is it a girl or a boy?"  
"We don't know yet," Colin said, rubbing her back. "We've only just found out."  
"Ooh, I'm going to be Aunty Lily," she said proudly. "Do I get to babysit and everything?"  
"Let's wait until the baby is here to talk about all those things, okay?" she said and Lily agreed.

There were more hugs and kisses before Mac asked the burning question.  
"How do you feel about this?" she asked Mattie as she held her hands.  
"A little shell-shocked," she admitted honestly. "I only did the test yesterday ... so this is all very new to me and while I thought I wanted to wait for another while yet, I am ecstatic now."  
"If you only found out yesterday, when did you get a chance to shop?" Harm asked, wrapping his arm around her.  
"Our first stop yesterday was the drug store and Trish and I went in," she explained. "I got the test that not only confirmed the pregnancy but told you how far along you were..."  
"So, how far?" Mac asked eagerly.  
"Let's just say, this..." she said, rubbing her still flat stomach. "Is a house warming present."  
Mac laughed.  
"And anyway, when we stopped for lunch I did the test and it was positive...I didn't know whether to laugh or cry," she admitted honestly. "I took Colin for a walk to the car to tell him and he was excited..."  
"I thought you were sick," Colin interjected, "The look on your face coming from the bathroom scared me. You were so pale and shaky."  
"Well, it's life altering stuff," Mattie said, holding onto him.  
"So, after lunch," Colin continued, "Mattie and I took some time out before the play and came across those and thought they'd be a perfect way to announce it."  
"It was," Mac said before embracing them both once more and offering her their congratulations.

While both Harm and Mac were thrilled for the younger couple, it would take a while longer for them to come to terms with their new title of grandparents.

Lunch was late due to the celebratory nature of the morning and after enjoying a feast, nearly everyone was enjoying an afternoon nap. The three youngest children were in their beds, Frank and Trish were taking some time out in the mobile home, Colin was dozing in the armchair while Mattie was across his lap doing the same thing. Harm was sitting at one end of the sofa, while Mac lay along it, her head resting on a cushion on his lap.

Hearing a noise, Harm opened one eye and saw Lily standing in the doorway.  
"Couldn't sleep?" he asked her and she shook his head. "Something up?" She shook her head again, her eyes drifting from her father to her mother. "Want to take a nap with us?"  
Her nod was almost imperceptible but it was there.  
"Will it be okay with mom?" she asked padding over.  
"Definitely," Harm replied, raising Mac's arm so Lily could lie alongside her.

Even in her sleep, Mac was aware of a child being with her and protectively wrapped her arms around whichever bundle was there, Harm couldn't help but smile at her instinctive actions. It didn't take long for Lily to succumb to slumber.

By the time sounds of life came from the house once more, Mac stirred and kissed the head in front of her before realising it was her daughter. Pulling back, she looked down trying to ensure it was real and not just a dream.  
"It's really Lily," Harm whispered, leaning down and kissing Mac's head.  
"When did she..." Mac started as Harm raked his fingers through her hair.  
"About five minutes after you fell asleep," he commented, looking at his daughter. "She loves you very much, Mac," he reassured her and Mac nodded. "Now, I need to get up. Can I get you anything?" he asked as Lily started to stir.  
"No, thanks, I have everything I need right here," she said, it was the perfect Christmas present. Slowly, Harm slipped out from his position as their pillow and left some cushions in his place.

With her eyes fixed on her daughter, Mac didn't really register her husband's departure. Stroking the child's face, Mac smiled when her eyes fluttered opened.  
"Hey, Lily," she said softly.  
"Hey, mom," she replied, snuggling closer.  
"Love you, Lily," Mac said, kissing the child's head.  
"Love you, mom," Lily said with a dreamy sigh.

Later, when she was awake enough to know she was in the loving arms of her mother, Lily looked up at her.  
"I didn't mean to make you sad," she whispered to her mother. "I'm really sorry."  
"You didn't make me sad, Lily," she said holding the child's face in front of hers. "Sometimes lots of things happen and you think you are doing okay with each one of them. Then one day it all bursts out and you end up crying, like I did this morning. It's no-one's fault, honestly, sweetheart."  
"So, me talking about dad coming home and finding us at the wall didn't do it?" she questioned, her eyes tearing up once more.  
"No, baby, you didn't do it," she said gently. "I've just had a tough year and it all got to me this morning. I didn't mean to scare you."  
"You didn't scare me..." she said quietly. "Dad did when he told me to get out...he doesn't tell me off like that and it made me think it was really bad."  
"Daddy didn't mean to scare you either," Mac said, kissing her forehead. "He was just trying to give me some privacy."  
"Well, mommy, hopefully next year will be much better for everyone," she said, snuggling in once more. "Mattie will have her baby and Rosie will have her speech lessons and everyone will be healthy and happy."  
"That's all mommy wants." Mac said pulling Lily closer to her. "All mommy wants."


	55. Chapter 55

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

I have the final chapter to post on the other site and am doubling up the remaining chapters on this site, so we can get there quicker. Thanks to those dedicated few who have been there for this journey. I deeply appreciate it.

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

With Christmas out of the way, the focus of the entire household was on the wedding. Scheduled for New Year's Eve, the service would be held at six, followed by a party leading into midnight which would ensure the young couple saw in the New Year as Mr and Mrs Bates.

However, before they got to the service there were a million things to do.  
"Well, maybe not a million," Mattie conceded, dropping into the chair beside Mac but at least a hundred."  
"A hundred?" Mac repeated. "I don't see how there can still be so many things to organise."

Opening up her wedding planner, Mattie flicked through the pages until she found her to – do list. Running down the page she took a quick count.  
"63," she said, shaking her head. "How am I supposed to get through 63 things before Thursday?"  
"By letting everyone help," Mac said, slipping her hand over Mattie's. "Now, let's get a coffee, a pen, take a deep breath and make a plan of attack."  
"Okay," said Mattie taking the deep breath as instructed. "Make mine hot chocolate," she added, having given up caffeine for the duration of the pregnancy.

Ten minutes later, Mac had a large sheet of paper divided into six columns, at the top she wrote the days from Saturday, the current day, to Thursday, the day of the wedding. Dividing the columns into 3 large rows, she labelled them 'wedding', 'party' and 'visitors' so they could be more specific.  
"Okay, read me the first thing on your list," she said to Mattie.  
"Final dress fitting," she said, chewing on her lip. "Veronica was going to do it before Christmas but then was sick..."  
"She's home Tuesday, so we'll list it for Wednesday," Mac said jotting it down.  
"Isn't Wednesday leaving it too late?" Mattie asked, starting to get a bit flustered by everything.  
"No," Mac said quietly. "We all think the dress is perfect the way it is. I'm sure when you try it on with everything else on Wednesday you'll realise there is nothing to change."  
"Okay, number two, the spare beds / mattresses for everyone," she said as Trish sat down with them.  
"That's easy enough," she said, pulling out her note pad. "Frankie will be in his portacot, the twins will be in the crib, Nikki and Jessie will have the twins beds, Lily will have the inflatable mattress on the floor between them, Veronica will have Lily's bed, Harriet and Bud will share the mobile home with us, Alison and John will take the fold out sofa in the school room and Michael and Jimmy will sleep in the living room."  
"That's us, what about Colin's family?" she asked, it all becoming a blur.  
"Colin's parents will have your guest room, his oldest sister and kids will have your living room, his sister and her family will have your room..." she continued, knowing all the bedding had already be arranged.  
"Our room?" she said surprised. "But it's our house...our wedding night..."  
"I know," Trish said, patting her hand before pulling out a brochure. Sliding it across the table she pointed to the Winnebago gracing the cover. "Colin was the one who allocated bedding in your house," she reported, "But Frank and I didn't think it was appropriate, especially as it's your night..."  
"So?" Mac prompted, as anxious as Mattie was to hear the arrangements.  
"Frank called Bill Bates and made the necessary arrangements, they will fly into Augusta, Maine from Iowa and then, between them, pick up four of these, fully equipped. Two can park out back here and plug into this house for power, the other two will park next door with the Andersons."  
"That's a great solution," said Mac, more than relieved.  
"Why do they need four?" she asked, knowing the vehicles slept eight and there were only 21 coming from his side.  
"The fourth is for the Roberts," she said, "It might be more comfortable for them to have their own space than feeling they were intruding," Trish said with a smile.  
"It all sounds great," Mac said, scanning the brochure, glad to see bedding included already and that each vehicle had its own toilet and shower.  
"It does but these things are expensive," Mattie said flipping over the brochure. "They are going to be here Tuesday for a week, and these rates are over $2000 for a week, times that by the three they need and it's a bit beyond their means, especially considering they have airfares on top of that and..."  
"And nothing," Trish said. "Frank has hired them from the same place he bought the mobile home. It's owned by an old friend and it's at a great price..."  
"Yeah, but still..." she said, her voice trailing. A great price to people had money was still a fortune to those who had little.  
"Sweetheart," Trish said, squeezing her hand. "Frank has paid for them all and the gas..."  
"What? Really?" Mattie said her eyes popping opened.  
"Well, wedding costs are usually borne by the bride's father," she said, taking the brochure back. "Frank has just taken that one step further and is doing it as the bride's grandfather. He and I love you, Mattie, just like we love all of Harm and Mac's children, and this is a very special occasion for us. Providing accommodation to ensure Colin's family is comfortable is the least we can do – after all, they are family too."

Without words to express her gratitude, Mattie moved from her chair and hugged Trish tightly. She couldn't help the tears which tumbled; she had thought of them as her grandparents but never believed they'd consider her a grandchild.  
"What's going on?" Colin asked as he surveyed the scene in front of him.  
"Mattie is just very happy at the moment," Mac explained, getting to her feet and wrapping an arm around his waist.  
"Mattie?" he said, not too sure what he was looking at constituted happy.

Taking a deep breath, Mattie pulled back from Trish and wiped her eyes.  
"Trish was just telling me about the wedding present she and Frank have organised for us," Mattie said moving over to her fiancé. "They have paid for four Winnebagos, three for your family and one for the Roberts."  
"That's very generous, Trish, but I'm not sure what my dad would..." he started to explain.  
"Your dad and Frank sorted it all out last week," Trish interjected. "Frank explained what he wanted to do, your dad seemed a little reluctant and Frank explained his reasons behind it. Your dad readily agreed and everything is set."  
"Can I ask his reasons behind it?" he asked, wrapping an arm around Mattie's waist.

Drawing a deep breath, Trish explained how Frank had lost his own daughter, Beth, when she was three months old and with it went all the hopes and dreams he had for her. While they had Mac, and both absolutely adored her, they had gotten married so quickly and with such a small gathering that any such gesture was inappropriate. All he wanted was to feel he was contributing something substantial to the wedding of one of his own and as that couldn't be Beth, he wanted it to be Mattie's – the girl they considered to be their granddaughter.

By the time Trish had finished explaining it all, Colin was also in tears. He didn't know what he or Mattie had ever done to be so lucky as to become involved in this family. They were so loving and generous and gave them both an incredible sense of family.  
"Thank you," was all he could manage.

By Wednesday, everyone, bar Alison and John, had arrived on the farm and it was a lively place. Wednesday night would see the bachelor and bachelorette parties, with plenty of time on Thursday to recover before the wedding on Thursday night. That being the plan, Wednesday saw the final touches being put to the barn which would be the setting for the wedding. While not the usual place for such an intimate gathering, the hiring of heaters, tables, chairs and other wedding paraphernalia turned the old wooden structure into a fairyland dream, just as Lily had first describe to Mattie when they were talking about the setting.  
"This looks incredible," gushed Harriet as she stood by the door and watched as Mattie turned on the switch activating nearly a thousand fairy lights; half which were steady, the other half twinkling.  
"It's come up really well," Mattie said, allowing her eyes to drift over the scene. There were pillar vases and tall colourful flowers scattered around the area. While they were artificial flowers they looked incredibly real.

The strategically placed heaters meant the room was at a perfect temperature and no one would be in a position where they were too hot or too cold. There was a small table at the front which the celebrant would use, and various tables around the room for the guests to dine at. There was an additional area set aside for the catering side of things near the opposite doorway where the catering truck would be parked.

Along with the other items, they had hired a large dance floor for the middle of the barn which was currently covered by an equally large protective mat, on top of which were the chairs, ready for the guests to witness the ceremony.  
"All ready to marry me?" Colin asked, surprising her by springing up behind her.  
"Yes!" she replied enthusiastically, turning to face him. "We can get married right now," she added.  
"Well, we may have to wait for the celebrant tomorrow," he said, kissing her nose. "But believe me I'll be standing right there, waiting for you."  
"I'll be here," she said, "Right on time."  
"You know I won't get to see you after dinner," he said, brushing his lips across hers. "Are you sure you don't want to stay in our house? I can stay in mom and dad's Winnebago next door."  
"I'm sure," she replied, kissing him back. "Besides a girl needs her parents the night before her wedding and I ..." her voice trailed as she tried to find the right words. "I...just want one last night with them."  
"I understand, babe," he said, kissing her head. "You ready to have our last meal together as single people?"  
"Definitely!"

Dinner was a big affair with more than forty people filling the farmhouse and overflowing onto the back porch to enjoy their first family meal together. Even though it was winter, Harm felt a barbeque was the way to go to cater for the large number of people and tastes. Although he didn't feel like cooking the apparent ton of meat in the portable fridge, he shouldn't have worried as Bud, Jimmy and Colin's brother-in-law, Tony, took charge and Harm didn't get near the cooking.

With Kathy, Colin's mother, Chantal and Carla, his sisters, Mac, Harriet, Veronica, Trish and Mattie taking over the farmhouse kitchen and dining room, there were soon a dozen different side dishes to choose from as well as a couple of loaves of bread. Given there were a large number of children, of varying ages, present, Mac had set them up on their own table in the living room and filled it with popular party food, hoping it would keep them occupied and it worked.

It didn't take long before the food was devoured and the dishes done, such was the appetite and efficiency of Colin's relatives.

By eight, they were ready to get the children to bed so the adults could celebrate with the bride and groom to be. Aside from Jimmy, every other child was 12 and under and all were sent off to their respective beds. When the first protest was register by JJ, Colin's six year old nephew, Colin announced any child not in bed asleep in the next twenty minutes would be put to bed the same time the following night and they'd miss the party and the New Year's Eve celebrations.

While there was still some grumbling from the pre-teens no one felt confident to voice their opposition given the large number of adults around and slowly but surely they were all taken to respective beds and settled down for the night. While Mac nursed an unsettled Frankie in her own room, Harm had carried Jessie up the stairs and to the bathroom, patiently waiting outside as Veronica helped her daughter in there. Once the door was opened, he scooped the girl up once more and carried her to Rosie's bed before laying her in it and covering her with the quilt.

Without thinking he kissed her forehead and said goodnight before doing the same to Lily and Nikki. While the other girls thought nothing of it, Jessie had never had a man kiss her goodnight and she was instantly smitten with Harm, drifting off to sleep with happy thoughts about what life would be like if Harm was her daddy too.

With his twins bedded down in large crib, Harm pushed the portacot against the wall so Mac wouldn't knock into it when she put Frankie to bed in it. After kissing Harry and Rosie goodnight, he padded across the hall to his own bedroom to bid goodnight to his youngest child.  
"All ours are bedded down for the night," he said, including the Roberts twins and Jessie in his summary, after all, the Roberts kids were his godchildren and Jessie was fast becoming a part of the family. They were all a little sad that AJ wasn't joining them for this family event but he was still training and while he was able to go home for a few days at Christmas it couldn't be extended to New Year's.

"This one won't be far away," she said, gently rocking Frankie as his eyes got heavier and heavier.  
"Is there anything you need or want me to do before I head to Colin and Mattie's for the bachelor party?" he asked, taking his son when Mac made a move to stand up.  
"Oh, maybe a hug and a kiss as soon as this one's in bed," she said with a grin.

Very quickly, Frankie was in his bed and Harm cornered Mac on the landing between the bedrooms, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his forehead on hers. Lifting her head, Mac pressed a gentle kiss on his lips before Harm took it a step further and deepened it.  
"Ooh, sorry," Kathy said, approaching the top of the stairs. "Didn't mean to interrupt, just needed the bathroom."  
"Oh, sorry," Harm said, stepping back and pulling Mac with him to make room for her to pass.  
"You're not interrupting," Mac said, pressing into her husband. "Go right ahead."  
"Guess it's time for me to get going," said Harm as Kathy closed the door behind her.  
"Enjoy yourself," Mac said kissing him quickly.  
"You too," he said before walking down the stairs hand in hand.

The respective parties were enjoyable and unlike other such parties Colin and Mattie had been to whenever their friends married. There were no strippers, no suggestive games, and while the men shared a few dozen celebratory ales, the women, except Mac, sipped their way through two bottles of wine before turning their preference to tea and coffee.

The men, all married, except for Jimmy who was still up, offered Colin their advice for a happy marriage and his father, Bill, summed it all up by telling him to remember that whatever the problem to apologise first regardless of the situation.  
"But why apologise if you're not wrong?" Jimmy asked shaking his head.  
"Because according to women, men are always wrong," he said, patting Jimmy's shoulder. "And apologising first saves the second round of arguments about who's right and who's wrong."  
"That sucks," Jimmy replied."You shouldn't apologise just because they're a girl."  
"You'll learn, son, you'll learn," Bill said with a chuckle.

As the men went on with their own discussions, Bill handed Harm a fresh beer and steered him towards the kitchen where they could talk in private. Leaning against the kitchen counter, Harm waited for Bill, a man in his late 50's, to talk.  
"Colin speaks so highly of you, your family and this place and I can see why," he said sincerely. "I've never seen the boy so settled and happy."  
"He's a good man," Harm said, taking off the bottle cap.  
"Always has been," agreed Bill, pulling out a stool from the breakfast bar. "I can't say I'm not disappointed that he won't be returning to Iowa and taking over the family farm but life takes us all on different paths than we expect."  
"Yes, it does," said Harm. His life was nothing like he'd imagined twenty years ago.  
"I was sorry to hear of the loss of your grandmother," he continued. "I think it was the night Col called me to tell me I realised he was truly home here."  
"What did he say?" Harm asked, not wanting to pry but curious.  
"It's not so much what he said but he was crying when he told me," Bill said quietly. "My boy never cries... didn't cry when his grandfather died five years ago, nor when his aunt past two winters ago."  
"It did have a big impact on us all," Harm said, feeling the sadness within stir once more.  
"I realised for Col to have taken it so hard meant he was part of the family, part of life here and I am happy he's found such contentment...just wish it was a bit closer to Iowa," he said, playing with the bottle in his hands.  
"I do understand, Bill," said Harm moving to pat the older man's back. "Always remember that you and Kathy and the family are welcome here anytime. After all, we're family now. Anyway, Mattie said you and she discussed flying when she was out there last year...perhaps you can come in the warmer weather and we can do some flying."  
"That would be great," he said with a grin.  
"How come you are both in here?" asked Colin from the doorway not too sure of what to make about this seemingly private conversation.  
"We were talking about you," said his father bluntly.  
"And what are you saying?" he asked looking from his father to his almost father-in-law.  
"That you're a good man and you are a blessing on this family," said Harm. Bill beamed proudly.

Meanwhile, the women were engaged in various discussions about everything from weddings to baking to children, though no one on Colin's side knew about the pregnancy and Mattie was hoping Lily wouldn't spill the beans. As the night wore on, Mac noticed Mattie was becoming quieter and quieter. Using the next round of coffee and tea making as an excuse, Mac took Mattie into the kitchen to help.  
"Are you okay?" she asked, abandoning the kettle in favour of the younger woman.  
"Yeah," Mattie said in a sigh.  
"Try again," Mac said, taking her hands. "What's up?"

Mattie bit down on her bottom lip and tilted her head from side to side, trying to fight against her tears. "Mattie?"  
Not able to articulate her problem, Mattie threw her arms around Mac and held tightly, burying her head in Mac's hair and crying softly. Unsure as to what was really going on, Mac held her and rubbed her back, trying to reassure her that everything would be fine.  
"I'm sorry," Mattie sniffled pulling back. "I ... just...All the women talking about all women's things and I ... I don't want to hurt you and Harm but..."

Then it all crystallised for Mac, Mattie was missing her mom and probably her dad too, just the way she did at times like this, despite the time that had passed, despite the reasons for estrangement.  
"Oh, honey," Mac said, wrapping her up once more. "It's okay, it's okay," she soothed. "You're missing your mom and dad," she said for her and Mattie nodded.  
"I know it's stupid but..." she started couldn't finish her sentence.  
"It's not, it's not," Mac reassured her. "You're allowed to miss them."  
"I was just looking around the table and thinking that mom would have loved being a part of it...which is stupid because if she didn't die I would never be a part of this family and I know it sounds all confused but...but..." And then there were more sobs.

When Kathy appeared at the kitchen door to help, she had overheard Mattie's pain and distress and felt, that as it had already gone midnight, then perhaps they should go and give the bride some time and space to come to terms with the pain of not having her mom with her on her wedding day.  
Retreating to the dining area, she relayed the information to the others and after some tidying up, she, her daughters and Harriet departed while Veronica disappeared upstairs.

Trish decided to put away the remaining food into the kitchen, knowing someone would have to tell Mac and Mattie the party had concluded.  
"Nonsense," Trish had said when she'd told them and Mattie had apologised. "This is all about you and everyone here loves and supports you. The least we can do is to give you some time and space."  
"I thought I had it all under control," Mattie said, resting her head against Mac's feeling exhausted by it all.  
"Those sorts of feelings are never under control," Trish said, wrapping her arm around Mattie and kissing her head. "Now, do you want to have a nice warm bath and try and relax before bed?"  
Mattie nodded; maybe that was for the best.

As Mac cleaned up, Trish took Mattie upstairs and prepared the bath for her, using all Mac's favourite things. While Mattie bathed, Trish returned to the kitchen to help Mac clean up and they had just put the final things away when Harm and Frank returned.  
"I thought you'd all still be chatting," Frank said, embracing his wife.  
"Young Mattie became distressed and so we finished early," Trish replied quietly.  
"What's wrong?" asked Harm turning to his wife.  
"Just missing her mom and dad," Mac said, her eyes still full of Mattie's pain.  
"Oh, I didn't think about that," he said, moving to hold his wife.

Knowing there was not much else they could do, Frank and Trish retired for the night while Harm and Mac considered what to do next.

As Mattie soaked in the tub and allowed the warm water and bubbles to caress and soothe her, Mac and Harm changed for bed with minimal talk. Both knew the inner battle one faced when life changing events were taking place and the one you wanted wasn't there. They also understood that it didn't mean you loved the ones who were any less.  
"Do you think..." Mac started as she sat on the edge of the bed but the rest of the sentence was dropped when Mattie rapped quietly on their door. "Come on in, honey," Mac said.  
"Hi," Mattie said, looking from Mac to Harm and offering him a weak smile.  
"How are you doing, honey?" Harm asked, rounding the bed to greet her.  
"A little embarrassed," she said, dropping her head. "I thought I was okay with it all and then wham it hits me and I blubber like a baby."  
"You have nothing to be embarrassed about," Harm said, wrapping her in his arms and kissing her head. "You're human...these things happen."  
"You guys aren't ...upset...or hurt...?" she said hesitantly.  
"Not in the least," Mac said taking her hand and encouraging her to sit on the bed beside her. "Of all the people in the world, we really understand the trauma of parental absence."  
"Yeah, I guess you do," she said, leaning her head on Mac's. "Do you think Kathy thinks I'm a basketcase or...I don't know...not good enough for her son?"  
"Definitely not," Mac said, "She thinks you are wonderful and just perfect for her son."  
"And his father thinks the same thing," Harm said, sitting on her other side. "I know it doesn't take away all the pain, sweetie, but you are surrounded by people who love you and who are very, very proud of everything you have endured, everything you have overcome, and the amazing woman you are today."  
"Oh, Harm," she sighed tearfully as she wrapped her arms around him and held tightly. "When mom died and dad was gone I prayed every night for someone to rescue me and that was you...you have given me all of this..."  
"Mattie, I gave you a chance, you did the rest," he replied, kissing her head.  
"But without you I would never have finished school, would never had a second chance with a mom and dad, never have siblings...never have recovered from the accident..."  
"You don't know that," he said gently, kissing her head.  
"I do," she said confidently. "I wouldn't have had anything to live for...and look at my life now, I have everything I could have asked for and it's thanks to you."  
Tearfully, Harm kissed her head once more. "Well, it's no secret," he said quietly, his voice breaking with emotion. "That everything I have today I owe to you."

Slowly, Mattie pulled back and looked at him. "No, you owe it to Mac."  
"No, I owe it to you," he corrected, caressing her face. "You were the person who taught me to open my heart. You were the person who pushed and prodded and nudged me to do something about Mac. You were the one who showed me how to let someone into my life and be prepared to take the chance to love someone...I hadn't done that since my dad went MIA. And without that, I can't say with any certainty that I would have let Mac into my heart and that would have been the greatest tragedy of my life."

For a while the trio sat in silence, wanting emotions to subside and allow some slumber the night before the wedding. Realising no one was making a move; Mac yawned and rolled her shoulders, fatigue catching up with her.  
"This is going to sound really stupid..." Mattie started, not sure if she should continue, "After all, I'm 29 but...um...No, it's alright."  
"Honey, would you like to stay with us for a bit?"Mac asked standing up and Mattie nodded.  
"Just for a little bit," she said, not really wanting to make the trek downstairs and into the mobile home she was going to share with Trish and Frank.

With Mac in the middle, Mattie settled deep under the covers the events of the day running around and around in her head.  
"Just close your eyes, sweetheart," Mac said gently. "Tomorrow you will be getting married and everything will be alright with the world."

It didn't take long for Mattie to drift off and Mac moved further onto Harm's side to give her some room. Wrapping his arms around his wife, Harm kissed her head and declared his love before thanking her for their life together.  
"You are my life, Sarah MacKenzie-Rabb," whispered, brushing a kiss across her lips. "I love you more than anything else in the world..."  
"I love you too," she whispered, kissing him back.  
"When I said I owed this all to Mattie..." he began, hoping she hadn't taken offence.  
"No need to explain," she replied. "I owe it all to Mattie too. Without her, I don't think we would have ever gotten this far."  
"So, you're not upset?" he questioned, just to be sure.  
"No, I fully support everything you said to her," Mac answered, brushing her lips against his. "And you said it very articulately."  
"I'm getting better, aren't I?" he said with a proud grin.  
"Very much so," she agreed. Gone was the tongue tied man who could barely string a sentence together when it came to matters of a personal nature.

Over the next ten minutes, Mattie moved and resettled, turned and mumbled to herself. Mac rubbing her arm and whispering to her seemed to help and soon she settled once more. However, the movement saw Mac move further away so not as to disturb her and soon Harm sat up and swung his legs out.

It was one thing making room for his nine year old daughter, who was like a squirming starfish at times, but Mattie was taking up even more room and while he didn't mind having Mac pressed firmly into him, he wanted to give Mattie a chance to sleep and not to have her feel bad for squashing them together.  
"Where are you going?" Mac asked, opening one eye.  
"I'm going to sleep in her bed," he said, leaning down and kissing Mac's head.  
"With Colin?" Mac asked confused.  
"No!" he said quickly. "In the mobile home with mom and dad..."  
"Okay," she replied with a yawn. "Kiss me again."

Morning dawned dark and overcast belying the atmosphere on the farm which was bright and bubbly. Harriet had taken over the kitchen and had huge pots of scrambled eggs, trays of bacon and two loaves of bread toasted and ready to be served for the early breakfasters who were mainly mothers and their children. The exception were Harm and his father – Frank was doing Frankie's morning bottle feed while Harm was at the top of the stairs waiting for the signal from Veronica that he could go in and get Jessie.

"All ready!" Jessie called enthusiastically.  
"Okay," he called back, opening the door. "Good morning, Jessie," he said, moving over to the bed. "How did you sleep?"  
"Very well, thank you, Mr Rabb," she said looping her hands around his neck.  
"That's good to hear," he said, picking her up. "Now, I love the fact that you have excellent manners and call me Mr Rabb, but I think we have to change that."  
"Why?" Jessie asked, her eyes widening, worried she'd done the wrong thing.  
"Because it's so formal," he said, looking to Veronica and making sure she was ready to go downstairs too. "So, I think that maybe you could call me Harm."  
Jessie didn't know what to say.  
"Are you sure?" asked Veronica. While she already called the man Harm, she often had to stop herself calling him 'sir' such was his imposing presence.  
"Positive," he said with a grin.  
"Um," Jessie said quietly. "Maybe I can call you Uncle Harm like Nikki does. Would that be okay?" she asked, liking the idea of having him as a sort of uncle just like the Roberts kids did.  
"If that's okay with your mom it's okay with me," he said, starting his descent down the stairs.  
"It's fine by me," Veronica said, feeling happy and blessed they had found a place with such wonderful people.

Once they reached the bottom of the stairs, Harm placed Jessie in her chair and made sure her seatbelt was on before he stepped away.  
"Thanks, Uncle Harm," she said, testing out the new name and liking it immensely.  
"You're welcome, honey. Now, it's breakfast time," he said pulling out a chair from the table to make room for her.  
"Uncle Harm?" Lily questioned, not too sure what to think.  
"Your dad said it was okay," Jessie replied. "He said he didn't want me calling him Mr Rabb anymore."  
"That's cool," she replied; more than happy with the new moniker for her father. "Does that mean you're going to call my mom Aunty Mac?"  
"Yeah, I guess so," she said, although she hadn't really thought about it.  
"What do I call your mom?" Lily asked, wondering whether she had to call her Aunty Veronica which didn't really sit right with her.  
"You can call me Veronica," Veronica answered. "Or Ronnie," she added. Ronnie had been her nickname in school and she had liked it – it's just no one had called her that since she had dropped out of school to have her son.

While most people would be dining at the farmhouse for breakfast, Colin was to be a no-show and, rather than expect him to fend for himself when everyone else would be catered for, Harriet packed a breakfast box for him and his parents who would dine at the other house.

Dispatching Jimmy and Michael with the basket, she added a few other items 'just in case' before sitting at the table and spending time with Rosie who was too quiet for her liking and not the child she knew and loved.

With Mattie having been restless throughout the night, Mac's sleep had been interrupted and it was no surprise to Harm that neither had appeared for breakfast considering it was yet to turn eight.  
"Do you want me to wake mommy?" Lily asked standing from the table when she was done.  
"No, thanks, honey," Harm said. "We'll let mommy and Mattie sleep for as long as they need to."  
"Where's Mattie?" she asked, climbing on her father's lap.  
"Upstairs, sleeping in our bed," he said, picking up his toast.  
"Where's mommy?" she asked, taking a bite of her father's toast.  
"Upstairs in our bed," he said, continuing with his breakfast.  
"Where did you sleep?" she asked, resting her head on his shoulder.  
"In the mobile home with grandma and grandpa," he answered, not that he'd gotten a lot of sleep. He'd forgotten just how much his mother snored when she'd had a couple of glasses of wine.  
"Why'd you change beds?" she asked, really more interested in helping her dad finish his breakfast than the information.  
"Because Mattie needed mommy last night and she's a bit bigger than you when it comes to taking up space," he said, kissing his daughter's head.  
"Was Mattie sad?" she asked pulling back and looking at her dad.  
"Why do you ask?" he questioned, not wanting to give too much away.  
"The other day when I went over to Mattie's she was looking at a photo from when she was about my age and she was crying," Lily said. "It was a photo of her and her mom and dad and when I asked what was wrong she just said she wished they could be here. Which didn't make sense because they're both dead."  
"I hope you didn't say that to Mattie," he said, anxiously.  
"No," she replied. "Because I know it's just like us wishing Grams was here too, even though we know she can't be."  
"You're a clever girl," he said, offering her the last of his orange juice, which she took.  
"Yeah, I know," she replied, after all, she'd been told it often. "So did she need mommy because she was sad?"  
"Yes, she did, honey," Harm answered honestly. "She just wishes her mom could be here to see her get married."  
"Well, I know it's not the same thing but me and Jessie and Ronnie have been working on a surprise for her and it might make her feel better," Lily said climbing down from his knee to find Veronica.  
"What is it?" he called after her, hoping it wouldn't make matters worse.  
"Ronnie, can we tell dad about the surprise for Mattie?" she asked, having dragged Veronica in to be standing in front of her father. Before Veronica could speak, Lily added, "'Cos Mattie was really sad last night and had to sleep with mom and maybe we need to check that the surprise is okay."

Sitting down beside Harm, Veronica explained how she had Mattie had engaged in many long conversations about their lives and families and how Mattie had mentioned an aunt of her mother's, an Aunt June. Harm nodded.  
"Yes," he said, "We'd tried to find her...June Hodges...when I first realised Mattie was on her own but we had no luck. "By the time we tracked her down, in New Zealand of all places, Mats had just had her accident and it was all too hard."  
"Mattie said she'd exchanged a couple of photos and letters with the woman during her recovery," Veronica said and Harm nodded, he remembered posting them. "Well, I found her son, Tim Hodges, on Facebook and they were heading back to the States during their summer holiday and ..."  
"They're coming here for the wedding?" Harm asked, wanting to get the details before the bride woke up.  
"Yeah," she said with a nod. "Have I done the wrong thing? They weren't sure they were going to get here so I didn't want to tell Mattie only to have her disappointed but then Tim called me the day before last to say they'd be here by three. I couldn't afford to get them a fancy present and so I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to organise this."

When she looked up at Harm he could see the tears in her eyes and quickly took her hand.  
"You've done nothing wrong, Veronica," he said quietly. "I'm sure having someone from her mother's side will make her special day extra special."  
"Are you sure?" she checked, now feeling a little ill over the whole thing.  
"Positive," he said, squeezing her hand.  
"So, when can we tell her?" Lily asked excitedly.  
"Tell who what?" Mac asked appearing from nowhere.  
"Tell you good morning, mommy," Lily said, springing from her chair to hug her mother, Harm could only laugh at how quickly she had come up with the answer. God help them when she was a teenager.  
"Good morning to you too, pumpkin," she said, kissing her daughter's head, before greeting her husband and Veronica. "Now, who are you telling what to?"  
"Where's Mattie?" Harm asked, glancing to the stairs.  
"Still asleep," Mac replied, coming closer to him. "What's up?"

And quietly they related the story.


	56. Chapter 56

Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.

AN 1: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.

AN 2: The vows and celebrant's opening have been taken from various online sites.

AN 3: Thank you to all who have read and reviewed this story, it's been a wonderful journey.

_**God bless Japan. Thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has endured so much this year. xox**_

**The final chapter**

Three o'clock came and there were no surprise visitors. Alison and her partner had arrived at lunch time and as far as Mattie was concerned everyone was there. Four o'clock came and still nothing.

With the caterer cooking up a storm for the reception and the photographer having arrived, Mattie figured it was time to get dressed and get the wedding underway. With her bridal underwear laid out on Harm and Mac's bed and the dress hanging behind the door, Mattie smiled when Harriet put the final touches to her makeup and hair.  
"Now, there'll be touch-ups to do when your dress is on and your hat is pinned but I think it's time for you to get dressed, honey," Harriet said, packing away the makeup.  
"Thanks, Harriet, you've done a great job," Mattie said, taking another look at her reflection.  
"I had a great subject to work with," Harriet replied, patting her back. "Now, do you need anything else?"  
"Not for a minute," she said. "Just trying to keep my nerves in check. I'm so excited."  
"So, I can tell," Harriet said with a knowing smile. "And you're going to make the most beautiful bride."  
"Thanks, Harriet."

Dressed in all her undergarments, Mattie took the dress off the back on the door and peeled off the protective bag. Gazing at it, she was disturbed by a soft rap at the door.  
"Mats..." Mac called. "Can I come in?"  
"Sure," she replied, taking the dress from the hangar.  
"Thought you might want to wait a minute before you put it on," Mac said handing her a robe and taking the dress back.  
"Why? What's wrong? Has Colin..." she said quickly.  
"No, no, nothing's wrong," Mac interjected lest Mattie get too wound up. "Veronica and the girls have a surprise for you downstairs and I figured you might be more comfortable in a robe."  
"Okay," she said slowly, not too sure what was going on but trusting Mac.

Downstairs and Mattie scanned the immediate area to find nothing amiss. Then Veronica came from the living room.  
"I did something in honour of your wedding," she said nervously. "I can't afford a fancy present and didn't know what else I could do to show you how much I value your friendship and support."  
"There was no need to get me anything," Mattie said, taking hold of her hand.  
"Well, I didn't," Veronica replied. "I didn't get you anything...it was more of a someone."  
"Someone?" she replied. There was no one else she wanted at her wedding to the ones she had invited.  
"Well, two someones," she clarified. "They're in the living room and ...god, I hope I've done the right thing."

Following Veronica, she was soon face to face with June, a lady she'd met as a very young child and had a brief correspondence with during her recovery. The older woman looked just like her grandmother, who passed when Mattie was ten, and there was no doubt in Mattie's mind who she was.  
"Aunt June?" she said hesitantly.  
"Yes, child, it's me," she replied, holding her arms out and hoping Mattie was pleased to see her. She was.  
"Oh, Aunt June," she cried. "It's so wonderful to see you...so wonderful you are here ... It's ... it's ...amazing..."  
Veronica took a deep breath, glad it all went well.  
"And this is your mom's cousin, Tim," Veronica said, introducing the man standing in the background.  
"Are you the Timmy who cut my mom's hair when she was five?" Mattie asked, moving across to him.  
"Guilty as charged," he said, holding up his arms to surrender. "She was five, I was nine and thought she was being annoying."  
"That's what mom said," Mattie said with a laugh.  
"You did well," Mac whispered to Veronica as she slipped her arm around the nervous woman's waist. "Mattie is so happy to have them here."  
Veronica smiled; more through relief than acceptance she had done something good.

After more hugs and chats with Mattie and her newly arrived relatives, Mac realised things needed to be wrapped up.  
"Now, I'm sorry to interrupt," she said, wrapping her arm around Mattie's shoulders, "But we need to get you ready. June and Tim are here until..." she paused.  
"Monday," June said. "That is if it's alright."  
"It's more than alright," Mac replied. "So you'll have a chance to have a good visit in the next few days. However, there is a wedding scheduled in 57 minutes and ..."  
"Oh my god!" Mattie said, pulling away from Mac. "I didn't realise the time."  
"It's okay," Mac reassured her. "But we need to get that dress on soon so the photographer can do his stuff."  
Ten minutes later, the dress was on, the pillbox hat was on, Harriet had touched up Mattie's makeup and hair in between helping Harm dress the children.  
"What do you think?" Mattie asked breathlessly as she turned around in the master bedroom.  
"I think you look unbelievably perfect," Mac said proudly. "That dress looks like it was made for you. Grams would be so proud."  
"I think so too," Mattie replied, willing herself not to cry.  
"Now, I know you didn't really want to go traditional so I didn't want to do all the 'something old, something new'," Mac said, "But the dress is old, the hat is new, and so I bought you a blue garter...just to spice things up," she added with a laugh.

As Mattie slid on the lacy blue item Lily came in unannounced and watched curiously.  
"What is that?" she asked, pointing to the item now hidden by Mattie's dress.  
"It's Mattie's something blue," Mac said, smoothing down her daughter's dress before telling her of the four 'something's.  
"So what about the borrowed?" Lily asked and Mattie shrugged. "I know!" she shouted in a moment of inspiration before racing out of the room and calling for her dad.

Within a few moments, Harm appeared in the bedroom and went straight to his bedside table drawer. Taking out a velvet pouch he handed it to Lily.  
"Here, Mattie," she said, offering the pouch to her sister. "It can be your borrowed thingy and it goes with the dress 'cos remember Grams said she wore it at her wedding too!"  
Mattie tipped the necklace out into her hand. It was perfect.

As the time moved closer to six, the house emptied of people who made their way into the barn and took their seats. With grandparents and Harriet looking after the littlest MacKenzie-Rabbs, Lily stood waiting impatiently by the backdoor for the bride. Dressed in an ankle length burgundy gown she had chosen herself, Mac had instructed Lily to stay in the house until they were ready, wanting the dress to stay clean and tidy until the end of the ceremony and photos. Mattie stood in the middle of the living room, with Harm and Mac, glad that all the photos were done and she could turn her attention to the most important part of the day.

Taking a few deep breaths, she tried to calm her racing heart and still her trembling hands, she knew this was the right thing for her, Colin was the love of her life. And, considering they had been living together a while she knew there was nothing to worry about there. And, considering they had been intimate from their fourth date and she was carrying his baby, she definitely wasn't a virgin bride nervous about her wedding night or in need of motherly advice on how to cope with such things.  
"You okay, Mats?" Mac asked bringing her from her thoughts.  
"Yeah, I think so," she said before taking another big breath.  
"You've gone quite pale, come sit for a minute," she said, leading Mattie to a kitchen chair.  
"Do you feel sick?" Harm asked, taking her hand.  
"No, not sick," she said slowly. "Nervous, I think."  
"Nervous about what?" he asked and she shrugged.  
"I don't know," she answered. "I want to be married, I want this, so very much."  
"Maybe it's more excited than nervous," he offered and Mattie nodded, maybe he was right.  
"Well, unless you would like to be fashionably late, it's time to go, kiddo," Mac said, helping her up.  
"Can't believe my girl's getting married," Harm said, his blue eyes cloudy with tears.  
"Don't start, Harm," Mattie warned. "My emotions are already fragile to say the least."  
"Okay," he whispered, kissing her cheek. "Just let me tell you I love you very much."  
"I love you too," she replied, taking his arm. "And I love you too, Mac."  
Mac smiled; "Love you too, Mats."

In the planning, the arrangements were simple, Harm and Mac would stand alongside the celebrant and Lily and Mattie would walk in to the Josh Groban and Charlotte Church version of 'The Prayer'. However, standing just outside the barn, Mattie realised she didn't want that at all.  
"Don't go," she said, when Harm and Mac went to walk inside.  
"What's wrong?" Harm asked.  
"I want you to walk me down the aisle...well, so to speak," she said, gesturing to the barn. "I know I said I didn't and all but I do and I want you to but that's only if it's alright with you," she said rapidly.  
"It's more than alright with me, Mattie," he said, fighting his tears. "I would do anything for you."

When Mac smiled at the pair and went to move inside, Mattie spoke again. "You too, Mac. I want you both to walk me in...after all, I wouldn't have Harm as a dad without you and I wouldn't have you as a mom without him and I wouldn't be here today without you both so..." She stopped to draw a breath.  
"We'll do it together," Mac said, coming to stand on the other side of Mattie.  
"Are you guys right now?" asked Lily impatiently. "Everyone's waiting."  
"We're right now," Mattie said with her first genuinely happy smile of the day, her nerves all but gone. Maybe, she thought to herself, it wasn't the wedding which had her nervous, just her idea of family.

With the music playing, Harm and Mac escorted Mattie to her place beside the groom before both kissed her and moved to the side and the bridal couple joined hands.

As the music stopped the celebrant began. "Before God we have come together today, for marriage is one of the most sacred of His wishes. And now through me He joins you together in one of the Holiest of Bonds.

Let us bow our heads in prayer. O Lord, hear our prayer for Colin and Matilda who today are united in marriage before you. Give them your blessing and always strengthen their love for each other. Amen."

As the celebrant spoke, Mac slipped her arm through Harm's and leant her head on his shoulder as she watched on. Soon, the memory of their wedding filled her mind.

_Flashback: 11 Years Previous._

_Engaged within months of first becoming intimate at Christmas, Harm and Mac had decided to forego the traditional engagement party. After all, Mac had already been a part of one of those and ended up kissing Harm rather than the one she was betrothed to. That didn't mean there weren't a lot of question and comments from family and friends about the event they were all anticipating._

_With things at work a little slower than normal and with Harm's birthday a month away, Mac had come up with a plan to stop the persistent 'engagement party' pestering._  
_"Harm," she said slowly one night, coming to sit across his lap as he worked at the computer._  
_"Yes," he said equally as slowly, knowing there was a question coming._  
_"I've been thinking about this engagement party that everyone is going on about," she said, raking her fingers through his hair._  
_"And what exactly have you been thinking?" he asked wrapping his arms around her._  
_"I think we should have a sort of engagement party," she said, gazing at him._  
_"What's a sort of engagement party?" he questioned._  
_"Well, you know it's your birthday next month..." she started and Harm nodded. "I say we invite people to a small birthday – engagement party."_  
_"Kill two birds with one stone," he commented._  
_"Three actually," she said with a cheeky grin._  
_"Three?" he countered, furrowing his brow._  
_"Well, we'll tell everyone it's a birthday – engagement party, which should stop the 101 questions and then we'll surprise them by getting married at the party," she said excitedly._  
_"I like your thinking," he said, kissing her briefly. Neither were hugely public people, neither liked a big fuss and if this was happening about a party they didn't really want, who knows what they'd be put through about a wedding. "Where would we have it?"_  
_"Here," she said, looking around his loft. "There's enough room, it's intimate, we'd have all the same people anyway..."_  
_"So, are you asking me to marry you on the 14th of next month?" he questioned, caressing her face._  
_"I am," she said, brushing a kiss across his lips._  
_Their plans were celebrated physically before any written plans were made._

-  
Looking down at his wife, Harm realised Mac was reliving their own wedding and he pressed a kiss on her temple.  
"Huh?" she said, startled, before realising where she was.  
"It's okay," he whispered as the celebrant continued to talk. "You thinking about our wedding?"  
"Yeah," she replied with a happy smile.  
"Yeah, me too," he said, kissing her head once more.

_Flashback continued_

_All the plans for the evening had come together easily except for some last minute screw up with the caterer, which was easily fixed when Harm drew himself up to his full height and used his best military voice._

_Both were dressed elegantly, Harm with a black dress suit, pale green shirt and dark green tie with the pale green horizontal stripes, his jacket was on the back of a chair. Mac had a knee length dark green dress, it's colour a perfect match for Harm's tie. The dress had a low, yet tasteful neckline and fitted Mac's form beautifully. Her matching stiletto heels gave her added height and allowed her to kiss her fiancé without pressing up on tiptoes._

_With the decorations around the loft matching the green theme, none of the guests had any reason to suspect this was anything but a birthday – engagement party; no one except Reverend Turner who was going to officiate. Harm had called him a few weeks ago, and left it to the man himself to organise his attendance. He had to try not to laugh when Sturgis approached him during the week to ask if it was okay for his dad to join himself and Varese at the party as he was coming to town unexpectedly. Of course Harm agreed and was left smiling when Sturgis departed none the wiser._

_When the last of the guests had arrived and everyone was happily engaged in eating and chatter, Reverend Turner cleared his throat._  
_"Ah, ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of Harm and Mac I'd like to welcome you all here tonight," he began and Sturgis wondered what was going on, a quick scan of the room told him the happy couple were nowhere to be seen. "If I may ask your indulgence for a few moments, the happy couple would like me to ask you to fill your glasses and make yourself comfortable."_

_As the guests began to do as they were asked, Harm stepped closer to Mac who was changing in the bathroom._  
_"You look incredible," he gushed taking in the floor length bridal gown she was now wearing. Its tight fitting bodice accentuated her figure and Harm had to take several deep breaths to keep himself controlled._  
_"You look gorgeous," she said to him, adjusting the right epaulette on his dress blues. Mac loved him in blue._  
_"Gorgeous enough to marry?" he asked and Mac grinned._  
_"Oh definitely," she replied, kissing him briefly. "Now, have you decided how we're going to sort out the witnesses?" she asked, brushing down his jacket._  
_"Well, we have a room full of people," he replied, playing with her hair. "My thinking is we ask mom and Frank or Bud and Harriet to sign."_  
_"I like your thinking," she said, kissing him once more._

_When Reverend Turner pressed play on the CD player, a soft piano rendition of the Bridal March filled the air and when Harm and Mac appeared arm in arm on the steps to his bedroom there were gasps and exclamations of joy._  
_"Oh, my god! Oh, my god!" Mattie exclaimed jumping up and down when she realised what was happening. "Is this for real?"_  
_"It is," replied Harm with a broad grin. "Definitely for real."_

_Amid the disbelieving chatter, the couple moved from the steps to stand in front of Reverend Turner and he began the short service._

_-_  
"...So long as you both may live," the celebrant said.  
"I do..." muttered Harm before Mac nudged him bringing him back to the present.  
"I think he was asking Colin," she said with a smirk.  
"Sorry," he whispered, "Just reminiscing..."  
"Me too," she admitted, squeezing his hand. "We had a lovely wedding."  
"We did," he replied and although he tried to focus on the scene in front of him, he couldn't help drifting back to the time when it was all about him and Mac.

_"Harmon and Sarah had chosen to recite their own vows," Reverend Turner announced, looking at the loving pair in front of him._

_"Sarah," Harm started a little nervously. "From the moment I first saw you, I knew you were the one with whom I wanted to share my life. Your beauty, heart, and mind inspire me to be the best person I can be. I promise to love you for eternity, respecting you, honoring you, being faithful to you, and sharing my life with you. This is my solemn vow." Leaning in, Harm placed a gentle kiss on her cheek._  
_"Harmon," Mac began before taking another deep breath and willing her tears to keep away. "Today I take you as my husband. Together we will create a home, becoming a part of one another. I vow to help create a life that we can cherish, inspiring your love for me and mine for you. I vow to be honest, caring and truthful, to love you as you are and not as I want you to be, and to grow old by your side as your love and best friend."_

_There wasn't a dry eye anywhere._

_After the exchanging of the rings and a few solemn words by Reverend Turner, he proclaimed them husband and wife._  
_"You may now kiss the bride," he said to Harm with a wink and Harm did exactly that. Ignoring their audience and his usual shyness about public displays of affection, he slipped his arms around Mac's waist and leant in._  
_"I love you so very much, Sarah MacKenzie," he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers._  
_"Rabb," she said. "Sarah MacKenzie-Rabb," she corrected._

_With that his lips met hers and they poured their love into one another with the exchange of a tender and passionate kiss; their first as husband and wife._

_"_You may now kiss the bride..."  
Harm went to kiss Mac before realising the words were for Colin and Mattie. Shaking his head, he was very glad Colin's brother-in-law, Tony, was recording it so he could actually see them get married, everything else but his beloved Mac being a blur in his head.

With the nuptials sealed with a kiss, there were plenty of cheers and clapping as the celebrant announced them as Mr and Mrs Bates. Hugs, kisses and celebratory slaps on the back ensued until the photographer came in and organised the clan for the next lot of photos. Harm couldn't help but smile proudly as he posed for the bride's parents and bridal couple photo, this was his girl, regardless of what her birth certificate said.

After two dozen or so photos had been taken with a combination of family groups and of the happy couple alone, the final photo was of the entire group and would take pride of place on the living room wall of Mattie and Colin's house. They already had the perfect frame for it sitting on a table in the barn so everyone could leave their messages and sign it. Even Frankie had been given the pen to make his mark.

Appetisers were served and Mac delighted in seeing the happy couple standing by the flowers, eyes only for each other.  
"They're very much in love," Trish commented bringing her out of her thoughts.  
"They are," Mac agreed. "It's so nice to see."  
"I'm sure they're going to have a long and happy life together," Trish continued, watching as they fed each other.  
"I hope so," Mac replied. "Mattie so very much deserves that kind of love and stability."

Before long it was time for the bridal waltz and the couple had chosen 'Feels Like Home' for their first dance as husband and wife. They soon stood entwined on the dance floor, actual dance steps replaced by a tender embrace, kisses and swaying to the music. Halfway through the song the DJ asked for the parents of the happy couple to take to the floor and they did so, Bill with Mac and Harm with Kathy.

A few spins around the dance floor and the song changed and so too did the dance partners. Mattie held her arms out for Harm and he grinned widely as he wrapped his arms around her.  
"You look so happy," Harm observed, kissing her forehead.  
"I am...very," she said with a contented sigh.  
"I'm very proud of you, Matilda," he whispered, holding her tighter. "So very proud."

Not knowing how to respond, Mattie held on tighter. This was the man who changed his whole life to help her. He was the man who fought for her. He was the man who never gave up on her; not when her father came back into her life, not when the accident threatened to claim her life. He was the man who never regretted having her in his life; something she could not say about Tom Johnson. And while she knew today was about new beginnings and the future, she knew she also had to put the past behind her.

Looping her arms around her neck, Mattie pulled back slightly and took a deep breath.  
"I know I'll soon be calling you grandpa or grandad or pa once this baby arrives," she said quietly, "But today... and for the rest of my life, I would like the honour of calling you dad," she said tearfully. "You are the man I want to be my father, the man who has been my father ... the one I want this child to know as my father... Is that okay?"  
"Oh, Mattie," Harm cried as his tears fell. "It's more than okay...it's ...it's absolutely amazingly okay."  
Their tight embrace only ended when the song changed and it was time to change partners once more.

At the first opportunity, Mac made her way back to Harm and held him close before pressing up and kissing his cheek.  
"You okay?" she asked, stroking his tear-stained face.  
"Aha," he said, kissing her head before proceeding to share the story with Mac.  
Mac grinned; she knew this was what Harm wanted all along but had never pushed with Mattie.

As she wrapped her arms around him and swayed to the music, Harry came running over.  
"Up, mommy," he demanded. "I wanna dance too."  
Smiling, Mac scooped him up and settled him on her hip.  
"Do you like dancing with mommy and daddy?" she asked and Harry nodded. Feeling very tired, he was happy to be in his mother's loving arms.

Spying the scene and not wanting to be left out, Rosie came over and demanded the same thing of Harm. Picking her up, Harm slipped his free arm back around his wife as they continued to sway to the music.  
"How come I don't get to dance?" Lily asked, wedging her way between them and standing on Harm's feet.

It may have only lasted a few minutes but Mac couldn't help but feel overwhelmed at this little family scene. The closeness they had established since living on the farm was something she had only ever dreamed of – now her fairytale was reality and it was all thanks to the gorgeous Prince Charming in front of her.  
"What are you thinking?" he asked, as Rosie cuddled into him.  
"Just how perfect this all is," Mac replied with a contented sigh.  
Harm grinned; things were perfect. Leaning in he kissed Mac tenderly before Lily spoke up:  
"Hey, remember I'm in the middle here getting squashed!"

With the youngsters all getting tired and restless but all determined to stay up until midnight for the fireworks Dave had organised, Harm realised plans may need to change before some of the crying and carry on put a dampener on the evening. With a quick word to Dave, an early fireworks show was put on and the guests gathered outside the barn in their jackets or surrounded by blankets.

As the brilliantly coloured fireworks lit up the sky the children watched in awe. Frankie found it too loud and Mac held a hand over his ear as she pressed the other one to her chest. It worked and soon his eyes were big and bright watching the colour bursts in front of him. Watching the reaction of the children, rather than the fireworks, Harm took delight in the joyful expression on Lily's face and the clapping and cheering of Harry as each firework exploded overhead. Turning to find Rosie, Harm's heart sank when he saw the tears tumbling down her cheeks and her hands firmly clasped over her ears.

Quickly, he scooped her up.  
"Hurts, daddy," she said burying her head in the crook of his neck. "Make it stop."  
"Ssh, ssh, baby," he soothed as he carried her from the festivities into the house, "It's okay."  
"Too loud, too loud," she cried, wriggling in his arms every time a firework discharged.  
"It's okay, it's okay," he said rubbing her back. "It will be over soon."

True to his word, the fireworks ended soon after but it didn't really stop Rosie's distress. While she had a hearing impairment, the explosions were too loud for her sensitive ears and each blast caused her considerable pain as the vibrations ricocheted around her eardrums.  
"It's over, baby, it's over," Harm said, rocking her gently.  
"Bang all gone?" she asked uncovering her ears.  
"All gone," he said, kissing her head. "All better now?"  
"Oh, daddy," she said with a sigh, resting her head on his chest.  
"It's okay, precious," he said, kissing her forehead, "Daddy's here."

It was daddy and daughter time for ten beautiful minutes in the living room in front of the fireplace. During that time he kissed and caressed her and wondered what life would hold for his precious youngest daughter. Caught up in his ponderings, he didn't register the others coming into the house to settle the children in bed before the adults had their turn at partying and welcoming in the New Year.

It was Trish who spied them first and, rather than interrupt, she let Mac know where he was before she called out a full scale search outside.  
"Hey," Mac said quietly, moving across to them, not too sure if her daughter was awake or asleep. "Are you guys hiding out in here?"  
"Not really, mommy," he replied, looking up sadly.  
"What's up?" she questioned, raking her fingers through his hair.  
"Fireworks caused Rose a lot of pain," he whispered, looking back at his sleeping daughter. "She was really distressed so I brought her in here and held her tight."  
"Oh, poor baby," Mac said, kneeling down in front of her. "Why didn't you tell me?"  
"You and Frankie looked like you were enjoying them and I didn't want to spoil your fun," he said as Mac ran her finger down Rose's face.  
"Is she okay?" Mac asked her eyes never leaving her daughter's face.  
"She is now," he said, taking Mac's hand in his before kissing it. "I'll take her up to bed and ..."  
"Mom's just taken Harry and Frankie up," Mac said, helping him to stand.  
"Do you think she'll be alright during the midnight fireworks?" Harm asked as they walked up the stairs.  
"She should be," Mac said, guiding him into the bedroom. "She sleeps soundly enough."

Drawing a deep breath, Harm edged by his mother and placed Rosie in the crib before removing her shoes and placing them on the top of the drawers beside him. Carefully, he pulled her arms out of the sleeves and lifted her up so Mac could pull the dress over her head. With all her warm undergarments still on, Harm decided not to worry about dressing the child in her pyjamas and shifted her into her space in the crib before covering her and stroking her face. "Love you, baby."  
"Me too," said Harry, sticking out his arms as Trish held him. "Love me too."  
"Of course I love you too," Harm said taking his son and hugging him. "I love you very much, Harry."  
"Love you, daddy," he said squeezing him tight. "Rosie looks sad," he added, pointing at his sister's tear stained face and pouting.  
"Rosie has sore ears," he said honestly. "But she'll be better tomorrow."  
"Oh, poor Rosie Rose," he said resting his head on Harm's shoulder. "Me kiss it better."

Knowing it wouldn't hurt, Harm upended his son so the boy could kiss his sister before changing him for bed. It didn't take long before Harry was placed at his end of the crib but the boy wouldn't stay still for long. Walking out of the room after Frankie had been bedded down, Harm wanted to give Harry some time to settle; believing that he would once there was no audience. He was right.

After spending five minutes standing on the landing as Mac used the bathroom Harm peeked into the bedroom to find Harry asleep but instead of being at his end, he was sleeping behind his sister, one arm thrown protectively across her. Harm couldn't help the tears which welled up as he quietly entered the room and tucked the blankets around the twins. He was glad that whatever the world would throw at them and whatever the future may hold that these two would always have each other.  
"What's up, daddy?" Mac whispered as she ran her arms around his waist as he stood there watching them.  
"Ah, nothing," he replied with a sniffle. "Just thinking how lucky they are – they'll always have each other."  
"They are very lucky," she said, leading him from the room. "And so are you, you'll always have me."  
Harm grinned before planting a soft kiss on her lips.

Before it could develop into anything further, Lily clambered up the stairs.  
"Dad, we're ready for bed and Jessie needs you," she said wrapping her arms around her parents embrace.  
"Okay, pumpkin," he said, kissing Mac's forehead before releasing her.  
Half an hour later, the adults had all returned to the barn ready for a couple of hours of food, dancing and celebrating before seeing in the New Year.

With the mood light and carefree, Mac spent much of the following two hours eating, chatting and dancing with her husband who was a little too preoccupied for her liking.  
"What are you thinking?" she asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck and slow danced with him.  
"How beautiful you are," he replied, kissing her nose.  
"Nice try but I'm not buying it," she replied, caressing his face. "Are you thinking about Rosie?"  
"Yeah," he said with a sigh. "Am I that transparent?"  
"Only to me, honey," she said, pressing up to kiss him. "Did you want to go check on her?"  
"No, no," he said. "I've...um...well, I've put the baby monitor on and have the receiver in my pocket."

Knowing Harm was still very sensitive when it came to their daughter's condition and not wanting to spoil the day for another daughter, Mac simply pulled him close to her and raked her fingers through his hair.  
"I know I should be better about these things and I'm sorry I'm not," he said before kissing her head.  
"No need to apologise," Mac said as they turned on the dance floor. "She's a beautiful little girl who has a daddy who loves her so very much."

Not knowing what else to say, Harm kissed his wife as they continued their slow dance.

As midnight approached, the adults who were left gathered outside and waited for the countdown to the New Year. Dave had the second lot of fireworks ready to go and Harm had the receiver turned up to its maximum so he could hear any distress being registered.

"5...4...3...2...1...Happy New Year!" the group said in unison before hugs and kisses ensued and the fireworks exploded.

"Happy New Year, gorgeous," Harm said as he embraced his wife. "I hope the New Year brings nothing but good health and good times for you." He then brushed his lips across hers.  
"For us..." she managed before his tongue slipped into her mouth and despite being in a group of family and friends, for a few minutes there was nothing but them and the fireworks overhead.

When the party came to a natural conclusion and everyone headed off to their respective beds, Harm and Mac made their way to their room via their children's rooms. Frankie was awake and unsettled and to avoid him waking his siblings, Mac scooped him up and held him close.  
"Want to bring him into our bed?" Harm asked, hoping she'd say no. After all, he had plans of recreating their own wedding night joys and a few of the New Year's Eve nights they'd celebrated together as a bonus.  
"No, it's alright," Mac said, placing the boy back in his bed. "I'm sure he'll sleep." After all, Mac had some plans of her own.

It wasn't long before they were both naked and entwined underneath the covers enjoying the intimacy they had desired all day, the memories of their own wedding day stirring heated images of their wedding night and honeymoon. Alas, before things developed further, the baby monitor sprung to life, still in Harm's jacket pocket.

Holding their collective breath, both silently prayed Frankie would settle once more, and he did, only to cry out minutes later again. Deciding she should go and see to her son before he woke everyone else, Mac sighed deeply.  
"You're getting up, aren't you?" Harm asked, rolling off her.  
"Figure we should be good parents and not ..." she said but stopped when Lily's voice filled the room.  
"Hey, Frankie," she whispered, rubbing his tummy. "Why are you awake?"  
Frankie whimpered.  
"Oh, baby, you're all uncovered. Is that the problem?" she asked as she adjusted the covers. "And why are you awake, Harry?" she asked when she realised she was being watched.  
"Wanna drink," he said, standing at the side of the crib.  
"Okay, Harry, I'll go get you one," she said before disappearing out the door.  
"Do you think I should get up?" Mac asked, not moving from her husband's embrace.  
"I think Lily has it under control," he whispered, kissing her head.  
"The question is, why isn't Lily asleep? I would have thought she'd be exhausted," she said, closing her eyes.  
"I don't think we should question our good fortune," he said, covering her lips with his.

"Here you go, Harry," she said, handing him a tippee cup of milk.  
"Lily, what's wrong?" Nikki asked coming into the room.  
"Frankie was upset and Harry was thirsty," she replied looking from one brother to the other.  
"Why are you doing it? Where's your mom and dad?" she asked standing in the doorway.  
"They are in their bedroom," Lily said quietly.  
"They should be getting up," Nikki said unimpressed, "It's their job."  
"We're family," said Lily proudly. "It's all our jobs. Besides, they're busy."  
"Doing what?" Nikki asked, turning to look at the closed door.  
"Probably all that sex stuff," Lily announced, she hadn't missed all the lovey-dovey looks and touches throughout the day.

Harm nearly choked on his own breath.  
"Think we've been sprung," Mac whispered caught between being mortified and thinking her husband's reaction was hysterical.  
"What do we do now?" he asked. "If we go out now she'll know we've been listening. If we don't they'll think we're having sex."

Meanwhile, Nikki had given up and returned to bed, not at all interested in helping Lily with the younger kids, not that Lily cared. Nikki had turned 13 and the teenager in her was definitely coming out.  
"I promise you guys I'll never be mean and nasty when I become a teenager," she said, taking the cup back from Harry. "I'll always love you and look out for you especially when mom and dad are too old to do it...well...they're already old...dad is 50 this year...that's half a century...but don't worry, Grams lived until she was 90 so dad's going to be around a whole lot longer...unless mom kills him first. She doesn't know but it was him who broke the living room lamp. Mom thinks it was one of you guys but it was dad when he moved the Christmas tree..."  
"It was you?" Mac asked, rolling on top of him.  
"Guilty as charged, ma'am," he said, his arms wrapping around her.  
"Why didn't you tell me?" she challenged, cupping his face in her hands.  
"Well, you didn't want the tree moved in the first place and you just assumed it was the kids, so I didn't feel it was necessary to disclose that piece of information," he said running his hands around her back.  
"You are so lucky I love you," she said, kissing him. "So, very, very lucky."  
"Don't I know it," he replied, kissing her back.

When Frankie cried out once more, Mac realised she needed to do something. Slipping out of bed, she threw on her nightgown and unlocked their door. Padding across the hall she found all four children were now awake and despite it being the ungodly hour of 3:00 AM she could only smile.  
"Gonna need a hand, Harm," she said, knowing he'd be listening.

Quickly, he pulled on his boxers and tee and crossed the landing.  
"What's up?" he asked before taking in the sight. "Oh, all the babies are awake."  
"Yep, and I think the best place for everyone is our bed," she said, knowing the kids would all settle quickly with them.  
"Even me?" asked Lily, holding Harry's hand.  
"Even you, Lil," Mac said. "But only if you want to."  
"Oh, I want to," she said, walking Harry across to the master bedroom and helping him settle into the middle as  
Harm carried a grizzly Rosie and Mac rocked Frankie.

It wasn't long before everyone was nestled deep in the king sized bed in the darkness of the night. Mac was on her side, with Frankie clutched to her, his little hand searching between the buttons on her nightgown, reaching her breast he squeezed it.  
"Mama," he said pushing on her breast.  
"Are you hungry, little man?" she asked, it would explain his interrupted sleep.

Unbuttoning her nightgown, Mac freed her breast and Frankie instantly started suckling, which was exactly what he wanted.  
"You Rabb men," she whispered, stroking his head.  
"What about us Rabb men?" Harm asked as Rosie slept on his chest, his son tucked into his side.  
"A few minutes at my breast and he's asleep," she said, stroking Frankie's head.  
"Well, speaking for myself," he said, his hand reaching across the mass of now sleeping children to find his wife's. "I require more than a few minutes but I do find I am fully relaxed and satisfied after being with you."  
"Oh, you're so sweet," she said, squeezing his hand.

Very soon, all six MacKenzie-Rabbs were asleep, safe and sound in the comfortable bed, surrounded by each other. All they needed was love and to be together and everything was right with the world, or at least in their very corner of it on the farm.


	57. Chapter 57

Look out for the continuation of this saga in a new story called Life Goes On. I will be posting the first chapter very soon.


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